Home Renovation/Hunger Pains
I’ll be glad when all these renovations are over with. I miss having my weekends to myself. We’ve spent the past three weeks plastering, tiling, and grouting. Now, we’re putting in a new kitchen island, which will will be tiled on the sides and on the bar counter. I can’t really complain, since I’m more of an assistant (after all, my roommate actually owns the place, so I feel better doing tasks to his specifications). It’s tough work, but there’s a unique reward to building something with your own two hands. More and more men are probably missing out on that gratification as most monetary rewards come from solely using the mind (think CPA vs construction worker). That’s a shame. Not that I ever hope to do it again (or that I’m particularly good at it), but I suppose I can say I know how to tile a kitchen or bathroom.
I wonder how much of happiness is based on anticipation. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I think it’s so odd that I was actually more content when I didn’t have what I thought I wanted. Unfortunately, the flip side of that fact is that once I actually got what I wanted, I was ultimately kind of disappointed. Well, “disappointed” isn’t the best word. Perhaps I’ll make more sense if I give an example. For so long, I wanted to be independent. Finishing school, and starting my career was all I wanted, then everything else would just be icing on the cake. Clicking off semesters, transfering to the university, starting graduate school, they all fostered a sense of accomplishment and represented one more step closer to my goal. Reaching my goal was kind of anticlimactic. If I were to unleash my inner cynic…hey! Maybe pulling out one of my inner voices will help.
*Pauses*
I know I’ve done this before, but they usually just pop out when I’m not expecting it. Further more, who do I talk to? I suppose this is a topic for pure logic and reason, so Rupert is my best bet.
*Looks around; takes a deep breath; clenches the desk; rolls eyes into back of head; grimaces in pain; forehead vains throb*
Rupert: Ow! Stop that!
Rob: All right! It worked!
Rupert: What worked?
Rob: I figured I could flush you out of my brain by giving myself a headache.
Rupert: Why don’t you just ask?
Rob: I can do that?
Rupert: For your own good, I’d recommend it.
Rob: For my own good?
Rupert: Let’s face it, Rob. Your psyche has been eroding for quite some time. You don’t
want to release anything else that’s been chained up in your head.
Rob: …Yeah…I’ll be more prudent from now on.
Rupert: Thank you. Now go on.
Rob: Huh?
Rupert: If you were to unleash your inner cynic (thankfully, you didn’t), what would happen?
Rob: Oh, yeah. He’d say, “so this is it. This is what you wanted for so long. To chain
youself to the eight to six grind, only to come home, microwave your dinner, go to bed, then get up and do it again. You don’t even have anything to look forward to in your off time. You go to the gym on regular basis, but even that is out of obligation. You need to move on to something bigger and better.”
Rupert: I take it you’re referring to…
Rob: Shush! You know I don’t feel comfortable mentioning that. I’d hate to disqualify myself from you-know-what because I can’t keep quiet.
Rupert: It sounds like you’re living your life from one station to the next.
Rob: You mean like that poem Dr. B-A read to us that particular day before class.
Rupert: Exactly. So many people believes happiness is just over the horizon. We’re not concious of this fact, but we secretly think that once we meet whatever goal we have for our future, we’ll be content. When will you be happy? When you get your driver’s license. When you graduate high school. When you finish college. When you find the right job. When you find the right person to marry. When you pay off your mortgage. When you retire.
Rob: Those were all answers I would have given at some point in time-past, present, and future.
Rupert: I know, and you’re not alone. Many people have believed those exact same things.
Rob: So why don’t they fulfill us?
Rupert: For one thing, fantasy is not reality. In our fantasies, when we imagine achieving whatever goal we have chosen for ourselves, those fantasies don’t include the drawbacks. Your fantasies about college usually focused on hanging out with friends in the dorms or dining commons; they didn’t include working on tax research memos all night in the computer lab. Your fantasies about life on your own didn’t involve the washing machine overflowing. Similarly, fantasies about marriage usually exclude the possibility that your spouse consistently uses all the hot water. Day dreams about retirement don’t usually involve colonoscopies. And those are just the mild disappointments. Reality falls much more painfully short of our expectations when it involves things like excessive debt, divorce, or the death of a loved one.
Your initial premise was right. Anticipation does sort of entice happiness. It wets our appetites, especially as whatever we’re anticipating gets closer and closer. Unfortunately, when our previous goal fails to live up to expectations, we come up with a new goal, one that couldn’t possibly disappoint (or so it seems) like the previous one did. Either that or they regress to the past.
Rob: Yikes! That sounds even more futile.
Rupert: No kidding. Not only can you not go backwards, but even if you could, you probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy it already knowing what was ahead of you.
Rob: When you say all that, it makes it sound like we’d be better off without any goals.
Rupert: That’s not true at all. Without dreams, goals, and aspirations, no one would ever achieve anything.
Rob: That’s true, I guess. But I think I may be succumbing to that rut. I’m already wondering when I’ll get to move on to…shall we say…the next phase of my life, and I already know it’s not going to be as glamarous as I (or everyone else) thinks it will be. It’d be nice if the pursuit of happiness wasn’t so much like chasing the wind.
Rupert: The funny thing about happiness is that it can’t be attained directly. True contentment and fulfillment comes from obeying God, dutifully using our talents and resources to accomplish His will for our lives. Even if the task seems small and menial, just knowing what you’re doing is ultimately apart of something grander than yourself, something that will ultimately make a difference for the better, takes the focus off making yourself happy, which ironically brings us more joy.
Rob: Sounds like the whole giving being better than receiving mantra.
Rupert. That’s a large part of it. The happiest people on earth are the givers. They’re rarely the ones who take their lives. And that’s the trick to it. If you want to be happy, live in the here and now-not in the past or future when you think things were or will be better-and concentrate on giving of yourself to accomplish a purpose that’s greater than you.
I wonder how much of happiness is based on anticipation. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I think it’s so odd that I was actually more content when I didn’t have what I thought I wanted. Unfortunately, the flip side of that fact is that once I actually got what I wanted, I was ultimately kind of disappointed. Well, “disappointed” isn’t the best word. Perhaps I’ll make more sense if I give an example. For so long, I wanted to be independent. Finishing school, and starting my career was all I wanted, then everything else would just be icing on the cake. Clicking off semesters, transfering to the university, starting graduate school, they all fostered a sense of accomplishment and represented one more step closer to my goal. Reaching my goal was kind of anticlimactic. If I were to unleash my inner cynic…hey! Maybe pulling out one of my inner voices will help.
*Pauses*
I know I’ve done this before, but they usually just pop out when I’m not expecting it. Further more, who do I talk to? I suppose this is a topic for pure logic and reason, so Rupert is my best bet.
*Looks around; takes a deep breath; clenches the desk; rolls eyes into back of head; grimaces in pain; forehead vains throb*
Rupert: Ow! Stop that!
Rob: All right! It worked!
Rupert: What worked?
Rob: I figured I could flush you out of my brain by giving myself a headache.
Rupert: Why don’t you just ask?
Rob: I can do that?
Rupert: For your own good, I’d recommend it.
Rob: For my own good?
Rupert: Let’s face it, Rob. Your psyche has been eroding for quite some time. You don’t
want to release anything else that’s been chained up in your head.
Rob: …Yeah…I’ll be more prudent from now on.
Rupert: Thank you. Now go on.
Rob: Huh?
Rupert: If you were to unleash your inner cynic (thankfully, you didn’t), what would happen?
Rob: Oh, yeah. He’d say, “so this is it. This is what you wanted for so long. To chain
youself to the eight to six grind, only to come home, microwave your dinner, go to bed, then get up and do it again. You don’t even have anything to look forward to in your off time. You go to the gym on regular basis, but even that is out of obligation. You need to move on to something bigger and better.”
Rupert: I take it you’re referring to…
Rob: Shush! You know I don’t feel comfortable mentioning that. I’d hate to disqualify myself from you-know-what because I can’t keep quiet.
Rupert: It sounds like you’re living your life from one station to the next.
Rob: You mean like that poem Dr. B-A read to us that particular day before class.
Rupert: Exactly. So many people believes happiness is just over the horizon. We’re not concious of this fact, but we secretly think that once we meet whatever goal we have for our future, we’ll be content. When will you be happy? When you get your driver’s license. When you graduate high school. When you finish college. When you find the right job. When you find the right person to marry. When you pay off your mortgage. When you retire.
Rob: Those were all answers I would have given at some point in time-past, present, and future.
Rupert: I know, and you’re not alone. Many people have believed those exact same things.
Rob: So why don’t they fulfill us?
Rupert: For one thing, fantasy is not reality. In our fantasies, when we imagine achieving whatever goal we have chosen for ourselves, those fantasies don’t include the drawbacks. Your fantasies about college usually focused on hanging out with friends in the dorms or dining commons; they didn’t include working on tax research memos all night in the computer lab. Your fantasies about life on your own didn’t involve the washing machine overflowing. Similarly, fantasies about marriage usually exclude the possibility that your spouse consistently uses all the hot water. Day dreams about retirement don’t usually involve colonoscopies. And those are just the mild disappointments. Reality falls much more painfully short of our expectations when it involves things like excessive debt, divorce, or the death of a loved one.
Your initial premise was right. Anticipation does sort of entice happiness. It wets our appetites, especially as whatever we’re anticipating gets closer and closer. Unfortunately, when our previous goal fails to live up to expectations, we come up with a new goal, one that couldn’t possibly disappoint (or so it seems) like the previous one did. Either that or they regress to the past.
Rob: Yikes! That sounds even more futile.
Rupert: No kidding. Not only can you not go backwards, but even if you could, you probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy it already knowing what was ahead of you.
Rob: When you say all that, it makes it sound like we’d be better off without any goals.
Rupert: That’s not true at all. Without dreams, goals, and aspirations, no one would ever achieve anything.
Rob: That’s true, I guess. But I think I may be succumbing to that rut. I’m already wondering when I’ll get to move on to…shall we say…the next phase of my life, and I already know it’s not going to be as glamarous as I (or everyone else) thinks it will be. It’d be nice if the pursuit of happiness wasn’t so much like chasing the wind.
Rupert: The funny thing about happiness is that it can’t be attained directly. True contentment and fulfillment comes from obeying God, dutifully using our talents and resources to accomplish His will for our lives. Even if the task seems small and menial, just knowing what you’re doing is ultimately apart of something grander than yourself, something that will ultimately make a difference for the better, takes the focus off making yourself happy, which ironically brings us more joy.
Rob: Sounds like the whole giving being better than receiving mantra.
Rupert. That’s a large part of it. The happiest people on earth are the givers. They’re rarely the ones who take their lives. And that’s the trick to it. If you want to be happy, live in the here and now-not in the past or future when you think things were or will be better-and concentrate on giving of yourself to accomplish a purpose that’s greater than you.