(no subject)
So I lost the book I was supposed to read and write a five-page essay on for tomorrow. Discovered this on Monday. Attempted to find new copy on Tuesday (tried the university bookstore, off-campus textbook store, and local chain bookstore; nothing). Responded to failure by just not fucking caring anymore.
I'm pretty pissed off because I have no idea how I could have lost it. I got all my books online before the semester even started, and organized them on shelves above my desk. I have not touched the thing since--I haven't had any REASON to--and it was just. Not there.
I'm also pissed because even though I know this is not my fault--it's not anybody's fault--it's still something I'm going to be penalized for because there's no way I can walk up to a professor going "I lost my book" and be taken seriously. I'm sure there are plenty of students every semester who conveniently "lose their books," making the rest of us look like obvious liars (thanks, assholes).
This is also the same professor I emailed about my social anxiety problems on Monday regarding the upcoming "Halloween Ball" in class on Thursday and have not heard back from. The gist of the matter is, we're required to wear costumes and wearing costumes can sometimes be a really effective trigger for my social anxiety. I'm doing okay this semester, although I'm still adjusting to being around large groups of people again, and this could screw it all up for the rest of the year. My social anxiety only flares up occasionally these days and I'm way better than I used to be, but I had a bad, bad summer and I'm not going to take any risks. However, we're counted for two absences if we're not present for this thing--the maximum is three before we're docked points, and I already have two from being sick earlier in the semester.
AND, if I miss it and am docked points AND I fail to get this paper done (which is pretty much inevitable at this point) I'm going to have an automatic B, at best, in the class. In an English class. Which is my thing.
So yeah. At this point, I'm just going oh well. Whatever. Why should I care when I can do fuck all about it anyway?
/still cares, can you tell >>
I'm pretty pissed off because I have no idea how I could have lost it. I got all my books online before the semester even started, and organized them on shelves above my desk. I have not touched the thing since--I haven't had any REASON to--and it was just. Not there.
I'm also pissed because even though I know this is not my fault--it's not anybody's fault--it's still something I'm going to be penalized for because there's no way I can walk up to a professor going "I lost my book" and be taken seriously. I'm sure there are plenty of students every semester who conveniently "lose their books," making the rest of us look like obvious liars (thanks, assholes).
This is also the same professor I emailed about my social anxiety problems on Monday regarding the upcoming "Halloween Ball" in class on Thursday and have not heard back from. The gist of the matter is, we're required to wear costumes and wearing costumes can sometimes be a really effective trigger for my social anxiety. I'm doing okay this semester, although I'm still adjusting to being around large groups of people again, and this could screw it all up for the rest of the year. My social anxiety only flares up occasionally these days and I'm way better than I used to be, but I had a bad, bad summer and I'm not going to take any risks. However, we're counted for two absences if we're not present for this thing--the maximum is three before we're docked points, and I already have two from being sick earlier in the semester.
AND, if I miss it and am docked points AND I fail to get this paper done (which is pretty much inevitable at this point) I'm going to have an automatic B, at best, in the class. In an English class. Which is my thing.
So yeah. At this point, I'm just going oh well. Whatever. Why should I care when I can do fuck all about it anyway?
/still cares, can you tell >>