Vaguaries and Nonsense of the Public Service
The Manatee Commission’s latest trip into the void was at the RDS Over 50’s/Decrepit show. I attended on Sunday with my middle-uber boss, Cathy, or if you prefer, and I do, Formerly Intimidating. Bizarrely, Superfluous Superior was also in attendance. I say ‘bizarrely’ because he is in the middle of a three week holiday, but decided to put in two days overtime. We won’t see him again for another ten days. Bizarre.
Superfluous’ holiday timing is superb. As far as myself and Xmas Party Girl can tell, he took his hols one week before three major annual reports were due from his unit. It is the first bit of work he’s been required to do all year, but because he didn’t do any preparatory work on them before he left it falls to Party Girl, the only other person in the unit at the moment, to do them herself. She is a clerical officer. Superfluous is a lazy bastard. She hates him with a fire-like passion. He won’t return from hols until after their due date.
Formerly Intimidating used to be Quite Intimidating for several reasons. Generally during meetings she makes eye contact with everyone but me. She can also explain jobs that need to be done in such a way that a three year old would understand. Now granted, I’m no genius, but I think I’ve reached the mental level of at least a sixteen year old, even if that is a regression from my peak of an eighteen year old’s capacity.
But two weeks ago anyway, I had my three month review with Formerly Intimidating. This review is one of four during my year-long probation that aims to review my progress and to set tasks for me to complete to become, um, not on probation. I say ‘not on probation’ because at the end of the year I won’t be made permanent. I already am permanent. Which I think is another neat little blurring of the lines of reality that the Commission engages in on a daily basis. How can you be permanent if you’re on probation? Am I on permanent probation? I’m not probationally permanent. And since you can’t fire a public servant without a major pay off, I think that if I come in and drool for six and half hours every day, they’ll keep me on for the rest of my life. I’m stocking up on spit as we speak.
Anyhoo, Formerly gave me my first performance review, for which I had done no preparation. How can you prepare when you don’t entirely know what you’re supposed to be doing? She lauded me for volunteering for the Farmer’s Olympics, for signing up to the Qualified Financial Advisor Diploma/Manatee Sensitivity Training and for making sufficient progress. But she did say that I would have to use my ‘people skills’ to work more effectively with my unit. Now this really threw me. I’ve been getting on just dandy with all the older members of the unit, but I’ve had to break my back to get on with the folks my own age. I’m all chatty and friendly. I listen fully to what they have to say and then ask questions about their lives later that week. You know, to bond etc. For their part, they tend to go out drinking together. And then tell me about it in the morning. Which is super. I love not getting invites, but what I love more is effectively being told I didn’t get invites. So Formerly could obviously see that I wasn’t getting on with the unit as well as I could. And then blamed me for it.
But aside from that, the review broke the ice and now I get on with yet another older person in the unit. So when on Sunday, at the Decrepit Show, Formerly kept complimenting me that I could ‘talk for Ireland’ while informing old age pensioners about Manatee well-being, and her husband took a liking to me and I counted all the stock for her and then sent her stats of the day via text really quick and then filled out reports for her and then and then and then….basically I scored points with her. So all in all Sunday was a good day to work. Especially since I was on double time for the entire shift and will get €240 for it.
I begin my Manatee Sensitivity Training this Thursday night out in DCU. I hope its as thrilling as everyone says it isn't.
And thus ends another episode in my Manatee Commission journal. You may have found it boring, but admit it, you're sort of drawn in my unchallenging, slowly winding style, while intrigued by the vaguaries and nonsense of the public service.
Superfluous’ holiday timing is superb. As far as myself and Xmas Party Girl can tell, he took his hols one week before three major annual reports were due from his unit. It is the first bit of work he’s been required to do all year, but because he didn’t do any preparatory work on them before he left it falls to Party Girl, the only other person in the unit at the moment, to do them herself. She is a clerical officer. Superfluous is a lazy bastard. She hates him with a fire-like passion. He won’t return from hols until after their due date.
Formerly Intimidating used to be Quite Intimidating for several reasons. Generally during meetings she makes eye contact with everyone but me. She can also explain jobs that need to be done in such a way that a three year old would understand. Now granted, I’m no genius, but I think I’ve reached the mental level of at least a sixteen year old, even if that is a regression from my peak of an eighteen year old’s capacity.
But two weeks ago anyway, I had my three month review with Formerly Intimidating. This review is one of four during my year-long probation that aims to review my progress and to set tasks for me to complete to become, um, not on probation. I say ‘not on probation’ because at the end of the year I won’t be made permanent. I already am permanent. Which I think is another neat little blurring of the lines of reality that the Commission engages in on a daily basis. How can you be permanent if you’re on probation? Am I on permanent probation? I’m not probationally permanent. And since you can’t fire a public servant without a major pay off, I think that if I come in and drool for six and half hours every day, they’ll keep me on for the rest of my life. I’m stocking up on spit as we speak.
Anyhoo, Formerly gave me my first performance review, for which I had done no preparation. How can you prepare when you don’t entirely know what you’re supposed to be doing? She lauded me for volunteering for the Farmer’s Olympics, for signing up to the Qualified Financial Advisor Diploma/Manatee Sensitivity Training and for making sufficient progress. But she did say that I would have to use my ‘people skills’ to work more effectively with my unit. Now this really threw me. I’ve been getting on just dandy with all the older members of the unit, but I’ve had to break my back to get on with the folks my own age. I’m all chatty and friendly. I listen fully to what they have to say and then ask questions about their lives later that week. You know, to bond etc. For their part, they tend to go out drinking together. And then tell me about it in the morning. Which is super. I love not getting invites, but what I love more is effectively being told I didn’t get invites. So Formerly could obviously see that I wasn’t getting on with the unit as well as I could. And then blamed me for it.
But aside from that, the review broke the ice and now I get on with yet another older person in the unit. So when on Sunday, at the Decrepit Show, Formerly kept complimenting me that I could ‘talk for Ireland’ while informing old age pensioners about Manatee well-being, and her husband took a liking to me and I counted all the stock for her and then sent her stats of the day via text really quick and then filled out reports for her and then and then and then….basically I scored points with her. So all in all Sunday was a good day to work. Especially since I was on double time for the entire shift and will get €240 for it.
I begin my Manatee Sensitivity Training this Thursday night out in DCU. I hope its as thrilling as everyone says it isn't.
And thus ends another episode in my Manatee Commission journal. You may have found it boring, but admit it, you're sort of drawn in my unchallenging, slowly winding style, while intrigued by the vaguaries and nonsense of the public service.