i can't keep doing this to myself.
it's been almost a year since my last update. i only come here when things are coming apart at the seams. it's that time again. i came out today: http://corycopeland.net/2012/05/18/gay-marriage-a-discussion. and i don't think i was really prepared from the fallout of it all.. or having to think about everything leading up to this moment.
i can count the number of times i moved from my computer today. i just keep refreshing this page to read the comments. i've done my best to stay calm and lovingly respond to everyone but when you say things like, with God's grace i can change my lifestyle and telling me to admit that i boldly choose sin over his word, all i have to say is... fuck you.
i've gone back and forth all day with being hurt then angry then devastated then sad then angry again. and now i'm just emotionally drained. i don't know what to think anymore. when you're told the same things constantly, a part of you starts to believe it no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise.
i thought i was past all of this.
but i don't really know anything anymore except that i don't want to feel like this again tomorrow.