(no subject)
i am so scared. these past three days my grandfather has been in the hospital. one night he is acting delirious and his blood sugar is way too low, then the next morning he is in a diabetic coma and his sugar is in the teens. he has been in ICU and they dont know what is wrong. at first they thought is was a illness, then a medication he was taking but now they just have no clue. i am so uncertain if we are going to get a call and find out he is gone. he is all i have. my grandmother died when i was four and everyone says i remind them of her, and without my grandfather i will have no one at all. my mothers side, i never plan on knowing her father and her mom, my mimi, is a druken old women who lives in a trailor. but my grandfather is the one who's home we go to on holidays and he is the reason why my whole fathers side still talks to one another. i am just afraid to loose him because i love him so much. without him i will have no one. my mom has been at the hospital the whole time with him. there is always some one there whether in the room or in the waiting room. two of my aunts, the ones i dont talk to much are in marthas vineyard and dont seem to care much. but my other two aunts and my family have been there. i hate hospitals because they remind me of going to visit my aunt roxanne or my grandmother, both who had forms of cancer. but seeing him in that room, lying there with all these tubes and machines around him i just cant help but fall apart. i dont know what to do without him i love him so much. we have no clue what is going to happen. all i know right now is they are hooking him up to a resperator. It seems like everytime they say he is getting better he just get worst later that day. im afraid he may not be with me much more because he was a doctor and it was his choice that if he becomes in a state where he is not breathing or eating or doing anything on his own that he wants them to let him go. and my mom was just telling me how they were going to get him into a chair tomorrow and get him up and about. well doesnt seem like that is happening now. maybe if we get bad news then good news will follow. i just can't stand to be told that he will be fine and then an hour or two later he becomes worse. i just want any one who reads this to say a prayer for him because without him i dont think i could survive. i just love him too much.