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I must say, quite tritely, Life will continue to throw one curve balls. There’s no way around it. I have discovered the best way to deal with this eventuality is to be prepared for change by planning for it.
Let’s just say (between you and I) that are driving somewhere, oh....I don’t know....somewhere really, really important. And you think to yourself, “My goodness, I’m going somewhere really important and that must make me important. I just love my life! Everything is going my way... I think I shall buy a new car, or, dare I think it? A New House??” STOP yourself and immediately think to yourself. “Holy Fucking Shit, the dog must be eating my favorite shoes right this very minute!” Because honey, otherwise, you will spend most of your life sorely disappointed.
Just as I thought I was getting into a new condo and getting my own space, I find out my realtor is out for her own commission. Imagine that! A Red-Blooded American out for herself! Who’da thunk? I was honestly disappointed when my realtor demonstrated she cares absolutely nothing for me and only wants to sell before the end of this month to meet her June goal. Does she forget I work in Sales? I KNOW about sales goals, fer fuck’s sake! I KNOW what creating urgency feels like b/c I do it EVERY DAMN DAY. Hello! Don’t fuck with me about sales, I live and breathe it and I realize when I’m getting pushed around. It’s been 3 days since I’ve called the Person Who Calls Herself My Realtor and she’s leaving me messages like, “Hey, I hope you’re not sick, I haven’t heard from you!” All I have to say is “LOL”.
Last night I went to a Pampered Chef meeting. I need to make more money to afford my impending mortgage and I thought, “What the Hell? I love to cook, I love Pampered Chef products, and I get to show people how to cook. What could be better??” So I am now Pampered Chef Consultant. If you want me to host a party at your house, And I know you dooooooo!, let’s talk about it. Any theme you want. I will let you keep the food. And it will all fit in with Weight Watchers point system. So, none of my food will make you fat unless you eat 5 portions of it. And, hell, even if you do, you still get those extra 35 points every week.
I have a new crush. Jack Black. Jaaaaaack Blaaaaack. I want him to be my husband. Now! So, if you know him, bring him to my next Pampered Chef party, which will be held on my birthday at someone’s house. I just haven’t figured out where yet (b/c Allen, my Very Supportive BF sez I Can Not do it here at home).
Finally, if you are reading this and you are a friend of mine I haven’t talked to in ages (Gretchen, Jamie, & Matt come to mind) please forgive me for being such a shitty friend lately. With house hunting and having to move out and my job asking me to do the work of 3 normal people, there is too much going on for me right now and I feel like I’m in a big metal dryer on ‘Heavy Spin’. BUT. I want to see you and host a party at your house and see how you are doing. And drink scads of wine and gossip about people we don’t like. Love you all and hugs and smiles.
Aaron
PS Am I the only one who gnaws off the steak fat once the steak comes off the grill? B/c that shit is DEEEE-licious!
Let’s just say (between you and I) that are driving somewhere, oh....I don’t know....somewhere really, really important. And you think to yourself, “My goodness, I’m going somewhere really important and that must make me important. I just love my life! Everything is going my way... I think I shall buy a new car, or, dare I think it? A New House??” STOP yourself and immediately think to yourself. “Holy Fucking Shit, the dog must be eating my favorite shoes right this very minute!” Because honey, otherwise, you will spend most of your life sorely disappointed.
Just as I thought I was getting into a new condo and getting my own space, I find out my realtor is out for her own commission. Imagine that! A Red-Blooded American out for herself! Who’da thunk? I was honestly disappointed when my realtor demonstrated she cares absolutely nothing for me and only wants to sell before the end of this month to meet her June goal. Does she forget I work in Sales? I KNOW about sales goals, fer fuck’s sake! I KNOW what creating urgency feels like b/c I do it EVERY DAMN DAY. Hello! Don’t fuck with me about sales, I live and breathe it and I realize when I’m getting pushed around. It’s been 3 days since I’ve called the Person Who Calls Herself My Realtor and she’s leaving me messages like, “Hey, I hope you’re not sick, I haven’t heard from you!” All I have to say is “LOL”.
Last night I went to a Pampered Chef meeting. I need to make more money to afford my impending mortgage and I thought, “What the Hell? I love to cook, I love Pampered Chef products, and I get to show people how to cook. What could be better??” So I am now Pampered Chef Consultant. If you want me to host a party at your house, And I know you dooooooo!, let’s talk about it. Any theme you want. I will let you keep the food. And it will all fit in with Weight Watchers point system. So, none of my food will make you fat unless you eat 5 portions of it. And, hell, even if you do, you still get those extra 35 points every week.
I have a new crush. Jack Black. Jaaaaaack Blaaaaack. I want him to be my husband. Now! So, if you know him, bring him to my next Pampered Chef party, which will be held on my birthday at someone’s house. I just haven’t figured out where yet (b/c Allen, my Very Supportive BF sez I Can Not do it here at home).
Finally, if you are reading this and you are a friend of mine I haven’t talked to in ages (Gretchen, Jamie, & Matt come to mind) please forgive me for being such a shitty friend lately. With house hunting and having to move out and my job asking me to do the work of 3 normal people, there is too much going on for me right now and I feel like I’m in a big metal dryer on ‘Heavy Spin’. BUT. I want to see you and host a party at your house and see how you are doing. And drink scads of wine and gossip about people we don’t like. Love you all and hugs and smiles.
Aaron
PS Am I the only one who gnaws off the steak fat once the steak comes off the grill? B/c that shit is DEEEE-licious!