ACITW AU CHAPTER 26E
An underscore of symphonic music accompanies Kurt and Sebastian on the ride back to the beach house. The night is quiet, the saturation of black-blue-purple in the sky deep and clear, all traces of clouds wiped away by the previous day of rain. While Sebastian drives, Kurt stares up at the pinprick stars and orbiting satellites shining brighter than he ever remembers seeing them in Ohio. It's like Kurt and Sebastian have come closer to the heavens out here. Or maybe it's that everything just seems brighter as the haze of uncertainty lifts completely away.
A thread of excitement stitches them together, but it's subdued. It lies in wait, doesn't well up to overwhelm them. It's heavy and its meaning not word-for-word spelled out, but they both understand. It spirals between them, weaving in and out as the Mustang drives down the vacant highway. They suck it into their lungs as they breathe, mixed with the warm evening air and the honeyed scent of the wildflowers that spring up in the grass along the road. Kurt sees them in the miles of meadow outside his window - Spotted Beebalm, American Lotus, Bitter-bloom - their pink, purple, and yellow petals closed over faces tilted in the direction of the long forgotten sunset.
Both boys sit on the crest of anticipation with nothing, for the moment, left to say. Kurt does make the comment that Julian has excellent taste in restaurants, but lousy taste in food, and with a short, nervous laugh, Sebastian agrees. Sebastian chooses the music for the drive - Mozart's Concerto in C for Flute and Harp - but twelve bars into the opening he asks Kurt if he wants to listen to something different, and Kurt politely says, "No, this is fine."
Kurt barely hears the music with his heart hammering in his chest, sending the sound of his blood pulsing through his ears. He tries to concentrate on the airy melody anyway, using it as a diversion to keep the knot of agitated butterflies in his stomach from rising up and conspiring to suffocate him.
Kurt watches Sebastian from the corner of his vision. Sebastian keeps his eyes pinned to the road ahead. He lightly drums his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music, but occasionally runs a hand through his hair. It's a tell, and Kurt knows this calm exterior of his is nothing but a façade. Kurt watches Sebastian do it again and wonders if he is afflicted with a swarm of butterflies of his own.
The road has few dips or turns so the Mustang rolls smoothly. During the times when the highway merges temporarily with the main road, they manage to hit every green light, but as Kurt stares ahead at the featureless horizon, the sky melding into the asphalt, the ride to the coast seems to stretch on and on. He's sure that his heart, pounding out a constant rhythm, will break every one of his ribs if they drive for much longer, but the road rises, then falls, and finally Kurt can distinguish the Smythe family's bungalow against a background of sand and ocean. As they approach the house - the quiet structure sitting alone on its dune - Kurt can see a flickering in the darkened windows. He blinks a few times to see if it's an illusion made by starlight reflecting off the glass, but it doesn't look cold and silvery the way starlight does. The glow looks warm and inviting, as if someone had lit a fire somewhere within the house. Kurt doesn't remember seeing a fireplace so far. Besides, the glow comes from every window. There would have to be a fireplace in each room to make that possible.
Kurt side-eyes Sebastian and sees a smile soften the set of his jaw, but Kurt doesn't comment. This is Sebastian's surprise and Kurt will let it unfold the way Sebastian wants it to.
They pull into the carport and Sebastian shuts off the engine. Kurt reaches for the door handle on his side, but Sebastian puts out a hand and stops him. With a giddy twist to his lips, Kurt sits in his seat and waits as Sebastian comes around to his side of the car to open his door. This time Kurt takes notice that a certain blue Jag is (thankfully) absent.
Kurt takes Sebastian's offered hand and climbs out of the car. He expects Sebastian to kiss him, but instead Sebastian tucks Kurt's hand into the crook of his arm and walks him up the stairs to the house, a hand covering Kurt's where his fingers curl over Sebastian's bicep.
"So, the surprise is here at the house?" Kurt asks. The answer to that is hard to miss, but he needs to break a bit of the tension, and he chooses idle chitchat as his weapon.
"Yup," Sebastian says, his single word response not helping in the chitchat arena.
"A surprise that doesn't include Julian?" Kurt asks as Sebastian pulls his keys out of his pocket and fiddles with the lock. The lock clicks open and Sebastian turns the knob.
"Why don't you see for yourself?" Sebastian pushes the door open, letting it swing in and come to a stop on its own. Kurt enjoys observing the ways of his elusive boyfriend - the expressions on his face, the sparkle in his eyes, his charming, genuine smile - but Sebastian's surprise inside the house calls to him. Kurt takes a tentative step inside, not because he's apprehensive, but because he wants to stretch this out longer, linger in the suspense before Sebastian's big reveal.
He wishes that Sebastian had thought to bring the blindfold. Oh well - perhaps another time.
Kurt doesn't have to walk far before he finds the source of the vermillion glow. The first thing Kurt sees (can't avoid seeing, actually) is a veritable profusion of candles. They are literally everywhere, on every surface, seated in clear glass votive jars, situated on anything that won't move. They flicker and blink like little dancing spirits, lending their light to the room. The whole house exudes a scent of comfort, like warm baked goods fresh from the oven. The smell hangs in the air as if it simply exists there. Kurt looks at the candles again, arranged in clusters and rows, and notices that some of them are boutique, labels advertising the same store and bearing the name of the same scent - Madagascar Vanilla. The wax on these candles, generously melted and pooling inside their thick glass jars, indicates that these must have been burning the longest, purposefully to fill the air with that extraordinary smell.
Kurt glances over his shoulder at Sebastian, who's staring at him with a wary smile and eyes that watch attentively, gauging his reaction. They walk through the kitchen and into the living room with the candles lighting their way.
Kurt sees the next portion of the surprise and his mouth falls open.
"What the…" Kurt mutters.
At his feet, where the two rooms meet, petals lay scattered - red rose petals forming a trail throughout the house.
Kurt stares at the petals, stares at the candles, his heart swelling in his chest at the thought that went in to this. He wants to take a picture, but that seems adolescent. He'll have to rely on his memory, and his memory is becoming very full on this trip.
"Did you plan all of this?" Kurt asks in awe of this romantic spectacle.
"Yeah," Sebastian answers, keeping his tone neutral so he doesn't explode out of his skin. "I bought the candles the other day when I went to the market, and hid them in the mud room. Julian picked up the roses for me and set it up while we were at the bar."
Suddenly, the way the two brothers had been huddled together, conferring in secret while Kurt picked out a song for Sebastian to sing, made sense. Sebastian must have sucked it up and confessed, which explained Julian's laughter and his face palm…and why he was lodging elsewhere for the evening.
"I wanted to surprise you," Sebastian finishes. "To be honest, uh…" Sebastian scrubs the back of his neck with his hand, his face blushing furiously. "I've kind of always wanted to do this." Sebastian raises his brow. "Is it…too much?"
"No," Kurt says, shaking his head. "No, it's not too much. It's…"
Kurt opens his hands in front of him, searching for something to say, but he can't come up with a way of expressing himself that would do justice to this. It's unlike anything anyone has ever done for him, even if he takes into account the many times he's been sung to in public...tonight's karaoke notwithstanding.
Kurt struggles a second longer and Sebastian laughs.
"I get it, I get it," he says, taking Kurt by the shoulders and giving him a shove to get him started walking again.
Kurt leads the way and Sebastian follows, guided by the trail of petals through the living room, down the hallway, and into Sebastian's bedroom. The petals don't stop there. They travel over the threshold and continue past the bed, all the way to the door of the porch. Kurt has to stop himself from rushing the door when he sees a tent set up outside with a circle of candles and petals surrounding it.
"I saw on your list…" Sebastian admits, and again, he has the sense to look guilty. "I know you want to have sex on the beach, but I think this might be better," he explains. "Not to say that we won't do that someday if you really want, but this time, I just thought…"
Kurt puts his fingers over Sebastian's mouth to silence him, watching his eyes morph through stages from fear to excitement, and then back to fear.
The same way Kurt sometimes expects Sebastian to throw a hurtful barb his way, Sebastian is waiting for Kurt's claws to come out.
"Sebastian…" Kurt says, grinning, "it's perfect."
Sebastian smiles behind Kurt's fingertips.
Kurt turns back to the sliding glass door and Sebastian puts his hands on Kurt's shoulders, massaging gently.
"You know, Kurt," Sebastian says, "nothing has to happen tonight if…"
Kurt looks back at Sebastian. He doesn't glare at him, doesn't lift an eyebrow, doesn't make a snide remark. He just gives Sebastian a look that lets him no there's no turning back from this - not for him.
"Okay," Sebastian says at the steel of resolve in Kurt's eyes. "Okay. Did you want to…you know…shower first?"
That question echoes of déjà vu, but only distantly, and Kurt nods.
"Yes, but…" Kurt bites his lip, "would it be alright with you if we showered in different bathrooms this time?"
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, but the expression that accompanies it is more amusedly curious than rejected in any way.
"It's just…" Kurt tries to explain, "every time we're in the shower together, we're in there for hours, and…I don't want to wait."
Sebastian chuckles, his cocky smile making an appearance as he leans forward and places a kiss to Kurt's forehead.
"Whatever you want, babe," he says, lips traveling down the bridge of his nose to place a kiss on his mouth. "I won't take too long. Meet you outside." He turns and heads off to wherever the second bathroom is. Kurt assumes it's in the master bedroom, but he doesn't know for sure. Maybe Sebastian has gone to the outdoor shower to bathe naked under the starlit sky.
With that tantalizing image in his head, Kurt considers changing his mind and going after him.
But he knows he's right. If he finds Sebastian in the shower, they'll be in there forever - kissing, touching, fondling - and they won't need the tent outside. Then everything Sebastian so carefully planned will go to waste.
Well, it won't go to waste exactly, but its intended purpose will not be fully realized.
Kurt starts his shower, but it feels emptier without Sebastian there with him. Was the tub always this big? Or did he not remember the lone showers he had taken before? Now that he takes his showers with Sebastian, he's been spoiled by Sebastian's body against his, strong arms encircling his waist, fingers massaging his scalp, lips on his wet skin…
Kurt doesn't dwell because somewhere in the house is a young man showering the same as he, or perhaps waiting for him already in that tent out on the porch. He soaps up his body, then washes and rinses his hair, groaning at his own fingers working the rinse through the strands because Sebastian should be there. Sebastian should be helping him lather up while he kisses him, tongue trailing up his neck to his jawbone, teeth nibbling at his earlobe, making his knees weak, making it impossible for Kurt to stand…
There is still plenty of hot water left when Kurt is done, and it seems like such a shame. He blows through his moisturizing routine, not as thorough with some of the lotions and skipping one or two steps. He hurries back to Sebastian's bedroom, wrapped in a towel, keeping an eye out on the off chance Julian is there, hiding in the shadows. But as entertaining (and creepy) as that image is, Kurt knows Julian won't be, not when he knows how important this night is to Sebastian.
Kurt finds a plain, white t-shirt and the pair of Sebastian's sweatpants that he's worn before lying on the bed, waiting for him. He slips them on, conveniently neglecting to put on any underwear, smiling when he's struck by the fact that Sebastian chose the clothes he's going to peel off him. It seems superfluous to get dressed, if that's the case, but the thought behind it is kind of nice, too.
After all, Sebastian likes Kurt in his clothes.
Kurt wanders out - barefoot and freshly showered, wearing Sebastian's clothes - onto the porch. The space seems almost too small for the swing, the tent, the rose petals, and the candles, but it all fits. Someone has put a metal pin in the swing to keep it from rocking back and forth. Kurt assumes it was Julian. The thing's been swinging freely since they arrived. If Sebastian knew how to stop it, he probably would have. Or maybe he just didn't because he's not too fond of this porch or the swing. Bearing that in mind, Kurt has to find a way to make this up to him. The only reason why he's out here is because of Kurt - to fulfill this fantasy for Kurt.
Yes, this night together will be for the both of them, but this picture-perfect outdoor paradise on the porch, within a stone's throw of the beach that Kurt has become so attached to, where they can hear the waves crash and smell the salty sea air, this Kurt knows is mainly for him. He looks it over again, at every red petal fighting the ocean breeze not to blow away, every lick of flame in its small, glass cove, and counts the many blessings he's received ever since Sebastian Smythe started opening up to him. This is amazing, as was the balloon ride and the party, and even that awful bee farm, but it would have been nothing without Sebastian, without his thought behind it, without his attempt to woo Kurt as his motivation.
Kurt sees a silhouette cast against the side of the tent. A head pops up and looks his way as he takes another step and the board beneath his foot creaks. Sebastian unzips the front of the tent for Kurt as Kurt approaches. He reaches out a hand to beckon Kurt inside as the wind whips up and swirls the rose petals around. Kurt bends over on instinct to enter the tent but he doesn't really have to. This isn't like the pop-up tent Kurt's father had bought so they could go on father/son fishing trips and weekend campouts after his mother died. This tent is huge on the inside, and can easily accommodate the whole Smythe family, including Brian…and Kurt, if Kurt is ever invited to go camping with them. The tent has a clear plastic front panel that gives them a perfect view of the ocean, as well as a sky light so that they can see the stars above. A thick blanket has been spread out on the floor of the tent, with two pillows set on the far end. Kurt sits down on the blanket while Sebastian re-zips the front panel.
"This is incredible," Kurt says, stretching out on his back to look up at the sky, the blanket beneath him soft and down, made for the outdoors but definitely nicer than anything he's ever had on his bed. "I can't believe you did all of this. You've absolutely outdone yourself this time."
"You're worth it," Sebastian says, laying down beside Kurt with a heavy sigh and staring up through the sky light.
Kurt turns his face and waits for Sebastian to look his way.
"So are you," Kurt replies. Sebastian doesn't exactly smile, but Kurt can see his expression change as he looks back up at the sky. His hand finds Kurt's and holds it tight, locking their fingers together. They lay like this, side-by-side on their backs, staring up at the sky through the rectangular strip of clear plastic. The whistling wind shakes the tent slightly, and the rhythm of the waves sounds so close they might as well be camped out on the sand further down the beach.
"What are you thinking?" Sebastian asks, running his thumb along Kurt's knuckles, asking the question with a sudden small gasp, as if he had been holding his breath this whole time.
"I'm thinking…" Kurt turns from the stars in the sky to gaze at the stars in Sebastian's eyes, "that this is one of the biggest leaps I'm going to take in my life, and I don't know how to start."
Kurt thinks that Sebastian will ask him why, since Kurt was in a monogamous, long-standing relationship, and has made love to someone before, but he doesn't. All he says is, "Biggest leap because…" and then leaves it for Kurt to fill in the blank.
"Biggest leap because I want what we have to last," Kurt answers, feeling the weight of that revelation press inside his chest. "I don't want this to be a summer fling. I know we've gotten closer, gone through the steps and stages, but this one - it means so much more."
Sebastian nods, looking Kurt's face over - his eyebrows, his eyes, his nose, his chin, his lips - setting his features, all those details, to memory.
"Well, how about we start here…" Sebastian says, bringing Kurt's hand up to his mouth and kissing across his knuckles, one by one. "And then we can continue here…" He turns Kurt's hand over and softly kisses his inner wrist, his thumb massaging the inside of Kurt's palm, manipulating a bundle of nerves that seem to fire up Kurt's arm and surprisingly makes his lips tingle. "And here…" Sebastian whispers, moving up Kurt's arm, pausing to lick the bend of his elbow, the sweep of his tongue over that sensitive skin shooting heat straight to Kurt's stomach this time, and Kurt can't quell the way he moans. "And here…" Sebastian moves closer, kissing his way up Kurt's skin till he reaches the sleeve of the white shirt, continuing his line of kisses over the fabric until he reaches the collar, which he pulls down so he can suck marks into Kurt's neck. Kurt raises a hand to the back of Sebastian's head to keep him there, keep his mouth moving against the column of his neck, nipping along the long line of his throat, teasing over the pulse point beneath his jaw with the tip of his tongue. "And here…" Sebastian stops to take one last look in Kurt's eyes, which gaze back at him with a trust and admiration built up despite a summer of fights and insults, and lies to almost everyone they know, including themselves. But these past few days have been the truest Sebastian has ever known, and that's because of Kurt. He looks a breath longer before he brushes his lips against Kurt's and claims them slowly.
Kurt looks into Sebastian's eyes up until the moment he closes them, and then Kurt closes his eyes, too, abandoning everything else around him for this reality - a reality of Sebastian kissing him, of Sebastian reaching for him, of Sebastian's touch, which Kurt can't get enough of. Sebastian's hands find Kurt's face and trace a path over Kurt's cheeks with his fingertips down to his jawline, following the contours of Kurt's neck and his chest, not moving to climb on top of him just yet even though Kurt longs to feel Sebastian's body on his.
Sebastian bunches the hem of Kurt's shirt in his fist, twisting it as they kiss. He slides the shirt up Kurt's skin, brushing along it with the faintest touch. They separate for only a moment so Sebastian can pull the shirt over Kurt's head, and then they kiss again. Kurt feels the sweatpants being tugged down his legs and he helps them along, hooking his toe into the fabric to push them off. With a couple of stomps and a kick, those are gone, too.
Sebastian pulls away from Kurt's lips and kneels between his legs. Kurt pouts playfully when he sees his boyfriend still fully clothed, but that pout disappears when Sebastian's piercing green eyes gaze fully at him. There's a slight hesitation in Sebastian's movements before he reaches out for Kurt again, hands cupping the sides of his face, sweeping the hair off his forehead. He brushes over Kurt's cheekbones with his thumbs then drags them lightly over his skin, and Kurt turns his head an inch to kiss the digit closest to his mouth.
Sebastian continues touching him, down his neck, and then his chest with the flat of his palm. Kurt sucks in when Sebastian's hands reach his stomach, his breath speeding up as they boldly travel lower. Here the path of Sebastian's hands diverge. He makes no attempt to touch Kurt's cock, which has gotten harder with each pass of Sebastian's hands over his skin. Instead, Sebastian's hands slide over Kurt's thighs, rounding his knees, lifting them up to bend so he can caress Kurt's calves.
Sebastian leans forward, hovering over him.
"My God, Kurt," Sebastian whispers, "you're..."
"I'm…what?" Kurt asks with a tilt of his head, wishing he could touch Sebastian's mind and see what he sees. It would be interesting to see himself through Sebastian's eyes, considering how much grief Sebastian used to give him about his appearance, but now…
"I want to say you're gorgeous," Sebastian admits with a sheepish smile, "but I'd rather not say something you've heard a million times before."
Kurt returns Sebastian's sheepish smile. A million times might be a bit of an over-exaggeration, but it's nice if Sebastian thinks so.
"Would it be stupid to say that it sounds different coming from you?" Kurt asks.
"No," Sebastian says, leaning closer, eyes flicking down to look at Kurt's mouth. "No, it's not stupid."
Sebastian runs the tip of his nose over Kurt's, then leans in further to kiss Kurt's eyelids one at a time, each time muttering something against Kurt's skin that Kurt doesn't quite make out. He doesn't ask. Kurt knows Sebastian is still resolving things within him, so he decides to help him along. Kurt grabs at the hem of Sebastian's shirt and pulls it up his torso, dragging the material slowly over his skin, not touching Sebastian's body with his own fingers while he does. Sebastian groans and gets the hint, taking over and yanking his t-shirt off, followed by his pants, which he tosses to the side, tripping over one leg in his eagerness to be free of them.
Kurt sits up when Sebastian does, scooting out from beneath him to avoid accidentally getting kicked. He would have laughed at Sebastian's fumble if not for his beautiful body, which never fails to steal his breath, but especially the glorious erection not too far from his face.
Kurt is dying to make love to Sebastian, but he's going to delay for just a bit.
He has a debt to repay.
Kurt bends over Sebastian's cock and, without saying a thing, takes him in his mouth. If time has stopped for Kurt a hundred times on this trip, this makes a hundred and one. There's a single word of protest (Kurt!) from Sebastian's lips, then a catch of breath followed by the longest, most soul-searing moan Kurt has ever heard pass through a human's lips in his entire life.
"Oh, God, Kurt," Sebastian groans, placing his hands shy of Kurt's head, then opting at the last minute to put one hand in his hair and another down to his face, caressing beneath his chin. "Oh, bébé," he hisses when Kurt's tongue sweeps underneath the ridge below his head. Kurt feels Sebastian's hand tighten in his hair, as if he's about to push him down, but he stops and runs his fingers through. He's not going to force him. He's not going to be that guy. "C'est ça…arrête pas…je t'en prie…arrête pas…"
Sebastian starts begging, begging Kurt not to stop…in French, no less, because he knows Kurt will understand, or because Kurt has pushed him to a place where words split and become meaningless - the intent all that matters - because even if Kurt didn't understand a word of it, the way Sebastian gasps, how he stutters around pleading with Kurt don't stop…I beg you, don't stop…comes through loud and clear. Kurt sucks down harder. He takes Sebastian all the way to the back of his throat, swallowing around his head, and feels Sebastian's legs shake.
"Yes," Sebastian moans. "Yes…do that again…God, Kurt…yes…s'il te plaît…Kurt…mon bien-aimé…"
Kurt's heart skips.
My beloved.
Sebastian called him my beloved.
Kurt doesn't think he can be happier than he is at this moment, as his mouth pulls these endearments from Sebastian's lips with every suck and sweep of his tongue.
But then Kurt has a thought - a thought he never meant to let enter his brain - about how many other boys have done this to Sebastian, how many others have made him feel this way.
Did Jeremiah? Did Max? Did the nameless college guy in the back of that car?
Has any other boy's mouth made Sebastian slip the boundary between languages before?
Kurt must have stopped, or slowed down - something has changed because Sebastian sighs with a hint of frustration, grabs him by his upper arms, and pulls Kurt up to face him.
"Don't," Sebastian says, jumping to a conclusion that happens to be right so Kurt doesn't insult Sebastian's intelligence by trying to argue.
"I'm sorry," Kurt says regretfully, shifting his eyes away. He can't look at Sebastian with shame in his eyes, not over this. He feels his own erection wither a bit as Sebastian stares into him with a fierce fire in his blacker than green eyes. "I didn't mean to…"
"This is about us, remember?" Sebastian reminds him, folding Kurt up in his arms while still looking in his eyes. "I mean, whether you realize it or not, I'm standing in a pretty big shadow, one that's kinda hard to forget sometimes…"
Kurt opens his mouth to object, but Sebastian kisses him quickly to keep him from interrupting.
"…but you have to realize that this is different," Sebastian continues. "This is special because…"
Sebastian stops, catching Kurt's eyes again, as dark as his own.
"Because…" Kurt says, wanting Sebastian to finish.
"Because you're a person I've fantasized doing this with," Sebastian admits, "and I'm not a big one for daydreaming."
Kurt smiles, wondering when these dreams started, how long have they been going on…
"A person?" Kurt kids. "You mean there's been more than one fantasy guy?"
Sebastian looks up at the skylight over his head and quietly debates how badly he wants to be teased before he answers.
"Well, Chris Evans is a given…"
"Chris Evans?" Kurt asks with an eyebrow raised. "Really? You have a thing for superheroes?"
"Uh…maybe," Sebastian stutters, looking so young with the scarlet blush that rises to his cheeks.
"So, are we talking Human Torch Chris Evans, or Captain America Chris Evans?" Kurt pursues, seeing this opportunity to rib Sebastian and unable to let it go unexploited.
"Can we stop talking about this?" Sebastian asks with darting eyes and nervous laughter. Kurt can't help but remember the way they had giggled nervously into each other's necks that day they had staged an interruption so that Sebastian's mom would be convinced they were truly dating. Kurt would have never predicted that this is the way sex would be for them - light and fun and full of good-natured teasing, not always a need for heavy, serious romance, though they obviously have that, too. They have a balance, with no feeling off limits.
And Kurt prefers it that way.
"Alright then…how about we talk about your fantasy," Kurt says, looping his arms around Sebastian's neck. "How did you see me?"
Sebastian stares at Kurt, and Kurt can see in his eyes that he's looking for words to explain. Kurt smiles. Speechless Sebastian is fast becoming Kurt's favorite version Sebastian - a Sebastian who, with all his myriad experience, is completely blown away by this thing they have between them.
"Sit in my lap?" Sebastian asks. He stretches his legs out in front of him and Kurt climbs on top of him. Kurt sits on Sebastian's thighs, his cock resting alongside Sebastian's, the thrill of being completely naked and so close to him fantastically overwhelming.
"Why like this?" Kurt asks in a whisper.
"So, I can kiss you…so I can look in your eyes…so I can touch you. I just want you close to me. This seems like the best way. And you said…" Sebastian looks down and a shy smile touches his lips. "You said you wanted me inside of you…but if you want something else…"
"No," Kurt says. "I like this."
"Yeah?" Sebastian pauses a moment to give Kurt time to change his mind, but he doesn't. "Okay." Sebastian reaches around behind him, under his pillow for a condom (several condoms strung together come up and Kurt looks away so as not to laugh, wondering if it was Julian or Sebastian who was so excited that they busted out the economy pack) and a bottle of lube. Sebastian tears open the packet, but Kurt takes the condom from Sebastian's fingers and carefully rolls it down Sebastian's length, with Sebastian watching on as if Kurt had just transformed in front of his eyes into some magical creature.
"That's…that's really hot," Sebastian says, letting Kurt take the lube from his hand, watching him squirt a dollop into his palm and coat his cock with it. "My fingers, too, babe?" Sebastian asks, holding up his right hand. "So I can open you up…"
"Right," Kurt says, feeling a little silly for forgetting. He hasn't bottomed in…God, he doesn't want to think how long. It would really suck if his first time with Sebastian hurt. Kurt squirts a good deal of the lube on Sebastian's fingers and spreads it around. Then he raises an eyebrow, and puts quite a bit more, which makes Sebastian laugh. He swats the bottle out of Kurt's hand when it doesn't look like Kurt is going to stop.
"I think that's enough," he says, putting his un-lubed hand on Kurt's cheek and spreading him apart.
"Are you sure?" Kurt asks, coyly. "Because I've seen what you're bringing to this party, and I want to be prepared if I ooooh…"
Sebastian circles Kurt's entrance with his finger and then finds an unmarked spot on Kurt's neck to suck. The sensations connect somewhere in the middle of Kurt's body, bringing dormant nerves to life.
"How does that feel?" Sebastian asks as he starts a new mark on Kurt's shoulder.
"That…that feels…ooooh…" Kurt stutters.
God, it has been a long time.
"Does that feel good, babe?" Sebastian mutters between kisses, sucking the words into Kurt's skin in the form of purple bruises. "Do you like that?"
"Yes," Kurt whimpers, waiting for Sebastian to push his finger inside, up to the first knuckle, before pushing himself down over it. "Oh, yes…Sebastian…" Kurt moans and Sebastian sucks, kissing his way across Kurt's collarbone to the hollow of his throat.
"What is it, love?" Sebastian asks, searching inside Kurt's body for that one special place that will…
"Sebastian!" Kurt squeals, tightening his arms around Sebastian's neck, pulling in closer in search of more while trying to get friction for his aching cock somewhere, anywhere on Sebastian's body. "Oh, God! Do that again!"
"You mean this…" Sebastian finds the spot again and rubs it lightly with the pad of his finger, biting his lower lip when Kurt nearly jumps out of his lap.
"Oh, yes!" Kurt moans, pushing his body down on Sebastian's finger in hopes that he'll do that again, repeatedly, if possible. "God, do that! Do that and don't stop!"
Sebastian adds another finger, fucking Kurt slowly with them, finding that spot again and brushing over it, but only once out of every three strokes, until Kurt's eyes have rolled to the back of his skull and he's the one begging - for more, for Sebastian, for now.
"Okay, darling," Sebastian says, removing his fingers and replacing them with his cock quickly when the cry that comes from Kurt's mouth sounds needy and desperate - a sound mirrored in his voice as well.
Sebastian holds Kurt's hips and moves into him, inching slowly, because even though he's fairly open, Kurt is still tight as hell.
"Oh…" Kurt moans, his first instinct to close his eyes and let his body absorb the sensation of Sebastian filling him up, but Sebastian wants to look in his eyes, and Kurt doesn't want to deprive him of that.
"Is that…are you…"
Kurt chuckles softly at how flummoxed Sebastian sounds. He knows Sebastian. He's seen him with other boys, seen him play with them like toys. He's seen Sebastian treat men he's slept with like he didn't even remember their names the next day. In fact, the nonchalant attitude Sebastian seemed to have about sex overall made Kurt cringe, made him believe there was no way he could ever enter into a physical relationship with Sebastian Smythe. That was before Kurt knew better, even if he doesn't know it all.
So watching Sebastian fumble over words while he's inside Kurt's body, feeling the way his hands shake as they try to find a place to grab hold, is endearing. Kurt had assumed Sebastian would be a virtuoso between the sheets. But this sweet, anxious teenaged boy - this is the side of Sebastian that Kurt really wants for their first time.
"Oh, God, Sebastian," Kurt moans, moving up over his cock and sliding down swiftly again, "you feel incredible…"
That statement seems to bring some of Sebastian's bravado back, reminding him that he knows what he's doing beyond biting his own tongue, and he drags his fingertips lightly down Kurt's spine, gifting Kurt with kisses, sensual and powerful kisses, every time Kurt's mouth comes within reach. Kurt finds himself stopping, sitting in Sebastian's lap and surrendering to his mouth for nearly a full minute between.
Which is fine with Kurt. He's in no hurry for this to be over.
"Is this anything like the fantasy?" Kurt breathes against Sebastian's mouth.
"God, no," Sebastian moans when Kurt rises up again and sinks back down. "It's better. Just like everything with you here with me. It's so much better."
Sebastian's gaze locked on Kurt's is intense, overpowering. It's a tangible thing, bringing color to Kurt's cheeks and making him feel somewhat conquered…but more than anything, loved. The newness of this experience amazes Kurt. He gets to have a first time all over again, and he's fortunate because it's not some kind of revenge fuck or one night stand.
It's with a man he loves.
Kurt moves quicker when Sebastian reaches for his cock and wraps his fingers around it, stroking him slowly no matter how fast he moves, keeping Kurt on the beveled edge of cumming by holding him tight when he tries to fuck up into the tight channel of Sebastian's fist. It's aggravating to be kept wanting like this, but Kurt is grateful, too, because he doesn't want this to end. He wants this feeling of being full of Sebastian, surrounded by Sebastian, made complete because of Sebastian, to linger on and on and on. They reach for each other, free hands finding each other the way they always seem to, like they were meant to. They clasp together, fingers lacing, held down at Kurt's side. Sebastian kisses Kurt's chest, his hot breath ghosting over his nipple, and Kurt arches his back, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Look at me, Kurt," Sebastian whispers. "Please, look at me."
Kurt opens his eyes and words fail him. Sebastian's eyes stare into him, seeing Kurt for who he is. They look him raw, full of love, full of pain, full of hope and want, giving him everything - Sebastian giving him everything. Kurt wants to say something, wants to tell Sebastian what he feels in the now, before it slips away too far and he can't put words to it. This is a moment for declarations, for confessions, for promises he'll fight tooth and nail to keep. He opens his mouth, but outside of soft, muffled moans, he can't remember how to speak, so he raises a hand to his lips, kisses two fingers, and then presses those fingers to Sebastian's chest above his heart. Sebastian does the same, pulling Kurt close and kissing his chest, right where Kurt's heart beats against his lips.
Kurt feels his entire self fall into Sebastian with every drop over him, and it's everything Kurt wanted from this - being open, being vulnerable, belonging to someone he loves, who loves him in return. At the last second, right before he cums, before this magical bond between them crescendos and then lifts away, Sebastian holds him in his arms, rocking their bodies together so that when they cum, they cum as close to together as humanly possible, and Sebastian can feel it reverberate inside him.
"God," Sebastian mutters, cumming inside Kurt's body - with a condom between them but still. The word, with more to follow, comes out in half breaths, not fully spoken. "Jesus fucking Christ…"
Kurt chirps out a laugh into Sebastian's shoulder.
"Is that…is that all you can say?" he asks, waiting for Sebastian to unleash more expletives and a witty comeback, but he doesn't. Kurt feels Sebastian draw in a long breath that shudders, then hears a sniffle by his ear. He leans back to look into Sebastian's face just as he tries to turn away, but Kurt catches his face in his hands before he can duck his eyes. Kurt swipes his thumb across Sebastian's cheekbone, over a spot that glistens slightly in the gentle flicker of honey-colored candlelight. Sebastian lifts his face as Kurt brings his thumb to his eyes.
His thumb is wet, a single tear drying into his skin.
"Sebastian…" Kurt says, candlelight from outside reflecting in his eyes, making them glow, "are you…are you crying?"
Sebastian looks at Kurt's thumb, almost with hatred at the absorbed tear, but most definitely with embarrassment.
"It's one tear," Sebastian grumbles, wiping his cheek. "I must have sand in my eyes…or something. It doesn't mean I'm crying. It doesn't mean anything…and even if I was, you don't have to make fun of me."
Kurt looks into Sebastian's face, erasing any semblance of humor from his expression.
"I'm not making fun of you," Kurt says, shaking his head. "I'm not. And even if you were crying, I wouldn't make fun of you for that. Never."
Sebastian kisses Kurt again, kisses that are warm and beg for comfort, and Kurt gives them up freely. Sebastian lays Kurt down carefully on the blanket, pulling out and fussing with the condom quickly so he can return to his boyfriend. Kurt feels the soft slide of fabric against his skin as Sebastian grabs his shirt and wipes down Kurt's abs and his chest.
Sebastian kisses the back of Kurt's neck and Kurt expects to hear an I love you follow from Sebastian's lips, but what he says is very different, and somewhat confusing.
"You are a good thing," Sebastian says, cleaning away every last bit of Kurt's cum, then balling up the tee and pitching it in the corner.
Kurt looks at him and frowns, not comprehending the statement.
"In the Mustang, on the beach, you asked me if you're a good thing," Sebastian explains, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist and fitting his body behind his. "I didn't answer you then. I had an answer, but I…I couldn't say it at the time." Sebastian makes a noise, six steps from a scoff and slightly above a laugh. "I was stupid. But you are, Kurt. You are a good thing."
After feeling, at least a little bit, that there must be something wrong with him if the person he was so used to hearing I love you from could simply let him go, listening to Sebastian repeat, "You are a good thing, Kurt Hummel," is almost as good as an I love you.
Almost.
"Thank you," Kurt whispers, pulling Sebastian down to kiss him, which he does, again and again until Kurt doesn't breathe comfortably unless Sebastian is kissing him.
Then Sebastian whispers I love you, and Kurt's perfect evening is complete.
Sebastian turns Kurt gently away from him and kisses along his shoulders. Kurt lies with his hands wedged under his head, the warmth of Sebastian's body surrounding him. He feels a chill but it can't seem to touch him. There is no cold as long as Sebastian is with him.
"Should we move back inside for the night?" Sebastian asks, his hands locked around Kurt's waist like he never wants to let him go.
"You know, I think I'm comfortable right where I am," Kurt says, leaning back to kiss Sebastian on the cheek. Sebastian wraps the blanket over Kurt's body as a fork of lighting brightens the night sky. "Yeah," Kurt hums, turning in Sebastian's arms and pressing his smiling lips to his boyfriend's skin, "I think I could stay like this for a while."