(no subject)
well i haven't updated since christmas, so i'm thinkin i might just start up again. i really hate this thing, yet i can't seem to part with it.
anyways, today we won our bi-district game! and now we go to regionals! whoop! i'm excited. so my team is pretty much the funnest, craziest, most "BOYsterous" group of girls ever! it was so freaking insane and loud and fun on the way home. kinda. and that's all i have to say about that.
and i just accidently smushed a bug and yellow guts came out. sweet.
so i've been struggling with some very important matters for quite a while now. but no one knows cuz i always keep every little blasted thing bottled up inside. i hate that, but i can't seem to change it. i can't talk to anyone because my struggles include basically everyone. i'm just trying to deal with it and give it to God and not worry about it, but it's not working very well. i just want to talk to someone. just a single person knowing about everything that's been going on and how i feel would be so liberating and comforting, but who can i talk to? i haven't vented to anyone in..i dont know how long. like a year. at least. aaahh! i don't feel comfortable around anyone and i'm never myself. i've drawn back into my shell and i can't get out. i feel like a recluse most of the time and it seems like i've placed a wall between me and everyone i know so i can't get close to them and they can't get close to me. and it seems like everyone else has placed their own wall between themselves and me cuz they don't want to get close to me either. i don't know who my real friends are, i don't know whose being real and whose not, i don't know who i can trust anymore (well i know a few), etc.
what's wrong with me?
well this is a nice depressing entry. i'm sorry about that..but once i typed that first sentence i just kept at it and couldn't stop. there's a whole lot more to that but i don't feel the need to express myself further.
tomorrow brings a brighter day..
goodnight ace
anyways, today we won our bi-district game! and now we go to regionals! whoop! i'm excited. so my team is pretty much the funnest, craziest, most "BOYsterous" group of girls ever! it was so freaking insane and loud and fun on the way home. kinda. and that's all i have to say about that.
and i just accidently smushed a bug and yellow guts came out. sweet.
so i've been struggling with some very important matters for quite a while now. but no one knows cuz i always keep every little blasted thing bottled up inside. i hate that, but i can't seem to change it. i can't talk to anyone because my struggles include basically everyone. i'm just trying to deal with it and give it to God and not worry about it, but it's not working very well. i just want to talk to someone. just a single person knowing about everything that's been going on and how i feel would be so liberating and comforting, but who can i talk to? i haven't vented to anyone in..i dont know how long. like a year. at least. aaahh! i don't feel comfortable around anyone and i'm never myself. i've drawn back into my shell and i can't get out. i feel like a recluse most of the time and it seems like i've placed a wall between me and everyone i know so i can't get close to them and they can't get close to me. and it seems like everyone else has placed their own wall between themselves and me cuz they don't want to get close to me either. i don't know who my real friends are, i don't know whose being real and whose not, i don't know who i can trust anymore (well i know a few), etc.
what's wrong with me?
well this is a nice depressing entry. i'm sorry about that..but once i typed that first sentence i just kept at it and couldn't stop. there's a whole lot more to that but i don't feel the need to express myself further.
tomorrow brings a brighter day..
goodnight ace