(no subject)
Its amazing how much you've seen yourself grow. When u grow u tend too see things clearer too, the good things, and the bad things. Its something called perspective.
For some reason, and i know theres a reason, I just had this dream...that i just woke from and its got me thinkings and its got me buggin'...
I know you all are thinking, What the fuck is he talking about?! Well, I just had a dream that instead of going down one road, the road that i took in real life, I made the other decision, to not change what I was doing in my life. For those of you that dont know, but Im pretty sure most of you already know since i keep this kinda LJ kinda personal, I wasnt always the most clean cut kid abck in High School. I mean dont get me wrong, I wasn't some hardcore badass either. Well, I was into some stupid shit, Shit that I regret. Shit that Im not proud of. Well I had a dream tonight, that things didnt turn out the way they have. I dreamt that I never left that shit. That I was still making those dumbass decisions. Still being that selfish, reckless fool. What happened in this dream...got me fuckin' freaked. I know I said that I could have walked away from the stuff that I did...but now that I look back upon it...I was alot deeper than I thought I was. Its scared the shit out of me...thinking how close I was to ruining my life, disappointing my parents, destroying whatever gifts I have.
Honestly, Im angry at myself for what I did...What I was. Im angry and ashamed. Im angry and ashamed for letting those around me be something Im not and I shouldnt have been. I feel so fucking stupid now..Like Im weak, like all these other people were strong enough to resist urges, and yet here I was being some stupid fucking lemming, following what others were doing simply because I cared what others thought. God, what the fuck...How could I have been so damn stupid?!
I wish things would have gone different in my life...Oh well, I guess you learn from ur mistakes...right?
For some reason, and i know theres a reason, I just had this dream...that i just woke from and its got me thinkings and its got me buggin'...
I know you all are thinking, What the fuck is he talking about?! Well, I just had a dream that instead of going down one road, the road that i took in real life, I made the other decision, to not change what I was doing in my life. For those of you that dont know, but Im pretty sure most of you already know since i keep this kinda LJ kinda personal, I wasnt always the most clean cut kid abck in High School. I mean dont get me wrong, I wasn't some hardcore badass either. Well, I was into some stupid shit, Shit that I regret. Shit that Im not proud of. Well I had a dream tonight, that things didnt turn out the way they have. I dreamt that I never left that shit. That I was still making those dumbass decisions. Still being that selfish, reckless fool. What happened in this dream...got me fuckin' freaked. I know I said that I could have walked away from the stuff that I did...but now that I look back upon it...I was alot deeper than I thought I was. Its scared the shit out of me...thinking how close I was to ruining my life, disappointing my parents, destroying whatever gifts I have.
Honestly, Im angry at myself for what I did...What I was. Im angry and ashamed. Im angry and ashamed for letting those around me be something Im not and I shouldnt have been. I feel so fucking stupid now..Like Im weak, like all these other people were strong enough to resist urges, and yet here I was being some stupid fucking lemming, following what others were doing simply because I cared what others thought. God, what the fuck...How could I have been so damn stupid?!
I wish things would have gone different in my life...Oh well, I guess you learn from ur mistakes...right?