(no subject)
I can't take this anymore. My life is at a point where everything is stagnant. My jobs going no where. My ideas can't go anywhere due to lack of money. I lost my wallet that had one hundred and forty dollars, my id, and my social in it... so that puts my job hunting on a stand still as well. Inside I cry every day, every day I just wish for someone to cheer me up, or say something nice. Some days It happens, and other days im to occupied by work to talk to people. I assume other people who care about me are also to occupied with their own work, or the people they care about to say anything. Everyone has someone but me, and if they don't "have" someone they are being distracted by someone. Im sick of people telling me oh I care about you when I talk about things like this. I want spontaneous actions, not reactions to mine. Some times I wonder if I should just go back out with kayla...but I realize that that would be unfair to her because im a dead beat and can't drive to see her or even really spend any money on anything besides rent and food... I can't even bye food who am I fuckin kidding. I've been living off stolen goods from work. I live in poverty, my apartment has ants and I can't even do laundry, well I can but it takes away from what little I can put to rent. Im probably going to be homeless if I can't find a second income, so this offer of selling drugs for jrad is seeming pretty tempting even though my pride gets in the way every time I think of it.
Uugh I hate my strong will to survive...damn you to hell dad. I think of killing myself all the time, but I look back at all the shit that I've talk to my father about, and he always seems to say only the week commit suicide. I know im not week... I am fucking stupid though and I think that shall be the death of me first. Stupidity... ill probably get stabbed sticking up for someone I hardly know. Or get the shit kicked out of me and fight till I cough up blood and then curse the wretched life that brought death upon me.
I want to kill everyone and watch it rain blood.. As horrid as it sounds I understand those villains in the comics I've read all my life. I can see how they want to destroy the world... and I do too.
The one grate distraction I've had though the past few days is this girl ansley I've been seeing at parties around the hill. She loves death gore and chaos, and is probably more nuts than me. Beautiful tah'boot... and I think she has the hots for me according to what some of her friends have said. So far I've been called "is this ansleys dave" and been told "I've heard a lot about you." So its seems like she thinks im cool at least. Im almost positive she just thinks of me as some easy fuck though lol... jokes on her.. I can't fuck anyone... Except myself and im too good at that. I humor it though, and it distracts me.. Sooooo I dono I hope someone crashes the green line tomorow and I discover that im unbreakable. That would be sweet. Ever since I was a child, driving in the car with my mom I would imagine a life where I was the only one with powers, and I was taken away to another universe. Only to be brought back to save everyone else lol looks like now though all I want is to kill everyone.
I need medication.
Where the fucks my family dinner.. Oh yea that stoped at age 15.
Where's my trust fund or student loans.. Oh yea! I forgot I don't qualify, and my dead great grandmother left all her money to my little cousin who's to scared to drive.
Some day I will shine brighter than any star out in this universe. When that day comes i'll assure you i'll make everything better for everyone I come in contact with.
Until then fuck my life
Uugh I hate my strong will to survive...damn you to hell dad. I think of killing myself all the time, but I look back at all the shit that I've talk to my father about, and he always seems to say only the week commit suicide. I know im not week... I am fucking stupid though and I think that shall be the death of me first. Stupidity... ill probably get stabbed sticking up for someone I hardly know. Or get the shit kicked out of me and fight till I cough up blood and then curse the wretched life that brought death upon me.
I want to kill everyone and watch it rain blood.. As horrid as it sounds I understand those villains in the comics I've read all my life. I can see how they want to destroy the world... and I do too.
The one grate distraction I've had though the past few days is this girl ansley I've been seeing at parties around the hill. She loves death gore and chaos, and is probably more nuts than me. Beautiful tah'boot... and I think she has the hots for me according to what some of her friends have said. So far I've been called "is this ansleys dave" and been told "I've heard a lot about you." So its seems like she thinks im cool at least. Im almost positive she just thinks of me as some easy fuck though lol... jokes on her.. I can't fuck anyone... Except myself and im too good at that. I humor it though, and it distracts me.. Sooooo I dono I hope someone crashes the green line tomorow and I discover that im unbreakable. That would be sweet. Ever since I was a child, driving in the car with my mom I would imagine a life where I was the only one with powers, and I was taken away to another universe. Only to be brought back to save everyone else lol looks like now though all I want is to kill everyone.
I need medication.
Where the fucks my family dinner.. Oh yea that stoped at age 15.
Where's my trust fund or student loans.. Oh yea! I forgot I don't qualify, and my dead great grandmother left all her money to my little cousin who's to scared to drive.
Some day I will shine brighter than any star out in this universe. When that day comes i'll assure you i'll make everything better for everyone I come in contact with.
Until then fuck my life