Such a fool
I've been so stupid. I've been telling everyone how well college is going and how much better my health has been. Maybe that was a subconscious effort to convince myself that I could handle things. I don't know.
The truth is things have been getting steadily worse for the last 2 weeks. Mum said she'd seen it but didn't want to say anything for fear of discouraging me. I've had 3 days off college this week and today it suddenly hit me. :(
I've been doing my best to keep in high spirits. I was even laughing this morning but it was just a cover-up I think. I burst into tears this afternoon. Made mum cry too. *rolls eyes*
I just wanted to be normal. College was like a fresh start for me. For the first time in years I was in the same boat as everyone else. I wanted to do it all. And I think everyone's expectation of my getting better just spurred me on to do more and more. I kept thinking "In December I will have been ill for 4 years. Well now it's time I got my life back".
I was such an idiot to think it would be that easy. :( I kept telling people that although I was feeling better I wasn't expecting a full recovery any time soon and that I wouldn't be disappointed if I relapsed again because I knew it was coming. But actually I think I was hoping that it wouldn't come and now I'm terribly disappointed.
I'm going to wait until half-term, which is at the end of next week and then decide whether I should drop a subject. :'(
I don't want to drop anything though. :'(
The truth is things have been getting steadily worse for the last 2 weeks. Mum said she'd seen it but didn't want to say anything for fear of discouraging me. I've had 3 days off college this week and today it suddenly hit me. :(
I've been doing my best to keep in high spirits. I was even laughing this morning but it was just a cover-up I think. I burst into tears this afternoon. Made mum cry too. *rolls eyes*
I just wanted to be normal. College was like a fresh start for me. For the first time in years I was in the same boat as everyone else. I wanted to do it all. And I think everyone's expectation of my getting better just spurred me on to do more and more. I kept thinking "In December I will have been ill for 4 years. Well now it's time I got my life back".
I was such an idiot to think it would be that easy. :( I kept telling people that although I was feeling better I wasn't expecting a full recovery any time soon and that I wouldn't be disappointed if I relapsed again because I knew it was coming. But actually I think I was hoping that it wouldn't come and now I'm terribly disappointed.
I'm going to wait until half-term, which is at the end of next week and then decide whether I should drop a subject. :'(
I don't want to drop anything though. :'(