Okay they were all crazy. They were. Harry was dead and the world went insane while I was in that goddamn cave. Clark practically flew, FLEW when he was taking me to that stupid cave. And from the way both Spike and Buffy look he gave them a run for their money. A big run, and they want to go after him? Hell I'm pissed at him, hence the polar bear comment but I don't care.
Why has everyone gone insane? Wasn't I the one locked in a cave for days?
"I don't know Spike, maybe he can fly off the island and leave us all alone, because oh yeah did I mention that I'm pretty sure he FLEW!"
They were not allowed to do this to me, not right now. Not when everything is so messed up in my head I'm two seconds away from bursting into tears and screaming simultaneously. Honestly, a little understanding that I don't want to loose anyone else is in order right about now.
I still say let the polar bears have him.
"Fine. Fine. You know what. FINE! You all go off and play hero like you always do and I'll sit on the beach mourning my dead best friend while everyone else I care about is off getting their asses kicked by the pyscho who kidnapped me and locked me in a cave. Go! GO AHEAD!"
I pulled out of Lex's embrace and started walking shakily down the beach. I didn't really think Clark was a pyscho, at least not the full blown kind. It was like he couldn't quite get what he was doing. But whatever.
Also, for the record. I know I'm being a brat. I know that screaming and crying and yelling at them is not going to do any good to anyone, least of all me with the way I feel right now but I did just get out of a cave to find out about Harry and ... really maybe I'm insane too but they are way more insane than me.
I yelled over my shoulder, "JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO MOURN YOU! NOT AGAIN!"
That last part was pretty much directed to Spike and Buffy, because you know they've both died on me before. I am so not cut out for this.
I watched Dawn walk off and I just stood there, lookin' at Buffy, then at this Lex guy, then back at Dawn. She ... This wasn't what I was anymore. We weren't there anymore, too much time had gone by and I honestly didn't know how to reach her anymore.
She grew up.
"Go on after her, love, I'll --"
Buffy didn't even wait for me to finish what I was sayin', she was already off. Not that I blame her, her sis and all that rot, so I just nodded as I watched her dart off.
"Right then," I muttered to myself and gave another look to Lex before turnin' around and headin' back to our little spot on the beach. Might as well play lap dog.
My eyes got wider as Dawn just exploded and went off on everyone. Not that I was a stranger to Dawnie's temper tantrums but it had been awhile since she'd last had one. At least this time she wasn't screaming at me to get out of her room. Although that would be hard on this island, maybe if there was a room to be had, she would be. I knew that being locked in a cave for days plus Harry's untimely death had to be stressful for her but didn't she understand that something had to be done?
Right now the only thing that had to be done was me going after my sister. I don't care if she is a grown up now with a rich boyfriend who can look after her, I'm never going to stop looking after her. Immediately I headed down the beach after her until I finally caught up with her and fell into step beside her.
I didn't know if Spike and Lex were behind us or not but I wasn't turning around to see. I had other priorities at the moment.
"Dawn," I started but she wouldn't even look at me, she had that token stubborn look on her face and she just kept walking. "Dawn." Grabbing her by her arm I spun her around to look at me. "I'm sorry about Harry, I guess I didn't realize how close the two of you were." I wondered if now would be an oppurtune time to tell her that Harry wasn't really dead, just mostly undead.
"There's something else you have to know before you go storming off." Not that I was actually going to let her go storming off until I knew that she was okay and really only if she stayed in plain view of well, me. Clark was still out there somewhere and if he laid another finger on my sister I was going to make him sorry, flying or not. I'd find some way.
Buffy was following me and I wanted to yell at her some more. I knew I was acting a little crazy and even a little bratty but honestly what did anyone expect. I was so tired and this island was getting to me and that cave was so dark and I had just stayed huddled up for days hoping Clark would let me out or someone else would find me.
I didn't look at Buffy when she caught up to me until she grabbed me.
She said she was sorry about Harry and my eyes filled with tears again. Oh god. Harry. I stopped walking and just looked at her, feeling that weight settle back into my stomach. Oh god, it hurt. Like a vice grip. I hope Faith is okay, right, like anyone close to him could be okay right now?
I instantly felt bad for my tantrum. Buffy and Spike didn't know Harry well and god knew you couldn't deal with me when I was like that and be sane. Then there was Lex who was one of Harry's best friends and he had to deal with Clark.
I'd just panicked, I couldn't loose them. Forget super powers or people able to bring them back. The thought of loosing them again.
"He's my best friend Buffy," I said feeling like I was 12 again.
Then she started saying there was something else and I just looked at her. Something else?
Three words made the world tilt on its axis.
"Harry's a vampire."
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Angel. There really was no other conclusion to make. Angel had ... why? I felt sick. Harry as a soulless vampire was a really scary thought.
"We should, we should get off the island and find Willow and she can ... oh god."
I felt my knees buckle and so I just fell down into the sand.
When she said he was her best friend, her voice sounded so small like a little girl. The way she sounded when she'd scrape her knee as a kid and come home crying asking me to patch it up for her. But that wasn't nearly as bad as the breakdown that would ensue after I'd informed her that Harry was now a vampire.
Willow? It didn't necessarily work like that and Dawn knew that. Granted, the whole witchy thing set my teeth on edge sometimes which you couldn't really blame me for considering Willow had more power in one of her pinky fingers than I had in my entire body but cursing Angel was specific to well, Angel. And frankly right now I wasn't sure that Angel didn't need to be recursed. After all, wasn't he the one frolicking in the jungle with his new spawn?
I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it, so I was mostly staying out of it until there came a point where I was going to have to do something about it. God, someone needed to get us off this island.
Dawn's knees buckled out from underneath her and I reached out to catch her and ended up sinking us both to the sand. Her nerves were fried and hearing about Harry on top of everything was enough to send her over the edge. If only things were as simple as putting a band-aid on a scraped knee.
"As soon as we get off this island, we'll talk to Willow about it. So far he hasn't been causing any trouble for anyone, maybe there's a way for him. I don't know." It wasn't what she wanted to hear but at least it was a glimmer of hope.
I didn't know what else to do for her so I just wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer.
Buffy's arms were around me and I felt heavy, like all over it felt like I'd been strapped with weights and I had no choice but to let them pull me down. I couldn't hold myself up. And I felt really overdramatic but whatever. Thoughts running through my head were way more dramatic than anything I'd said.
That's right I toned down the bratty freak out.
I could hear the subtleness in Buffy's voice. I knew that Willow might not be able to do anything at all and really was it fair to literally curse Harry like that? It was just my first thought because god, Harry.
My eyes were dry now and I just stared out at the saltly water crashing softly against the sand.
"Buffy, how does this happen? How does life go from good to tragic in the blink of an eye?"
I didn't know if I really wanted her to answer that or not but I just left it there hanging in the air.
I wish that there was some answer I could give her to somehow make this better but there really wasn't one. What could I possibly say to her? That was just life, as soon as you felt like you had some control over it, it spun right back out of control again.
"It's okay." I said to her when she apologized for her breakdown. If Willow or Xander had suddenly been turned into vampires I would...I don't know what I'd do. Breakdown followed by staking them I guess. Not that I was going to let Dawn wander into the jungle to find Harry because that was just something that was never going to happen on my watch and believe me, Dawn was on my watch now.
"I'm surprised more people haven't freaked out with everything that's been going on since we've landed here." I said soothingly as I pushed strands of dark hair out of my sister's face.
I wasn't entirely freaked out, at least not as much as I probably should be. That could have something to do with the fact that most of my people seemed to be safe. I don't know when I stopped viewing Angel as my people but I guess it had to happen eventually.
I just nodded in response to her and let her try and soothe me. I felt like I was a little kid again and mom had died and the only person who could understand was Buffy. Of course now it was different and Buffy couldn't understand, not really. No one really could at least no one who'd probably talk to me. I didn't know what to do. Did I try to talk to Faith or someone else?
Should I feel the burning need to make Buffy go find Harry and Angel right now and stake them both? Could I even want Harry staked? Suddenly I thought I knew a fraction of what Buffy must have felt like when Angel had turned to Angelus all those years ago. Just a fraction and it hurt so much.
"I don't know what to do Buffy, what to say or how to feel. It's all wound up inside and I can't sort it out."
"There isn't anything you can do, Dawnie." I said as gently to her as I could. I knew what it felt like to be helpless, watching the people you cared about sucked into something that wasn't even themselves. And for as helpless as I wasn't that didn't make the helpless feeling go away. Because sometimes there really was nothing you could do about it.
"And whatever your feeling? It isn't wrong. There's no easy way to deal with what's going on. The only thing you can do is try to deal with it as best as you can and no matter what Harry still has two babies that I'm sure could use having your influence in their life." Especially with Faith as their mother but I didn't want to throw that out there. It seemed a little inappropriate given the circumstances.
"And whatever you decide you want to do about Harry you know that I will back you up. If you want me to go and find him and take care of him, I will."
What else could I really offer her? I could stay here and comfort her, offer her what I could as a sister. Or I could go out into the jungle and find the crazy vampires on the loose, offer her what I could as a slayer.
I nod again because I'm not really sure what to say. I appreciate the comfort but I don't really know what to do with the words. I don't know what to do with anything. I just keep wondering Why? Why did Angel do this?
"Is he, Angel I mean is he evil?"
The look I got in response was kind of an 'I have no clue' look and that almost made it worse. If he wasn't evil then why?
"I want to see him. Not Harry, not yet. Angel .. Angelus ... whatever."
I didn't know why really, maybe he was the only person who could make me understand this. And I still couldn't decide what to feel so I needed some direction, which way do I fall. Do I get angry? Or do I sob into the sand and curse the life? I just didn't know.
I wish that I had the answer to that question. I wanted to believe that Angel wasn't evil again and after everything I'd seen I was inclined to believe it. Granted, he wasn't acting like the Angel that I knew but I didn't even know Angel anymore. Not that way that I had a few years ago when he had been mine. I didn't know what to think and so I had left it alone but now I couldn't anymore.
I nodded at her, standing up and brushing the sand off of my pants as I held out a hand for her to help her off of the sand. If we found Angel, I'd let him explain his side of the story to Dawn and to me. If I found Angelus, he'd better pray that he runs faster now than he used to. Because for as much as I would always love Angel, I wasn't in love with him anymore. And for as hard as staking him might be, I wouldn't hesitate if Dawn was threatened in any way, shape or form.
Why has everyone gone insane? Wasn't I the one locked in a cave for days?
"I don't know Spike, maybe he can fly off the island and leave us all alone, because oh yeah did I mention that I'm pretty sure he FLEW!"
They were not allowed to do this to me, not right now. Not when everything is so messed up in my head I'm two seconds away from bursting into tears and screaming simultaneously. Honestly, a little understanding that I don't want to loose anyone else is in order right about now.
I still say let the polar bears have him.
"Fine. Fine. You know what. FINE! You all go off and play hero like you always do and I'll sit on the beach mourning my dead best friend while everyone else I care about is off getting their asses kicked by the pyscho who kidnapped me and locked me in a cave. Go! GO AHEAD!"
I pulled out of Lex's embrace and started walking shakily down the beach. I didn't really think Clark was a pyscho, at least not the full blown kind. It was like he couldn't quite get what he was doing. But whatever.
Also, for the record. I know I'm being a brat. I know that screaming and crying and yelling at them is not going to do any good to anyone, least of all me with the way I feel right now but I did just get out of a cave to find out about Harry and ... really maybe I'm insane too but they are way more insane than me.
I yelled over my shoulder, "JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO MOURN YOU! NOT AGAIN!"
That last part was pretty much directed to Spike and Buffy, because you know they've both died on me before. I am so not cut out for this.
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She grew up.
"Go on after her, love, I'll --"
Buffy didn't even wait for me to finish what I was sayin', she was already off. Not that I blame her, her sis and all that rot, so I just nodded as I watched her dart off.
"Right then," I muttered to myself and gave another look to Lex before turnin' around and headin' back to our little spot on the beach. Might as well play lap dog.
Seems to be workin'.
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Right now the only thing that had to be done was me going after my sister. I don't care if she is a grown up now with a rich boyfriend who can look after her, I'm never going to stop looking after her. Immediately I headed down the beach after her until I finally caught up with her and fell into step beside her.
I didn't know if Spike and Lex were behind us or not but I wasn't turning around to see. I had other priorities at the moment.
"Dawn," I started but she wouldn't even look at me, she had that token stubborn look on her face and she just kept walking. "Dawn." Grabbing her by her arm I spun her around to look at me. "I'm sorry about Harry, I guess I didn't realize how close the two of you were." I wondered if now would be an oppurtune time to tell her that Harry wasn't really dead, just mostly undead.
"There's something else you have to know before you go storming off." Not that I was actually going to let her go storming off until I knew that she was okay and really only if she stayed in plain view of well, me. Clark was still out there somewhere and if he laid another finger on my sister I was going to make him sorry, flying or not. I'd find some way.
"Harry's a vampire."
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I didn't look at Buffy when she caught up to me until she grabbed me.
She said she was sorry about Harry and my eyes filled with tears again. Oh god. Harry. I stopped walking and just looked at her, feeling that weight settle back into my stomach. Oh god, it hurt. Like a vice grip. I hope Faith is okay, right, like anyone close to him could be okay right now?
I instantly felt bad for my tantrum. Buffy and Spike didn't know Harry well and god knew you couldn't deal with me when I was like that and be sane. Then there was Lex who was one of Harry's best friends and he had to deal with Clark.
I'd just panicked, I couldn't loose them. Forget super powers or people able to bring them back. The thought of loosing them again.
"He's my best friend Buffy," I said feeling like I was 12 again.
Then she started saying there was something else and I just looked at her. Something else?
Three words made the world tilt on its axis.
"Harry's a vampire."
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Angel. There really was no other conclusion to make. Angel had ... why? I felt sick. Harry as a soulless vampire was a really scary thought.
"We should, we should get off the island and find Willow and she can ... oh god."
I felt my knees buckle and so I just fell down into the sand.
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Willow? It didn't necessarily work like that and Dawn knew that. Granted, the whole witchy thing set my teeth on edge sometimes which you couldn't really blame me for considering Willow had more power in one of her pinky fingers than I had in my entire body but cursing Angel was specific to well, Angel. And frankly right now I wasn't sure that Angel didn't need to be recursed. After all, wasn't he the one frolicking in the jungle with his new spawn?
I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it, so I was mostly staying out of it until there came a point where I was going to have to do something about it. God, someone needed to get us off this island.
Dawn's knees buckled out from underneath her and I reached out to catch her and ended up sinking us both to the sand. Her nerves were fried and hearing about Harry on top of everything was enough to send her over the edge. If only things were as simple as putting a band-aid on a scraped knee.
"As soon as we get off this island, we'll talk to Willow about it. So far he hasn't been causing any trouble for anyone, maybe there's a way for him. I don't know." It wasn't what she wanted to hear but at least it was a glimmer of hope.
I didn't know what else to do for her so I just wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer.
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That's right I toned down the bratty freak out.
I could hear the subtleness in Buffy's voice. I knew that Willow might not be able to do anything at all and really was it fair to literally curse Harry like that? It was just my first thought because god, Harry.
My eyes were dry now and I just stared out at the saltly water crashing softly against the sand.
"Buffy, how does this happen? How does life go from good to tragic in the blink of an eye?"
I didn't know if I really wanted her to answer that or not but I just left it there hanging in the air.
"I'm sorry I freaked out. I just, it's too much."
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"It's okay." I said to her when she apologized for her breakdown. If Willow or Xander had suddenly been turned into vampires I would...I don't know what I'd do. Breakdown followed by staking them I guess. Not that I was going to let Dawn wander into the jungle to find Harry because that was just something that was never going to happen on my watch and believe me, Dawn was on my watch now.
"I'm surprised more people haven't freaked out with everything that's been going on since we've landed here." I said soothingly as I pushed strands of dark hair out of my sister's face.
I wasn't entirely freaked out, at least not as much as I probably should be. That could have something to do with the fact that most of my people seemed to be safe. I don't know when I stopped viewing Angel as my people but I guess it had to happen eventually.
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Should I feel the burning need to make Buffy go find Harry and Angel right now and stake them both? Could I even want Harry staked? Suddenly I thought I knew a fraction of what Buffy must have felt like when Angel had turned to Angelus all those years ago. Just a fraction and it hurt so much.
"I don't know what to do Buffy, what to say or how to feel. It's all wound up inside and I can't sort it out."
And I still felt a little crazy.
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"And whatever your feeling? It isn't wrong. There's no easy way to deal with what's going on. The only thing you can do is try to deal with it as best as you can and no matter what Harry still has two babies that I'm sure could use having your influence in their life." Especially with Faith as their mother but I didn't want to throw that out there. It seemed a little inappropriate given the circumstances.
"And whatever you decide you want to do about Harry you know that I will back you up. If you want me to go and find him and take care of him, I will."
What else could I really offer her? I could stay here and comfort her, offer her what I could as a sister. Or I could go out into the jungle and find the crazy vampires on the loose, offer her what I could as a slayer.
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"Is he, Angel I mean is he evil?"
The look I got in response was kind of an 'I have no clue' look and that almost made it worse. If he wasn't evil then why?
"I want to see him. Not Harry, not yet. Angel .. Angelus ... whatever."
I didn't know why really, maybe he was the only person who could make me understand this. And I still couldn't decide what to feel so I needed some direction, which way do I fall. Do I get angry? Or do I sob into the sand and curse the life? I just didn't know.
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I nodded at her, standing up and brushing the sand off of my pants as I held out a hand for her to help her off of the sand. If we found Angel, I'd let him explain his side of the story to Dawn and to me. If I found Angelus, he'd better pray that he runs faster now than he used to. Because for as much as I would always love Angel, I wasn't in love with him anymore. And for as hard as staking him might be, I wouldn't hesitate if Dawn was threatened in any way, shape or form.
I wasn't the girl I used to be.
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