For You
Last night I had a dream about you. It's strange that after ten years of not being together that I am reminded of you so often. I have written this letter more times than I would like to admit. The early letters were often sad - in fact, you read one. I wished I would have reacted differently at the time you told me, but I let my pride get the best of me. I would rewrite and rehash what I wanted to say, but would always fall short. Most of the time it just came off bitter.
Four long years ago was the last saw each other. We have drifted so far a part that I am unsure how this letter would be conceived if sent directly to you. Even though you may never read this, I want to admit that you still hold a very special place in my heart. You may think that me distancing myself from you is out of malice. It isn't, it's for me - in that I am always reminded of you through pictures, common friends, etc. It may be selfish, but to be honest it became difficult seeing your life flourish while mine was stuck in neutral. I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for pushing you away. To put it blunt, I was a bit of an asshole at times.
I don't expect for these words to bring you back, but I think you should know how important you have been in my life. To be honest I have been so confused over these past ten years about what I meant to you. Things you have said in the past have stuck with me so vividly. It's strange because I don't remember these little details when it comes to other people. It's certainly not a matter of experience either. I can say that I have been in love twice - both so different. I won't compare you and her - but I will say that I miss what you and I had and have fond memories of that time.
Even if I never do experience that again, or if your love for me was not the same - I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my first love. Thank you for shaping me in ways you will never know. Although we may never be close again, knowing this is here for you is enough for me. Oh, and the dream I had about you... It was the first time we met. At MSJ, I was coming back from lunch and you happen to catch my eye. You were wearing a white button up shirt with sleeves rolled up, hair back in a pony tail, and those white pants. In hindsight there was a lot of chance events that lead us to meeting. It was the first time that I ever experienced that feeling of butterflies. I never did feel that with anyone else. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always...
Four long years ago was the last saw each other. We have drifted so far a part that I am unsure how this letter would be conceived if sent directly to you. Even though you may never read this, I want to admit that you still hold a very special place in my heart. You may think that me distancing myself from you is out of malice. It isn't, it's for me - in that I am always reminded of you through pictures, common friends, etc. It may be selfish, but to be honest it became difficult seeing your life flourish while mine was stuck in neutral. I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for pushing you away. To put it blunt, I was a bit of an asshole at times.
I don't expect for these words to bring you back, but I think you should know how important you have been in my life. To be honest I have been so confused over these past ten years about what I meant to you. Things you have said in the past have stuck with me so vividly. It's strange because I don't remember these little details when it comes to other people. It's certainly not a matter of experience either. I can say that I have been in love twice - both so different. I won't compare you and her - but I will say that I miss what you and I had and have fond memories of that time.
Even if I never do experience that again, or if your love for me was not the same - I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my first love. Thank you for shaping me in ways you will never know. Although we may never be close again, knowing this is here for you is enough for me. Oh, and the dream I had about you... It was the first time we met. At MSJ, I was coming back from lunch and you happen to catch my eye. You were wearing a white button up shirt with sleeves rolled up, hair back in a pony tail, and those white pants. In hindsight there was a lot of chance events that lead us to meeting. It was the first time that I ever experienced that feeling of butterflies. I never did feel that with anyone else. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always...