Old Feelings/Career Goals/Blackbelt Test
I was feeling nostalgic and I decided to search Myspace members for old faces. Doing so is hard because it seems that very few people actually use their real names on MySpace. I don't know how anyone finds anyone through that website. Then again, I don't have a membership, so I can only browse public profiles, a fact that likely explains my limitations.
I found my first Denise (who has a public profile) on MySpace; she apparently started an account in August. It was somewhat surreal. Denise was my first huge twitterpation. Unknowing to her, Denise was instrumental in my getting serious about my relationship with God, which undoubtedly had some influence on my feelings. Anyway, her son is two years old, now. Obviously, she still involved with the father, but she must still have doubts about her feelings for him, since she's still unmarried and still has her maiden name. She's working three jobs and just started back to school this semester. The fact that she's getting her life back on track is heartwarming.
"Heartwarming" is just one part of all the ambivalence. Sometimes I have too much of a pessimistic attitude about things. I realize how fortunate I am to be where I am right now, to have the accomplishments, opportunities, and prospects that I have right now. In a grander sense, I'm really very insignificant-we all are. Just thinking about how we can cross in and out of each other's lives, then carry on like the other doesn't even exist. I thought of other people I've known: old friends, teachers, neighbors, classmates. I wonder what they're doing now.
I know that's the whole purpose of Facebook and Myspace. However, her profile made me realize the weight of it all. At one time, I expected that I would be an important part of her life right now, platonically if nothing else. I'd like to say that the current of life took us different directions, but I think my own cowardice probably had more influence. Funny how life never turns out like you plan. I found a few others on Myspace who I want to keep touch with. Not friends I've lost touch with, just friends I want to hold on to (Sasha and Lauren to name two), if only through a imaginary link via the internet. I wonder if I were to join and add Denise as a friend, would she be the slightest bit curious of what became of me?
I applied to sit for the CPA exam last week. I mailed in my payment, which consisted of an arm, a leg, and a promise of my first born child. My plans are set for January through May...study like mad. I can keep up the work for nothing for one more semester.
I got in touch with a certain employer I applied to. It looks like I'll have to reapply, which will likely add another three years to getting hired. I'm taking it on the chin, though. As a good friend recently told me, I'll eventually get the job I was made for, despite what obstacles may come. Besides, this way, I can get the experience to get officially CPA certified, frame my certificate, mount on the wall, and puff my chest out in pride. Of course, I'll also eventually make my CPA status inactive, making the accomplishment worthless save the ego boost. Nevertheless, I anticipate that career so much. Finding Denise also made me recount how romantically and socially inept I am. Considering my own certain limitations makes me really want to get that job. If this is who I am, I should take the road less traveled. Maybe this shortcoming of mine can help me do something extraordinary.
One last point, I test for my black belt tomorrow. Here's to a future lifetime of whoopin' butt. Hopefully they'll one day pay me for it.
I found my first Denise (who has a public profile) on MySpace; she apparently started an account in August. It was somewhat surreal. Denise was my first huge twitterpation. Unknowing to her, Denise was instrumental in my getting serious about my relationship with God, which undoubtedly had some influence on my feelings. Anyway, her son is two years old, now. Obviously, she still involved with the father, but she must still have doubts about her feelings for him, since she's still unmarried and still has her maiden name. She's working three jobs and just started back to school this semester. The fact that she's getting her life back on track is heartwarming.
"Heartwarming" is just one part of all the ambivalence. Sometimes I have too much of a pessimistic attitude about things. I realize how fortunate I am to be where I am right now, to have the accomplishments, opportunities, and prospects that I have right now. In a grander sense, I'm really very insignificant-we all are. Just thinking about how we can cross in and out of each other's lives, then carry on like the other doesn't even exist. I thought of other people I've known: old friends, teachers, neighbors, classmates. I wonder what they're doing now.
I know that's the whole purpose of Facebook and Myspace. However, her profile made me realize the weight of it all. At one time, I expected that I would be an important part of her life right now, platonically if nothing else. I'd like to say that the current of life took us different directions, but I think my own cowardice probably had more influence. Funny how life never turns out like you plan. I found a few others on Myspace who I want to keep touch with. Not friends I've lost touch with, just friends I want to hold on to (Sasha and Lauren to name two), if only through a imaginary link via the internet. I wonder if I were to join and add Denise as a friend, would she be the slightest bit curious of what became of me?
I applied to sit for the CPA exam last week. I mailed in my payment, which consisted of an arm, a leg, and a promise of my first born child. My plans are set for January through May...study like mad. I can keep up the work for nothing for one more semester.
I got in touch with a certain employer I applied to. It looks like I'll have to reapply, which will likely add another three years to getting hired. I'm taking it on the chin, though. As a good friend recently told me, I'll eventually get the job I was made for, despite what obstacles may come. Besides, this way, I can get the experience to get officially CPA certified, frame my certificate, mount on the wall, and puff my chest out in pride. Of course, I'll also eventually make my CPA status inactive, making the accomplishment worthless save the ego boost. Nevertheless, I anticipate that career so much. Finding Denise also made me recount how romantically and socially inept I am. Considering my own certain limitations makes me really want to get that job. If this is who I am, I should take the road less traveled. Maybe this shortcoming of mine can help me do something extraordinary.
One last point, I test for my black belt tomorrow. Here's to a future lifetime of whoopin' butt. Hopefully they'll one day pay me for it.