Hiding it [Roy/Ed, Al, Roy's team; PG-13]
Title: Hiding it
Author: baroqueangel
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Angst, swearing, blood
Prompt: Roy/Ed (Brotherhood) - What happens when one of them gets injured? Is their relationship common knowledge? Can they show concern or do they have to ignore whatever’s going on between them to focus on the assignment/their mission?
Words: 2173
Summary: Why is showing concern for the person you love a bad thing? Why can’t you show that you love him?
Disclaimer: Arakawa owns all, I just play with the boys a little.
A.N: Done for the fma_cya comm. I was determined to get this in on time; I hope whoever gave the prompt likes it, my brain went off on a tangent as it is wont to do.
Ed scowled, clapped his hands together and slammed them to the ground. Concrete spikes sprang up from the road heading for the man they were pursuing - the man who had just opened fire on them. The spikes moved fast, but the target moved faster. He managed to dodge the brunt of the attack; the spikes catching only his left arm, ripping into clothing and skin alike with equal brutality. He grimaced, grabbed his arm and levelled a glare at Ed before he turned and bolted into the nearest alleyway. Shouts went up from the rest of the pursuit team.
“Follow him! Don’t let him get away.”
“You go that way, we’ll cut him off. He won’t escape this time!”
Falman and Fuery stopped at the alley’s entrance to use the radio to tell the other teams the suspect’s new location and coordinate the capture while Havoc, Hawkeye and Al gave chase, Roy only seconds behind them. The sound of Al’s armour echoed back to the street.
Roy looked around, expecting to see Ed by his side ready to overtake him and beat the shit out of the guy that just shot at them, but there was nobody there. He stopped, spun around, and headed back towards the street leaving the chase to the others so he could find Ed; it wasn’t like the other alchemist to give up a chase like this. At first, he couldn’t see him - the street was a little bumpier than it had been, and thanks to Ed’s new spiked decorations there were parts that weren’t visible from the alley’s entrance at all. He wandered around the spikes calling out Ed’s name. Falman and Fuery watched him with growing concern when they realised that Roy was becoming more and more agitated the longer he received no reply.
It took a few minutes for Roy to finally notice him, and only a few seconds longer for Roy to realise why Ed had not been next to him, running down the alley. The blond was lying on his side, his hand settled limply over a wound with blood pouring through his fingers.
“Ed!” Roy ran to him and fell to his knees next to the blood-covered body. “Ed, speak to me. Ed!” Ed was still, eyes locked closed while he lost more and more blood by the second. It ran down his body where it pooled on the road and soaked into Roy’s blue uniform trousers, turning them a deep black-red colour. Roy acted as quickly as he could. Pushing Ed’s hand aside, he placed his own hands over the wound and pressed hard in an effort to stop the smaller man from losing anymore of this precious liquid.
“Call a medic, Falman, Fuery, get some help. Fullmetal is down. We need a medic over here. Anyone! Help me!” Roy kept the pressure on as Falman made the call, just hoping that the medics arrived quickly.
When the medics arrived, they pushed Roy aside. As he sat sprawled on the ground, he watched them try to save Ed. He listened as if in a cloud as words like ‘shock’ and ‘uncontrollable bleeding’ penetrated the haze around him. He could have cried when the words ‘we’re losing him’ reached his ears. Time slowed down and he stared at his hands and the blood on them like they would hold the answers to Ed’s recovery. Roy couldn’t help but picture the worst case scenario, he couldn’t help but try to lay blame for this on anyone he could. The medics had taken too long; he had noticed too late; Ed should have been quicker dodging the bullets; if they’d had a proper night’s sleep, Ed would have been quicker; it was Roy’s fault, Roy’s fault, his fault!
When Hawkeye placed a hand on his shoulder everything sped back up to real time. He reined in his emotions, shut out that voice that kept telling him things he didn’t want to hear, pushed back the fear that was flooding his brain, and lifted himself to his feet.
“Sir?” Hawkeye’s voice was hesitant, she could see the fear in his eyes and he knew it; she was sharp like that. He worked harder to hide it.
“Let’s leave this to the medics, Hawkeye. I’m sure they’ll take care of Fullmetal.” Still, Roy couldn’t pull himself away from the scene; he felt himself falling into despair once again, but somehow managed to hold it back. He couldn’t let people see his distress, he couldn’t let them know how he was really feeling - he had to be strong right now. He could only watch as Ed was lifted from the floor; he could only watch as Al came running towards them and Roy knew the boy was in panic mode. Roy watched as his lover drifted between life and death and knew he couldn’t show more than the appropriate concern that he should show as a commanding officer. He watched as his whole world was taken away in a medical van before he turned to his team and looked at their worried faces. He envied them right now, being allowed to show so much concern and it not be seen as anything more than it was.
“Let’s get back to work.” Inside, his heart was breaking, but that would have to wait for later. Right now there was work to do. He marched ahead of his team and listened to their softly spoken comments as they wondered why he didn’t seem more upset over Ed. The truth was cruel. He wanted to show more concern, he wanted to be at the blond’s side but he couldn’t. For one thing, there was too much work to do, and he would be angry when he woke up for another. If he woke up.
~~~x~~~x~~~x~~~x~~~
Two hours and a change of clothes later, Roy stood and stared down at the seemingly lifeless form of Ed. He looked so small and fragile, the hospital bed looking huge around him. Needles pierced his skin and bandages covered his torso. Roy hated to see him like this; Ed was usually so full of life. He placed his left hand over Ed’s flesh one, closed his eyes and just wished that the younger man would react to the touch, but there was nothing.
“Come on Ed, you can beat this, I know you can.” Roy rubbed his thumb over Ed’s palm gently, something he often did in bed as Ed lay sleeping in his arms. He wasn’t sure if the action was meant to sooth Ed or himself, but it made him feel like he was doing something useful.
There was a sound outside the door to the room - the handle moved, the door opened and Roy jumped a foot back from the bed just as Hawkeye, Havoc and Al walked in.
“Report, lieutenant.” His voice was level and calm, or at least he hoped it was.
“The doctor says that he should be fine, physically at least. He’s not in any immediate danger. Thankfully, the bullet missed anything vital and the fact that it went straight through meant that they didn’t have to operate. It’s the blood loss that they’re worried about. They’ll know more soon, they have to run some tests first.”
Roy felt relief flood through his body. Ed was fine; he wasn’t going to die. There was still a question hanging over his head but he wasn’t going to die.
“Thank you, Hawkeye. Havoc, what about the suspect?” Roy wanted that bastard caught. Actually, he wanted him beaten and burned to within an inch of his life, but he would settle for captured.
“We got him, sir. He’s been taken to HQ for interrogation.”
“I want you both there. I don’t want him falling through the cracks again.”
“Yes, sir.” Havoc and Hawkeye saluted quickly and then left the room, leaving Roy alone with Al and Ed. Al had been so quiet during the exchange that Roy had almost forgotten he was there, but he could feel the boy watching him now, could feel what passed for the boys eyes focused on him. He turned to look at the suit of armour and smiled softly.
“Why are you smiling? Why aren’t you angrier?” asked Al.
Roy sighed. Al was the only one who knew about the relationship between him and Ed, mostly because Ed had flat-out refused to lie to his only family about it.
“I am angry Al, I want nothing more than to burn the bastard that did this, but knowing that Ed won’t die, knowing he’s alright makes me relieved too.”
“But why aren’t you holding his hand? Why aren’t you doing the things that lovers do?”
Roy wasn’t sure how to explain things to Al. He may be wise beyond his years, but Roy knew that he was still a child in that armour, real body or not.
“I can’t show more concern than I would for any of my subordinates, Al. There are rules, things I have to be careful of, and...”
“What do the rules matter when you’re in love?”
Roy winced at Al’s volume and the anger the boy managed to convey in his words.
“Al, I’m sorry, I just can’t! Please understand. I would love to tell everyone to leave me alone, that the man I love needs me and then to just sit at his side until he wakes up. I would love to hold his hand and kiss his forehead and cry over the fact that I just nearly watched my lover die, but I can’t! I just can’t!” Roy could feel the tears threatening to fall, could tell he was close to breaking down as he begged Al to understand, pleaded with his eyes for the boy to get it.
“Why can’t you? Why is showing concern for the person you love a bad thing? Why can’t you show everyone that you love him?”
“Because he doesn’t want me to!” Roy shouted. He sat on the end of Ed’s bed and placed a hand on the man’s leg. He sighed and looked at his lover’s beaten body. “Because he won’t let me.”
“I don’t understand.”
Roy looked up at Al and smiled sadly.
“He won’t let me, Al. When we’re alone, I shower love on him, I show my concern and he doesn’t mind, but if I show concern in public, well, you know what his temper is like when he thinks that he’s not being listened to.”
“Why won’t he let you? I don’t get what he’s thinking. He loves you so much; why wouldn’t he show it?”
“You don’t get it? He was sure of all people you’d be the one that did. If people knew about us then they’d have something over us. With all the travelling you guys do, I can’t know when he’s safe or not. He’s worried that the bad guys will use him as a way to control me. He knows my goals and doesn’t want to be the reason I don’t achieve them. Pathetic, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” Al sounded confused.
“That he’s the one protecting me. It’s pathetic. I’m his commanding officer, his lover, and yet he’s the one protecting me.”
“He’s good at protecting people. He’s protected me my whole life.”
Roy smiled at Al; they both understood Ed’s need to protect the ones he loved. They both shared that need.
“I love him so much, Al. The only reason I agreed to keep it quiet was so that he wasn’t put in any more danger than he’s usually in. I worry enough about him as it is.”
“Worry...about yourself...bastard.”
Roy’s head shot around and he stared at Ed. The young man was definitely okay if he was already calling him bastard.
“I’ll go get the doctor.” Al touched Ed’s shoulder briefly before leaving the room. As soon as he was gone Roy moved further up the bed. He leant down and kissed Ed’s forehead and a sigh of relief left his body.
“I thought I’d lost you.”
“Not this time.”
Roy looked down at Ed in frustration.
“Don’t talk like that, not even as a joke. You really worried me this time.”
“It takes more than a bullet wound to kill me; I’m not going anywhere for a very long time.”
“You promise?”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily, you know.” Ed smiled up at Roy, and Roy could do nothing but smile back. He kissed Ed’s lips softly and quickly before he stood from the bed. His hand lingered for a moment longer on Ed’s cheek before he moved to stand against the wall. A second later, Al and the doctor entered the room and Roy watched as he checked Ed over and asked him questions.
Ed was safe for now, and would stay that way as long as Roy could protect him, as long as nobody knew about them - as long as they kept hiding their love.
Author: baroqueangel
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Angst, swearing, blood
Prompt: Roy/Ed (Brotherhood) - What happens when one of them gets injured? Is their relationship common knowledge? Can they show concern or do they have to ignore whatever’s going on between them to focus on the assignment/their mission?
Words: 2173
Summary: Why is showing concern for the person you love a bad thing? Why can’t you show that you love him?
Disclaimer: Arakawa owns all, I just play with the boys a little.
A.N: Done for the fma_cya comm. I was determined to get this in on time; I hope whoever gave the prompt likes it, my brain went off on a tangent as it is wont to do.
Ed scowled, clapped his hands together and slammed them to the ground. Concrete spikes sprang up from the road heading for the man they were pursuing - the man who had just opened fire on them. The spikes moved fast, but the target moved faster. He managed to dodge the brunt of the attack; the spikes catching only his left arm, ripping into clothing and skin alike with equal brutality. He grimaced, grabbed his arm and levelled a glare at Ed before he turned and bolted into the nearest alleyway. Shouts went up from the rest of the pursuit team.
“Follow him! Don’t let him get away.”
“You go that way, we’ll cut him off. He won’t escape this time!”
Falman and Fuery stopped at the alley’s entrance to use the radio to tell the other teams the suspect’s new location and coordinate the capture while Havoc, Hawkeye and Al gave chase, Roy only seconds behind them. The sound of Al’s armour echoed back to the street.
Roy looked around, expecting to see Ed by his side ready to overtake him and beat the shit out of the guy that just shot at them, but there was nobody there. He stopped, spun around, and headed back towards the street leaving the chase to the others so he could find Ed; it wasn’t like the other alchemist to give up a chase like this. At first, he couldn’t see him - the street was a little bumpier than it had been, and thanks to Ed’s new spiked decorations there were parts that weren’t visible from the alley’s entrance at all. He wandered around the spikes calling out Ed’s name. Falman and Fuery watched him with growing concern when they realised that Roy was becoming more and more agitated the longer he received no reply.
It took a few minutes for Roy to finally notice him, and only a few seconds longer for Roy to realise why Ed had not been next to him, running down the alley. The blond was lying on his side, his hand settled limply over a wound with blood pouring through his fingers.
“Ed!” Roy ran to him and fell to his knees next to the blood-covered body. “Ed, speak to me. Ed!” Ed was still, eyes locked closed while he lost more and more blood by the second. It ran down his body where it pooled on the road and soaked into Roy’s blue uniform trousers, turning them a deep black-red colour. Roy acted as quickly as he could. Pushing Ed’s hand aside, he placed his own hands over the wound and pressed hard in an effort to stop the smaller man from losing anymore of this precious liquid.
“Call a medic, Falman, Fuery, get some help. Fullmetal is down. We need a medic over here. Anyone! Help me!” Roy kept the pressure on as Falman made the call, just hoping that the medics arrived quickly.
When the medics arrived, they pushed Roy aside. As he sat sprawled on the ground, he watched them try to save Ed. He listened as if in a cloud as words like ‘shock’ and ‘uncontrollable bleeding’ penetrated the haze around him. He could have cried when the words ‘we’re losing him’ reached his ears. Time slowed down and he stared at his hands and the blood on them like they would hold the answers to Ed’s recovery. Roy couldn’t help but picture the worst case scenario, he couldn’t help but try to lay blame for this on anyone he could. The medics had taken too long; he had noticed too late; Ed should have been quicker dodging the bullets; if they’d had a proper night’s sleep, Ed would have been quicker; it was Roy’s fault, Roy’s fault, his fault!
When Hawkeye placed a hand on his shoulder everything sped back up to real time. He reined in his emotions, shut out that voice that kept telling him things he didn’t want to hear, pushed back the fear that was flooding his brain, and lifted himself to his feet.
“Sir?” Hawkeye’s voice was hesitant, she could see the fear in his eyes and he knew it; she was sharp like that. He worked harder to hide it.
“Let’s leave this to the medics, Hawkeye. I’m sure they’ll take care of Fullmetal.” Still, Roy couldn’t pull himself away from the scene; he felt himself falling into despair once again, but somehow managed to hold it back. He couldn’t let people see his distress, he couldn’t let them know how he was really feeling - he had to be strong right now. He could only watch as Ed was lifted from the floor; he could only watch as Al came running towards them and Roy knew the boy was in panic mode. Roy watched as his lover drifted between life and death and knew he couldn’t show more than the appropriate concern that he should show as a commanding officer. He watched as his whole world was taken away in a medical van before he turned to his team and looked at their worried faces. He envied them right now, being allowed to show so much concern and it not be seen as anything more than it was.
“Let’s get back to work.” Inside, his heart was breaking, but that would have to wait for later. Right now there was work to do. He marched ahead of his team and listened to their softly spoken comments as they wondered why he didn’t seem more upset over Ed. The truth was cruel. He wanted to show more concern, he wanted to be at the blond’s side but he couldn’t. For one thing, there was too much work to do, and he would be angry when he woke up for another. If he woke up.
~~~x~~~x~~~x~~~x~~~
Two hours and a change of clothes later, Roy stood and stared down at the seemingly lifeless form of Ed. He looked so small and fragile, the hospital bed looking huge around him. Needles pierced his skin and bandages covered his torso. Roy hated to see him like this; Ed was usually so full of life. He placed his left hand over Ed’s flesh one, closed his eyes and just wished that the younger man would react to the touch, but there was nothing.
“Come on Ed, you can beat this, I know you can.” Roy rubbed his thumb over Ed’s palm gently, something he often did in bed as Ed lay sleeping in his arms. He wasn’t sure if the action was meant to sooth Ed or himself, but it made him feel like he was doing something useful.
There was a sound outside the door to the room - the handle moved, the door opened and Roy jumped a foot back from the bed just as Hawkeye, Havoc and Al walked in.
“Report, lieutenant.” His voice was level and calm, or at least he hoped it was.
“The doctor says that he should be fine, physically at least. He’s not in any immediate danger. Thankfully, the bullet missed anything vital and the fact that it went straight through meant that they didn’t have to operate. It’s the blood loss that they’re worried about. They’ll know more soon, they have to run some tests first.”
Roy felt relief flood through his body. Ed was fine; he wasn’t going to die. There was still a question hanging over his head but he wasn’t going to die.
“Thank you, Hawkeye. Havoc, what about the suspect?” Roy wanted that bastard caught. Actually, he wanted him beaten and burned to within an inch of his life, but he would settle for captured.
“We got him, sir. He’s been taken to HQ for interrogation.”
“I want you both there. I don’t want him falling through the cracks again.”
“Yes, sir.” Havoc and Hawkeye saluted quickly and then left the room, leaving Roy alone with Al and Ed. Al had been so quiet during the exchange that Roy had almost forgotten he was there, but he could feel the boy watching him now, could feel what passed for the boys eyes focused on him. He turned to look at the suit of armour and smiled softly.
“Why are you smiling? Why aren’t you angrier?” asked Al.
Roy sighed. Al was the only one who knew about the relationship between him and Ed, mostly because Ed had flat-out refused to lie to his only family about it.
“I am angry Al, I want nothing more than to burn the bastard that did this, but knowing that Ed won’t die, knowing he’s alright makes me relieved too.”
“But why aren’t you holding his hand? Why aren’t you doing the things that lovers do?”
Roy wasn’t sure how to explain things to Al. He may be wise beyond his years, but Roy knew that he was still a child in that armour, real body or not.
“I can’t show more concern than I would for any of my subordinates, Al. There are rules, things I have to be careful of, and...”
“What do the rules matter when you’re in love?”
Roy winced at Al’s volume and the anger the boy managed to convey in his words.
“Al, I’m sorry, I just can’t! Please understand. I would love to tell everyone to leave me alone, that the man I love needs me and then to just sit at his side until he wakes up. I would love to hold his hand and kiss his forehead and cry over the fact that I just nearly watched my lover die, but I can’t! I just can’t!” Roy could feel the tears threatening to fall, could tell he was close to breaking down as he begged Al to understand, pleaded with his eyes for the boy to get it.
“Why can’t you? Why is showing concern for the person you love a bad thing? Why can’t you show everyone that you love him?”
“Because he doesn’t want me to!” Roy shouted. He sat on the end of Ed’s bed and placed a hand on the man’s leg. He sighed and looked at his lover’s beaten body. “Because he won’t let me.”
“I don’t understand.”
Roy looked up at Al and smiled sadly.
“He won’t let me, Al. When we’re alone, I shower love on him, I show my concern and he doesn’t mind, but if I show concern in public, well, you know what his temper is like when he thinks that he’s not being listened to.”
“Why won’t he let you? I don’t get what he’s thinking. He loves you so much; why wouldn’t he show it?”
“You don’t get it? He was sure of all people you’d be the one that did. If people knew about us then they’d have something over us. With all the travelling you guys do, I can’t know when he’s safe or not. He’s worried that the bad guys will use him as a way to control me. He knows my goals and doesn’t want to be the reason I don’t achieve them. Pathetic, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” Al sounded confused.
“That he’s the one protecting me. It’s pathetic. I’m his commanding officer, his lover, and yet he’s the one protecting me.”
“He’s good at protecting people. He’s protected me my whole life.”
Roy smiled at Al; they both understood Ed’s need to protect the ones he loved. They both shared that need.
“I love him so much, Al. The only reason I agreed to keep it quiet was so that he wasn’t put in any more danger than he’s usually in. I worry enough about him as it is.”
“Worry...about yourself...bastard.”
Roy’s head shot around and he stared at Ed. The young man was definitely okay if he was already calling him bastard.
“I’ll go get the doctor.” Al touched Ed’s shoulder briefly before leaving the room. As soon as he was gone Roy moved further up the bed. He leant down and kissed Ed’s forehead and a sigh of relief left his body.
“I thought I’d lost you.”
“Not this time.”
Roy looked down at Ed in frustration.
“Don’t talk like that, not even as a joke. You really worried me this time.”
“It takes more than a bullet wound to kill me; I’m not going anywhere for a very long time.”
“You promise?”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily, you know.” Ed smiled up at Roy, and Roy could do nothing but smile back. He kissed Ed’s lips softly and quickly before he stood from the bed. His hand lingered for a moment longer on Ed’s cheek before he moved to stand against the wall. A second later, Al and the doctor entered the room and Roy watched as he checked Ed over and asked him questions.
Ed was safe for now, and would stay that way as long as Roy could protect him, as long as nobody knew about them - as long as they kept hiding their love.