sex politic

[fmephisto]

Last night went over to House Robot for robust conversation and consumption of social drugs. Nice to see so many of that beloved crew in one place, as it doesn't happen nearly as often as it used to. A and I talked a good deal over the evening, and although there are small tensions as we get back in the habit of being around one another, I'm

Comments

[pixivixen]

yeah, i have been contemplating this one myself.
i have spent the last 8 years in 2 different very intense long term relationships. while they were both entered into with the best of intentions, they both resulted in me spending some period of time focusing all of my energy on the other person while sacrificing my own needs in hopes of making this person happy, and failing miserably. it occurs to me that this never actually works. how do we get it into our heads that someone else is supposed to make us happy? what makes us think we can actually do it for others? how can so many people go their whole lives without even really trying to do it themselves? it has been so long since i have been in a position to make myself happy that i dont even know where to begin, but i know i will not accomplish any of my creative goals any other way. at this point i am so terribly drained an exhausted by all of this that i cannot picture relating to another person who has not already known me for several years. the prospect of the next year in another country has become sort of terrifying, and i think i will be even more likely to stay celibate now than i would have been if i were still in a relationship.

[fmephisto]

I'm definitely wary of that sort of intensive self-sacrifice for a partner's happiness, even if it's me who is the one trying to be made happy. That seems to be a source of instability that will eventually shake things apart. Of course there is usually some level of sacrifice in any relationship, but there is also a reasonable upper limit.

Although how to determine that limit is a whole other maze...