Things that need to be said
so.....as i write this there are five minutes left to my birthday...it was a fun day, no drinking but you know what, i dont always need to drink even if an occasion really calls for it. its weird being twenty, just knowing that your no longer a young guy even though twenty is not that old. back in High school, i always wondered what being a twenty something would be like and where my life would be at this point. Didn't quite envision what I am today but what are you gonna do about it. We talked about relationships and the things you want in the opposite sex alot tonight and well it kinda just made me sad a little bit. It just made me realize that I haven't been in a relationship for a little over two years and well it makes me feel really unattractive. I always get the "you're adorable Renny" blah blah blah almost little brother like but really that makes me feel even worse. I seem to give out this Im a friend vibe at all times and girls dont see anything else other than a friend in me. Thats cool and all, I mean I like having a lot of friends that are girls, but I need something more. I feel alone and it always seems that all of my friends seem to be in a relationship, and that makes you feel like shit. It also sucks when you see some scraggly looking guy with a hot girl, you think "i dont care....the guy having a great personality doesn't even make that relationship feasable." I know Im just doing a really random rant about alot of shit. Well really, I've come to the conclusion that I need to change the way I approach girls/trying to meet people of the opposite sex. The only problem is that I dont know how to do this. I think its cuz I lack confidence. In high school, I felt like somebody. I was apart of the popular clique and I had a ton of friends and that just made me feel so cool/confident but since I got to college I went from the top of the food chain to a nobody. I dont know what this has to do with me being every girl's friend but again, I'm ranting. It always seems like the guys that are dicks are the most successful at finding people. Is that what I need to do? Do I need to be a dick? because I really dont feel like being a dick...not me. I know I need to approach em differently but I feel like I'm clueless. I also feel weird when people try to set me up with their friends ...I don't know I feel like I'm a charity case, but I guess the other person if the opposite sex feels that way too. Wow...This is so random...I'm sorry. DAMMIT!!! Things are gonna be different this semester...
My Priority List for Fall 2005 (still waiting on being let back into UMBC)
1. Do well in school(this is easily the most important. I need this more than anything else. I just gotta really really focus. I dont wanna leave that school again unless Im leaving with a little piece of paper saying I done Good.)
2. Get confident about my self and find what I need/want in the opposite sex. ( not quite as important as 1 but more for my mental happiness because I was the most happy in my life when I was with somebody.)
3. Be The Son that I should be. (If number one goes well, this will be easier but will still be very difficult.)
4. Control my emotions (I feel like showing emotion is a sign of weakness)
5. Stay in good contact and good terms with all my friends (I dont want what happened to my G-Town friends to happen with my UMBC friends)
6. Have Fun (Most people think this should be higher but if the stuff above goes well then I should be happy and if Im happy then I will have fun.)
My Priority List for Fall 2005 (still waiting on being let back into UMBC)
1. Do well in school(this is easily the most important. I need this more than anything else. I just gotta really really focus. I dont wanna leave that school again unless Im leaving with a little piece of paper saying I done Good.)
2. Get confident about my self and find what I need/want in the opposite sex. ( not quite as important as 1 but more for my mental happiness because I was the most happy in my life when I was with somebody.)
3. Be The Son that I should be. (If number one goes well, this will be easier but will still be very difficult.)
4. Control my emotions (I feel like showing emotion is a sign of weakness)
5. Stay in good contact and good terms with all my friends (I dont want what happened to my G-Town friends to happen with my UMBC friends)
6. Have Fun (Most people think this should be higher but if the stuff above goes well then I should be happy and if Im happy then I will have fun.)