Way back when
I've been kinda depressed lately. It's hard to elaborate beyond that, simply because all the thoughts contributing to that feeling are like a traffic jam in my head- there's too many of them try to move so quickly through my head that they get stuck and I can't verbalize any of them.
But I think I can sum it up like this: I miss the person I used to be. I miss the confident, driven, intelligent, respectable, productive person who tasted success in so many different aspects of life because he had the drive and motivation to MAKE that success happen.
Where did that person go? At what point in my life did I lose that strong sense of internal motivation that I used to have? What caused it? And what the hell am I sitting around waiting for when I know damn well that I have to go out and GET the things I want?
Sometimes I feel like that oboe solo in the 3rd movement of Shostakovich's 5th. Or the harp thingy at the end of that movement. And I don't want to feel like that. I want to feel more like Festive Overture. Or the end of the 7th symphony.
On another somewhat related note, since my last relationship (three years ago...), I'm 0-4 in my "pursuit" (I use the term very loosely..) of major romantic interests. And that's not counting girls for whom I briefly "tested the water" and decided either they weren't interested or it wouldn't work (that's a much more complicated statistic that I oversimplified for the sake of being able to verbalize it in this format).
Oh 7th symphony, where have you gone?...
But I think I can sum it up like this: I miss the person I used to be. I miss the confident, driven, intelligent, respectable, productive person who tasted success in so many different aspects of life because he had the drive and motivation to MAKE that success happen.
Where did that person go? At what point in my life did I lose that strong sense of internal motivation that I used to have? What caused it? And what the hell am I sitting around waiting for when I know damn well that I have to go out and GET the things I want?
Sometimes I feel like that oboe solo in the 3rd movement of Shostakovich's 5th. Or the harp thingy at the end of that movement. And I don't want to feel like that. I want to feel more like Festive Overture. Or the end of the 7th symphony.
On another somewhat related note, since my last relationship (three years ago...), I'm 0-4 in my "pursuit" (I use the term very loosely..) of major romantic interests. And that's not counting girls for whom I briefly "tested the water" and decided either they weren't interested or it wouldn't work (that's a much more complicated statistic that I oversimplified for the sake of being able to verbalize it in this format).
Oh 7th symphony, where have you gone?...