ACITW AU CHAPTER 33
Notes:
I have some good news and some good news! I am sorry that this chapter is up late, and looks smaller than I claimed it would be. But that's because it's half of the original chapter! This chapter ended up being over 12k words long, and very heavy (emotionally) in some parts. Also, it went through an extensive re-write because some parts bothered me. But I feel that it is completely fixed and 1000 percent better. And the best part is, there will be a second chapter up today in a few hours! And after that, only one chapter left. So, as always, thank you all so much for following me on this crazy race to the finish. I hope you enjoy what I've written. Please be aware that in this chapter, Kurt and Sebastian talk a little more about his sexual assault so be warned. There's nothing graphic, but it still could be triggering.
Chapter Text
It takes forty-seven minutes for the tow truck to arrive, and it’s by no means a run-of-the-mill flatbed tow truck like the one Kurt’s father owns.
No, the tow truck that pulls up to chauffeur Julian’s precious Jag home is a fully-equipped repair shop on wheels - a temperature controlled box truck with the name of the company (aptly called Luxury Tow) stenciled along the gleaming white outside in elaborate calligraphy, the script such a pale shade of silver, you wouldn’t see it at all if you weren’t looking for it. Kurt knows about these trucks. They’ve become something of a novelty among luxury car dealers and owners, the thought process being that no one should ever see a luxury car on the bed of a tow truck, and never, ever dragged on the asphalt.
Not for the preservation of the brand. His father has towed luxury cars on his flatbed just fine.
It’s for the preservation of the owners’ ego.
Emotional exhaustion is making Kurt catty on that point because the reality is it protects the overall investment that is an eighty-thousand plus dollar car. There’s less of a chance of getting your vehicle dinged up or expensive paint jobs scratched if they’re safe inside another larger vehicle.
The chandelier hanging from the top inside of the truck, however, Kurt can safely say might be a tad much.
Sebastian refuses to let go of Kurt while the drivers load up Julian’s car, but he is kind enough to re-position so that Kurt can get a better view of the inside. The tow truck is ridiculous, to be honest, and Sebastian acknowledges that with a sheepish grin, but their family has a membership, he explains, so it’s the only tow company they use.
Besides, it’s the height of excess, therefore it suits Julian and his car.
Kurt forgets how over-the-top rich people can be, seeing as, outside of Dalton, the only truly wealthy people he knows exist inside the spreads of magazines.
Sometimes he forgets just how frickin’ rich the Smythe family is, too, considering Sebastian didn’t even bat an eye when this truck appeared.
As to why the name of the company sans contact information is printed along the side in paint so light no one in the universe would ever be able to see it?
“They don’t need to advertise,” Sebastian says. “If someone can afford to hire them, then they’ll have their number already.”
Ouch.
Kurt doesn’t know why, but when Sebastian explains that to him, he feels like he’s been insulted.
After they see the drivers off, Kurt and Sebastian collect Julian from his booth by the window and lay him out on the backseat of Sebastian’s Mustang. Julian mumbles sleepily about the leather reeking of sex before he collapses on his face and starts snoring.
The drive from The Draft Room to the Smythe estate is another quiet one, with Kurt and Sebastian’s fingers laced together over the gear shift and Paganini’s Caprice No. 24 playing over the car’s speakers. To Kurt, even as a low hum, it’s an anxiety inducing piece, but the fast runs and rapid tempo help keep his mind from wandering. He wants to be available for Sebastian should Sebastian need to talk. Though what Sebastian feels comfortable revealing with his brother in the back seat, even asleep, Kurt isn’t certain.
As it turns out - he reveals nothing.
The tow truck is waiting at the gates of the estate when they arrive. Sebastian lets them in and leads them to the family garage. What follows is a blur of shuffling cars and signing paperwork. Sebastian sees the tow truck drivers off, then he and Kurt gather Julian up once again, help him to his room, and put him to bed, similar to the way Sebastian did for Kurt after the gala.
This must be why Sebastian was so good at it.
He’s had practice.
Sebastian’s phone buzzes, vibrating his pocket. He pulls it out, looks at the screen, and frowns.
“Who is it?” Kurt asks in the middle of removing Julian’s shoes.
“It’s Olivia.” Sebastian stares long at his boyfriend undressing his brother, in his bed of all places. Kurt reads the discomfort on Sebastian’s face. He stops at Julian’s shoes, pulling a blanket over the rest of his clothed body, and Sebastian seems to relax. “I should really …”
“Go on and take it,” Kurt says. “Give her my love. I’ve got this. I’ll be with you in a second.”
Sebastian doesn’t seem too ecstatic about leaving his boyfriend in a bedroom alone with his brother, but he steps out into the hallway anyway, shutting the door till only a sliver remains.
Kurt pulls the blanket up to Julian’s neck and smooths it over his shoulders. He fetches a waste basket from the bathroom and sets it next to the bed just in case. Kurt isn’t sure how much Julian actually drank before they got there, doesn’t know how well the man handles his alcohol.
Or if there was only alcohol involved in his pity party.
Kurt stops a second before turning out the light to steal a glance at Julian’s room. He’s been in here a few times, done an investigative sweep. As with Sebastian’s room, when he first came in here, he didn’t know what to expect. Probably the same thing he’d expected of Sebastian’s room. But the reality is more startling than what it could have been because Julian’s room is so similar to Sebastian’s room, they could have belonged to the same person at different points in their life. They have different furniture - Julian’s is a golden, honey wood as opposed to Sebastian’s dark. But they both have walls covered in photographs and art, shelves filled with CDs and books galore.
The thing that strikes Kurt as most interesting is that Julian has posters of obscure French bands framed on his walls that Kurt would think he’d see in Sebastian’s room, too, since Sebastian has t-shirts for one or two of them. Which makes their absence significant in Kurt’s mind.
Just another mystery for Kurt to puzzle through when he gets the time.
Kurt’s eyes pave a path across the walls, then back to Julian passed out on the bed. He sighs. Things could have been different, he thinks. He doesn’t know how different. He doesn’t know how much of Julian’s actions had an effect on which part of Sebastian’s decision making, but it still stands.
Things could have been different. They should have been different.
Kurt switches off the lamp, intent on leaving, but Julian’s hand locked lightly around his wrist stops him. Julian looks a mess - creases from his jacket imprinted on ruddy cheeks where he laid against his sleeves; eyes shimmering from a steady leak of tears; his lips swollen from biting.
A certifiable mess, but a breathtaking one.
“I know what you probably think of me,” Julian starts in a calloused voice. “Knowing what you know now.”
“I don’t think you do,” Kurt says soothingly, carefully removing his wrist from Julian’s grasp and tucking his arm back beneath the blanket.
“I just want you to know … I had no intention of taking you away from him. I know how I come across but that’s … that’s not what I was ever trying to do. I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself …” Julian’s disarming smile returns for the fleetest of seconds “… no matter how pretty you are.”
“Thank you. That’s good to know.”
“The two of you belong together.” Julian rolls to his side, gathering the edge of the blanket and holding it tight under his chin. “I knew it from the first time (*yawn*) I heard Sebby mention you.”
“And when was that?” Kurt asks, not sure what he expects to hear. Sebastian told his brother about their ruse, so Julian should know that any tale Sebastian told him is a work of fiction, not fact.
“Don’t remember,” Julian mumbles. “Dad asked Sebby what you did that won him over, and he said …” He stops, literally can’t continue past a sudden bout of snickering.
“What?” Kurt asks, burning with curiosity.
“... that you said …”
“What!?” Kurt groans, eager to get this over with so he can get back to Sebastian.
“... he smelled like Craigslist.” Julian snorts. It’s such an obscene sound, Kurt laughs out loud, and not politely. It’s not until Julian’s breathing begins to even out that Kurt realizes what he said.
Smells like Craigsllist? But that was …? Could he really …? No, that can’t …
When Kurt first met Sebastian’s father, he’d said they’d heard so much about him. He’d never ventured to ask how much. Maybe he should get around to that one of these days.
Now seems a good time.
“Wait … what? Julian? What did you just say? Julian?”
Kurt comes close to shaking him to get him to answer, but he doesn’t. Before Kurt can press him for more, he’s fast asleep.
***
Sebastian isn’t waiting in the hallway when Kurt finishes in Julian’s room. He’d taken Olivia’s phone call into his room and started getting ready for bed. Shoes had been kicked off and socks flung aside. He was in the middle of slipping on a pair of sweatpants when Kurt heard him say goodbye with the added, “Kurt sends his love,” followed by a, “yes, I’ll tell him. I already said I would. Geez.”
“Tell me what?” Kurt asks, letting himself in the open door.
“Just that she misses you,” Sebastian relays, turning off his phone.
“That’s nice,” Kurt says, honestly beaming. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Sebastian walks over to his desk and deposits his phone on the blotter. “They wanted to make sure we’re all good, that we have everything we need, that sort of thing. Like I’ve never spent the night alone in my own house before. How about Julian?”
“Sleeping it off.”
“Good. He could use it.” Sebastian meanders around his room, mindlessly relocating books and papers from one place to another with seemingly no purpose. “I laid out some clothes for you to sleep in.” He walks over to his bed and sits down beside a pile of carefully folded pants-shirt-underwear.
“Thanks.” Kurt removes his shirt, then his pants. No longer does he scurry to the bathroom to change. He has nothing to hide from Sebastian now.
He hopes Sebastian feels the same.
“Are you tired?” Sebastian asks like he’s feeling Kurt out. “Do you want to go to sleep?”
“I’m kind of wired, to tell you the truth.”
The look on Sebastian’s face becomes tentatively brighter, like that was what he was hoping Kurt would say. “Do you mind … can we talk?”
Dressed in Sebastian’s clothes, Kurt drops down on the mattress across from him. “Sure. What did you feel like talking about?”
“Can I talk to you about … that night?” Sebastian asks, that smallness from outside the bar returning, mostly to his eyes that aren’t begging Kurt to say yes. They’re begging Kurt not to reject him, which is a wholly different thing, but one Kurt understands.
He did the same himself, every time he was on the cusp of telling his father he was gay, praying that his father wouldn’t stop loving him.
“Not all of it. I’m not … I’m not ready for that yet. And tonight’s been kind of …”
“Yeah,” Kurt agrees without Sebastian needing to finish.
“No one outside my family knows about it,” Sebastian says. “I mean, aside from my therapist. And I love my parents and Olivia to death, but when it comes to this, they’re difficult to talk to. They offer, say they’re open to listening, but when I do open up to them, I get the feeling that they don’t so much want to discuss what I went through and how I feel about it, how it affects me to this day, as they hope if I get it out of my system, I’ll forget it. And I understand that. It has to be torture knowing that something like …” Sebastian’s teeth grind to a halt around the words. In the end, he simply omits them “… that happened to one of your children and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Especially considering the circumstances. I mean, when you think about it, I should have been in the best possible hands.” Sebastian shrugs to himself. “To be … to be honest … the assault wasn’t the worst part of the experience. It was terrifying. It gives me nightmares. But … but it’s been the easiest part of that night to work through.”
Kurt tilts his head. “How?”
“It’s the uncomplicated part. The guy who …” Another grinding halt “… he was an asshole. A sick, disgusting, drunk asshole. It helps that he was a stranger, if that makes sense. There was no personal motive behind what he did. It was more a matter of I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. An easy target.”
“Whatever happened to him?” Kurt asks, careful not to make it sound like a demand. He doesn’t want Sebastian thinking he has to answer his questions simply because he asks them.
“Julian wouldn’t let him leave the bathroom. He got a few punches in. Good ones,” Sebastian recalls with a vindictive chuckle that almost sounds proud. “Knocked him out cold. He called the cops and the guy was arrested. But things didn’t go back to normal after that. Nowhere near it. I was afraid of running into him for a while even though I knew I wouldn’t. It became so unbearable, I wouldn’t go out, couldn’t sleep nights. But then I left the country, and for the first time, I wasn’t looking for him in crowds or around corners, anything like that. Because I knew he wouldn’t be there.” Sebastian pauses, looks down at his hands, running the pads of his fingers over his nails, pushing at his cuticles while he gets his thoughts together. “I wasn’t planning on coming back.”
“So … what was the worst part about that night? If you don’t mind …”
“I don’t mind,” Sebastian says softly. Another long pause, but Kurt is willing to wait as long as it takes. When Sebastian finds the strength to look up again, he’s shaking his head, his cheeks wet with tears. “H-how could he do that to me, Kurt?”
“Who?” Kurt more than assumes Sebastian is talking about the man who assaulted him, but it’s never a good practice to assume.
And this time, he’s right not to.
“Julian,” Sebastian says, his voice cracking. “I look back at that night now through jaded eyes and I see it for what it was, what I felt. I had a crush. Just a crush. Not having that guy obviously didn’t destroy me, right? But at the time, it felt like it would. It felt like my entire life was …”
“Over?”
“Yeah.” Sebastian sniffles. “I wasn’t a bad brother, Kurt. Maybe I was a little annoying but I looked up to him. I idolized him. I wanted to be like him.” Sebastian reaches blindly for a tissue from the box by the head of his bed. Kurt gets up and gets it for him. Sebastian takes it with an unspoken thank you. “I guess … in the end … that’s what I did, huh? I became my brother. None of the interesting parts, though,” he adds with a self-deprecating chuckle. “Just the asshole parts.”
Kurt doesn’t know what to say. He could prepare for weeks and still not know what to say. Part of him wants to storm down to Julian’s room and slug him in the face. But Sebastian forgave him. Julian said that when he found Sebastian, Sebastian got in a few punches and then said he wanted his big brother back. There are times when this rift between them seems as far from water under the bridge as they can get. But this all happened long before Kurt even knew the Smythes existed so he should forgive Julian, too. And Kurt can.
But how does Sebastian do it? How do you forget about something like that? All of it? The violation of your body coupled by the betrayal of someone you love? Someone you trust? Kurt knows a little of what that’s like, but he’s not going to pretend that it even compares to what Sebastian went through.
Sebastian sniffles again, blows his nose. He reaches for another tissue but somewhere in between he falters. The tension that’s been hanging around them, binding them together with brittle arms, collapses. Sebastian is the first through the breach. He falls into Kurt’s lap, arms winding around his waist, sobbing into his borrowed white shirt. And since Kurt can’t think of the right thing to say to comfort him, he says what’s in his heart, and hopes that it’s enough.
“I love you, Sebastian,” Kurt whispers, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s head and leaning over to press kisses into his hair. “I love you. I love you so damn much, and I’m so lucky to have you. I’m yours, and you’re mine. And please …” Kurt chokes on words and tears and a thicket of emotions, but he refuses to let that stop him from saying what he needs to say “… I’m here … and don’t ever forget that.”
***
“So, where do you want to go for lunch after we visit my dad?” Kurt asks, scrolling though dining options on his phone. Kurt doesn’t usually do much in the way of eating out in Lima. With the exception of The Lima Bean and Breadstix, he pretty much avoids Lima, Ohio cuisine like the plague. His father, however, is a huge fan of Lock Sixteen Steakhouse, and Finn and Puck swear by Sir La Charreada. Of course, the top three items on any of their menus are meat, cheese, and some kind of meat bathed in cheese.
The fact that Kurt knows this comes as a side-effect from spending too much time around junk food addicts.
“I don’t know. What is there around here?”
Kurt rolls his head to the left and shoots Sebastian an incredulous look. “Sebastian, this is Lima. It’s a town named after a bean. And not even one of the good ones.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s named after Lima, Peru.”
Kurt side-eyes him, wondering how in the hell he would know that!? He doesn’t even live here! What? While he was collecting blackmail material on him and all his friends, was he digging up dirt on the city Kurt lived in, too?
“Shares a name with, then.”
Sebastian nods. “I see your point.”
“We can swing by Columbus and pick up some sushi. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten any ice water poured in my crotch.”
“Ha-ha,” Sebastian deadpans, though he smiles when Kurt starts laughing and can’t stop. “Just for that, I’m gonna …” Sebastian’s sentence dies on his lips, his expression freezing solid on his face.
“What … what’s wrong?” Kurt follows Sebastian’s eye line out the window towards his house, expecting to see yellow caution tape and an ambulance parked outside since that’s exactly the look Sebastian is wearing. Constantly on edge about his father’s health, it’s the first thing that comes to Kurt’s mind that could put that look on Sebastian’s face.
Sebastian heads for the curb, and immediately Kurt’s own expression goes from afraid to angry.
“What in gay hell …?”
Sitting on Kurt’s front porch is, of all people, Cooper Anderson. And beside him, curled into a ball, hugging his knees …
… Blaine.
Sebastian parks his Mustang in front of Kurt’s house and kills the engine.
Kurt thinks he should feel an overwhelming tide of emotion seeing him. That it should knock him back about twenty feet, transport him through time to a place where he swore he would always love Blaine, where nothing would change that. But what he feels when he lays eyes on him for the first time since the beginning of summer is barely a swell. The boy who used to be perfection by Kurt’s standards is riddled with flaws. Kurt finds himself comparing Blaine to Sebastian the way he used to compare Sebastian to Blaine, but this time Blaine is the one who doesn’t measure up.
“Hey guys!” Cooper greets them as they climb out of the car. “Nice to see you both again.”
“Why are you two here?” Sebastian asks, barreling towards them, taking the lead. And Kurt lets him have it. He has every right to read Cooper for filth and besides, Kurt has forgotten how to make his voice work.
“I got a hold of Olivia. She said you guys were heading to Ohio so we took a chance and came here.”
“So you … just … showed up at my boyfriend’s house and took a chance that we’d stop by?”
Cooper winces at that, as if he was hoping that the subject of Kurt being Sebastian’s boyfriend might conveniently not come up. “Yes? Your dad’s not home, Kurt, but I was going to call if we waited longer than an hour.”
“And you don’t think that plan is a little insane?” Sebastian asks.
Cooper sighs. It almost competes with the sound Sebastian made when he realized Julian was driving back to Westerville and they’d have to follow. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Really?” Sebastian says sarcastically. “Why don’t you tell it to someone who cares?”
“I’m sensing a little animosity here. “
“No, you’re sensing a lot of animosity!”
“Look, kid, we’re just here to talk.”
“What happened to you, man? Why would you ghost my brother like that?”
“I wasn’t ghosting him!” Cooper suddenly sounds desperate, like he needs to convince Sebastian he’s telling the truth. Like he needs him on his side, which makes Kurt wonder what, if anything, Olivia said to him. If she read him the riot act, Kurt is going to buy her roses. “I was getting ready to go out there but Blaine called me, said he …” Cooper glances down at his brother, still motionless on the porch “… said he wanted to come home, that he couldn’t get a flight out and was hitchhiking. He’s my brother! What was I supposed to do?”
“Why couldn’t you give him a head’s up? Give anyone a head’s up?” Sebastian’s voice gets louder as he talks till Kurt begins to fear a neighbor might peek a head out, call the police. “He was waiting for you! You just disappeared! You didn’t even send him a text! Why couldn’t you send him a fucking text!?”
“It’s not that simple!”
“Save it!”
“I panicked, alright!? I thought that if I told Julian the truth, he would think I was making excuses, that I was going back on my word. And if I told Emily, my dad would find out. I didn’t know what to do!”
“So you did nothing.” Sebastian shakes his head. “What a supreme fucking disappointment you turned out to be. Well, I know what you should do.” He steps up to Cooper, gets in his personal space, and all Kurt can think is he’s about to show him what he can do, and with what part of his body. And though Kurt is confident Cooper can defend himself against a teenager, if he wants to stay out of prison, he won’t.
“Bas …” Kurt puts a hand on the crook of Sebastian’s arm. The sound of his voice, speaking for this first time during this confrontation, has a compounded effect. On Sebastian, it makes him soften, makes him back down. It also draws Blaine’s eyes up from the ground. But when he sees Kurt touching Sebastian, his eyes return to his shoes again.
Sebastian’s jaw works around a dozen swears and just as many threats. But his cooler head prevails. “You should go check on Julian,” he says evenly.
“I’ll … I’ll call him. Right now.”
“You’re past that. He’s at the house. You should go up and see him.”
“What about Blaine?”
“What about Blaine?” Sebastian sneers, glaring at Cooper, utterly refusing to even acknowledge Blaine. “He’s your brother. You figure it out.”
Kurt looks at Blaine, sitting at his brother’s feet. He’s staring down at his hands wrapped around his shins, looking very much like an abandoned puppy waiting to be taken to the pound.
And Kurt hates that.
A few months ago, he’d have hated it because he hated Blaine looking lost and hurt and lonely.
But right now he wishes Blaine would stand the fuck up and act like an adult. Look him in the eyes like an adult.
Own up to his actions like an adult.
Kurt has asked himself a dozen times since he found out Blaine cheated what does he want from Blaine?
That’s what he wants. He wants Blaine to step up.
It doesn’t mean Kurt will take him back, but it might give Kurt a better opinion of him.
“I’ll take him home,” Kurt decides.
“What?” Cooper says, looking more confounded than Kurt has ever seen him. And Kurt has to believe him because he’s not that good an actor.
“What?” Sebastian says. “No!”
“Someone has to take him home. I really think Cooper should go see Julian. Immediately, if not sooner.”
“Well I … I’m coming with you then!”
The twinge of absolute panic hiding beneath the anger in Sebastian’s voice skewers Kurt, but Sebastian’s coming with them isn’t a good idea. He’s more than likely going to take the opportunity to lay into Blaine, and Kurt needs some time alone with him.
He has some questions that deserve answers.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think you should go to Westerville with Cooper. Mediate between him and Julian. At least be there if things go south. I’ll deal with Blaine.”
“Why? Why do you need to deal with Blaine? Alone?”
Kurt takes Sebastian by the arm and leads him off the porch to talk in semi-private. “I want an explanation,” Kurt says, lowering his voice, hoping Sebastian will follow suit before a sheriff shows up. “He may not give me one if you come with me. And besides, I really think Julian needs you right now.”
“So, what? You owe it to him to hear his side?” Sebastian practically yells in Kurt’s face, apparently unable - or unwilling - to follow social cues. Kurt wagers on the latter. But instead of rising with Sebastian’s anger, Kurt puts his arms around him and holds him, rocks him gently from side to side. That’s all it takes to get Sebastian to fall in line, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and calming down.
“No. He owes it to me to tell me why he took everything I thought was sacred and threw it away. That’s all I want from him. As soon as I can, I’ll drive up and meet you. We’ll have that big house all to ourselves.” Kurt bites his lower lip. “Who knows what kind of mischief we can get ourselves into …”
“Well, relatively to ourselves. Julian will be there.”
“Your door has a lock on it. I think we’ll be fine.” Kurt presses his forehead against Sebastian’s and rubs their noses together. “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, Sebastian. And nothing Blaine can say is going to change that. But until then, I need you to do me a favor.”
“Yeah,” Sebastian says sardonically, most likely realizing by now that nothing he can say is going to change his boyfriend’s mind. “And what’s that?”
Kurt smiles, brushes their lips together in the most chaste of caresses. “Have a little faith in me.”
Sebastian glances down at his shoes, at his feet that refuse to move from this spot as long as Kurt is in his arms, refuse to leave Kurt alone with the boy he’d planned on spending the rest of his life with.
But there is no moving forward if no one takes a step.
“Always,” he says resignedly.
“Thank you,” Kurt says, mouthing over Sebastian’s mouth, teasing him with the promise of a kiss to be continued.
I have some good news and some good news! I am sorry that this chapter is up late, and looks smaller than I claimed it would be. But that's because it's half of the original chapter! This chapter ended up being over 12k words long, and very heavy (emotionally) in some parts. Also, it went through an extensive re-write because some parts bothered me. But I feel that it is completely fixed and 1000 percent better. And the best part is, there will be a second chapter up today in a few hours! And after that, only one chapter left. So, as always, thank you all so much for following me on this crazy race to the finish. I hope you enjoy what I've written. Please be aware that in this chapter, Kurt and Sebastian talk a little more about his sexual assault so be warned. There's nothing graphic, but it still could be triggering.
Chapter Text
It takes forty-seven minutes for the tow truck to arrive, and it’s by no means a run-of-the-mill flatbed tow truck like the one Kurt’s father owns.
No, the tow truck that pulls up to chauffeur Julian’s precious Jag home is a fully-equipped repair shop on wheels - a temperature controlled box truck with the name of the company (aptly called Luxury Tow) stenciled along the gleaming white outside in elaborate calligraphy, the script such a pale shade of silver, you wouldn’t see it at all if you weren’t looking for it. Kurt knows about these trucks. They’ve become something of a novelty among luxury car dealers and owners, the thought process being that no one should ever see a luxury car on the bed of a tow truck, and never, ever dragged on the asphalt.
Not for the preservation of the brand. His father has towed luxury cars on his flatbed just fine.
It’s for the preservation of the owners’ ego.
Emotional exhaustion is making Kurt catty on that point because the reality is it protects the overall investment that is an eighty-thousand plus dollar car. There’s less of a chance of getting your vehicle dinged up or expensive paint jobs scratched if they’re safe inside another larger vehicle.
The chandelier hanging from the top inside of the truck, however, Kurt can safely say might be a tad much.
Sebastian refuses to let go of Kurt while the drivers load up Julian’s car, but he is kind enough to re-position so that Kurt can get a better view of the inside. The tow truck is ridiculous, to be honest, and Sebastian acknowledges that with a sheepish grin, but their family has a membership, he explains, so it’s the only tow company they use.
Besides, it’s the height of excess, therefore it suits Julian and his car.
Kurt forgets how over-the-top rich people can be, seeing as, outside of Dalton, the only truly wealthy people he knows exist inside the spreads of magazines.
Sometimes he forgets just how frickin’ rich the Smythe family is, too, considering Sebastian didn’t even bat an eye when this truck appeared.
As to why the name of the company sans contact information is printed along the side in paint so light no one in the universe would ever be able to see it?
“They don’t need to advertise,” Sebastian says. “If someone can afford to hire them, then they’ll have their number already.”
Ouch.
Kurt doesn’t know why, but when Sebastian explains that to him, he feels like he’s been insulted.
After they see the drivers off, Kurt and Sebastian collect Julian from his booth by the window and lay him out on the backseat of Sebastian’s Mustang. Julian mumbles sleepily about the leather reeking of sex before he collapses on his face and starts snoring.
The drive from The Draft Room to the Smythe estate is another quiet one, with Kurt and Sebastian’s fingers laced together over the gear shift and Paganini’s Caprice No. 24 playing over the car’s speakers. To Kurt, even as a low hum, it’s an anxiety inducing piece, but the fast runs and rapid tempo help keep his mind from wandering. He wants to be available for Sebastian should Sebastian need to talk. Though what Sebastian feels comfortable revealing with his brother in the back seat, even asleep, Kurt isn’t certain.
As it turns out - he reveals nothing.
The tow truck is waiting at the gates of the estate when they arrive. Sebastian lets them in and leads them to the family garage. What follows is a blur of shuffling cars and signing paperwork. Sebastian sees the tow truck drivers off, then he and Kurt gather Julian up once again, help him to his room, and put him to bed, similar to the way Sebastian did for Kurt after the gala.
This must be why Sebastian was so good at it.
He’s had practice.
Sebastian’s phone buzzes, vibrating his pocket. He pulls it out, looks at the screen, and frowns.
“Who is it?” Kurt asks in the middle of removing Julian’s shoes.
“It’s Olivia.” Sebastian stares long at his boyfriend undressing his brother, in his bed of all places. Kurt reads the discomfort on Sebastian’s face. He stops at Julian’s shoes, pulling a blanket over the rest of his clothed body, and Sebastian seems to relax. “I should really …”
“Go on and take it,” Kurt says. “Give her my love. I’ve got this. I’ll be with you in a second.”
Sebastian doesn’t seem too ecstatic about leaving his boyfriend in a bedroom alone with his brother, but he steps out into the hallway anyway, shutting the door till only a sliver remains.
Kurt pulls the blanket up to Julian’s neck and smooths it over his shoulders. He fetches a waste basket from the bathroom and sets it next to the bed just in case. Kurt isn’t sure how much Julian actually drank before they got there, doesn’t know how well the man handles his alcohol.
Or if there was only alcohol involved in his pity party.
Kurt stops a second before turning out the light to steal a glance at Julian’s room. He’s been in here a few times, done an investigative sweep. As with Sebastian’s room, when he first came in here, he didn’t know what to expect. Probably the same thing he’d expected of Sebastian’s room. But the reality is more startling than what it could have been because Julian’s room is so similar to Sebastian’s room, they could have belonged to the same person at different points in their life. They have different furniture - Julian’s is a golden, honey wood as opposed to Sebastian’s dark. But they both have walls covered in photographs and art, shelves filled with CDs and books galore.
The thing that strikes Kurt as most interesting is that Julian has posters of obscure French bands framed on his walls that Kurt would think he’d see in Sebastian’s room, too, since Sebastian has t-shirts for one or two of them. Which makes their absence significant in Kurt’s mind.
Just another mystery for Kurt to puzzle through when he gets the time.
Kurt’s eyes pave a path across the walls, then back to Julian passed out on the bed. He sighs. Things could have been different, he thinks. He doesn’t know how different. He doesn’t know how much of Julian’s actions had an effect on which part of Sebastian’s decision making, but it still stands.
Things could have been different. They should have been different.
Kurt switches off the lamp, intent on leaving, but Julian’s hand locked lightly around his wrist stops him. Julian looks a mess - creases from his jacket imprinted on ruddy cheeks where he laid against his sleeves; eyes shimmering from a steady leak of tears; his lips swollen from biting.
A certifiable mess, but a breathtaking one.
“I know what you probably think of me,” Julian starts in a calloused voice. “Knowing what you know now.”
“I don’t think you do,” Kurt says soothingly, carefully removing his wrist from Julian’s grasp and tucking his arm back beneath the blanket.
“I just want you to know … I had no intention of taking you away from him. I know how I come across but that’s … that’s not what I was ever trying to do. I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself …” Julian’s disarming smile returns for the fleetest of seconds “… no matter how pretty you are.”
“Thank you. That’s good to know.”
“The two of you belong together.” Julian rolls to his side, gathering the edge of the blanket and holding it tight under his chin. “I knew it from the first time (*yawn*) I heard Sebby mention you.”
“And when was that?” Kurt asks, not sure what he expects to hear. Sebastian told his brother about their ruse, so Julian should know that any tale Sebastian told him is a work of fiction, not fact.
“Don’t remember,” Julian mumbles. “Dad asked Sebby what you did that won him over, and he said …” He stops, literally can’t continue past a sudden bout of snickering.
“What?” Kurt asks, burning with curiosity.
“... that you said …”
“What!?” Kurt groans, eager to get this over with so he can get back to Sebastian.
“... he smelled like Craigslist.” Julian snorts. It’s such an obscene sound, Kurt laughs out loud, and not politely. It’s not until Julian’s breathing begins to even out that Kurt realizes what he said.
Smells like Craigsllist? But that was …? Could he really …? No, that can’t …
When Kurt first met Sebastian’s father, he’d said they’d heard so much about him. He’d never ventured to ask how much. Maybe he should get around to that one of these days.
Now seems a good time.
“Wait … what? Julian? What did you just say? Julian?”
Kurt comes close to shaking him to get him to answer, but he doesn’t. Before Kurt can press him for more, he’s fast asleep.
***
Sebastian isn’t waiting in the hallway when Kurt finishes in Julian’s room. He’d taken Olivia’s phone call into his room and started getting ready for bed. Shoes had been kicked off and socks flung aside. He was in the middle of slipping on a pair of sweatpants when Kurt heard him say goodbye with the added, “Kurt sends his love,” followed by a, “yes, I’ll tell him. I already said I would. Geez.”
“Tell me what?” Kurt asks, letting himself in the open door.
“Just that she misses you,” Sebastian relays, turning off his phone.
“That’s nice,” Kurt says, honestly beaming. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Sebastian walks over to his desk and deposits his phone on the blotter. “They wanted to make sure we’re all good, that we have everything we need, that sort of thing. Like I’ve never spent the night alone in my own house before. How about Julian?”
“Sleeping it off.”
“Good. He could use it.” Sebastian meanders around his room, mindlessly relocating books and papers from one place to another with seemingly no purpose. “I laid out some clothes for you to sleep in.” He walks over to his bed and sits down beside a pile of carefully folded pants-shirt-underwear.
“Thanks.” Kurt removes his shirt, then his pants. No longer does he scurry to the bathroom to change. He has nothing to hide from Sebastian now.
He hopes Sebastian feels the same.
“Are you tired?” Sebastian asks like he’s feeling Kurt out. “Do you want to go to sleep?”
“I’m kind of wired, to tell you the truth.”
The look on Sebastian’s face becomes tentatively brighter, like that was what he was hoping Kurt would say. “Do you mind … can we talk?”
Dressed in Sebastian’s clothes, Kurt drops down on the mattress across from him. “Sure. What did you feel like talking about?”
“Can I talk to you about … that night?” Sebastian asks, that smallness from outside the bar returning, mostly to his eyes that aren’t begging Kurt to say yes. They’re begging Kurt not to reject him, which is a wholly different thing, but one Kurt understands.
He did the same himself, every time he was on the cusp of telling his father he was gay, praying that his father wouldn’t stop loving him.
“Not all of it. I’m not … I’m not ready for that yet. And tonight’s been kind of …”
“Yeah,” Kurt agrees without Sebastian needing to finish.
“No one outside my family knows about it,” Sebastian says. “I mean, aside from my therapist. And I love my parents and Olivia to death, but when it comes to this, they’re difficult to talk to. They offer, say they’re open to listening, but when I do open up to them, I get the feeling that they don’t so much want to discuss what I went through and how I feel about it, how it affects me to this day, as they hope if I get it out of my system, I’ll forget it. And I understand that. It has to be torture knowing that something like …” Sebastian’s teeth grind to a halt around the words. In the end, he simply omits them “… that happened to one of your children and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Especially considering the circumstances. I mean, when you think about it, I should have been in the best possible hands.” Sebastian shrugs to himself. “To be … to be honest … the assault wasn’t the worst part of the experience. It was terrifying. It gives me nightmares. But … but it’s been the easiest part of that night to work through.”
Kurt tilts his head. “How?”
“It’s the uncomplicated part. The guy who …” Another grinding halt “… he was an asshole. A sick, disgusting, drunk asshole. It helps that he was a stranger, if that makes sense. There was no personal motive behind what he did. It was more a matter of I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. An easy target.”
“Whatever happened to him?” Kurt asks, careful not to make it sound like a demand. He doesn’t want Sebastian thinking he has to answer his questions simply because he asks them.
“Julian wouldn’t let him leave the bathroom. He got a few punches in. Good ones,” Sebastian recalls with a vindictive chuckle that almost sounds proud. “Knocked him out cold. He called the cops and the guy was arrested. But things didn’t go back to normal after that. Nowhere near it. I was afraid of running into him for a while even though I knew I wouldn’t. It became so unbearable, I wouldn’t go out, couldn’t sleep nights. But then I left the country, and for the first time, I wasn’t looking for him in crowds or around corners, anything like that. Because I knew he wouldn’t be there.” Sebastian pauses, looks down at his hands, running the pads of his fingers over his nails, pushing at his cuticles while he gets his thoughts together. “I wasn’t planning on coming back.”
“So … what was the worst part about that night? If you don’t mind …”
“I don’t mind,” Sebastian says softly. Another long pause, but Kurt is willing to wait as long as it takes. When Sebastian finds the strength to look up again, he’s shaking his head, his cheeks wet with tears. “H-how could he do that to me, Kurt?”
“Who?” Kurt more than assumes Sebastian is talking about the man who assaulted him, but it’s never a good practice to assume.
And this time, he’s right not to.
“Julian,” Sebastian says, his voice cracking. “I look back at that night now through jaded eyes and I see it for what it was, what I felt. I had a crush. Just a crush. Not having that guy obviously didn’t destroy me, right? But at the time, it felt like it would. It felt like my entire life was …”
“Over?”
“Yeah.” Sebastian sniffles. “I wasn’t a bad brother, Kurt. Maybe I was a little annoying but I looked up to him. I idolized him. I wanted to be like him.” Sebastian reaches blindly for a tissue from the box by the head of his bed. Kurt gets up and gets it for him. Sebastian takes it with an unspoken thank you. “I guess … in the end … that’s what I did, huh? I became my brother. None of the interesting parts, though,” he adds with a self-deprecating chuckle. “Just the asshole parts.”
Kurt doesn’t know what to say. He could prepare for weeks and still not know what to say. Part of him wants to storm down to Julian’s room and slug him in the face. But Sebastian forgave him. Julian said that when he found Sebastian, Sebastian got in a few punches and then said he wanted his big brother back. There are times when this rift between them seems as far from water under the bridge as they can get. But this all happened long before Kurt even knew the Smythes existed so he should forgive Julian, too. And Kurt can.
But how does Sebastian do it? How do you forget about something like that? All of it? The violation of your body coupled by the betrayal of someone you love? Someone you trust? Kurt knows a little of what that’s like, but he’s not going to pretend that it even compares to what Sebastian went through.
Sebastian sniffles again, blows his nose. He reaches for another tissue but somewhere in between he falters. The tension that’s been hanging around them, binding them together with brittle arms, collapses. Sebastian is the first through the breach. He falls into Kurt’s lap, arms winding around his waist, sobbing into his borrowed white shirt. And since Kurt can’t think of the right thing to say to comfort him, he says what’s in his heart, and hopes that it’s enough.
“I love you, Sebastian,” Kurt whispers, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s head and leaning over to press kisses into his hair. “I love you. I love you so damn much, and I’m so lucky to have you. I’m yours, and you’re mine. And please …” Kurt chokes on words and tears and a thicket of emotions, but he refuses to let that stop him from saying what he needs to say “… I’m here … and don’t ever forget that.”
***
“So, where do you want to go for lunch after we visit my dad?” Kurt asks, scrolling though dining options on his phone. Kurt doesn’t usually do much in the way of eating out in Lima. With the exception of The Lima Bean and Breadstix, he pretty much avoids Lima, Ohio cuisine like the plague. His father, however, is a huge fan of Lock Sixteen Steakhouse, and Finn and Puck swear by Sir La Charreada. Of course, the top three items on any of their menus are meat, cheese, and some kind of meat bathed in cheese.
The fact that Kurt knows this comes as a side-effect from spending too much time around junk food addicts.
“I don’t know. What is there around here?”
Kurt rolls his head to the left and shoots Sebastian an incredulous look. “Sebastian, this is Lima. It’s a town named after a bean. And not even one of the good ones.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s named after Lima, Peru.”
Kurt side-eyes him, wondering how in the hell he would know that!? He doesn’t even live here! What? While he was collecting blackmail material on him and all his friends, was he digging up dirt on the city Kurt lived in, too?
“Shares a name with, then.”
Sebastian nods. “I see your point.”
“We can swing by Columbus and pick up some sushi. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten any ice water poured in my crotch.”
“Ha-ha,” Sebastian deadpans, though he smiles when Kurt starts laughing and can’t stop. “Just for that, I’m gonna …” Sebastian’s sentence dies on his lips, his expression freezing solid on his face.
“What … what’s wrong?” Kurt follows Sebastian’s eye line out the window towards his house, expecting to see yellow caution tape and an ambulance parked outside since that’s exactly the look Sebastian is wearing. Constantly on edge about his father’s health, it’s the first thing that comes to Kurt’s mind that could put that look on Sebastian’s face.
Sebastian heads for the curb, and immediately Kurt’s own expression goes from afraid to angry.
“What in gay hell …?”
Sitting on Kurt’s front porch is, of all people, Cooper Anderson. And beside him, curled into a ball, hugging his knees …
… Blaine.
Sebastian parks his Mustang in front of Kurt’s house and kills the engine.
Kurt thinks he should feel an overwhelming tide of emotion seeing him. That it should knock him back about twenty feet, transport him through time to a place where he swore he would always love Blaine, where nothing would change that. But what he feels when he lays eyes on him for the first time since the beginning of summer is barely a swell. The boy who used to be perfection by Kurt’s standards is riddled with flaws. Kurt finds himself comparing Blaine to Sebastian the way he used to compare Sebastian to Blaine, but this time Blaine is the one who doesn’t measure up.
“Hey guys!” Cooper greets them as they climb out of the car. “Nice to see you both again.”
“Why are you two here?” Sebastian asks, barreling towards them, taking the lead. And Kurt lets him have it. He has every right to read Cooper for filth and besides, Kurt has forgotten how to make his voice work.
“I got a hold of Olivia. She said you guys were heading to Ohio so we took a chance and came here.”
“So you … just … showed up at my boyfriend’s house and took a chance that we’d stop by?”
Cooper winces at that, as if he was hoping that the subject of Kurt being Sebastian’s boyfriend might conveniently not come up. “Yes? Your dad’s not home, Kurt, but I was going to call if we waited longer than an hour.”
“And you don’t think that plan is a little insane?” Sebastian asks.
Cooper sighs. It almost competes with the sound Sebastian made when he realized Julian was driving back to Westerville and they’d have to follow. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Really?” Sebastian says sarcastically. “Why don’t you tell it to someone who cares?”
“I’m sensing a little animosity here. “
“No, you’re sensing a lot of animosity!”
“Look, kid, we’re just here to talk.”
“What happened to you, man? Why would you ghost my brother like that?”
“I wasn’t ghosting him!” Cooper suddenly sounds desperate, like he needs to convince Sebastian he’s telling the truth. Like he needs him on his side, which makes Kurt wonder what, if anything, Olivia said to him. If she read him the riot act, Kurt is going to buy her roses. “I was getting ready to go out there but Blaine called me, said he …” Cooper glances down at his brother, still motionless on the porch “… said he wanted to come home, that he couldn’t get a flight out and was hitchhiking. He’s my brother! What was I supposed to do?”
“Why couldn’t you give him a head’s up? Give anyone a head’s up?” Sebastian’s voice gets louder as he talks till Kurt begins to fear a neighbor might peek a head out, call the police. “He was waiting for you! You just disappeared! You didn’t even send him a text! Why couldn’t you send him a fucking text!?”
“It’s not that simple!”
“Save it!”
“I panicked, alright!? I thought that if I told Julian the truth, he would think I was making excuses, that I was going back on my word. And if I told Emily, my dad would find out. I didn’t know what to do!”
“So you did nothing.” Sebastian shakes his head. “What a supreme fucking disappointment you turned out to be. Well, I know what you should do.” He steps up to Cooper, gets in his personal space, and all Kurt can think is he’s about to show him what he can do, and with what part of his body. And though Kurt is confident Cooper can defend himself against a teenager, if he wants to stay out of prison, he won’t.
“Bas …” Kurt puts a hand on the crook of Sebastian’s arm. The sound of his voice, speaking for this first time during this confrontation, has a compounded effect. On Sebastian, it makes him soften, makes him back down. It also draws Blaine’s eyes up from the ground. But when he sees Kurt touching Sebastian, his eyes return to his shoes again.
Sebastian’s jaw works around a dozen swears and just as many threats. But his cooler head prevails. “You should go check on Julian,” he says evenly.
“I’ll … I’ll call him. Right now.”
“You’re past that. He’s at the house. You should go up and see him.”
“What about Blaine?”
“What about Blaine?” Sebastian sneers, glaring at Cooper, utterly refusing to even acknowledge Blaine. “He’s your brother. You figure it out.”
Kurt looks at Blaine, sitting at his brother’s feet. He’s staring down at his hands wrapped around his shins, looking very much like an abandoned puppy waiting to be taken to the pound.
And Kurt hates that.
A few months ago, he’d have hated it because he hated Blaine looking lost and hurt and lonely.
But right now he wishes Blaine would stand the fuck up and act like an adult. Look him in the eyes like an adult.
Own up to his actions like an adult.
Kurt has asked himself a dozen times since he found out Blaine cheated what does he want from Blaine?
That’s what he wants. He wants Blaine to step up.
It doesn’t mean Kurt will take him back, but it might give Kurt a better opinion of him.
“I’ll take him home,” Kurt decides.
“What?” Cooper says, looking more confounded than Kurt has ever seen him. And Kurt has to believe him because he’s not that good an actor.
“What?” Sebastian says. “No!”
“Someone has to take him home. I really think Cooper should go see Julian. Immediately, if not sooner.”
“Well I … I’m coming with you then!”
The twinge of absolute panic hiding beneath the anger in Sebastian’s voice skewers Kurt, but Sebastian’s coming with them isn’t a good idea. He’s more than likely going to take the opportunity to lay into Blaine, and Kurt needs some time alone with him.
He has some questions that deserve answers.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think you should go to Westerville with Cooper. Mediate between him and Julian. At least be there if things go south. I’ll deal with Blaine.”
“Why? Why do you need to deal with Blaine? Alone?”
Kurt takes Sebastian by the arm and leads him off the porch to talk in semi-private. “I want an explanation,” Kurt says, lowering his voice, hoping Sebastian will follow suit before a sheriff shows up. “He may not give me one if you come with me. And besides, I really think Julian needs you right now.”
“So, what? You owe it to him to hear his side?” Sebastian practically yells in Kurt’s face, apparently unable - or unwilling - to follow social cues. Kurt wagers on the latter. But instead of rising with Sebastian’s anger, Kurt puts his arms around him and holds him, rocks him gently from side to side. That’s all it takes to get Sebastian to fall in line, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and calming down.
“No. He owes it to me to tell me why he took everything I thought was sacred and threw it away. That’s all I want from him. As soon as I can, I’ll drive up and meet you. We’ll have that big house all to ourselves.” Kurt bites his lower lip. “Who knows what kind of mischief we can get ourselves into …”
“Well, relatively to ourselves. Julian will be there.”
“Your door has a lock on it. I think we’ll be fine.” Kurt presses his forehead against Sebastian’s and rubs their noses together. “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, Sebastian. And nothing Blaine can say is going to change that. But until then, I need you to do me a favor.”
“Yeah,” Sebastian says sardonically, most likely realizing by now that nothing he can say is going to change his boyfriend’s mind. “And what’s that?”
Kurt smiles, brushes their lips together in the most chaste of caresses. “Have a little faith in me.”
Sebastian glances down at his shoes, at his feet that refuse to move from this spot as long as Kurt is in his arms, refuse to leave Kurt alone with the boy he’d planned on spending the rest of his life with.
But there is no moving forward if no one takes a step.
“Always,” he says resignedly.
“Thank you,” Kurt says, mouthing over Sebastian’s mouth, teasing him with the promise of a kiss to be continued.