Having a hard time
Unfortunately I'm still having a rough time. :(
Mum and Dad went away to Cyprus for 5 days 2 weeks ago leaving Max and I by ourselves. Kerry came to stay for the weekend and she took us bowling but I still felt dreadfully lonely. T
hen this past weekend mum and dad went away again with friends to Brighton. Max stayed with a friend and I was supposed to go and stay at Kirstie's and go to the cinema with her and her friends. But at the last minute on Friday afternoon I burst into floods of tears, began hyperventilating and that was that, I stayed home. It was awful and I felt terrible for letting Kirstie down (even though she says I didn't and she totally understands because she had ME).
Then mum cried because she felt guilty for leaving me and called Sophia and asked her to stay with me so I wouldn't be alone. It was a wierd feeling. I was lonely but I didn't want to be around people.
I felt terrible again on Sunday and stayed in bed till late afternoon. Mum, dad and Max came home around 8pm.
I'm putting on weight again because I've been binge eating and eating all the wrong things. I just can't face preparing myself proper meals. I end up staring into the fridge for ages and just give up and grab a packet of crisps.
I have no motivation. I'm not worried with my looks. I have the same amount of energy as I always have with ME but somehow it seems worse. I'm not sleeping either so that's not helping.
Mum says I need to cling on and not let myself spiral into depression. I'm really trying but maybe it's too late...?
My ME nurse is coming in 2 weeks so maybe she'll be able to suggest something.
The only thing I have to look forward to at the moment is my holiday on Saturday. I'm going to the south of France with Kirsite. I feel like I should be more excited about it but all I can think about is how careful I have to be with my money right now.
Sorry for this truely depressing update. I'll try and be a little more cheery next time.