It seems like bad stuff likes to happen around my birthday. It’s not every year, mind you, but it’s consistent enough that I should keep my guard up. If I’m not getting in a car wreck, then my mother’s in the ER, or I’m projectile vomiting from bad clam chowder. This year, I’m homeless. Someone swiped my keys yesterday. The last moment I know
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*Wipes egg off face*
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