crazy story written by sluys' (mostly) in strathmore
By EJ Watkins, Patty Hamm, Daniel Sluys, Tim Sluys and Sara Hamm
Once upon a time Emily got a new laptop and she and her new laptop visited insane people in Strathmore. Everyone lived happily ever after….and then Patty had babies and there were even more insane people in Strathmore.
And Sara found a hot man at the Bible college next door and got hitched…then they had more crazy babies and lived happily ever after in Strathmore…because she decided to make the best of her young, fertile years…and her rugrats and Patty's rugrats played together and took over the town. Emily had rugrats also who stayed with Aunti Patty while Em was in far away lands chasing the latest scoop… and with Sara and her babes living next door, there were lots of
babysitters to go around, especially when Patty went psycho and dumped the kids with Sara so she could run away to Tim Hortons to write.
Day by day Sara went insane until finally her children were seized and her hubby put her in an institution until she was well again. Then they had three more children to their brood. Then one day Sara showed up at Patty's house, claiming that she needed her to watch her crazy brood for a few hours while she went into Calgary to visit a friend. She left her children there and did go to Calgary but left on the nearest plane for Cambodia. So Patty had twenty
children to care for so she sold 15 of them for $2,000,000 each and she and Kevin moved to a gorgeous home on the beach by a forest.
Emily came home from the Middle East to discover that the worst of the worst and the evilest of the evilest had come to her friends for not using birth control. Aghast, she showed up at Patty's door in a mad panic, nearly knocking the door down and driving into a palm
tree in her hysteria. She nearly tripped over a few of Patty's insane, psychotic children who were threatening to leave and go live with their Uncle Tim who lived in the deep far reaches of Kurgistahn embedded in the shrouded
caves of the Rebel forces of Kavista. They felt that their fortunes were much better with him dying for a good cause.
Sara meanwhile was having the time of her life having found a man who truly didn't want to over-populate the world with crazed bizarre kids. Thus said we failed to mention that the first husband dies when he witnesses Sara's most recent childbirth. So off they ran together to find a place in the world where no one could blame them
for their unprocreation.
Meanwhile, Uncle Tim's brother, Daniel was beginning his new business that was slowly making him a millionaire; The Last Chance Kidney Foundation. The main goal of this booming business was actually to find another kidney for Daniel so he could once again begin playing dangerous and somewhat stupid sports. However, one night in his mansion, Daniel began thinking about his pet gopher. He realized that he needed to carry on in life and give his pet gopher
Dib-Dib the attention and due care it needed. So, him and Uncle Tim co-partnered after Tim had finished serving in Kergastand.
Sara suddenly remembered her late husband and his once-fully functioning kidneys and she and her new dude rushed back to dig up the body. Daniel stood by holding his teacup, urging them the dig faster. Then an amazing surgeon in Williams Lake performed an unheard of procedure, implanting both kidneys into Daniel. Once the tests were done, it was discovered that all three kidneys were fully
operational. Daniel went on to do amazingly stupid sports with reckless abandon.
Meanwhile, Emily's husband took the grand fortune he made posing for fireman calendars and invested his cash in a flying Winnebago so he and he dear wife could travel the world in style, taking their rugrats with them. They saved them just in time for Patty and Kevin were just taking off in their own flying Winnebago to see some sights themselves.
Sara and her new husband finally found the three million in large Canadian diamonds hidden on her late husband's body and whooped with joy. She excitedly took the diamonds and had them appraised selling them on the black market for even more than they were worth. She sent a portion of her cash to Tim in Kurgistahn, telling him to take good care of her kids because when Patty had sold them to a Cambodian rebel leader, he had brokered a subsequent deal with Tim in Kurghistahn to take the kids, who was busy fighting Osama.
She took off in her own Winnebago, seething with anger and seeking revenge against patty who had sold her children, even though she was really grateful that she had gotten rid of them. They took off for California where they lived in a beach house, sipping on chardonnay (which Sara had developed a liking to in Cambodia) and accidentally
bumped into the now world famous Ben Sluys who had won the gold medal at the Olympics in Prague for weightlifting ten thousand hundred million kilos. When he returned to California he spent his days as a beach bum, surfing, spending money and winning surfing competitions.
Then one day Emily's model husband showed up at Patty's with kids in tow for a visit saying that Emily had gone to Kurgistahn to investigate the family mystery of the missing children in the guise of a documentary on Tim's rebel group in Northern Kurghistahn. She was nearly killed by Osama crossing the dessert. But Tim and a group of several renegades saved her and convinced Osama to join his cause and also admit that Tim was a far superior warrior. Quickly Tim got Emily to repay the kindness by exploiting false things about the president of the USA. EJ all too willingly agreed and quickly started a world wide media assault on Bush. With such an incredible distraction Tim
borrowed Patty's Winnebago to transport his men to California and hide out in Dan's kidney foundation until the perfect time to over-throw the government.
Now Dave had become a monk and was living in a Tibetan monestary practicing his kungfu moves. He caught wind of this injustice of the Winnebago snatching and set out on his super powerful motorcycle to rescue Kevin and Patty's leisure vehicle. He ran out of gas before he reached the Tibetan border and had no money to buy anymore. He whipped out his cellphone and pleaded with Sara for diamond money, but still bitter over the selling of her kids, Sara
refused.
Suddenly Bush showed up, trying to escape from Emily's relentless media assault and offered Dave his vehicle in exchange for his silence. At that exact time Sara called Dave back and did offer him the diamond money in exchange for the assassination of the president who was standing mildly by. Dave readily agreed and whipped out his
hidden gun from the back of the super bike.
Emily showed up just in time with her camera crew and caught the live assassination on breaking news across North America. In the middle of the news broadcast, Patty showed up, curious as to why her little sweet brother Dave was holding a gun. Sara showed up to see if her diamond money had really gotten the results she'd wanted, as she wanted to take over the Bush Oil corporation after he was dead.
Ben showed up tagging after Sara because he was convinced that she had nicked his favourite gold Olympic medal. And Tim let out a giant many shout and went on to fight for justice.
Just then Daniel came flying over the hill in his souped up go cart screaming, "Three kidneys-INTENSE!!"
And then Brandon phoned.
Emily answered and warned him off all the insanity that could happen if you brought a new laptop to crazy people in Strathmore.
Once upon a time Emily got a new laptop and she and her new laptop visited insane people in Strathmore. Everyone lived happily ever after….and then Patty had babies and there were even more insane people in Strathmore.
And Sara found a hot man at the Bible college next door and got hitched…then they had more crazy babies and lived happily ever after in Strathmore…because she decided to make the best of her young, fertile years…and her rugrats and Patty's rugrats played together and took over the town. Emily had rugrats also who stayed with Aunti Patty while Em was in far away lands chasing the latest scoop… and with Sara and her babes living next door, there were lots of
babysitters to go around, especially when Patty went psycho and dumped the kids with Sara so she could run away to Tim Hortons to write.
Day by day Sara went insane until finally her children were seized and her hubby put her in an institution until she was well again. Then they had three more children to their brood. Then one day Sara showed up at Patty's house, claiming that she needed her to watch her crazy brood for a few hours while she went into Calgary to visit a friend. She left her children there and did go to Calgary but left on the nearest plane for Cambodia. So Patty had twenty
children to care for so she sold 15 of them for $2,000,000 each and she and Kevin moved to a gorgeous home on the beach by a forest.
Emily came home from the Middle East to discover that the worst of the worst and the evilest of the evilest had come to her friends for not using birth control. Aghast, she showed up at Patty's door in a mad panic, nearly knocking the door down and driving into a palm
tree in her hysteria. She nearly tripped over a few of Patty's insane, psychotic children who were threatening to leave and go live with their Uncle Tim who lived in the deep far reaches of Kurgistahn embedded in the shrouded
caves of the Rebel forces of Kavista. They felt that their fortunes were much better with him dying for a good cause.
Sara meanwhile was having the time of her life having found a man who truly didn't want to over-populate the world with crazed bizarre kids. Thus said we failed to mention that the first husband dies when he witnesses Sara's most recent childbirth. So off they ran together to find a place in the world where no one could blame them
for their unprocreation.
Meanwhile, Uncle Tim's brother, Daniel was beginning his new business that was slowly making him a millionaire; The Last Chance Kidney Foundation. The main goal of this booming business was actually to find another kidney for Daniel so he could once again begin playing dangerous and somewhat stupid sports. However, one night in his mansion, Daniel began thinking about his pet gopher. He realized that he needed to carry on in life and give his pet gopher
Dib-Dib the attention and due care it needed. So, him and Uncle Tim co-partnered after Tim had finished serving in Kergastand.
Sara suddenly remembered her late husband and his once-fully functioning kidneys and she and her new dude rushed back to dig up the body. Daniel stood by holding his teacup, urging them the dig faster. Then an amazing surgeon in Williams Lake performed an unheard of procedure, implanting both kidneys into Daniel. Once the tests were done, it was discovered that all three kidneys were fully
operational. Daniel went on to do amazingly stupid sports with reckless abandon.
Meanwhile, Emily's husband took the grand fortune he made posing for fireman calendars and invested his cash in a flying Winnebago so he and he dear wife could travel the world in style, taking their rugrats with them. They saved them just in time for Patty and Kevin were just taking off in their own flying Winnebago to see some sights themselves.
Sara and her new husband finally found the three million in large Canadian diamonds hidden on her late husband's body and whooped with joy. She excitedly took the diamonds and had them appraised selling them on the black market for even more than they were worth. She sent a portion of her cash to Tim in Kurgistahn, telling him to take good care of her kids because when Patty had sold them to a Cambodian rebel leader, he had brokered a subsequent deal with Tim in Kurghistahn to take the kids, who was busy fighting Osama.
She took off in her own Winnebago, seething with anger and seeking revenge against patty who had sold her children, even though she was really grateful that she had gotten rid of them. They took off for California where they lived in a beach house, sipping on chardonnay (which Sara had developed a liking to in Cambodia) and accidentally
bumped into the now world famous Ben Sluys who had won the gold medal at the Olympics in Prague for weightlifting ten thousand hundred million kilos. When he returned to California he spent his days as a beach bum, surfing, spending money and winning surfing competitions.
Then one day Emily's model husband showed up at Patty's with kids in tow for a visit saying that Emily had gone to Kurgistahn to investigate the family mystery of the missing children in the guise of a documentary on Tim's rebel group in Northern Kurghistahn. She was nearly killed by Osama crossing the dessert. But Tim and a group of several renegades saved her and convinced Osama to join his cause and also admit that Tim was a far superior warrior. Quickly Tim got Emily to repay the kindness by exploiting false things about the president of the USA. EJ all too willingly agreed and quickly started a world wide media assault on Bush. With such an incredible distraction Tim
borrowed Patty's Winnebago to transport his men to California and hide out in Dan's kidney foundation until the perfect time to over-throw the government.
Now Dave had become a monk and was living in a Tibetan monestary practicing his kungfu moves. He caught wind of this injustice of the Winnebago snatching and set out on his super powerful motorcycle to rescue Kevin and Patty's leisure vehicle. He ran out of gas before he reached the Tibetan border and had no money to buy anymore. He whipped out his cellphone and pleaded with Sara for diamond money, but still bitter over the selling of her kids, Sara
refused.
Suddenly Bush showed up, trying to escape from Emily's relentless media assault and offered Dave his vehicle in exchange for his silence. At that exact time Sara called Dave back and did offer him the diamond money in exchange for the assassination of the president who was standing mildly by. Dave readily agreed and whipped out his
hidden gun from the back of the super bike.
Emily showed up just in time with her camera crew and caught the live assassination on breaking news across North America. In the middle of the news broadcast, Patty showed up, curious as to why her little sweet brother Dave was holding a gun. Sara showed up to see if her diamond money had really gotten the results she'd wanted, as she wanted to take over the Bush Oil corporation after he was dead.
Ben showed up tagging after Sara because he was convinced that she had nicked his favourite gold Olympic medal. And Tim let out a giant many shout and went on to fight for justice.
Just then Daniel came flying over the hill in his souped up go cart screaming, "Three kidneys-INTENSE!!"
And then Brandon phoned.
Emily answered and warned him off all the insanity that could happen if you brought a new laptop to crazy people in Strathmore.