(no subject)

[flymeariver]

for the past 21 years of my life- my WHOLE life- i've lived at the mercy of every one around me. from being unequivocally dependent as a child, a hard-working-enough-to-get-by-with-decent-grades student, and an indefinitely part-time employee, i've had to answer to higher-ups. "please, sir, may i have some more?" but is there anyone who can disagree with me? it's just how it is. and i can't come to grips with it. after all this time, i'm still expecting too much from other people. i drive to a house with food hoping against hope that i get a measly couple of bucks thrown my way that i can keep. i take a box out to a car, being friendly as can be, hiding behind that fraudulent smile the wish of a buck or two. or if i'm lucky, a TEN DOLLAR BILL. WHOOOAAA. and then a boss. boss boss boss. chris when are you going to shave? chris wear black pants. chris sign this w-4. chris the customer is always right. oh yeah? hey boss how are sales figures? hey boss what's the deal with inventory? hey boss we're out of sauce. hey boss it's really slow again tonight. hey boss. hey boss. ok so of course this devolved into a blanket complaint about working. i've never had a problem answering to a higher power in school. mostly because it makes sense. chris, you go to class, you do your work, you get good grades. with those grades you will go out in the world and be successful. maybe. and i have no problem with my folks, though i am wholly at their mercy, moreso than anyone. but by doing so i have a place to sleep eat and shit. well oh you know what i'm talking about. my ultimate gripe will always be the fissure that exists between employee and employer. employee seeks job to make money. employer seeks employee to implement the bottom line. or whatever buzzword you prefer. employee has mortgage kids car utilities rent maxim subscriptions bills. employer has revenues quotas goals pensions salaries. the pie in the sky will never be enjoyed by those down to earth.

yeah, i can't wait for school to start.