It makes me wonder
I'm not sure whether I miss when I used to write more, or if I'm thankful I stopped (poetry, I mean, mostly). I've been rereading a lot of what I wrote and it can really be haunting. It preserves my past mindset and conditions with a clarity that can hurt but certainly keeps me honest. It also forced me to really think about what I was going through (I'm not sure if that helped me refine my thoughts or if it forced and shifted my thinking toward the convenience and sway of poetics and rhetoric.) It tempted me to self-obsessed rants and raves, but also made me conscious of my thinking, and the issues affecting me.
I think, in some ways it was a therapy replacement. I really am not heavily inclined to talk with people about what's going on upstairs, both too stubborn and too afraid of burdening others with my crap. Poetry was kind of the vent. I think I should probably reconsider. Stubbornness doesn't really make sense when you've become painfully aware of what a crock pride is. I still have every confidence that God can and will sort it out, but it doesn't follow from that that other people can't be involved, especially to help take me out of my own cloud of nonsense. Still surprising to me that there are people so willing to put up with my BS. I think I really ought to accept that and be grateful rather than confused. (many thanks especially to Erin, Emily, Bill, Steph, Courtney, Eric, and Fr. George [amazing in and of itself to see how long that list even is]) Growth, i suppose, has been long overdue, and I'm coming to be grateful for it.
but I'll still miss pumpkin pie.
In less cryptic news: retreat at the Antiochian Village in PA was just what I needed. always nice, and made me feel a bit less woefully ill-prepared for teaching. amazing perrogie pizza thanks to Samantha and Jioio's.
IOCC fundraiser coming up sunday. Wine & Jazz at X&O's. Very exciting, though really hoping we have a good turn out.
Oh! livejournal land hasn't yet heard that I'm an UNCLE! KATE ELIZABETH is amazing! Love her so much and need to keep myself determined and planned in how to make sure she gets all the best Henson has to offer.
there's probably more. but I hope this counts as a decent entry and a hello to some of the many amazing people I've neglected.