(Untitled)

[ny_city_boy]

I was about halfway to the beach when I caught the scent of my sister. Immediately I stopped and stepped into the shadows of the bushes so that I could check my surroundings. There was no telling if she knew what had happened to me or not. She was a slayer and her instincts would be to stake me. I couldn't let that happen. I watched as she

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[icant_saveme]

Why did it have to be one or the other? Harry or my dad? What stupid higher fucking power made the rules to say that one had to be evil? All of this one versus the other or believing one over. Part of me wanted to just say fuck it all and walk away. Except that was a little hard considering I physically couldn't leave this island.

I turned back to him slowly and watched as he step forward. Blinking, I finally raised my eyes to look at him again. He was asking me to look at him and see him. I wanted to, but I also still felt Dad's arms around me and could hear him telling me I was beautiful. I bit the inside of my cheek trying to hold back whatever tears tried to spill out, but wasn't sure how long that was going to last.

"I never really ever hated him," I said finally. "I don't know how many times I've said it out loud, but I never did. Not really. God, I think I hated myself more for not being what he wanted. But now.." I shut my eyes briefly and shook my head. "If he's wrong I don't want to really have to hate him. But I don't want to have to go through with it and kill you either."

The question of whether or not I could do it physically was still up in the air. That was the last thing I was even worried about right now.

[ny_city_boy]

There was something that she said that pushed everything else away. The way she talked made me think that she had talked to him. Did he come for her?

"Nicole, have you seen Dad?" I asked in a quiet voice as I looked at her. It was something that I needed to know and only she could tell me if he came for her.

I knew how hard it was to tune him out, but he wasn't getting her. He walked out on her and he couldn't have her now. Even if I couldn't have my sister, I'd be damned if he got to have her. She was untainted by the Osborn side of violence and abuse and I couldn't let her get dragged into now.

God, I owed her that much. I owed her mother that much.

[icant_saveme]

He asked me if I'd seen Dad and I just froze. Shit. What did I say? I looked away from him again trying to remember where I'd slipped. Did he just know somehow? Swallowing, I avoided his eyes and shook my head a little.

I didn't want to admit to Harry that I'd talked to him, but what I didn't get was why. Why didn't I want him to know? Before it was so he wouldn't try to use it against me. Or maybe because I simply wanted to keep it to myself.

"I..." Risking a glance at him, I could see it in his eyes that he knew I had. Fuck. How was I supposed to answer that? Yeah, there was the truth I guess.

"He-.. he told me I needed to kill you before you tried to hurt your children or anyone else." Dad, I'm so sorry.

[ny_city_boy]

"Oh," I said, taking a step back from her as I clenched my jaw and press my lips into a firm thin line. He came to her so she would kill me. Guess he decided I was replacable after all.

I walked over to the closest tree and broke off a branch. I used the knife in my pocket to work on the spare branches and leaves as I spoke in a quiet toneless voice to my little sister.

"I never hated him, really hated him, until the room. We couldn't figure out how they knew us so well. We couldn't figure out how they knew to break us, and then it was revealed and of course it was Faith's mother and our father. Who else to exploit the weaknesses in us than the original monsters under the bed who put those weaknesses in us."

Carefully I carved the branch as I had seen Faith carve pieces of wood when she lived with me. It needed a solid point and it was a big brother's job to help his baby sister out.

"The first time he came to me after he died he demanded that I kill my best friend to avenge him. Then I discovered it was dear old dad who tried to kill me and my ex-girlfriend on the balcony. Just like it was Dad who used to beat me until I couldn't fight back. He'd locked me under the stairs or in my room and then when I grew up he locked me away in boarding schools and asylums. Finally he locked me in with scientists who tortured and ran experiments on me. That is our father, Nicole. That is the man that you get half of your DNA from."

I looked up at her as I finished the stake and stared at her. Was she taking it all in? Was she getting the clear picture of who he was. "If you get off the island go pay a private investigator to get you my medical records. Count the broken bones, the missed abscenses, the flimsy excuses I made, and don't forget the suicide attempts. Take it to him and watch him spin you a tale about how it was all my fault. How I brought it on myself and he was trying to save me. Then let him make you feel better for saving my children from me and leaving them open to their grandparents who locked their mother, Angel and me away so we could be test subjects for their scientific experiments."

I approached her slowly and offered her the perfectly carved branch that was now a stake. "Go one, baby, do just what Daddy told you to do so you can be a good girl. Then pray that the next request he makes isn't for you to avenge him by getting a human's blood on your hands because I'm just a demon now right? No trace of your big brother left. Just a demon."

[icant_saveme]

After I said Dad told me to kill him, Harry's expression immediately changed. I don't know what I was expecting from him, but it wasn't that - 'oh'. He was just so.. calm. Then he started talking. About what it was like to grow up in a home where there was a father. I didn't want to hear what kind of man our father was. Maybe that was the point and the reason I was having such a problem with accepting that he was the jackass I'd labeled him as, but there was always still that little question of what he really would've been like if I'd known him growing up.

The way Harry was peeling off the leaves and carving the piece of wood he had in his hand made me a little nervous. Not saying anything, I just stared at him and listened. Then when he stopped carving and looked at me I saw what he'd made. A stake.

He'd carved me a fucking stake? As he stepped closer I stared at the stake in his hand that he offered to me. Okay so what kind of vampire was he? I'm still new at this but I'm pretty sure that they don't handcarve stakes for their own death.

When he suggested that Dad would try to have me kill something besides a demon, I paused and gave him a sharp look. He wouldn't do that. He couldn't, right? And besides he'd asked me to kill Harry for Harry, not for himself.

"Stop. Fucking stop telling me what he was to you. I might've not been there and maybe he was a bastard by getting rid of me, but that's not who he was when I saw him. He wasn't! He was just my dad and maybe it was all one big fucking lie to get me to do something he wanted, but for one minute of my life he was my dad and telling me he loved me and that I wasn't some freak but that I was his daughter and that he was sorry for what happened."

Even if I'd wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to stop the tears that finally started falling down. Clenching my jaw, I looked at my brother and slapped the stake out of his hand and didn't bother to look where it landed. "But I guess now, that's all one big fucking lie."

[ny_city_boy]

"Don't let him do this to you," I pleaded with her as I watched the tears roll down her cheeks. This was what I wanted to protect her from. This was the legacy that I had hoped she would be spared.

I took her hand in mine and tugged her down so that she was sitting on the ground with me. If she wanted to yank her hand away, she could, but I wanted her to listen to me. To completely understand what it meant to be an Osborn.

"When I was nine years old I got really sick with strep throat. My fever shot up to 104 and was edging toward 105 when the ambulance came for me. Dad was at my bedside the entire time. He didn't answer his calls. He didn't go home to sleep. He prayed in the room and begged god not to take me from him because he already lost my mother."

Squeezing her hand tight, I reached out with my free hand and wiped the tears from her face. "He bought me trains when I was little and played with me one Christmas. All day we played with these trains and it was the best Christmas ever until last year when I got my dog and met Faith. He's not all good and he's not all bad, he's just our dad."

I hated him so much for what he had done to us. For having just enough hold on us to keep us wrapped around his finger and make us feel like if we were just a little better then maybe he would accept us. It was a cycle of violence that had continued in our family for generations.

"Our grandfather terrorized him and our grandmother. It's not an excuse, but maybe it's a little bit of an explanation. He was a brilliant man and he wanted to do great things and there is a part of him that loves you just like there is a part of him that loves me. The problem is Nicki, is that he loves power more than either of us. It's not our fault he's a complete psychopath. Maybe some of his words were true, but a lot of it was lies too. It's up to you to decide which is which."

I let go of her hand and pulled my knees up to my chest. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. The children of Norman Osborn should not be sitting face to face, one a slayer and one a vampire, while they tried to piece together if Dad really loved us or not.

"Sometimes I wish you and I had been able to grow up together. That maybe I wouldn't have crumbled so easily if I had my sister to hold my hand in the dark and tell me that it will be ok. Maybe I would have been able to stand up to him if I was helping to protect you too, but then I look at you and the woman you are and I know you were better off with your mom. Away from the mind games, the abuse, and all the shit that goes with being raised an Osborn. I have two beautiful kids, Nic, and all I want to do is be a good enough dad to them that they never sit face to face like you and me and wonder if they had tried harder or changed something about them that maybe I would have loved them. I want them to always know they are my world and nothing will ever make me turn my back on them."

[icant_saveme]

His hand was cold when he took mine in his and gently pulled me down to the ground with him. I didn't pull away from him, but there was still this little whisper in the back of my mind telling me to grab the stake that was still on the ground and slam it into his chest before he could stop me. Pushing the thoughts away as best I could, but not completely, I slowly looked at him and listened as he told me about growing up with our father.

Even when he reached forward to wipe away the tears that I'd let fall, I didn't bother flinching or moving. I just listened. I felt like I was a little girl again listening to my mom tell me stories about my dad and how he loved me and was such a good man before he died. Of course, that all changed when I found out the truth, but now I still wanted to hear the good. Something small that showed that he wasn't just a bastard who hurt Harry or the jackass who got rid of my mom.

He let go of my hand and I looked down at the ground. It was weird but even though his hand was cool to the touch, when he took it away I missed it. Squeezing my fingers into a fist, I pulled back my hand and looked back at Harry. After he finished, I couldn't help but smile a little despite how I was feeling.

"Before my mom told me what really happened, I used to make all this stuff up about what might have happened if my dad was still alive. The little things, you know? Favorite foods, songs, books. What we'd do on Saturday afternoons. I always wanted but wondered if I would've had any brothers or sisters. I think I even said something to my mom a few times."

Shaking my head, I mirrored him and pulled my legs up with my arms wrapped around them. "I know he's not, but I still always wanted him to tell me the things he did when I saw him. I wanted to yell at him, yeah, but I guess I couldn't even do that really. I believed him. I mean, I really believed him when he said you weren't my brother anymore. He told me what I needed to do and... well, I guess I'm sorry for believing him. And I know you'll probably say that I shouldn't be, but I am. He wouldn't even bother to see me and then even after I broke into that house you barely blinked when I told you who I was."

[ny_city_boy]

I listened as she told me that she used to make up details about our father. The thing was, I did the same thing, and I was the one who grew up with him. It was a double edged sword because when he was gone I wished he was home. When he was home it was almost dangerous for me to be near him. I just wanted him to love me. To want me.

"He liked our cook Elizabeth's pot roast, french toast with fresh strawberries, most of his favorite books were science texts, and I know he really liked Dean Martin and Sinatra. He usually worked on Saturdays and even Sundays, but sometimes after mass he would take me to the park and buy us italian ices. He never let me feed the ducks because he found most animals were only good for experimenting. Elizabeth and Bernard took me to feed the ducks and they'd take me to the zoo. I used to wish I had a little sister so that we could play hide and seek in the penthouse because there were so many rooms to hide in."

She apologized and I shook my head at her. It was her nature to be a slayer and kill vampires. It wasn't her fault that I was...different. How could I expect her to understand that? Maybe it would have helped if I had explained it.

"Angel has a soul and when he turned me that made me different from most vampires. I don't have the blood lust and I don't know, I'm just really obedient. He had to turn someone during an emergency once during the war and he found out that it made that vampire different so he figured the same would be true for me. I agreed to having a soul and he really did only turn me to save me. To give my kids a chance to have a father because he and his son didn't get to have that. I know you are supposed to kill vampires on sight, but Angel, Spike and me are different, Nicole. I'm not a threat to you or anyone else. The only way I'm going to attack someone is if my children are in danger."

[icant_saveme]

I probably could've either hugged him, burst into tears, or both when he started telling me what I'd always wondered about my father but instead made up for myself. Instead I just smiled a little and rested my chin on one of my knees as I listened. Was this big brother telling little sister a story?

The next story he started to tell me made me tense up again. Maybe I needed to hear it, I don't know, but that didn't mean I wanted to be given a lesson on what the difference was in the turning with and without a soul. And I didn't want to hear more on the details of Harry being a vampire.

Sitting up, I sighed a little and looked at him again once he finished. After a minute or so I just nodded. I wasn't exactly okay with all of this by any means, but what was I going to do about it? I couldn't kill him, not now. The only other option besides dealing would be to get as far away from him as I could, but I didn't want to do that either. So I just nodded, acknowledging that I believed him and I'd try to deal.

"I still don't like him and I'm not really worried about working on that," I said about Angel. I didn't like him before this, so who said that had to change? Even without the part of him being the guy who killed my brother he's still always going to be the vampire who broke up his marriage.

"When.. will you get to see them? You said Faith is letting you see your kids. When?"

[ny_city_boy]

"You don't have to like him, but I would appreciate it if you didn't blame him for this. He's the only reason I have a second chance, Nicole. He's the reason I get a chance to raise my children."

I nodded my head when she asked if I was getting to see them. Faith had blown me away with this chance, and I wasn't going to let her down. I'd do whatever she wanted too inorder to make her feel comfortable with allowing me this shot.

"I was on my way when I saw you. She wants to take some precautions and I don't blame her for that. Maybe you can come with me if you'd like to meet your niece and nephew? She's going to have other people there so she can be sure I won't hurt them. I'm sure another slayer will be welcomed, especially one who is family and made me a promise that she would always protect our kids."

There was a lot she needed to know about Dad. The good and the bad and I'd tell her. We had time on our side now after all. There were family albums and all kinds of things I could share with her. But the most important thing I could give her was the chance to be a part of my children's life.

"It's going to take some adjusting to get used to things. I know that, but I want to be your brother. I'm not going to let you down, Nicole."

[icant_saveme]

I thought about what he said for a minute. Did I really blame Angel? Yeah, so ultimately I did but he was far from being the only one. Sighing a little, I just nodded. "I'll work on that." I didn't really understand the change that happened when it came to Harry and how he felt about both Faith and Angel. Maybe now since he was a vampire, but before that. The first time I'd ever seen him, Harry made his feelings about Angel and Faith pretty clear. What was it about this place and that room they were in that changed everything?

When he said I could go with him to see his children, I smiled. I did want to see them. They were my niece and nephew. God, when did I ever think I'd get to say those two words. Being an only child, or thinking you were, has its perks but there were plenty more now.

"Yeah. I'd like that," I nodded again at him. Wasn't sure how Faith would like me showing up with Harry, but I didn't really care. I wasn't her biggest fan either, but maybe it was implied I'd have to work on that too.

"I know." I wanted to be his sister too. Wanted to turn off the little instinct switch in my head that screamed enemy whenever he got close, but it was that easy I guess. How did Faith do it? I mean, she was fucking a vampire. How long did it take until the instincts weren't the first thing she wanted to follow.

"I believe you." About his wanting to be my brother and well, about everything I guess.