Fears...
...or worries, or maybe concerns...
Today I realized that I am more afraid of being stuck here in Washington that I am of James losing his job...pretty weird thought, right?
Last weekend I got pulled over in the Prius for having expired license tags. The tags have been expired since August, so I don't really have much excuse. Now in the distant past this could have happened because we were low on funds. In the not so distant past it could have happened because I am Queen of Procrastination (did you know that I had to retake my driving test about a year ago because I had let my license get so far past expired that it was no longer in the system...yeah, that's me). But, honestly I have resisted getting new tags because new tags = new plates and the new plates will say Washington and not Texas. Plus, I really don't want to give up my newly acquired Texas license! I am a Texan and I really don't want to be a Washingtonian (even the name sounds awful). James already got a job, we got a new house, after the car all that's left is the cell phone.
And church...and I'm not ready to be a member at some other church yet. Maybe if when we had come home at Christmas it would have been easier if the Well didn't feel like home...but it did. I told James tonight that it reminded me of Bella in New Moon after Edward returns...the wound that has been hurting her so bad that she couldn't even feel it fully was gone...not healed, but like it hadn't been there at all. THAT'S what being at the Well was like for me. Plus it seems like every show I watch has some kind of "get where you belong" theme...there's Lost, there's BSG...even Burn Notice is about a guy who just wants his life back.
And worse...James really doesn't think that we are going to be here forever...he has thought maybe 3 years...but 3 years feels a lot longer than it did 10 months ago. But I worry...what if he is wrong? What if I am doomed to live here until the kids are in high school...or worse yet, college? What if I actually become a Washingtonian? And that scares me. I feel like I can trust God easier with James losing a job than with Him keeping us here...and I don't know if that is a me problem or if it because we aren't suppose to fit here.
And I don't know what to do with that.
Today I realized that I am more afraid of being stuck here in Washington that I am of James losing his job...pretty weird thought, right?
Last weekend I got pulled over in the Prius for having expired license tags. The tags have been expired since August, so I don't really have much excuse. Now in the distant past this could have happened because we were low on funds. In the not so distant past it could have happened because I am Queen of Procrastination (did you know that I had to retake my driving test about a year ago because I had let my license get so far past expired that it was no longer in the system...yeah, that's me). But, honestly I have resisted getting new tags because new tags = new plates and the new plates will say Washington and not Texas. Plus, I really don't want to give up my newly acquired Texas license! I am a Texan and I really don't want to be a Washingtonian (even the name sounds awful). James already got a job, we got a new house, after the car all that's left is the cell phone.
And church...and I'm not ready to be a member at some other church yet. Maybe if when we had come home at Christmas it would have been easier if the Well didn't feel like home...but it did. I told James tonight that it reminded me of Bella in New Moon after Edward returns...the wound that has been hurting her so bad that she couldn't even feel it fully was gone...not healed, but like it hadn't been there at all. THAT'S what being at the Well was like for me. Plus it seems like every show I watch has some kind of "get where you belong" theme...there's Lost, there's BSG...even Burn Notice is about a guy who just wants his life back.
And worse...James really doesn't think that we are going to be here forever...he has thought maybe 3 years...but 3 years feels a lot longer than it did 10 months ago. But I worry...what if he is wrong? What if I am doomed to live here until the kids are in high school...or worse yet, college? What if I actually become a Washingtonian? And that scares me. I feel like I can trust God easier with James losing a job than with Him keeping us here...and I don't know if that is a me problem or if it because we aren't suppose to fit here.
And I don't know what to do with that.