(no subject)
so I still havent gotten paid for my work, still pissed about that, she says she will be able to pay me by the end of the week..we'll see how that goes....other than that, things between ben and I WERE great...for the first 2 days >.< yep....same crap as usual, I couldnt even go out wearing a skirt the otherday, he made me change because "some guy is going to try to lift up my skirt" yeah right.... so do I regret having him come back? ....yeah.... I should have known better...my mom was right, you cant change people like him...I had faith...and I was wrong...so now im stuck..... still finding myself crying over bobby too..... keesha has been staying here for the past few days, her and her boyfriend broke up and kicked her out, so my mom is letting her stay here till she finds a place..... then I find out today she is now dating grayson....after she swore to be single for awhile..whatever, I suppose its not my business, but no one ever wants to listen to me, oh well. I filled out an application for Mcdonalds...waiting on a phone call from them at some point..... I figure I dont even want to go back to work for sobiks, too much shit goes on there, and I get the short end of the stick as usual. Is it because im just so easy to use and then get rid of when you have had ur fill and then not think about how I may feel.....seems to be an ever-going pattern. who knows... I just feel like I've lost my life...when bobby left, I feel like I lost my soul....like I lost everything... and I'll never get it back...and no one seems to notice or seem to care....no one ever seems to care about how I feel...I cry and my tears go unheard, my feelings are nothign to anyone...does it really matter anymore? does it really matter if ben treats me like crap? I guess not...no one seems to care, so why should I? I bring it on myself I suppose, I lost bobby, and this is what I get...I lsot the only thing that will ever have meaning to me, and now im left with just the shell of my former self.... when bobby left, he took myore than my heart...he took my life...I dont know.....blah......not like anyone fucking reads this shit anyway.... im just so blah... everyone seems to want to blame me for everything and not take any accountability for themselves, always looking to me and taking from me and never giving back.... why should I care anymore...I may as well crawl into my grave now and just wish I would not wake up..... *sigh* I guess thats it....