Prompt 158, Religious Faith "Do You Believe in God, Roy?"
Title: Do You Believe in God, Roy?
Author: gretchen8642
Series: Manga/Brotherhood
Word Count: 2095
Rating: R
Character(s): Roy, Maes, OC
Summary: An extended re-written version of my fic Beautiful, who a number of you wished was not limited by a word count. It fit this prompt very well. Changed a lot, added a lot, hopefully it works.
Author's Notes: for bay115 for making me a big bang banner <333
“Do you believe in god, Roy?” Maes eyes sparkled behind his glasses. “Most alchemists don’t, I heard.”
Roy thought about it. Madame had never made him go to church, his school had never told him about god or heaven or anything... he wondered, though. “It’s unlikely that there’s some big old man in the sky who made everything. Almost everything you see has science behind it.”
“I figured you’d say that.” Maes laughed. “I don’t really buy most of the stories in the holy book either, to be honest. But it’s kinda nice, I guess. To think that there’s someone watching. That there’s souls and purpose and that kinda bullshit.”
Roy shook his head, smiling. “It’s nice, doesn’t make it any easier to believe.”
---
Maybe that was for the best, in retrospect. Roy had spent much of his life disobeying the edicts of the god who ruled in Amestris, with his love of sex, power, lack of humility...
Do good for goodness sake, not for the sake of some deity who gets mad when you don’t.
Treat people right even if they don’t like your god, even if they are different.
The world is full of people. Some are brown and some are short and some have red eyes. God hates some of them. Roy didn’t.
God hated Ishbal. God hated Xing. God hated whores and faggots and those who defied orders. God, in essence, was a fantastic tool for the government to keep control. God created divisions, god created hatred, and god did enough good on the side to keep good-hearted people content.
Maybe Roy was a bit of a cynic.
But then again, considering his recent... transgression into even less godly extracurricular activities, he supposed a bit of cynicism was to be expected.
---
He’d recently been noticing men in the same way he did women. In particular, he noticed Maes Hughes as they ran together around the race track. He noticed the way white shirts highlighted his muscles, he noticed the bead of sweat that ran down his neck. He noticed his own desire to put his tongue on that neck.
Roy spent a great deal of his time recently thinking about Maes Hughes, imagining what his hands would feel like against his bare skin. He dated women, of course. He was a good looking man, in a world of men who pillaged and conquered for a living. It’d seem strange if he didn’t have a different naked woman in his bed every night.
He’d close his eyes and think of Maes. His best friend’s hand, his chest, his cock, pressing in... he wondered if it would hurt. He wondered if Maes would like it. His hips sped up, pumping, pressing. Yes... yes...
It became a habit for him to kiss them the whole time so he wouldn’t have to hear their voices.
Rough and raw, hard and desperate... Maes... Maes...
He saw stars when he came, he bit his lip so he wouldn’t cry out that name.
God help him if anyone heard. If any of them found out... if any of them...
---
Maes was with him most of the time these days. They ate together, they trained together, showered together... sometimes when it was cold in the dorm, Maes would crawl into his bed and they’d sleep together.
“Do you believe in anything, Roy? Souls or heaven or...” Maes asked one night as he cuddled up to his friend.
He thought about it. “I believe in the tendency of man to act in his own self interest. I believe that there is inherent beauty in the world.. like the way a raindrop casts an upside down image. Or the sound a feather makes when you press apart the barbs. I don’t believe any part of you exists after death except through the memories of others. I believe in love, and friendship.”
Maes laughed. “That’s pretty gay, bud.”
Roy punched him in the arm and hogged the blanket. Best night of sleep he’d had in ages.
Maes was gone in the morning, probably in the shower and probably not thinking about Roy at all.
Roy was content with that, he thought. It was enough. Maes wasn’t gay, that was obvious.
And Roy promised himself he’d never tell Maes how he felt. It wasn’t worth the risk. He’d never had a friend like Maes before, he’d never felt a love like this for another man before... and besides.
He knew what happened to faggots in the military. He knew what they did to boys who liked other boys.
Boy found beaten to death at Military Academy- sodomised and left to bleed to death- no comments from the school officials- rumor has it he was queer.
Female crossdresser cadet raped and hanged- found to bind her breasts and impersonate men- is the military being infiltrated by perverts?
It wasn’t much better in the locker rooms- cadets would snarl on about queer this, fag that, fights had broken out in the shower because of an errant erection. Bones broken, thrown out of the military. Faggot, faggot, faggot.
He found a boy locked in the supply closet once, pretty and damaged and crying. Had a picture of a guy in his bedroom, no fags in the military, god hates faggots, bitch deserved what he got. Roy helped him to his feet and saw the bloodstain on the back of his trousers.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
He couldn’t bear the thought of being found out. He’d lose Maes... get him hurt or killed. It wasn’t worth the risk.
---
It was safe in the bar. Madame was known for her discretion, plus she loved him and all that... it wasn’t long before a beautiful man came into the bar and caught Roy’s eye.
Roy looked at him, imagined him naked, and smiled just a tiny bit.
“You’re pretty.” The man purred, green eyes twinkling. “I’ve seen you around before, I think.”
“Yeah, Madame’s basically my mother.”
He smiled. “I bet you get lots of free drinks.”
Roy scoffed. “You don’t know Madame.”
There was a pause. “You wanna go upstairs?”
“I’m not gay.” Roy said automatically.
He laughed. “No one is. Jamie.” He said, extending a strong hand. Strong hand, strong jaw, sharp eyes... he reminded Roy of Maes.
“Roy.” He replied, grasping that strong hand and feeling the heat radiate from it. “Show me. Teach me.”
Jamie led him into one of the vacant rooms in the bar and began to unbutton Roy’s shirt, then his own. “Just sit back.” He said softly. “I’ll be gentle.”
“No.” Roy insisted. Maes wasn’t gentle. Maes was hard and wild, Maes had fun with it, he was only gentle with women. “No. Do what feels right.”
Jamie smiled, shirt sliding from his shoulders onto the floor. “As you wish, Roy.”
Roy slid back onto the bed, propped up on his elbows, watching Jamie take off his pants. His heart was racing, his cock aching, he slid a hand down his own stomach to touch himself and Jamie stopped him.
“Ah ah. Let me.”
What followed was possibly the best blowjob Roy had ever received in his life, or it might have been if Jamie had allowed him to reach climax. Instead he kissed Roy’s chest and neck, lubed himself up, and pressed inside.
Roy cried out in pain as Jamie filled him, fisting the sheets, tears pricking the corners of his eyes... but god... good god... He let himself relax, let himself be penetrated. Yes.. His whole body quivered as they moved together- nothing mechanical about it, he whimpered in pleasure, he tore at the blanket.
His eyes were open the whole time.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes yes.
Jamie stared at him when they finished, touching Roy’s chest idly, a languid smile on his lips.
“You really are beautiful.” He said quietly.
“So they tell me.”
“You’ve never fucked a guy before?”
Roy shook his head. “Never really considered it.”
“So what changed?”
Maes. Maes Hughes had ruined everything.
The silence was explanation enough. Jamie smiled and snuggled into Roy’s shoulder. “So who is he?”
“No one. I want to go again.”
Jamie was happy to oblige.
---
He saw Jamie pretty often after that, mostly at the bar, once or twice at Jamie’s apartment. He loved to touch that body, he loved the way men’s hands felt on his chest, his face, his cock.
He was discovering a whole new part of himself, the feral pleasures that came from unrestrained lovemaking with another man. He was learning about men, as well, that to be gay wasn’t to be effeminate, that love was love was love.
He was happy. Happier than he’d been with any of the random girls he’d spent a night with. Happy like when he was with Riza. Happy like when he was with Maes.
They learned more about one another too. Jamie worked at some restaurant, wanted to be a chef one day. And he found out Roy was in the military. That was surprising.
“A sweet thing like you? I can’t see it. You be careful, okay? Those meatheads won’t appreciate you for your mind like they should. I mean... just, be careful, okay? I don’t like reading about my friends in the obituaries.”
Roy just rolled his eyes and put Jamie’s cock into his mouth.
---
Jamie came to meet Roy at the academy once, spotted him as he was heading back to his dorm with Maes.
Panic rose in Roy’s throat. Oh no.
“Roy!” Jamie trotted over; beautiful and masculine, golden hair gleaming. “Hey! You free?”
“We have plans.” Maes said quickly, tone wary.
“Oh.” Jamie looked him up and down. “Oh...”
“Ah crap, sorry, I promised my roommate we’d hang out today. Another time, I promise.” Roy touched his shoulder, Jamie smiled warmly. Their eyes locked, Roy’s heart fluttered.
“Roy? Who is this?” Maes said, surely sounding a bit more possessive than he meant to.
Roy swallowed.
Jamie crossed his arms. “I’m Jamie. We’re friends. We met at the bar.”
Maes took a step closer to Roy. “Yeah. I’m Maes.” He muttered.
“Well. I won’t keep you.” Jamie embraced Roy goodbye, stealing a kiss on the neck that left Roy’s ears red. “See you.”
Maes pulled Roy close, eyes narrow. “Watch it.” He growled, and Jamie smiled.
“You didn’t tell me it was like that, Roy.” There was pain on Jamie’s face as he approached Maes, eyes skimming down his chest. Maes was beautiful, and Jamie was noticing.
It’s not like that. He wanted to say. It isn’t, it isn’t. It never will be.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
God, Roy suspected, would have a nasty sense of humor.
Jamie pressed his lips up against Maes’ ear. “We slept together.” He whispered.
He didn’t have time to duck before Maes’ fist collided with his face.
God always seemed like an asshole.
---
They didn’t talk about it, Roy and Maes.
It was out in the open, then, that Roy was an alleged faggot. At least Maes had the mercy to keep his opinions to himself about it. At least he wasn’t spreading rumors around the academy. At least he hadn’t requested a room change.
Jamie had left that day and didn’t come back to the academy again. Roy avoided the bar after that, too ashamed to face Jamie.
Nothing happened with Maes. Nothing ever happened with Maes. And Jamie...
Maes stopped climbing into bed with Roy after that. He stopped hugging him as often. Maybe Roy was imagining it.
He ached all the time, ached for Jamie, ached for Maes. If he wasn’t such a damn coward he’d pick up the phone and tell Jamie he was falling in love. He’d tell Maes that he liked men sometimes that he’d never do anything to spoil their friendship and that he loved him like a brother and a lover and a friend and...
Central Times! Gay found dead in the park- Jamie Lanark, local chef, sodomized and killed by gang of teenagers. More on the queer epidemic inside!
Roy put his head in his hands and sobbed.
Maes approached softly, unsure, words caught in his throat.
All he could do was embrace him from behind and promise everything would be okay.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
Do you believe in god?
Author: gretchen8642
Series: Manga/Brotherhood
Word Count: 2095
Rating: R
Character(s): Roy, Maes, OC
Summary: An extended re-written version of my fic Beautiful, who a number of you wished was not limited by a word count. It fit this prompt very well. Changed a lot, added a lot, hopefully it works.
Author's Notes: for bay115 for making me a big bang banner <333
“Do you believe in god, Roy?” Maes eyes sparkled behind his glasses. “Most alchemists don’t, I heard.”
Roy thought about it. Madame had never made him go to church, his school had never told him about god or heaven or anything... he wondered, though. “It’s unlikely that there’s some big old man in the sky who made everything. Almost everything you see has science behind it.”
“I figured you’d say that.” Maes laughed. “I don’t really buy most of the stories in the holy book either, to be honest. But it’s kinda nice, I guess. To think that there’s someone watching. That there’s souls and purpose and that kinda bullshit.”
Roy shook his head, smiling. “It’s nice, doesn’t make it any easier to believe.”
---
Maybe that was for the best, in retrospect. Roy had spent much of his life disobeying the edicts of the god who ruled in Amestris, with his love of sex, power, lack of humility...
Do good for goodness sake, not for the sake of some deity who gets mad when you don’t.
Treat people right even if they don’t like your god, even if they are different.
The world is full of people. Some are brown and some are short and some have red eyes. God hates some of them. Roy didn’t.
God hated Ishbal. God hated Xing. God hated whores and faggots and those who defied orders. God, in essence, was a fantastic tool for the government to keep control. God created divisions, god created hatred, and god did enough good on the side to keep good-hearted people content.
Maybe Roy was a bit of a cynic.
But then again, considering his recent... transgression into even less godly extracurricular activities, he supposed a bit of cynicism was to be expected.
---
He’d recently been noticing men in the same way he did women. In particular, he noticed Maes Hughes as they ran together around the race track. He noticed the way white shirts highlighted his muscles, he noticed the bead of sweat that ran down his neck. He noticed his own desire to put his tongue on that neck.
Roy spent a great deal of his time recently thinking about Maes Hughes, imagining what his hands would feel like against his bare skin. He dated women, of course. He was a good looking man, in a world of men who pillaged and conquered for a living. It’d seem strange if he didn’t have a different naked woman in his bed every night.
He’d close his eyes and think of Maes. His best friend’s hand, his chest, his cock, pressing in... he wondered if it would hurt. He wondered if Maes would like it. His hips sped up, pumping, pressing. Yes... yes...
It became a habit for him to kiss them the whole time so he wouldn’t have to hear their voices.
Rough and raw, hard and desperate... Maes... Maes...
He saw stars when he came, he bit his lip so he wouldn’t cry out that name.
God help him if anyone heard. If any of them found out... if any of them...
---
Maes was with him most of the time these days. They ate together, they trained together, showered together... sometimes when it was cold in the dorm, Maes would crawl into his bed and they’d sleep together.
“Do you believe in anything, Roy? Souls or heaven or...” Maes asked one night as he cuddled up to his friend.
He thought about it. “I believe in the tendency of man to act in his own self interest. I believe that there is inherent beauty in the world.. like the way a raindrop casts an upside down image. Or the sound a feather makes when you press apart the barbs. I don’t believe any part of you exists after death except through the memories of others. I believe in love, and friendship.”
Maes laughed. “That’s pretty gay, bud.”
Roy punched him in the arm and hogged the blanket. Best night of sleep he’d had in ages.
Maes was gone in the morning, probably in the shower and probably not thinking about Roy at all.
Roy was content with that, he thought. It was enough. Maes wasn’t gay, that was obvious.
And Roy promised himself he’d never tell Maes how he felt. It wasn’t worth the risk. He’d never had a friend like Maes before, he’d never felt a love like this for another man before... and besides.
He knew what happened to faggots in the military. He knew what they did to boys who liked other boys.
Boy found beaten to death at Military Academy- sodomised and left to bleed to death- no comments from the school officials- rumor has it he was queer.
Female crossdresser cadet raped and hanged- found to bind her breasts and impersonate men- is the military being infiltrated by perverts?
It wasn’t much better in the locker rooms- cadets would snarl on about queer this, fag that, fights had broken out in the shower because of an errant erection. Bones broken, thrown out of the military. Faggot, faggot, faggot.
He found a boy locked in the supply closet once, pretty and damaged and crying. Had a picture of a guy in his bedroom, no fags in the military, god hates faggots, bitch deserved what he got. Roy helped him to his feet and saw the bloodstain on the back of his trousers.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
He couldn’t bear the thought of being found out. He’d lose Maes... get him hurt or killed. It wasn’t worth the risk.
---
It was safe in the bar. Madame was known for her discretion, plus she loved him and all that... it wasn’t long before a beautiful man came into the bar and caught Roy’s eye.
Roy looked at him, imagined him naked, and smiled just a tiny bit.
“You’re pretty.” The man purred, green eyes twinkling. “I’ve seen you around before, I think.”
“Yeah, Madame’s basically my mother.”
He smiled. “I bet you get lots of free drinks.”
Roy scoffed. “You don’t know Madame.”
There was a pause. “You wanna go upstairs?”
“I’m not gay.” Roy said automatically.
He laughed. “No one is. Jamie.” He said, extending a strong hand. Strong hand, strong jaw, sharp eyes... he reminded Roy of Maes.
“Roy.” He replied, grasping that strong hand and feeling the heat radiate from it. “Show me. Teach me.”
Jamie led him into one of the vacant rooms in the bar and began to unbutton Roy’s shirt, then his own. “Just sit back.” He said softly. “I’ll be gentle.”
“No.” Roy insisted. Maes wasn’t gentle. Maes was hard and wild, Maes had fun with it, he was only gentle with women. “No. Do what feels right.”
Jamie smiled, shirt sliding from his shoulders onto the floor. “As you wish, Roy.”
Roy slid back onto the bed, propped up on his elbows, watching Jamie take off his pants. His heart was racing, his cock aching, he slid a hand down his own stomach to touch himself and Jamie stopped him.
“Ah ah. Let me.”
What followed was possibly the best blowjob Roy had ever received in his life, or it might have been if Jamie had allowed him to reach climax. Instead he kissed Roy’s chest and neck, lubed himself up, and pressed inside.
Roy cried out in pain as Jamie filled him, fisting the sheets, tears pricking the corners of his eyes... but god... good god... He let himself relax, let himself be penetrated. Yes.. His whole body quivered as they moved together- nothing mechanical about it, he whimpered in pleasure, he tore at the blanket.
His eyes were open the whole time.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes yes.
Jamie stared at him when they finished, touching Roy’s chest idly, a languid smile on his lips.
“You really are beautiful.” He said quietly.
“So they tell me.”
“You’ve never fucked a guy before?”
Roy shook his head. “Never really considered it.”
“So what changed?”
Maes. Maes Hughes had ruined everything.
The silence was explanation enough. Jamie smiled and snuggled into Roy’s shoulder. “So who is he?”
“No one. I want to go again.”
Jamie was happy to oblige.
---
He saw Jamie pretty often after that, mostly at the bar, once or twice at Jamie’s apartment. He loved to touch that body, he loved the way men’s hands felt on his chest, his face, his cock.
He was discovering a whole new part of himself, the feral pleasures that came from unrestrained lovemaking with another man. He was learning about men, as well, that to be gay wasn’t to be effeminate, that love was love was love.
He was happy. Happier than he’d been with any of the random girls he’d spent a night with. Happy like when he was with Riza. Happy like when he was with Maes.
They learned more about one another too. Jamie worked at some restaurant, wanted to be a chef one day. And he found out Roy was in the military. That was surprising.
“A sweet thing like you? I can’t see it. You be careful, okay? Those meatheads won’t appreciate you for your mind like they should. I mean... just, be careful, okay? I don’t like reading about my friends in the obituaries.”
Roy just rolled his eyes and put Jamie’s cock into his mouth.
---
Jamie came to meet Roy at the academy once, spotted him as he was heading back to his dorm with Maes.
Panic rose in Roy’s throat. Oh no.
“Roy!” Jamie trotted over; beautiful and masculine, golden hair gleaming. “Hey! You free?”
“We have plans.” Maes said quickly, tone wary.
“Oh.” Jamie looked him up and down. “Oh...”
“Ah crap, sorry, I promised my roommate we’d hang out today. Another time, I promise.” Roy touched his shoulder, Jamie smiled warmly. Their eyes locked, Roy’s heart fluttered.
“Roy? Who is this?” Maes said, surely sounding a bit more possessive than he meant to.
Roy swallowed.
Jamie crossed his arms. “I’m Jamie. We’re friends. We met at the bar.”
Maes took a step closer to Roy. “Yeah. I’m Maes.” He muttered.
“Well. I won’t keep you.” Jamie embraced Roy goodbye, stealing a kiss on the neck that left Roy’s ears red. “See you.”
Maes pulled Roy close, eyes narrow. “Watch it.” He growled, and Jamie smiled.
“You didn’t tell me it was like that, Roy.” There was pain on Jamie’s face as he approached Maes, eyes skimming down his chest. Maes was beautiful, and Jamie was noticing.
It’s not like that. He wanted to say. It isn’t, it isn’t. It never will be.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
God, Roy suspected, would have a nasty sense of humor.
Jamie pressed his lips up against Maes’ ear. “We slept together.” He whispered.
He didn’t have time to duck before Maes’ fist collided with his face.
God always seemed like an asshole.
---
They didn’t talk about it, Roy and Maes.
It was out in the open, then, that Roy was an alleged faggot. At least Maes had the mercy to keep his opinions to himself about it. At least he wasn’t spreading rumors around the academy. At least he hadn’t requested a room change.
Jamie had left that day and didn’t come back to the academy again. Roy avoided the bar after that, too ashamed to face Jamie.
Nothing happened with Maes. Nothing ever happened with Maes. And Jamie...
Maes stopped climbing into bed with Roy after that. He stopped hugging him as often. Maybe Roy was imagining it.
He ached all the time, ached for Jamie, ached for Maes. If he wasn’t such a damn coward he’d pick up the phone and tell Jamie he was falling in love. He’d tell Maes that he liked men sometimes that he’d never do anything to spoil their friendship and that he loved him like a brother and a lover and a friend and...
Central Times! Gay found dead in the park- Jamie Lanark, local chef, sodomized and killed by gang of teenagers. More on the queer epidemic inside!
Roy put his head in his hands and sobbed.
Maes approached softly, unsure, words caught in his throat.
All he could do was embrace him from behind and promise everything would be okay.
Do you believe in god, Roy?
Do you believe in god?