So This is Life
I've finally arrived. I'm through with school. I've started my career. For the first time, I feel free to live life on my own terms. Considering this is where I've yearned to be for so long, I thought I'd be more celebratory. I wouldn't say I'm disappointed and depressed, but I will admit everything I've accomplished to this point was somewhat anticlimactic, even if those accomplishments were worth the effort.
Years ago, picturing this moment, right here and now, I thought it would be more fulfilling. Ironically, years ago when I was anticipating becoming a fully fledged independent adult, I was actually happier then than I am right now. Two, three, and four years ago, I looked forward to right now like little kids look forward to Christmas. It's funny how as great as Christmas morning can be for a child, even if he or she gets everything he wanted, eventually there's always a little disappointment. After the day has come and gone, you're life is still the same person with the same challenges, and you're not fulfilled like you thought you would.
Then again, maybe I was just too abnormal as a child.
What point was I trying to get at? Oh, yeah. I achieved my goal, so why am I not happy like I thought I would be? Granted, I'm still the same person with the same challenges, but circumstances have undoubtedly stolen the luster.
Work
Working and getting paid is great, but it's not quite what I thought it would be. I new I'd have to learn things over, but it's frustrating not understanding my job and what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm having flash backs of graduate school, when I fell from the very top of my class to the very bottom. I took tests and did projects while having no idea what was going on. I watched my classmates take in all the knowledge and excel. Even though there were extenuating circumstances, I just couldn't excuse my incompetence. Of course, as I become more acclimated to my position and my duties, I know this trial will be overcome.
Family
When I imagined this period of my life. I imagined my mom would be alive. I didn't think I'd be struggling to support my father in his grief while trying not to become his crutch and lose my autonomy. It's hard to watch him suffer, and it doesn't help that my siblings compound his grief by making poor choices. I don't care if they screw their own lives up, just don't add to Dad's sorrow. I know that all my friends are right, though. Everyone single one of them has told me that this is a stepping stone of my life. I'll eventually move on to bigger and better things, but I just have to wait. This is a time for my dad and I to wean ourselves off our codependent relationship, and hopefully a my brother and sister will use this time to mature.
What's important, though, is that things will get better. I'm sure of it.
Years ago, picturing this moment, right here and now, I thought it would be more fulfilling. Ironically, years ago when I was anticipating becoming a fully fledged independent adult, I was actually happier then than I am right now. Two, three, and four years ago, I looked forward to right now like little kids look forward to Christmas. It's funny how as great as Christmas morning can be for a child, even if he or she gets everything he wanted, eventually there's always a little disappointment. After the day has come and gone, you're life is still the same person with the same challenges, and you're not fulfilled like you thought you would.
Then again, maybe I was just too abnormal as a child.
What point was I trying to get at? Oh, yeah. I achieved my goal, so why am I not happy like I thought I would be? Granted, I'm still the same person with the same challenges, but circumstances have undoubtedly stolen the luster.
Work
Working and getting paid is great, but it's not quite what I thought it would be. I new I'd have to learn things over, but it's frustrating not understanding my job and what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm having flash backs of graduate school, when I fell from the very top of my class to the very bottom. I took tests and did projects while having no idea what was going on. I watched my classmates take in all the knowledge and excel. Even though there were extenuating circumstances, I just couldn't excuse my incompetence. Of course, as I become more acclimated to my position and my duties, I know this trial will be overcome.
Family
When I imagined this period of my life. I imagined my mom would be alive. I didn't think I'd be struggling to support my father in his grief while trying not to become his crutch and lose my autonomy. It's hard to watch him suffer, and it doesn't help that my siblings compound his grief by making poor choices. I don't care if they screw their own lives up, just don't add to Dad's sorrow. I know that all my friends are right, though. Everyone single one of them has told me that this is a stepping stone of my life. I'll eventually move on to bigger and better things, but I just have to wait. This is a time for my dad and I to wean ourselves off our codependent relationship, and hopefully a my brother and sister will use this time to mature.
What's important, though, is that things will get better. I'm sure of it.