(no subject)
I've never really paid attention to when life started becoming different. Each chapter has been intense & life changing. Some more than others, of course. But these last 5 years... they've been filled to the brim with love, laughter, growth, grief. Learning the truth to letting go, & the battles of what to really hold on to, even just as your dearest memory.
My mom & I have covered every base & scenario over the years. Every little thing has been talked about, fought over & recaptured time & time again. But we never talked about this. ONLY to the extent of, "if it's not me anymore, I don't want to live." What about glimpses of you? I miss you so much. This feels so prolonged. I'm saddened I can't help anymore, that this isn't my choice to be unable to help, & there will never be another time to do so.
Being a child of a longtime disabled parent, the reality of there never being a come back almost feels shocking.
Camping. It's what for the soul.
whenactual