(no subject)
Life is still rather hard and trialsome right now. I'm sitting here in bed where I have been for most of the last couple weeks. Still sick and trying hard to recover. It's so hard having an existing autoimmune disease and than adding Bronchitis on top of it all.
At least my mom is out of the hospital and recovering from her own illness. It was difficult and she still isn't back to her 'normal' self but at least on her way from what it looks like.
School is beyond my control right now. I feel like I'm right there about to get my degree yet this illness and health is holding me back. I don't understand the lesson in that. I don't get the rhyme or reason. My dept. of rehab. counselor is stongly encouraging me to take a medical withdrawal and every fiber of my being feels this isn't the right answer yet, I'm unable to function and even my 'normal' diminished capacity. I can't help but to extrapolate and wonder what this means for my graduate education. I can't go on like this forever, can I? In the mean time, I'm terribly behind, exhausted and know it will take amazing effot to catch up. On the other hand, this school produces so much in politics that I don't believe that it will be so simple to just take a little time off and come back. Knowing them, I will have to visit sooooooooo many offices that I will just as busy instead of resting as the doctor has ordered. I know I'm getting better but still, my pain level is very hard to tollerate and I'm just not doing well overall.
Last Friday was the anniversary of Dena's death. I have distanced myself from some of the emotions because, I can't afford to have them right now yet, I am sad and still miss her very much. I know that her suffering is gone which is a good thing but still, it doesnt reduce the grief I feel from not having her with me. I have some great friends which is nice but still, no one is the same and won't be the same. That's normal but ... anyways...
I need to run off now.. someone is here