Tuesday, April 13, 2004
It's been five years tomorrow that the world lost one of the most beautiful souls that ever walked it, and certainly one of the most amazing individuals in my life ever. My grandmother died after a long battle with COPD and I still can't say I'm completely done mourning, I don't know if I ever will fully be, I think there will always be a part of my heart that feels that loss deeply. My grandmother stepped in when the sperm doner took off and her and my mother raised my sisters and I in one of the best homes ever on this earth. I always post some type of blog on this day ever since that day, and this year felt that retelling the story of that day just made sense for some reason, if it bores you feel free to skip it. A little background first, because of the worsening of my grandmothers condition, Me & Nate, my mom, and Vickie had all moved back into our childhood home so that she would have the 24/7 care she needed. The home we grew up in was the home she had nursed her parents in until they died there, and she would be no different. I remember very, very little about my great grandparents, but I do recall being present for more than a few prayers around them, though at my age then, I can't imagine I was too thrilled to be doing so. There was no way my grandmother was going anywhere, she deserved every bit of dignity and love associated with being cared for by family and dying in her own home. I would be lying too, if I didn't say that the expirience of being able to care for her everyday (KB Toys had filed Chapter 13 in MN and closed alltheir stores, when my store closed I stayed home with grandma full-time) was one of the most wonderful expiriences I have had, or ever will have in my life, I feel so incredibly blessed to have had that time with her. so yes, that day...
So April 11, 2004, it was Easter Sunday and of course the usual big dinner was made. Honeybaked ham, sweet potatoes, au grautin potatoes, green beans, baked beans, my moms 7-up jello salad (I soooo have to figure out how to make that sometime, it's awesome), all the good stuff. My grandmothers sister (who's really a sister, btw, a catholic nun) came over, which was a usual occurance, her being part of the family and all... Garandma and her ate up in Grandmas room, of course Nate ended up wandering up that way too and swiping some from her. The rest of us ate downstairs, it was nice, of course it would have been nice to have everyone together in one place, but it was fine as it was, everyone had a good day.
Monday, I was in a bit of a grumpy mood I recall, for some unknown reason. Vickie stayed home from school that day, and things went pretty well. The only slight probem ended up a need to change grandmas sheets. She had a little bucket chair thingy that was placed just a few steps away from her bed and we just didn't make it in time. I have no idea what it was, but I do remember Vickie and I arguing while changing the sheets, the ones that my great grandfather ended up dying on actually, they were white with watercolor-like depictions of purple iris', I believe my mother has those now. No major argument, just a sisterly squabble, silly really. I recall my grandmother sitting in her chair kind of chuckling and scolding us for being so silly telling us all about how someday we'll realize how silly we were for fighting with each other...
Tuesday, the 13th, dawned a very different view of things... I awoke with Nate (about 6:30) and went upstairs to find my mom still home from work. Apparently, my grandmother had awoken extremely early and asked for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich (a faveorite of hers, esp. with this beer/dijon mustard) which she ate and apparently enjoyed. She then got a huge headache, absolutely horrible from what I was told. By the time I got up, she was sleeping, completely oblivious to the world. She never did wake up. So, we kept her pain meds going though the day (she was on liquid morphine, I remember the first time she tried it, it was awful tasting, which of course ment that every one had to try it. I still remember her going Ang, ang (Anige, my mom) you have got to taste this, it won't kill you, but its so bad!! Yeah, it did though, the stuff tasted horrible, I kinda felt bad each time I had to give it to her, which was like a million times a day), and put a call out to the doctor and all. She had had episodes like this before, a bad bad headache and then sleeping all day, it wasn't that big of a deal really (we thought) but we were really cautious with her and always erred on the side of overzelousness. Mary came into town that day, it was a planed trip, kind of an Easter visit if you will, so we were excited. She came home and Vickie debated wether or not to go to work, I believe it was a Meryvins at the time, which we kind of talked her into it, because really, what could she do, and I'm sure it was all fine, and yeah... Even the nurse that came out to the house said we were probably looking at the end, but we couldn't be sure of a time, etc... At about six, Mary and Mom went out for a cigarette break on the porch and I noticed Grandmas breathing getting a bit hmmm, shallower maybe, it's had to say, it was just different somehow. So when Mary and Mom got back upstairs, we were kinda all laying around her, watching her really closely and all. Mary was up by her head stroking her hair (she always loved that) and listening for breathing, Mom was over laying kind of on her left hand side just holding onto her hand, which also held a rosary, and I was on the right, holding her hand and doing the whole pulse check thing.
At 6:19 p.m. her pulse stopped.
You know how you always see in movies when people grab on to the dead person and shake them trying to make them come back to life? I would be lying if I didn't say I wanted soooooo badly to do just that, grab her and make her come back, I can't even begin to describe the feeling I guess. First things first, the relatives had to be called, my uncles and aunts, my mom was understandibly not in the right state so yeah, I got to call them all, one aunt and two uncles, bastards all of them!!! My aunt was all about well why didn't you tell me she was so bad? We had, on Easter, after grandma had talked to her, but of course all we knew was that she could go at any time, and my aunt had decided that her visiting my grandmother could wait until after she went on vacation, so what were we to do, you know? Oh, and the one uncle who for a year lived not more than an hour away and only visited my grandmother twice, but left her with plenty of promises to come... Anyways, so yeah, made the phone calls, got a hold of our family mortition (Bill Sandberg, we love you) and then Mary and I had to get her teeth in... yep, we knew it, I mean how often had we been told, "when I die you get my teeth in before anyone sees me...", this was an obvious to do item. Omg, talk about a comedy, Mary and I, a little freaked out (I mean, yeah, she was our grandmother, but she was also kinda dead...), dealing with rigor mortis which had started setting in and trying to get her teeth in, it was funny, I guess you kind of had to be there...
We then cuddled with her, or her body I guess, until Bill and his helpers got there to remove the body, which didn't end up being until like 8-8:30. At that point we had to leave the room because he said it was probably best so we gathered in the living room downstairs. A few minutes later my grandmothers body in a black rubber body bag and on a stretcher came down the stairs, through the living room, down the front stairs, and into the night. It was hard seeing her roll past like that, and to this day I can't even fully associate that image with her.
The rest of the evening was kind of a blur, there is a lot more that I had origionally planned on writing about, ie the days following, the funeral, etc. I'm not sure if I no longer need to, or if it's just not in me right now, but I think for now, I'm good leaving it at that.
Ok, and an ending with her obituary, I remember trying to write it, trying to include everyone and how to phrase things, it was just surreal...
Nachtsheim, Betty
(Nee Kacmarcik)
1930-2004
"Preceded in death by parents Victoria and Frank Kacmarcik, husband Bob Nachtsheim, brother Br. Frank Kacmarcik, Sister, Virginia Freeman.
Survived by Dear sisters Sr. Virginia Kacmarcik, Mary Anne Schanz. Immediate family daughter Angie, Granddaughters, Teresa, Mary Beth, and Victoria. Great-grandson Nathaniel. Daughters Teri (John) Ronolof, Cathi (Red) Hurlbut. Sons Bob (Terri), John (Georgia) Nachtsheim. Grandchildren Roberta, Jodi, Robert, Richard, Lisa, Lynette and Annette. Several Great-Grandchildren. Many wonderful friends. Mass of the Christian Burial Friday April 16, 2004 at 5 P.M. ST. PETERS CATHOLIC CHURCH 2590 N. Margaret St. N. St. Paul
Visitation Thursday 4 to 8 P.M. at THE JOHNSON PETERSON FUNERAL HOME 2130 2nd White Bear Lake (651-429-7661) johnsonpeterson.com and at the church 1 hour before the service.
Interment Roselawn Cemetery "
My grandmothers death signified so much in my and my families life, it led to the complete desintegration of what my sisters and I had always seen as our family, we lost the only place we had ever truly thought of as home, and it exposed many people for the greedy, hateful individuals they truly were. But, the only thing that matters is that it gave her peace, at last. She was ready to go and I'm certain she is in complete peace right now
So April 11, 2004, it was Easter Sunday and of course the usual big dinner was made. Honeybaked ham, sweet potatoes, au grautin potatoes, green beans, baked beans, my moms 7-up jello salad (I soooo have to figure out how to make that sometime, it's awesome), all the good stuff. My grandmothers sister (who's really a sister, btw, a catholic nun) came over, which was a usual occurance, her being part of the family and all... Garandma and her ate up in Grandmas room, of course Nate ended up wandering up that way too and swiping some from her. The rest of us ate downstairs, it was nice, of course it would have been nice to have everyone together in one place, but it was fine as it was, everyone had a good day.
Monday, I was in a bit of a grumpy mood I recall, for some unknown reason. Vickie stayed home from school that day, and things went pretty well. The only slight probem ended up a need to change grandmas sheets. She had a little bucket chair thingy that was placed just a few steps away from her bed and we just didn't make it in time. I have no idea what it was, but I do remember Vickie and I arguing while changing the sheets, the ones that my great grandfather ended up dying on actually, they were white with watercolor-like depictions of purple iris', I believe my mother has those now. No major argument, just a sisterly squabble, silly really. I recall my grandmother sitting in her chair kind of chuckling and scolding us for being so silly telling us all about how someday we'll realize how silly we were for fighting with each other...
Tuesday, the 13th, dawned a very different view of things... I awoke with Nate (about 6:30) and went upstairs to find my mom still home from work. Apparently, my grandmother had awoken extremely early and asked for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich (a faveorite of hers, esp. with this beer/dijon mustard) which she ate and apparently enjoyed. She then got a huge headache, absolutely horrible from what I was told. By the time I got up, she was sleeping, completely oblivious to the world. She never did wake up. So, we kept her pain meds going though the day (she was on liquid morphine, I remember the first time she tried it, it was awful tasting, which of course ment that every one had to try it. I still remember her going Ang, ang (Anige, my mom) you have got to taste this, it won't kill you, but its so bad!! Yeah, it did though, the stuff tasted horrible, I kinda felt bad each time I had to give it to her, which was like a million times a day), and put a call out to the doctor and all. She had had episodes like this before, a bad bad headache and then sleeping all day, it wasn't that big of a deal really (we thought) but we were really cautious with her and always erred on the side of overzelousness. Mary came into town that day, it was a planed trip, kind of an Easter visit if you will, so we were excited. She came home and Vickie debated wether or not to go to work, I believe it was a Meryvins at the time, which we kind of talked her into it, because really, what could she do, and I'm sure it was all fine, and yeah... Even the nurse that came out to the house said we were probably looking at the end, but we couldn't be sure of a time, etc... At about six, Mary and Mom went out for a cigarette break on the porch and I noticed Grandmas breathing getting a bit hmmm, shallower maybe, it's had to say, it was just different somehow. So when Mary and Mom got back upstairs, we were kinda all laying around her, watching her really closely and all. Mary was up by her head stroking her hair (she always loved that) and listening for breathing, Mom was over laying kind of on her left hand side just holding onto her hand, which also held a rosary, and I was on the right, holding her hand and doing the whole pulse check thing.
At 6:19 p.m. her pulse stopped.
You know how you always see in movies when people grab on to the dead person and shake them trying to make them come back to life? I would be lying if I didn't say I wanted soooooo badly to do just that, grab her and make her come back, I can't even begin to describe the feeling I guess. First things first, the relatives had to be called, my uncles and aunts, my mom was understandibly not in the right state so yeah, I got to call them all, one aunt and two uncles, bastards all of them!!! My aunt was all about well why didn't you tell me she was so bad? We had, on Easter, after grandma had talked to her, but of course all we knew was that she could go at any time, and my aunt had decided that her visiting my grandmother could wait until after she went on vacation, so what were we to do, you know? Oh, and the one uncle who for a year lived not more than an hour away and only visited my grandmother twice, but left her with plenty of promises to come... Anyways, so yeah, made the phone calls, got a hold of our family mortition (Bill Sandberg, we love you) and then Mary and I had to get her teeth in... yep, we knew it, I mean how often had we been told, "when I die you get my teeth in before anyone sees me...", this was an obvious to do item. Omg, talk about a comedy, Mary and I, a little freaked out (I mean, yeah, she was our grandmother, but she was also kinda dead...), dealing with rigor mortis which had started setting in and trying to get her teeth in, it was funny, I guess you kind of had to be there...
We then cuddled with her, or her body I guess, until Bill and his helpers got there to remove the body, which didn't end up being until like 8-8:30. At that point we had to leave the room because he said it was probably best so we gathered in the living room downstairs. A few minutes later my grandmothers body in a black rubber body bag and on a stretcher came down the stairs, through the living room, down the front stairs, and into the night. It was hard seeing her roll past like that, and to this day I can't even fully associate that image with her.
The rest of the evening was kind of a blur, there is a lot more that I had origionally planned on writing about, ie the days following, the funeral, etc. I'm not sure if I no longer need to, or if it's just not in me right now, but I think for now, I'm good leaving it at that.
Ok, and an ending with her obituary, I remember trying to write it, trying to include everyone and how to phrase things, it was just surreal...
Nachtsheim, Betty
(Nee Kacmarcik)
1930-2004
"Preceded in death by parents Victoria and Frank Kacmarcik, husband Bob Nachtsheim, brother Br. Frank Kacmarcik, Sister, Virginia Freeman.
Survived by Dear sisters Sr. Virginia Kacmarcik, Mary Anne Schanz. Immediate family daughter Angie, Granddaughters, Teresa, Mary Beth, and Victoria. Great-grandson Nathaniel. Daughters Teri (John) Ronolof, Cathi (Red) Hurlbut. Sons Bob (Terri), John (Georgia) Nachtsheim. Grandchildren Roberta, Jodi, Robert, Richard, Lisa, Lynette and Annette. Several Great-Grandchildren. Many wonderful friends. Mass of the Christian Burial Friday April 16, 2004 at 5 P.M. ST. PETERS CATHOLIC CHURCH 2590 N. Margaret St. N. St. Paul
Visitation Thursday 4 to 8 P.M. at THE JOHNSON PETERSON FUNERAL HOME 2130 2nd White Bear Lake (651-429-7661) johnsonpeterson.com and at the church 1 hour before the service.
Interment Roselawn Cemetery "
My grandmothers death signified so much in my and my families life, it led to the complete desintegration of what my sisters and I had always seen as our family, we lost the only place we had ever truly thought of as home, and it exposed many people for the greedy, hateful individuals they truly were. But, the only thing that matters is that it gave her peace, at last. She was ready to go and I'm certain she is in complete peace right now