Maybe it's just this day
Tomorrow marks one month until I leave Pinewoods. I feel kind of unanchored. I feel almost ready for something new, but I have no idea where I want to be. It's suddenly hit me how impermanent this situation is, and I have a sick, scared feeling in my stomach. This could also have to do with a lot of other things: today was my second day off in a row and I did basically nothing; I came back from visiting my parents a couple of days ago; the weather is very strange; I didn't sleep very much last night.
Also, my mom's good friend is dying. When I say that, I don't mean that she's sick and her health is deteriorating and she probably won't get better; I mean that she will probably die in the next couple of days. It's possible that she already has. This is a sobering thought, and it's eating away at me more than I would like to believe. I tell myself that no matter how much my mother puts it on me, it's not my sadness to bear, but that doesn't erase the fact that just a few months ago I was speaking to her and she was standing and walking and looking relatively healthy. I'm not familiar with this kind of death. I've experienced my grandmother, who had no clue who I was for the last three or four years of her life, dying, but that is completely different. This could have happened to my father 10 years ago. It could happen to anyone. (Yes, I know it's a no-brainer. Cut me some slack.)
On a more uplifting note, I found some new dance shoes in the abandoned lost and found (I wore holes in the ones I have). They're not really what I want, but they'll get me through a few weeks at least, until I can find better ones. I also went to see Harry Potter 5 last night at midnight. I was really impressed. It was much more smoothly done than the others, with beautiful cinematography, and it was slightly less angsty than the book was, but still got the point across. Umbridge and Luna Lovegood were brilliant. I would definitely recommend it - maybe not for 9 dollars, but definitely worth a matinee price.
Also, my mom's good friend is dying. When I say that, I don't mean that she's sick and her health is deteriorating and she probably won't get better; I mean that she will probably die in the next couple of days. It's possible that she already has. This is a sobering thought, and it's eating away at me more than I would like to believe. I tell myself that no matter how much my mother puts it on me, it's not my sadness to bear, but that doesn't erase the fact that just a few months ago I was speaking to her and she was standing and walking and looking relatively healthy. I'm not familiar with this kind of death. I've experienced my grandmother, who had no clue who I was for the last three or four years of her life, dying, but that is completely different. This could have happened to my father 10 years ago. It could happen to anyone. (Yes, I know it's a no-brainer. Cut me some slack.)
On a more uplifting note, I found some new dance shoes in the abandoned lost and found (I wore holes in the ones I have). They're not really what I want, but they'll get me through a few weeks at least, until I can find better ones. I also went to see Harry Potter 5 last night at midnight. I was really impressed. It was much more smoothly done than the others, with beautiful cinematography, and it was slightly less angsty than the book was, but still got the point across. Umbridge and Luna Lovegood were brilliant. I would definitely recommend it - maybe not for 9 dollars, but definitely worth a matinee price.