back to basics
It's amazing how quiet things get when it snows.
Meg and I went out last night to do some Christmas shopping and get some dinner with Caleb. She let me vent all over her about my latest. I really don't understand how she can put up with it. My love life has sucked so badly- ever since she's known me, I have had drama. I'm pretty sure she probably wants me to find the one more than I do- just so she doesn't have to listen to all the stupid stuff I put myself through.
After last night's conversation, and my younger best friend's wise advice and encouragement, I was reminded (yet again) that I have focused too much attention on an area of life that I have no control over and I need to just let it go. Or as she puts it, I need to go on a man-diet.
I still remember standing in the hallway at Antioch when Sis. Sherry pulled me to the side and gave me a little journal with an E on it. She said "write everything down. write down your fears, your goals...write down why you are doing this. That way when you get there, and things are down, you can remind yourself why you made this move. And when time passes, you can see what you have accomplished." (paraphrasing a little there, I'm sure)
The point was to not forget who I am, what I am doing, and what I dream of doing.
My goals that I wrote down in that journal:
1. Get a teaching job.
2. Go fishing.
3. Learn to snowboard.
4. Live in my own apartment.
5. Visit Canada.
6. Visit Kodiak.
7. Possibly find a God-fearing, sweet, caring single man who adores everything about me.
I'd like to scratch #7 off of the list but I put it there when I was in TN and that's where it will stay. But I do know for now...I'm over it. Bitterly, I don't think he exists. And that's not me being sexist, that's me using cold hard facts which I have gained from experiments in my own laboratory.
Moving on, #1 is kind of taking a break. And there's nothing wrong with that because I still desire to teach and will be an amazing teacher one day- but for now, I am gaining valuable experience to use in the classroom while working in the business world- and doing an incredible job, I might add.
#2 Hasn't happened yet, but I think my dad is coming up this summer and that's definitely something we will do together.
#3 is in the planning and I'm super pumped about it. I'm gonna get my own gear after Christmas and I'm going to start doing squats now to help strengthen my legs.
#4 I have in the bag. I have built a home for myself. And it's beautiful and comforting and I love it. It's mine and I've never had something like this all my own- but this place is me. The furniture isn't mine but that will come with time :) Looking around here...it makes me smile. I can't wait to share it with someone deserving.
#5 I saw enough of it driving thru the part I did. Might as well take it off the list.
#6 Definitely want to see Kodiak. I also have added Seward, Homer, and Ninilchik for next Summer's plans. And I am also gonna throw in a cruise. Next summer, I'm taking a cruise. Not sure where, but it will be warm and I will be very tan when I come back.
So that's the list I made before I moved here. I, of course, have a ton more things I want to do: I want to take a trip to Chena Hot Springs, I want to spend a weekend and go rafting in Talkeetna, I want to hike flattop..there's several places and things I want to see here in Alaska.
I'm a little fearful of falling into the same rut I found myself in, in TN. I don't want to ever forget what I am capable of. My friends continue to help remind me that I can do anything. I'm not sure what I'd do without them.
I don't want to forget how valuable I am either. I forgot for a moment and I trusted someone that I shouldn't have. Everyone makes mistakes, but I need to be more careful. Maybe I wasn't listening close enough. I'm not sure why I let myself get wrapped up in ideas and dreams and forget what is real and true. I know what's true and I'm thankful for the truth I have. I won't let it happen again. I won't be used ever again. This was the last time. Users are not worth my tears and so I am doing my best to let it go and to grow from this and to be stronger. And I will. I'm so very strong. And I'm gonna get stronger physically too and if I ever see this user again, I'm gonna...well, let's just leave it there.
Have I mentioned how peaceful the snow is?
:)
Meg and I went out last night to do some Christmas shopping and get some dinner with Caleb. She let me vent all over her about my latest. I really don't understand how she can put up with it. My love life has sucked so badly- ever since she's known me, I have had drama. I'm pretty sure she probably wants me to find the one more than I do- just so she doesn't have to listen to all the stupid stuff I put myself through.
After last night's conversation, and my younger best friend's wise advice and encouragement, I was reminded (yet again) that I have focused too much attention on an area of life that I have no control over and I need to just let it go. Or as she puts it, I need to go on a man-diet.
I still remember standing in the hallway at Antioch when Sis. Sherry pulled me to the side and gave me a little journal with an E on it. She said "write everything down. write down your fears, your goals...write down why you are doing this. That way when you get there, and things are down, you can remind yourself why you made this move. And when time passes, you can see what you have accomplished." (paraphrasing a little there, I'm sure)
The point was to not forget who I am, what I am doing, and what I dream of doing.
My goals that I wrote down in that journal:
1. Get a teaching job.
2. Go fishing.
3. Learn to snowboard.
4. Live in my own apartment.
5. Visit Canada.
6. Visit Kodiak.
7. Possibly find a God-fearing, sweet, caring single man who adores everything about me.
I'd like to scratch #7 off of the list but I put it there when I was in TN and that's where it will stay. But I do know for now...I'm over it. Bitterly, I don't think he exists. And that's not me being sexist, that's me using cold hard facts which I have gained from experiments in my own laboratory.
Moving on, #1 is kind of taking a break. And there's nothing wrong with that because I still desire to teach and will be an amazing teacher one day- but for now, I am gaining valuable experience to use in the classroom while working in the business world- and doing an incredible job, I might add.
#2 Hasn't happened yet, but I think my dad is coming up this summer and that's definitely something we will do together.
#3 is in the planning and I'm super pumped about it. I'm gonna get my own gear after Christmas and I'm going to start doing squats now to help strengthen my legs.
#4 I have in the bag. I have built a home for myself. And it's beautiful and comforting and I love it. It's mine and I've never had something like this all my own- but this place is me. The furniture isn't mine but that will come with time :) Looking around here...it makes me smile. I can't wait to share it with someone deserving.
#5 I saw enough of it driving thru the part I did. Might as well take it off the list.
#6 Definitely want to see Kodiak. I also have added Seward, Homer, and Ninilchik for next Summer's plans. And I am also gonna throw in a cruise. Next summer, I'm taking a cruise. Not sure where, but it will be warm and I will be very tan when I come back.
So that's the list I made before I moved here. I, of course, have a ton more things I want to do: I want to take a trip to Chena Hot Springs, I want to spend a weekend and go rafting in Talkeetna, I want to hike flattop..there's several places and things I want to see here in Alaska.
I'm a little fearful of falling into the same rut I found myself in, in TN. I don't want to ever forget what I am capable of. My friends continue to help remind me that I can do anything. I'm not sure what I'd do without them.
I don't want to forget how valuable I am either. I forgot for a moment and I trusted someone that I shouldn't have. Everyone makes mistakes, but I need to be more careful. Maybe I wasn't listening close enough. I'm not sure why I let myself get wrapped up in ideas and dreams and forget what is real and true. I know what's true and I'm thankful for the truth I have. I won't let it happen again. I won't be used ever again. This was the last time. Users are not worth my tears and so I am doing my best to let it go and to grow from this and to be stronger. And I will. I'm so very strong. And I'm gonna get stronger physically too and if I ever see this user again, I'm gonna...well, let's just leave it there.
Have I mentioned how peaceful the snow is?
:)