(no subject)
I'm so confused. About everything.
I graduate in 30 days. I have to move out of my house in 38.
Do I stay in Indy? If I'm looking at jobs here, wouldn't that be the smart idea? That means I need a place to live. Couch, anyone?
Do I move back to Albany and stay with my parents? What if I'm looking for jobs in Indy? If I'm looking back East, it makes sense...
I'm going to have to commute back and forth either way....weddings in both cities, promises to visit. That would mean I need a summer job. Hahahahaha, yeah. OK.
A teaching job would be good, though. I can't decide where I want to be. I feel like since February, my life has changed so much. I feel like I look differently, like I dress differently, act differently. I feel like so much more is opening up in my life. People I talk to, opportunities, freedom. I'm not convinced I'm ready to leave Indianapolis yet. Ready for school to end, yes.
Plus, I love my professors and fellow music ed friends and colleagues. I would love to have their support as I get started...
But I don't want to stay here forever. I don't want to start a job here, just to wind up here 20 years from now. This is not my "home". It's ok, but it's not "home".
And then there's boys. And I do mean boys. There are some aspects of boys that have been really good, really fun. Flirting is fun. Dancing is even more fun. But apparently I suck at something.
What does it mean? Why does someone talk to you for 2 weeks all the time, want to hang out, try and find you between classes, text you just to say you looked good today, take you to dinner...and then in a matter of three days completely change and ignore you? Change the way they talk to you, IF he even talks to you? Not care about seeing you anymore? Not text you?
I really liked him. I hadn't been so comfortable around someone in a very long time...I didn't think I could enjoy myself while walking around a mall for 3 hours. He kissed me...he initiated it, and continued it. It was nice to just kiss someone - nothing more, no expectations, just kiss.
I'm surprised how upset I am about this. I don't know what to do...do I try to still talk to him? Just let it go? Wow...I really liked him. This really sucks.
I think I need to stop liking boys. Once I like them, they run away. For real. It's now happened a few times. A boy likes me, but once I realize that, or like them back, something goes wrong, and they run away like I'm the plague.
Damn. I'm tired of this already.
I'm so confused.
I graduate in 30 days. I have to move out of my house in 38.
Do I stay in Indy? If I'm looking at jobs here, wouldn't that be the smart idea? That means I need a place to live. Couch, anyone?
Do I move back to Albany and stay with my parents? What if I'm looking for jobs in Indy? If I'm looking back East, it makes sense...
I'm going to have to commute back and forth either way....weddings in both cities, promises to visit. That would mean I need a summer job. Hahahahaha, yeah. OK.
A teaching job would be good, though. I can't decide where I want to be. I feel like since February, my life has changed so much. I feel like I look differently, like I dress differently, act differently. I feel like so much more is opening up in my life. People I talk to, opportunities, freedom. I'm not convinced I'm ready to leave Indianapolis yet. Ready for school to end, yes.
Plus, I love my professors and fellow music ed friends and colleagues. I would love to have their support as I get started...
But I don't want to stay here forever. I don't want to start a job here, just to wind up here 20 years from now. This is not my "home". It's ok, but it's not "home".
And then there's boys. And I do mean boys. There are some aspects of boys that have been really good, really fun. Flirting is fun. Dancing is even more fun. But apparently I suck at something.
What does it mean? Why does someone talk to you for 2 weeks all the time, want to hang out, try and find you between classes, text you just to say you looked good today, take you to dinner...and then in a matter of three days completely change and ignore you? Change the way they talk to you, IF he even talks to you? Not care about seeing you anymore? Not text you?
I really liked him. I hadn't been so comfortable around someone in a very long time...I didn't think I could enjoy myself while walking around a mall for 3 hours. He kissed me...he initiated it, and continued it. It was nice to just kiss someone - nothing more, no expectations, just kiss.
I'm surprised how upset I am about this. I don't know what to do...do I try to still talk to him? Just let it go? Wow...I really liked him. This really sucks.
I think I need to stop liking boys. Once I like them, they run away. For real. It's now happened a few times. A boy likes me, but once I realize that, or like them back, something goes wrong, and they run away like I'm the plague.
Damn. I'm tired of this already.
I'm so confused.