(no subject)
I am so tired right now it's not even funny, completely sleep deprived am I at the moment... I'm at work, taking a break to type for some ungodly reason. I got roughly 1 1/2 hours of sleep last night, obviously am still at work (see earlier comment), and scheduled to come back here at 9am tomorrow morning, omg, I'm going to go crazy yet...
I'm thinking a LOT about the boys tonight, so much going on, BJ is more wonderful than ever lately yet I'm constantly fretting because I never seem to be able to spend enough time with him, I'm constantly yearning for more kind of thing, although I truly wonder if I am able to be satisfied with anything less than always. Life with John W. is as rocky as ever, I worry so much, all we seem to do is fight, the drama overwhelms me and drives me crazy. Now, we've been formally invited to a BDSM private party this weekend (of course he wants to go), it's being hosted by Keith, and I find myself more concerned than anything... John S., the newest relationship, but by far has started more intensely than any relationship I have ever had, I find myself absolutely enthralled and captivated by him, and from what he says, he in I, however, for some reason the last few days I find myself wondering if perhaps I may be being "played". *shrugs* I'm just not sure, something about him just keeps tugging on the back of my brain. And for someone who's not into BDSM, why does he seem so controlling of me in a Dom sense? Quinn, a non-relationship, relationship, I find myself alternating between yearning to be in his space and complete disinterest due to non-involvement.
Yeah, many, many thoughts right now, I think I'm too tired to be really seriously thinking, perhaps my thoughts are just on auto-pilot, I need to coordinate getting home in about an hour, getting contacts and makeup off so that I can perhaps grab a nap just long enough so that I get up in time to put in my contacts and makeup and head right back here...
I'm thinking a LOT about the boys tonight, so much going on, BJ is more wonderful than ever lately yet I'm constantly fretting because I never seem to be able to spend enough time with him, I'm constantly yearning for more kind of thing, although I truly wonder if I am able to be satisfied with anything less than always. Life with John W. is as rocky as ever, I worry so much, all we seem to do is fight, the drama overwhelms me and drives me crazy. Now, we've been formally invited to a BDSM private party this weekend (of course he wants to go), it's being hosted by Keith, and I find myself more concerned than anything... John S., the newest relationship, but by far has started more intensely than any relationship I have ever had, I find myself absolutely enthralled and captivated by him, and from what he says, he in I, however, for some reason the last few days I find myself wondering if perhaps I may be being "played". *shrugs* I'm just not sure, something about him just keeps tugging on the back of my brain. And for someone who's not into BDSM, why does he seem so controlling of me in a Dom sense? Quinn, a non-relationship, relationship, I find myself alternating between yearning to be in his space and complete disinterest due to non-involvement.
Yeah, many, many thoughts right now, I think I'm too tired to be really seriously thinking, perhaps my thoughts are just on auto-pilot, I need to coordinate getting home in about an hour, getting contacts and makeup off so that I can perhaps grab a nap just long enough so that I get up in time to put in my contacts and makeup and head right back here...