Kurt/Sebastian: Tear Down My Reason (NC-17)- Part Two
Title: Tear Down My Reason
Author: flyblckbirdfly ( LJ / Tumblr )
Artist ninjalights (Tumblr)
Rating: NC-17 (fic), R (art)
Word Count 15,228
Warnings: Underage drinking, drunk sex, unprotected blowjobs, depression-like symptoms, mild slut shaming, Kurt/OC
Summary: Following the soul-crushing agony that Blaine’s admission brought into Kurt’s life, he drifts into something even more dangerous than the sadness that has been consuming him. He finds himself numb to everything and everyone around him, existing in a mere shell of the person he had so very recently been. Desperate for a way to feel, Kurt finds himself reaching out to the one person he probably shouldn’t, because he knows Sebastian can give him what he needs. What he finds isn’t what he was expecting, but what in his life lately has been?
A/N: This fic was written for the Kurtbastian Big Bang. A million thanks to my amazing beta, the wonderful Kit. This fic would not exist without her constant support and encouragement and all of the flailing/screaming/talking she let me do at her. Please consider this fic canon up through The Break-Up. At that point, we didn't know what Sebastian was doing this year, so I made up my own story. Thank you!
Art Link: Click here
“I thought you said you live close,” Sebastian groans halfway through their trip.
“I never said that.” Kurt lets his head fall back, banging against the window as Sebastian sighs long and loud.
“I literally live around the corner from the bar. We could be done by now,” Sebastian says.
“The generic brand detergent you use on your sheets gave me a rash.”
“Well I’m losing wood over here.”
“How sad for you.”
“Sad for the both of us,” Sebastian grumbles, shooting a withering glare at the couple across from them that has been staring into each other’s eyes for the last five minutes. “I’m going to be sick.”
“Then look somewhere else.”
“They’re right there!” Sebastian exclaims, gesturing at them and finally bringing them out of their gooey daze.
“Excuse the fuck out of us, we just got engaged,” the girl spits back, flashing an- ugh -pear shaped diamond ring at them.
“Half of all marriages end in divorce and the ones that don’t are still miserable.”
“And what makes you such an expert?” she asks, taking Sebastian’s bait so easily Kurt can’t help but laugh.
“We’ve both got wives at home, but once a month we just can’t help ourselves and have to get together to fuck each other until we get the awful taste of pussy out of our mouths,” Sebastian tells her, draping an arm over Kurt’s shoulders and pulling him close. Before anyone can react, aside from the fierce blush on Kurt’s cheeks, the train pulls to a stop. “This is us. Enjoy your huge mistake!”
Sebastian’s tone is overly cheerful as he pulls Kurt to his feet by his hand, linking their fingers together and pulling him out into the chilly night air. He pauses outside, waiting for Kurt to make a move in the right direction. With a forceful yank, Kurt pulls his hand free and starts to walk toward his and Rachel’s apartment.
“Was that really necessary?” Kurt asks. “They’d just gotten engaged. They were being happy.”
“They were being nauseating. I don’t have to be subjected to that on public transit,” Sebastian says, pausing and looking over at Kurt. “Which is a disgusting way to travel, by the way.”
“Sorry, I gave my limo driver the night off. Same with the butler. You’ll have to roll the condom on your own dick.”
“Oh so… oh. Oh, okay,” Sebastian manages to get out as Kurt lets them into his building.
“Is there a problem?” Kurt asks, sliding the door open and lifting a finger to his lips, silently shushing Sebastian before pointing to the corner of the loft that houses Rachel’s bed.
“You have a roommate?” Sebastian practically whines, voice barely lowered as they make their way inside. “Seriously, why are we here?”
“I have my reasons. Follow me.”
Kurt looks at the curtains that close off Rachel’s room from the rest of the loft and hears a rattling snore come from the other side. Giving a wicked grin in that direction, he grabs Sebastian’s hand and pulls him toward his own space. Once they’re inside, he starts to pull his own clothes off, flicking his briefs at Sebastian’s chest as he climbs onto the bed.
Sebastian’s already mostly naked, his skin looking impossibly smooth in the moonlight drifting through the shades. He tosses Kurt’s underwear away without giving them a second look, following Kurt onto the bed with an almost predatory look in his eyes that twists Kurt’s stomach into a knot.
“You’re going to let me fuck you tonight?” Sebastian asks, smile evident in his voice as his bends to lick over Kurt’s left nipple.
“The thought had crossed my mind,” Kurt sighs, sharing in Sebastian’s grin as he cards his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, urging his lips to travel further down his torso. “But I believe you said you had an agenda for the evening.”
“Hmm, I think you’re right,” Sebastian says, nipping at the ticklish skin just to the side of Kurt’s belly button. “Are you sure you can handle it, though?”
“Not exactly the first time I’ve had that done to me.” Kurt’s already breathless from the teasing licks and kisses and bites Sebastian’s applying to his skin, burning a scorching path down Kurt’s body until he irritatingly, stubbornly avoids Kurt’s cock completely and turns him over, immediately biting down on the muscled swell of Kurt’s ass cheeks, each in turn. A low moan spills from between Kurt’s lips and he buries the sound into the blankets before his face, rutting his hardening cock against the mattress.
“I’m better than him, though,” Sebastian whispers, pulling Kurt’s cheeks apart and licking all the way from his balls to the dip of his lower back. Kurt freezes, hands clenched in the sheets, the mention of Blaine without even saying his name enough to stop him mid-thrust against the bed.
“Can you please not-“ is all he gets out before Sebastian licks deliberately over his asshole.
“Sure,” Sebastian says, licking again and again, swirling, swiping, trailing, and pushing but never quite hard enough. It’s so much, almost too much, but the point is, it’s just enough to make him forget the minor misstep, something he’ll later realize was exactly Sebastian’s intention all along.
Kurt lets his hips move with the rhythm of Sebastian’s tongue, rubbing his dick against the sheets and letting all of his moans flow into the mattress, hoping that they’ll be silenced at least a little. Because as much as he wants Rachel to know that he’s just fine hooking up, thank you very much, he doesn’t exactly want her to hear him doing so. It feels so good, the warm wetness of Sebastian’s skillful tongue, that Kurt’s mouth falls open in a silent moan as he drops his face to the mattress, raising his hips to give Sebastian better access.
“Eager, aren’t you?” Sebastian asks between those terribly teasing licks. Kurt looks over his shoulder and wants to glare but can’t, only pants.
“Fuck you,” Kurt says, dropping back to fully lay on the mattress as Sebastian ducks his head to suck at Kurt’s asshole. A gentle touch strokes over his balls just as Sebastian’s tongue pushes inside, and that coupled with the friction against his cock sends him shouting over the edge, throat straining with the effort it takes him to get his voice that quiet.
“Where’s your lube?” Sebastian asks, pressing kisses to the tops of Kurt’s thighs, right where they meet his ass and stroking his hands over Kurt’s hips.
“Huh?” Kurt asks, lifting his head but not finding the energy within himself to actually turn around.
“Where’s your lube?” Sebastian repeats, sliding up the length of Kurt’s body and dragging his cock up the crack of Kurt’s ass.
“Under the bed,” Kurt gasps, rocking his hips up to press into Sebastian and finding himself connecting only with the cold air of the loft as Sebastian moves away to get the object in question.
Everything feels even hazier than before, his level of intoxication swirling together with the pleasant afterglow of his orgasm making him want to do nothing more than just lay there and stare stupidly at the wall until he falls asleep. But Sebastian apparently has other plans for them, ones that involve the lubed finger rubbing against him again right where Sebastian’s tongue had just been.
“Do you have something against a normal refractory period?” Kurt asks, but his body is moving with the slide of Sebastian’s finger, hissing a little when that slippery digit pushes its way inside.
“Did you change your mind?” Sebastian asks, finger freezing buried deep in Kurt’s ass. Kurt laughs a little and waves a hand before settling his cheek on the bed.
“No no. Continue,” he says, moaning as Sebastian slides a second in as well. “You just seem to be starting a habit of not letting me recover from my orgasms before moving on to something else, that’s all.”
“Oh yeah, that. In case you haven’t noticed, my middle name isn’t exactly Patience.”
“You don’t say,” Kurt drawls, smiling and moaning lightly as Sebastian starts to work the pads of his fingers against his prostate.
It’s been a long time since he bottomed and god, he’s really missed the feeling. He and Blaine had done both, but had eventually fallen into a rhythm that involved Kurt topping more often than not, and almost exclusively there at the end. As much as he likes topping, there’s was something about being filled up, taken care of, that he loves.
As he lets Sebastian prepare him with long, careful, insistent fingers, he sighs contentedly, his still mostly soft cock rubbing against the sheets. It’s over-stimulating in the best way, his nerves strung tight and threatening to snap each time Sebastian angles the thrust of his ever-stretching fingers just right.
“I’m ready,” Kurt says about a nanosecond after he realizes that he is, rising up on his knees only to find himself knocked off his balance with a firm shove to the hip instead. “Excuse you.”
“I want you on your back,” Sebastian says. “So shut the fuck up and oblige me.”
Kurt swallows and does as he’s told, spreading his legs on instinct and watching as Sebastian extricates his wallet from the back pocket of his discarded jeans and pulls a condom from inside.
“Can you handle doing that all by yourself?”
“Why, because my dick’s so big?”
“No, because my butler isn’t here to do it for you,” Kurt teases, smirk wiped from his face as Sebastian yanks his legs open further, positioning himself between them and stroking lube over his cock.
“You’re mouthy,” Sebastian says, grabbing his dick and rubbing the head over Kurt’s asshole a few times, the blunt pressure curling Kurt’s toes.
“Like you’re one to ta-alk,” Kurt says, breath catching in his throat as Sebastian pushes inside. “Fuck.”
“Very good, Kurt. That’s exactly what we’re doing,” Sebastian says in the same overly enthusiastic tone Kindergarten teachers usually save for interactions with students in need of intense praise.
“God, shut up,” Kurt pants as Sebastian bottoms out, his balls pressed tight against Kurt’s ass, his cock stretching Kurt wide, so much wider than his fingers had been. “Just… shut up.”
“Mmm gladly,” Sebastian says, practically purring as he starts to thrust, bending to press wet, sucking kisses to Kurt’s chest before biting down lightly on a nipple.
They’re silent for a long time after that, Kurt gripping hard onto Sebastian’s biceps, his shoulders, his ribs, shifting their path and constantly searching for better leverage. It’s been so long since Kurt has been this overwhelmed, since every inch of his body tight and burning hot. Sebastian’s moving inside of him, each thrust rubbing so perfectly, their chests so close to touching, his lips dragging over the line of Kurt’s jaw, nipping and licking and sucking.
“No marks,” Kurt hears himself whisper, the sound nearly lost in the whimper that it comes on the tail of, and Sebastian chuckles in response.
“Oh it’s way too late for that.”
“Damn it,” Kurt whines, grabbing onto Sebastian’s head in an attempt to get his lips away from the lasting bruises they’re leaving on Kurt’s pale skin. Without missing a beat, Sebastian raises up more onto his knees, grabbing Kurt’s ass and pulling him along, most of his body lifting from the mattress and leaving him in a state of pleasurable freefall as Sebastian continues to pound into him.
His cock is half-hard and laying on his stomach, bouncing with the force of Sebastian’s thrusts, but Kurt doesn’t care about that. What he does care about is being well-tended to-his prostate currently being worked over with every single thrust. The muscles in Sebastian’s arms and chest are flexed with the exertion of holding Kurt’s body up. Kurt does the best he can on his end, hands flat on the mattress alongside where his body had just been, body arched and held tight, watching as their bodies slam together over and over again.
Sebastian grunts and digs his fingers harder into Kurt’s ass for one more hard thrust before dropping with Kurt back to the mattress, grabbing Kurt’s ankles and throwing him over his shoulders.
“Oh,” Kurt squeaks as all the breath is pushed from his lungs from the force of his thighs being shoved into his own chest as Sebastian folds him in on himself.
“Oh yeah,” Sebastian moans, face relaxed and smiling as he keeps thrusting, keeps angling just right to continue stimulating Kurt’s prostate.
Kurt’s cock fits tight in the space between his thighs, rubbing with every little movement Sebastian’s body makes and bringing him back to full hardness. Try as he might, Kurt can’t make himself open his eyes. It’s too much, every sensation combined. He just came and here he is, almost there again from the double stimulation in his ass and on his dick. His body wants to splay, to stretch out and thrust up and grab and touch and kiss and come already, but all he can do is sit there, pressed into a ball with his eyes scrunched shut and all of his focus forced on feeling.
Sebastian is bracketed over him, hands on either side of Kurt’s shoulders as he rolls his hips over and over. Kurt hates to admit it, but Sebastian is good.
“You close?” Sebastian asks, face so close Kurt can feel it, but the intense rush of pleasure he’s drowning in won’t allow him to open his eyes. He nods and feels his legs being pried open and a large, warm hand curling around his cock. He comes not two strokes in, voice locked up in his throat as his eyes fly open to find Sebastian staring at him.
The rhythm Sebastian’s been diligently keeping to flies out the window, and he slams into Kurt a dozen or so more times before freezing, balls pressed against Kurt’s ass as he shudders and comes, mouth opening to speak but letting out a choked off moan instead.
Neither of them move for a long time, both panting and coming down. Kurt’s staring at the top of Sebastian’s head as Sebastian looks down at the few streaks of come on Kurt’s stomach. After awhile, though, Kurt is cold and he really needs Sebastian to pull out, so he shifts until Sebastian does, but not before bending to press a lingering kiss to Kurt’s lips.
“Where’s your bathroom?” Sebastian asks. Kurt points and cleans himself up while Sebastian does whatever he’s doing in there. He’s halfway through his nighttime skincare routine when he hears his mattress give an ungraceful squeak.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asks, frozen with only one moisturized eye at the sight of Sebastian crawling beneath his covers.
“I’m not taking the subway home at this hour. Do you know where you live?” Sebastian says, taking over Kurt’s side of the bed until Kurt gives an indignant noise of disapproval and shoves at him until he’s on the other side of the mattress.
“So… you’re staying the night?” Kurt asks, voice smaller than he’d like it to be as he quickly finishes with the other eye and shoves everything back in its drawer. He doesn’t mind necessarily, but it feels strange. He’d left immediately after both times they’d hooked up previously, so why isn’t Sebastian doing the same?
“Don’t get your panties in a wad. I just don’t want to get robbed. Or stabbed. Or both,” Sebastian tells him. “Now will you shut up so I can go to sleep?”
Kurt glares at him and goes to the bathroom himself, swearing at the mirror when he realizes that Sebastian used his toothbrush. Honestly, what is his problem? He throws it away and gets out a new one from the beneath the sink, quickly taking care of business before heading to bed. With Sebastian.
Once he’s situated and as comfortable as he’s going to get while sharing a bed with the person he’d once attempted to make a voodoo doll of, he sighs at the ceiling.
“Did you have to use my toothbrush?” he asks, earning a chuckle from Sebastian.
“I just ran it under water to fuck with you.” Sebastian pauses and looks over his shoulder. “You’re so easy, Kurt.”
It’s the last they speak, facing way from each other on opposite sides of the bed as they fall asleep to the sound of Rachel’s snores.
---
Kurt awakes in the morning to an empty bed, a sigh of relief from his own lips the first thing he hears. The second is the coffee maker clicking and glugging in the kitchen.
Rachel never makes coffee in the morning.
He pulls on a pair of pajama pants, throwing his robe on over his shoulders and rushing to the kitchen. Sebastian is awake, leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee and scrolling through his phone wearing only a pair of gray Armani briefs that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.
“Your coffee machine is terrible,” Sebastian greets him, sipping from his cup anyway as he sets his phone down.
“Good morning to you, too,” Kurt says. “And would you keep your voice down?”
“Kurt, I’m offended. Are you ashamed of me?” Sebastian asks, smile tugging at his lips.
“Wouldn’t you be?”
Kurt sees Sebastian shrug in agreement out of the corner of his eye as he pours himself a cup.
“You could have warned me that you were a cuddler. I dreamed that I was being strangled to death by an octopus.”
“There has to be a penis metaphor in that somewhere,” Kurt mutters, sitting at the kitchen table.
“I’m serious. I thought that I was going to have to break your arms to get you off of me.”
“Right, because causing me bodily injury would definitely be a better option than say… waking me up,” Kurt says.
“Of course,” Sebastian agrees, sipping his coffee as Rachel comes in the room.
She freezes and looks between them several times before gaping like a fish just yanked from the water.
“You,” she says, pointing at Sebastian. “Why are you here? Kurt, why is he here?”
Sebastian looks at her, then down at himself in his state of almost complete undress and says, “I’m drinking coffee.”
“I know that, I mean why are you drinking coffee in our kitchen in your underwear?” she demands. Normally, Kurt would be embarrassed, but as it is, he kind of wants to punch Rachel’s overreacting lights out.
“Because he stayed here last night, Rachel. I think that’s pretty obvious. Brody has stayed here before, so I don’t understand what the big deal is,” Kurt says, standing to refill his cup.
“The big deal is that this is Sebastian!”
“Is it?” Kurt asks, looking in feigned shock at Sebastian. “I had no idea!”
Sebastian bites back a laugh and sets his coffee cup in the sink, ignoring Rachel and turning to Kurt.
“As much as I’d love to sit here for a few more hours and listen to her shriek in tones that can only be heard by dogs, I think I’m going to take off.”
“Sounds good,” Kurt says, watching as Sebastian leaves the room only to be slapped in the arm by Rachel as soon as he’s out of sight.
“Sebastian? What were you thinking?” she whispers. Rolling his eyes at her, he takes his cup and goes back to the table.
“Mostly I was thinking that I was horny and wanted to get laid,” Kurt says.
“But with Sebastian?” she asks, sinking into the chair beside him and leaning her head in her hand. She’s giving him the look of an overly disappointed parent and he feels frustration and anger bubbling up in his chest with more ferocity the longer she looks at him with that concerned frown on her face.
“Yes, Rachel, with Sebastian. We hooked up. Again, what is the big deal?” Kurt asks.
“The big deal,” Sebastian starts, passing the table fully clothed, “Is your dick.”
“So crass!” Kurt yells at his retreating form, laughing a little as he hears the door slide shut. He shakes his head and circles the cup in his hand on the tabletop, rubbing at his stomach as it swirls a little, probably from lack of food and too much booze the night before.
“Oh my god,” Rachel says, hands slapping at him as her face alights in realization. “He’s the cute boy from the other day. You like him.”
“I do not,” Kurt spits out, completely aghast at her accusation.
“Kurt, you can not like him. It’s-“
“Sebastian, I know. And I don’t like him. He’s just… helping me with something,” Kurt tells her.
“With what?” she asks, stealing his coffee and taking a little sip.
He wants to tell her, but he can’t. He knows how it would sound.
”Well. Ever since I moved past sobbing over Blaine every day, I’ve felt like a shell of a human being and the only time I actually feel alive is after I have sex.”.
Yes, that’d just go over swimmingly.
Kurt shrugs instead and shakes his head. Rachel sighs and grabs his hand, giving it a squeeze.
“Well can’t someone else help you? Maybe I could-“
“No! No no no,” Kurt says, forcing a smile on his face after he practically shouts it at her. “No, Rachel, really. It’s okay. And you’re absolutely right, Sebastian isn’t the only one who can help me. He’s just been… convenient.”
It’s true but not entirely. Yes, Sebastian has been convenient. Incredibly so. But there’s the added piece that’s missing from his statement-the amazing sex they have. If that first night hadn’t been so incredibly satisfying, he would never have contacted him for a follow up.
Kurt would never compare lovers, would never even attempt to measure Sebastian against Blaine. He had been in love with Blaine, and every time they’d had sex, it had been dripping with adoration, with whispered declarations, with the desire to be as close as possible, to feel as much as possible, to just be together. With Sebastian, it’s all about getting off. About what position to be in to bring about the most intense pleasure, about how hard he can make Sebastian come and how hard he can come himself.
It’s different, the experiences so vastly contrasting that he doesn’t even really feel as though he can put them in the same category.
With Blaine it had been making love. With Sebastian it’s…
Fucking.
He blushes as he stares down into his cup, remembering the feeling of Sebastian’s tongue pushing inside of him.
“Rebounds are all well and good, Kurt, but-“
“He’s not a rebound. We’re not dating. We’ve just hooked up a couple of times, that’s all,” he says, nodding resolutely as he makes a definitive decision. “And it’s done now. Three times is enough, no matter how good the sex is.”
Rachel rolls her eyes fondly and Kurt sighs, thinking that maybe she’s finally over judging him for having a little casual sex. She gives his hand another squeeze and passes his coffee back to him, getting up to head for the fridge only to stop halfway there and whip around.
“Three times?!”
---
That night, when Kurt goes to bed, he realizes that his second pillow, the one Sebastian had used the night before, is resting right beside his own. He snaps a picture and texts it to Sebastian with the caption Are you sure that I was the cuddler?
The response comes through almost immediately.
That’s staged and we both know it.
Kurt snorts and fires back a Yes, because I don’t have anything better to do with my time.
As long as we’re both on the same page is Sebastian’s reply.
Putting his phone on silent with a smile, Kurt climbs into bed and hugs that extra pillow to his chest.
---
Two nights later, Kurt goes to a different bar. He doesn’t want to see Sebastian, doesn’t want to be again tempted with the security of familiarity. As he had set out to do earlier in the week, Kurt is going to hook up with someone new. He’s been feeling so good for the last few days, just like he had both times before, and he wants to prolong the feeling. The last thing he wants is to slip back into numbness again, that feeling far worse than the pain of the fresh breakup.
It’s a different vibe at this club and the hour is late, meaning that more people are paired up than not. Kurt has been playing a waiting game with his confidence for the last hour or so, having a couple of drinks while he musters up the courage to go approach the ridiculously adorable guy who has been kindly brushing guys off for as long as Kurt has been watching, which he has to admit is just long enough to border on creepy.
He’s setting his empty glass down on the bar, intending to finally go make his move, when his phone vibrates in his pocket. Rachel is out with Brody and that’s the only reason why Kurt pauses to check the message, but it isn’t from her.
It’s from Sebastian.
Is there a loser convention in town or something? Tonight’s prospects are bleak. The best choice is a guy wearing puka shell necklace. Puka shell, Kurt.
There can’t be. Wouldn’t you be the keynote speaker? he replies, pocketing his phone and heading back toward the guy he’s been eyeing.
He looks even better up close, his back to Kurt as he dances by himself. Swaying his hips to the beat, his ass is divine, wrapped up so tightly in dark washed denim, Kurt has to bite back a moan at the thought of peeling them down his muscular thighs. Kurt throws back his shoulders and taps the guy on the shoulder.
“Well hello,” the guy says, giving Kurt a lengthened onceover as he turns, but all Kurt can see is the guy’s neck. Namely, the puka shell necklace fastened around it. “I’m Trevor.”
“Kurt,” he manages to say, finding himself immediately pulled into Trevor’s arms and danced against.
“You’re gorgeous,” Trevor says against the shell of Kurt’s ear. Kurt wants to fawn, wants to preen at being the only guy this Trevor has bothered to really dance with all night. He wants to return the sentiment because really, Trevor is. He has dark hair ruffled in an intentionally messy coif, his eyes are bright blue and piercing, his jaw is chiseled and his muscles feel firm and broad against Kurt’s body, but all he can do is look over his shoulder.
It can’t be a coincidence. Trevor is the hottest guy in the place and puka shell necklaces haven’t been in style since, well, the seventies. Sebastian is here, Kurt knows he is and scans the crowd while Trevor expertly moves his body against Kurt’s. There are lips on his neck, kissing softly and pulling Kurt from his search, his stomach twisted up in knots as he tries to fight against the urge. Whether that urge is to look for Sebastian or to give in to the sinful feeling of Trevor’s lips and tongue on his skin, he isn’t exactly sure.
As Trevor nips at the side of his throat, Kurt snaps himself out of it. This is exactly what he had set out to do. Here he is, receiving the attention of the guy he’d been hoping to hook up with and all he can do is look for Sebastian? What is wrong with him?
He turns his head to the side, capturing Trevor’s mouth in a hot kiss. His lips are warm and firm and a little frantic as they kiss Kurt back, hands grabbing hard onto Kurt’s hips and pulling him closer.
“I was hoping that you’d come dance with me,” Trevor says between kisses, smiling widely and a little crookedly and Kurt waits for a thrill of excitement to pass through him.
It doesn’t.
“Yeah?” Kurt asks, kissing harder, using more tongue, sucking harder at his lips, just desperate for that feeling. They aren’t even dancing anymore, just standing there making out in the middle of the dance floor, Trevor yielding control of their kiss to Kurt as he grips a fistful of that gorgeous black hair and tips back his head, using the couple inches of height he has on Trevor to his advantage. “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
“God…” Trevor trails off, pupils wide and lips swollen as he stares up at Kurt. “Yeah, yes. Definitely.”
Kurt takes his hand and leads the way through the crowd, catching a whiff of cologne that smells exactly like Sebastian’s halfway to their destination. He just grips Trevor’s hand harder and walks faster, needing it now.
As he leads the way into an open stall, Trevor is grinning and saying something, but Kurt doesn’t hear it. They pick up right where they left off on the dance floor, hands roaming, lips and tongues sliding together, little moans spilling from the both of them. There’s a difference between them, though.
Trevor’s moans are actually real.
It’s good kissing and good touching. Trevor knows what he’s doing, the perfect sucking kisses he applies to the side of Kurt’s neck are proof of that, and Kurt’s body is responding appropriately. He wants to do this with this guy, wants to touch someone new and experience something new, but his nose is clogged with that phantom scent, all sandalwood and juniper berry and frustratingly there.
“Can I blow you?” Trevor asks, biting lightly on Kurt’s bottom lip. Resolutely, Kurt nods his head because yes, his dick is hard and Trevor is gorgeous and he absolutely does want to get his dick sucked.
Kurt leans against the wall of the stall as Trevor rolls a condom on him and drops to his knees. Allowing himself just to feel, Kurt shuts his eyes and focuses on the warmth and suction surrounding his cock as Trevor bobs his head.
Someone enters the next stall over, the wall Kurt’s leaning against shaking roughly as something collides with it. A loud moan sounds through the bathroom, one that is definitely not Kurt’s or Trevor’s, but he would still recognize it any day.
“Yeah…” the same voice says and Kurt’s heart skips a beat as his eyes fly open. There’s no questioning it now. It’s him, right on the other side of the flimsy black wall.
Trevor moans around Kurt’s cock, taking him in deep and sucking hard, pulling a cry from Kurt despite himself. It’s a truly excellent blowjob, Kurt notes as he stares down at the stretch of Trevor’s lips around him. He starts to hold back a moan but then he doesn’t. He lets it go, the sound echoing off the wall before him, countered almost immediately from the next stall.
He can hear Sebastian panting, moaning, whispering words Kurt can’t quite decipher. With a forceful tug in Trevor’s hair, Kurt pulls his mouth down further on his cock, hips rocking forward slightly into the tight warmth, eyes falling shut again. He’s swallowed up in sensations-the heat of the alcohol burning a fire in his chest, Trevor’s mouth pulling him deeper and deeper into pleasure with each little lick and suck, the hard press of the wall against his back, and the sound of Sebastian’s moans filling his ears.
His orgasm sneaks up on him quickly, his balls tight and aching as Trevor urges him to fuck his mouth harder. Kurt is happy to oblige, closing his eyes to the sight of the beautiful baby blues between his legs as he comes hard, finally whimpering softly after holding his breath hard in his chest for so long.
As he’s coming down from it, he hears Sebastian shout as he comes, whispering at the close of it, and Kurt knows it’s impossible, but he swears that he hears Sebastian say his name. A beep sounds from Trevor’s pocket and he pulls out a pager.
“Shit, it’s the hospital. I have to go. Rain check?” he asks, grinning as he kisses Kurt deeply. In the background, he can hear Sebastian talking to the guy he’s with, their stall door opening and banging loudly against the wall as they exit, the vibration of the collision rattling through his back.
“Um, sure,” Kurt says, hurriedly tossing the condom in the bowl and flushing the toilet with his foot as he tucks himself back into his pants.
“Great,” Trevor says, pausing and kissing Kurt again. “You’re seriously gorgeous.”
“So are you,” Kurt says quickly, feeling more than a little stupid when Trevor laughs lightly and leaves the stall.
Legs still a little wobbly, Kurt follows closely, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sebastian, but he’s already gone. The bar is mostly empty and last call is called as he heads out the door. He wants to call Rachel to tell her what happened, how he’d hooked up with a doctor, how Sebastian had annoyingly been there even though he’d gone to great pains to find a different bar to go for the night, but he can already hear the tone of her voice. So instead, he locks it away, climbing into bed a half hour later, extra pillow snug in his arms.
---
“How was your night last night?” Rachel asks the next morning, both of them curled up on the couch with bowls of cereal while a marathon of America’s Next Top Model plays in front of them.
Kurt grunts and shrugs, shoveling another spoonful into his mouth so he doesn’t just blurt everything out. His night had been practically devoid of sleep, his body seemingly more concerned with mulling over every insignificant detail of the night than actually getting rest.
“I thought you were going out,” she prods, leaning forward to set her bowl on the coffee table.
“I did.”
“Did you have a good time?”
“It was okay,” he says simply, not taking his gaze off the screen until it goes black out of nowhere.
“Why aren’t you talking to me?” she asks, setting down the remote.
“Why should I? So you can try to make me feel guilty for not only hooking up but for who I’m doing it with some more?”
She sighs and looks so sadly at him that he gets a little angry with her for employing her disturbingly effective puppy dog eyes.
“Kurt, I didn’t mean to make you feel badly. It’s just that you’re my best friend and I’ve been so worried about you. I just didn’t want you doing something for the wrong reasons.”
“Isn’t it up to me to decide what’s good or bad for me?” he counters. She holds his gaze for a moment before nodding.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” He fixes her with a look. “I’ll try not to do it again. Now will you please tell me about your night?” She’s smiling now, warm and genuinely, so he sighs a little and sets down his bowl, turning on the couch to face her.
“It was really just okay,” he admits. “I wanted to go out and hook up with someone new and I did, it’s just…” He pauses and fiddles with the seam on the side of his pants. “There was this really good-looking guy there and I knew that I was going to approach him. And as soon as I was getting ready to, I got a text from Sebastian. Just… a text. And he mentioned how the only cute guy there was wearing a very particular kind of necklace. Well, when I got up to the guy, he was wearing the same kind of necklace Sebastian had described, which was obviously weird.”
“Very,” Rachel agrees.
“So, the guy and I danced and made out a little and then we went into the bathroom to do more,” he says, waiting for Rachel to show some sign of disapproval. Thankfully, she doesn’t. “We were just really getting started when someone came into the next stall and it was Sebastian. I could tell from the, um, noises he was making. After we were both finished, he left before I could see him, but…”
“But what?”
“As soon as I figured out that the guy I was dancing with was the guy Sebastian was texting me about, it was all I could think about. I kept trying to find him and I thought I smelled his cologne, and when I was hooking up with that guy, I wanted so badly to feel something, but I didn’t even though he was so gorgeous. All I could do was stand there and listen to Sebastian moaning.” He sighs and covers his face in his hands, scrubbing them over his still sleep-warmed skin before dropping them back to his lap. “I went to a different bar on purpose. I didn’t want to see Sebastian. I didn’t want to be tempted to hook up with him again just because he’s someone I know and I know that we have good sex. But then he was there and I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about it as soon as I knew he was.”
“Kurt,” Rachel says, scooting closer. “I think you like him.”
“No, I don’t. It’s-“
“Sebastian, yes I know. We’ve been over this. Come on, Kurt, try to keep up,” she teases, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Look, I know what I said before, but if you do like him-“
“I don’t. I honestly don’t. I mean, last year we hated each other and now we’ve just had sex a few times. But… I’ve felt so lost since Blaine and I broke up. I haven’t been myself. I haven’t even felt human. But when Sebastian and I hooked up, I felt… I don’t know, alive again. And it felt so good to feel that way. So that’s why I did it again. And again. I thought it was just sex that was making me feel that way, but kissing Trevor last night didn’t feel as good. It felt nice, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t… feel anything.”
“How do you feel when you’re with Sebastian?”
“Honestly? Mostly annoyed,” Kurt admits. “But I don’t know, there’s something kind of easy about it. The way we are with each other.”
“You like him,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I don’t,” he repeats. “But I think I could someday. It’s too soon right now. Too soon after Blaine and too soon after everything that happened last year. But someday, maybe.”
She nods and slides even closer, squinting her eyes at him a little in her very best attempt at an overly determined face.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
---
Late that afternoon, Kurt again finds himself fighting against his own willpower. He wants to stand at the window to watch, but only lets himself sit at the kitchen table. He hates waiting.
A few hours earlier, he’d texted Sebastian, asking if he wanted to come over and had received a response a few minutes later confirming. His fingers are drumming nervous, shaky rhythms onto the tabletop, his heels probably halfway to pounding holes in their admittedly vintage floors.
Honestly, he can’t remember the last time he was so nervous.
When a knock sounds on the door, he looks over at Rachel’s bed where she’s doing homework and she gives him a little smile. Emboldened, he stands and crosses the distance to the door, taking in a deep breath before sliding it open.
“And here I thought you’d be all tuckered out today from that bathroom BJ you got last night,” Sebastian says as he enters.
“You knew it was me?” Kurt asks, already thrown off his game as Sebastian crowds into his space with all of his words.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, you kind of have a distinctive voice,” Sebastian grins, dipping his head down to kiss Kurt.
“I- No, no. I don’t-“ Kurt tries, words silenced by the insistent press of Sebastian’s lips, the teasing slide of his tongue. His knees go weak embarrassingly quickly, held up instantaneously by a strong arm across his lower back. “I didn’t ask you here for that. I wanted to talk.”
“Well that sounds boring,” Sebastian sighs, releasing Kurt from his grasp. “Talk about what?” Kurt heads for the kitchen table, needing to sit down because his legs are still a little questionably steady after that kiss. Sebastian sits beside him, hands clasped tightly on the table as he looks expectantly at Kurt.
“I want us to be friends,” Kurt says.
“Friends?” Sebastian asks as if the word is somehow incredibly offensive.
“Yes, friends.”
“I have plenty of friends. I don’t need more friends,” Sebastian tells him.
“Same here,” Kurt agrees. “But for as much as you annoy me, I’m kind of actually starting to like spending time with you.”
“Even the PG parts?”
“Even the G parts,” Kurt corrects. “If we have any of those.” Sebastian laughs a little and licks his lips.
“I guess we could be friends. But only if we can be friends with benefits. Honestly, I’m loaded with schoolwork and if I can’t even get a handjob out of this, then it’s not worth my time.”
“I think we can come to an agreement on that,” Kurt nods.
“So… friends.”
“Friends,” Kurt says.
“Hm…” Sebastian hums to himself, looking a little shocked. “Well, I kind of thought that I was going to get my dick sucked, so do you think we can do that instead of braiding each other’s hair or whatever other shit you had planned?”
“Possibly,” Kurt smiles, standing and leading the way to the couch. “But TV first… friend.”
“Is it too late to change my mind?” Sebastian asks, but he’s already following and sprawling out on the opposite end of the couch from Kurt.
“Yes.”
“I was afraid of that,” he says.
Kurt smiles as he turns on the TV, surrounded by the sounds of the TV and the scratchy feel of the blanket rubbing against his arm. He smells the tea Rachel’s steeping on the stove and tastes Sebastian on his tongue. As the remote gets wrestled out of his grasp by hands larger than his own, he just sighs contentedly and droops back into the couch, finally, finally Kurt.
The End
Author: flyblckbirdfly ( LJ / Tumblr )
Artist ninjalights (Tumblr)
Rating: NC-17 (fic), R (art)
Word Count 15,228
Warnings: Underage drinking, drunk sex, unprotected blowjobs, depression-like symptoms, mild slut shaming, Kurt/OC
Summary: Following the soul-crushing agony that Blaine’s admission brought into Kurt’s life, he drifts into something even more dangerous than the sadness that has been consuming him. He finds himself numb to everything and everyone around him, existing in a mere shell of the person he had so very recently been. Desperate for a way to feel, Kurt finds himself reaching out to the one person he probably shouldn’t, because he knows Sebastian can give him what he needs. What he finds isn’t what he was expecting, but what in his life lately has been?
A/N: This fic was written for the Kurtbastian Big Bang. A million thanks to my amazing beta, the wonderful Kit. This fic would not exist without her constant support and encouragement and all of the flailing/screaming/talking she let me do at her. Please consider this fic canon up through The Break-Up. At that point, we didn't know what Sebastian was doing this year, so I made up my own story. Thank you!
Art Link: Click here
“I thought you said you live close,” Sebastian groans halfway through their trip.
“I never said that.” Kurt lets his head fall back, banging against the window as Sebastian sighs long and loud.
“I literally live around the corner from the bar. We could be done by now,” Sebastian says.
“The generic brand detergent you use on your sheets gave me a rash.”
“Well I’m losing wood over here.”
“How sad for you.”
“Sad for the both of us,” Sebastian grumbles, shooting a withering glare at the couple across from them that has been staring into each other’s eyes for the last five minutes. “I’m going to be sick.”
“Then look somewhere else.”
“They’re right there!” Sebastian exclaims, gesturing at them and finally bringing them out of their gooey daze.
“Excuse the fuck out of us, we just got engaged,” the girl spits back, flashing an- ugh -pear shaped diamond ring at them.
“Half of all marriages end in divorce and the ones that don’t are still miserable.”
“And what makes you such an expert?” she asks, taking Sebastian’s bait so easily Kurt can’t help but laugh.
“We’ve both got wives at home, but once a month we just can’t help ourselves and have to get together to fuck each other until we get the awful taste of pussy out of our mouths,” Sebastian tells her, draping an arm over Kurt’s shoulders and pulling him close. Before anyone can react, aside from the fierce blush on Kurt’s cheeks, the train pulls to a stop. “This is us. Enjoy your huge mistake!”
Sebastian’s tone is overly cheerful as he pulls Kurt to his feet by his hand, linking their fingers together and pulling him out into the chilly night air. He pauses outside, waiting for Kurt to make a move in the right direction. With a forceful yank, Kurt pulls his hand free and starts to walk toward his and Rachel’s apartment.
“Was that really necessary?” Kurt asks. “They’d just gotten engaged. They were being happy.”
“They were being nauseating. I don’t have to be subjected to that on public transit,” Sebastian says, pausing and looking over at Kurt. “Which is a disgusting way to travel, by the way.”
“Sorry, I gave my limo driver the night off. Same with the butler. You’ll have to roll the condom on your own dick.”
“Oh so… oh. Oh, okay,” Sebastian manages to get out as Kurt lets them into his building.
“Is there a problem?” Kurt asks, sliding the door open and lifting a finger to his lips, silently shushing Sebastian before pointing to the corner of the loft that houses Rachel’s bed.
“You have a roommate?” Sebastian practically whines, voice barely lowered as they make their way inside. “Seriously, why are we here?”
“I have my reasons. Follow me.”
Kurt looks at the curtains that close off Rachel’s room from the rest of the loft and hears a rattling snore come from the other side. Giving a wicked grin in that direction, he grabs Sebastian’s hand and pulls him toward his own space. Once they’re inside, he starts to pull his own clothes off, flicking his briefs at Sebastian’s chest as he climbs onto the bed.
Sebastian’s already mostly naked, his skin looking impossibly smooth in the moonlight drifting through the shades. He tosses Kurt’s underwear away without giving them a second look, following Kurt onto the bed with an almost predatory look in his eyes that twists Kurt’s stomach into a knot.
“You’re going to let me fuck you tonight?” Sebastian asks, smile evident in his voice as his bends to lick over Kurt’s left nipple.
“The thought had crossed my mind,” Kurt sighs, sharing in Sebastian’s grin as he cards his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, urging his lips to travel further down his torso. “But I believe you said you had an agenda for the evening.”
“Hmm, I think you’re right,” Sebastian says, nipping at the ticklish skin just to the side of Kurt’s belly button. “Are you sure you can handle it, though?”
“Not exactly the first time I’ve had that done to me.” Kurt’s already breathless from the teasing licks and kisses and bites Sebastian’s applying to his skin, burning a scorching path down Kurt’s body until he irritatingly, stubbornly avoids Kurt’s cock completely and turns him over, immediately biting down on the muscled swell of Kurt’s ass cheeks, each in turn. A low moan spills from between Kurt’s lips and he buries the sound into the blankets before his face, rutting his hardening cock against the mattress.
“I’m better than him, though,” Sebastian whispers, pulling Kurt’s cheeks apart and licking all the way from his balls to the dip of his lower back. Kurt freezes, hands clenched in the sheets, the mention of Blaine without even saying his name enough to stop him mid-thrust against the bed.
“Can you please not-“ is all he gets out before Sebastian licks deliberately over his asshole.
“Sure,” Sebastian says, licking again and again, swirling, swiping, trailing, and pushing but never quite hard enough. It’s so much, almost too much, but the point is, it’s just enough to make him forget the minor misstep, something he’ll later realize was exactly Sebastian’s intention all along.
Kurt lets his hips move with the rhythm of Sebastian’s tongue, rubbing his dick against the sheets and letting all of his moans flow into the mattress, hoping that they’ll be silenced at least a little. Because as much as he wants Rachel to know that he’s just fine hooking up, thank you very much, he doesn’t exactly want her to hear him doing so. It feels so good, the warm wetness of Sebastian’s skillful tongue, that Kurt’s mouth falls open in a silent moan as he drops his face to the mattress, raising his hips to give Sebastian better access.
“Eager, aren’t you?” Sebastian asks between those terribly teasing licks. Kurt looks over his shoulder and wants to glare but can’t, only pants.
“Fuck you,” Kurt says, dropping back to fully lay on the mattress as Sebastian ducks his head to suck at Kurt’s asshole. A gentle touch strokes over his balls just as Sebastian’s tongue pushes inside, and that coupled with the friction against his cock sends him shouting over the edge, throat straining with the effort it takes him to get his voice that quiet.
“Where’s your lube?” Sebastian asks, pressing kisses to the tops of Kurt’s thighs, right where they meet his ass and stroking his hands over Kurt’s hips.
“Huh?” Kurt asks, lifting his head but not finding the energy within himself to actually turn around.
“Where’s your lube?” Sebastian repeats, sliding up the length of Kurt’s body and dragging his cock up the crack of Kurt’s ass.
“Under the bed,” Kurt gasps, rocking his hips up to press into Sebastian and finding himself connecting only with the cold air of the loft as Sebastian moves away to get the object in question.
Everything feels even hazier than before, his level of intoxication swirling together with the pleasant afterglow of his orgasm making him want to do nothing more than just lay there and stare stupidly at the wall until he falls asleep. But Sebastian apparently has other plans for them, ones that involve the lubed finger rubbing against him again right where Sebastian’s tongue had just been.
“Do you have something against a normal refractory period?” Kurt asks, but his body is moving with the slide of Sebastian’s finger, hissing a little when that slippery digit pushes its way inside.
“Did you change your mind?” Sebastian asks, finger freezing buried deep in Kurt’s ass. Kurt laughs a little and waves a hand before settling his cheek on the bed.
“No no. Continue,” he says, moaning as Sebastian slides a second in as well. “You just seem to be starting a habit of not letting me recover from my orgasms before moving on to something else, that’s all.”
“Oh yeah, that. In case you haven’t noticed, my middle name isn’t exactly Patience.”
“You don’t say,” Kurt drawls, smiling and moaning lightly as Sebastian starts to work the pads of his fingers against his prostate.
It’s been a long time since he bottomed and god, he’s really missed the feeling. He and Blaine had done both, but had eventually fallen into a rhythm that involved Kurt topping more often than not, and almost exclusively there at the end. As much as he likes topping, there’s was something about being filled up, taken care of, that he loves.
As he lets Sebastian prepare him with long, careful, insistent fingers, he sighs contentedly, his still mostly soft cock rubbing against the sheets. It’s over-stimulating in the best way, his nerves strung tight and threatening to snap each time Sebastian angles the thrust of his ever-stretching fingers just right.
“I’m ready,” Kurt says about a nanosecond after he realizes that he is, rising up on his knees only to find himself knocked off his balance with a firm shove to the hip instead. “Excuse you.”
“I want you on your back,” Sebastian says. “So shut the fuck up and oblige me.”
Kurt swallows and does as he’s told, spreading his legs on instinct and watching as Sebastian extricates his wallet from the back pocket of his discarded jeans and pulls a condom from inside.
“Can you handle doing that all by yourself?”
“Why, because my dick’s so big?”
“No, because my butler isn’t here to do it for you,” Kurt teases, smirk wiped from his face as Sebastian yanks his legs open further, positioning himself between them and stroking lube over his cock.
“You’re mouthy,” Sebastian says, grabbing his dick and rubbing the head over Kurt’s asshole a few times, the blunt pressure curling Kurt’s toes.
“Like you’re one to ta-alk,” Kurt says, breath catching in his throat as Sebastian pushes inside. “Fuck.”
“Very good, Kurt. That’s exactly what we’re doing,” Sebastian says in the same overly enthusiastic tone Kindergarten teachers usually save for interactions with students in need of intense praise.
“God, shut up,” Kurt pants as Sebastian bottoms out, his balls pressed tight against Kurt’s ass, his cock stretching Kurt wide, so much wider than his fingers had been. “Just… shut up.”
“Mmm gladly,” Sebastian says, practically purring as he starts to thrust, bending to press wet, sucking kisses to Kurt’s chest before biting down lightly on a nipple.
They’re silent for a long time after that, Kurt gripping hard onto Sebastian’s biceps, his shoulders, his ribs, shifting their path and constantly searching for better leverage. It’s been so long since Kurt has been this overwhelmed, since every inch of his body tight and burning hot. Sebastian’s moving inside of him, each thrust rubbing so perfectly, their chests so close to touching, his lips dragging over the line of Kurt’s jaw, nipping and licking and sucking.
“No marks,” Kurt hears himself whisper, the sound nearly lost in the whimper that it comes on the tail of, and Sebastian chuckles in response.
“Oh it’s way too late for that.”
“Damn it,” Kurt whines, grabbing onto Sebastian’s head in an attempt to get his lips away from the lasting bruises they’re leaving on Kurt’s pale skin. Without missing a beat, Sebastian raises up more onto his knees, grabbing Kurt’s ass and pulling him along, most of his body lifting from the mattress and leaving him in a state of pleasurable freefall as Sebastian continues to pound into him.
His cock is half-hard and laying on his stomach, bouncing with the force of Sebastian’s thrusts, but Kurt doesn’t care about that. What he does care about is being well-tended to-his prostate currently being worked over with every single thrust. The muscles in Sebastian’s arms and chest are flexed with the exertion of holding Kurt’s body up. Kurt does the best he can on his end, hands flat on the mattress alongside where his body had just been, body arched and held tight, watching as their bodies slam together over and over again.
Sebastian grunts and digs his fingers harder into Kurt’s ass for one more hard thrust before dropping with Kurt back to the mattress, grabbing Kurt’s ankles and throwing him over his shoulders.
“Oh,” Kurt squeaks as all the breath is pushed from his lungs from the force of his thighs being shoved into his own chest as Sebastian folds him in on himself.
“Oh yeah,” Sebastian moans, face relaxed and smiling as he keeps thrusting, keeps angling just right to continue stimulating Kurt’s prostate.
Kurt’s cock fits tight in the space between his thighs, rubbing with every little movement Sebastian’s body makes and bringing him back to full hardness. Try as he might, Kurt can’t make himself open his eyes. It’s too much, every sensation combined. He just came and here he is, almost there again from the double stimulation in his ass and on his dick. His body wants to splay, to stretch out and thrust up and grab and touch and kiss and come already, but all he can do is sit there, pressed into a ball with his eyes scrunched shut and all of his focus forced on feeling.
Sebastian is bracketed over him, hands on either side of Kurt’s shoulders as he rolls his hips over and over. Kurt hates to admit it, but Sebastian is good.
“You close?” Sebastian asks, face so close Kurt can feel it, but the intense rush of pleasure he’s drowning in won’t allow him to open his eyes. He nods and feels his legs being pried open and a large, warm hand curling around his cock. He comes not two strokes in, voice locked up in his throat as his eyes fly open to find Sebastian staring at him.
The rhythm Sebastian’s been diligently keeping to flies out the window, and he slams into Kurt a dozen or so more times before freezing, balls pressed against Kurt’s ass as he shudders and comes, mouth opening to speak but letting out a choked off moan instead.
Neither of them move for a long time, both panting and coming down. Kurt’s staring at the top of Sebastian’s head as Sebastian looks down at the few streaks of come on Kurt’s stomach. After awhile, though, Kurt is cold and he really needs Sebastian to pull out, so he shifts until Sebastian does, but not before bending to press a lingering kiss to Kurt’s lips.
“Where’s your bathroom?” Sebastian asks. Kurt points and cleans himself up while Sebastian does whatever he’s doing in there. He’s halfway through his nighttime skincare routine when he hears his mattress give an ungraceful squeak.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asks, frozen with only one moisturized eye at the sight of Sebastian crawling beneath his covers.
“I’m not taking the subway home at this hour. Do you know where you live?” Sebastian says, taking over Kurt’s side of the bed until Kurt gives an indignant noise of disapproval and shoves at him until he’s on the other side of the mattress.
“So… you’re staying the night?” Kurt asks, voice smaller than he’d like it to be as he quickly finishes with the other eye and shoves everything back in its drawer. He doesn’t mind necessarily, but it feels strange. He’d left immediately after both times they’d hooked up previously, so why isn’t Sebastian doing the same?
“Don’t get your panties in a wad. I just don’t want to get robbed. Or stabbed. Or both,” Sebastian tells him. “Now will you shut up so I can go to sleep?”
Kurt glares at him and goes to the bathroom himself, swearing at the mirror when he realizes that Sebastian used his toothbrush. Honestly, what is his problem? He throws it away and gets out a new one from the beneath the sink, quickly taking care of business before heading to bed. With Sebastian.
Once he’s situated and as comfortable as he’s going to get while sharing a bed with the person he’d once attempted to make a voodoo doll of, he sighs at the ceiling.
“Did you have to use my toothbrush?” he asks, earning a chuckle from Sebastian.
“I just ran it under water to fuck with you.” Sebastian pauses and looks over his shoulder. “You’re so easy, Kurt.”
It’s the last they speak, facing way from each other on opposite sides of the bed as they fall asleep to the sound of Rachel’s snores.
---
Kurt awakes in the morning to an empty bed, a sigh of relief from his own lips the first thing he hears. The second is the coffee maker clicking and glugging in the kitchen.
Rachel never makes coffee in the morning.
He pulls on a pair of pajama pants, throwing his robe on over his shoulders and rushing to the kitchen. Sebastian is awake, leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee and scrolling through his phone wearing only a pair of gray Armani briefs that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.
“Your coffee machine is terrible,” Sebastian greets him, sipping from his cup anyway as he sets his phone down.
“Good morning to you, too,” Kurt says. “And would you keep your voice down?”
“Kurt, I’m offended. Are you ashamed of me?” Sebastian asks, smile tugging at his lips.
“Wouldn’t you be?”
Kurt sees Sebastian shrug in agreement out of the corner of his eye as he pours himself a cup.
“You could have warned me that you were a cuddler. I dreamed that I was being strangled to death by an octopus.”
“There has to be a penis metaphor in that somewhere,” Kurt mutters, sitting at the kitchen table.
“I’m serious. I thought that I was going to have to break your arms to get you off of me.”
“Right, because causing me bodily injury would definitely be a better option than say… waking me up,” Kurt says.
“Of course,” Sebastian agrees, sipping his coffee as Rachel comes in the room.
She freezes and looks between them several times before gaping like a fish just yanked from the water.
“You,” she says, pointing at Sebastian. “Why are you here? Kurt, why is he here?”
Sebastian looks at her, then down at himself in his state of almost complete undress and says, “I’m drinking coffee.”
“I know that, I mean why are you drinking coffee in our kitchen in your underwear?” she demands. Normally, Kurt would be embarrassed, but as it is, he kind of wants to punch Rachel’s overreacting lights out.
“Because he stayed here last night, Rachel. I think that’s pretty obvious. Brody has stayed here before, so I don’t understand what the big deal is,” Kurt says, standing to refill his cup.
“The big deal is that this is Sebastian!”
“Is it?” Kurt asks, looking in feigned shock at Sebastian. “I had no idea!”
Sebastian bites back a laugh and sets his coffee cup in the sink, ignoring Rachel and turning to Kurt.
“As much as I’d love to sit here for a few more hours and listen to her shriek in tones that can only be heard by dogs, I think I’m going to take off.”
“Sounds good,” Kurt says, watching as Sebastian leaves the room only to be slapped in the arm by Rachel as soon as he’s out of sight.
“Sebastian? What were you thinking?” she whispers. Rolling his eyes at her, he takes his cup and goes back to the table.
“Mostly I was thinking that I was horny and wanted to get laid,” Kurt says.
“But with Sebastian?” she asks, sinking into the chair beside him and leaning her head in her hand. She’s giving him the look of an overly disappointed parent and he feels frustration and anger bubbling up in his chest with more ferocity the longer she looks at him with that concerned frown on her face.
“Yes, Rachel, with Sebastian. We hooked up. Again, what is the big deal?” Kurt asks.
“The big deal,” Sebastian starts, passing the table fully clothed, “Is your dick.”
“So crass!” Kurt yells at his retreating form, laughing a little as he hears the door slide shut. He shakes his head and circles the cup in his hand on the tabletop, rubbing at his stomach as it swirls a little, probably from lack of food and too much booze the night before.
“Oh my god,” Rachel says, hands slapping at him as her face alights in realization. “He’s the cute boy from the other day. You like him.”
“I do not,” Kurt spits out, completely aghast at her accusation.
“Kurt, you can not like him. It’s-“
“Sebastian, I know. And I don’t like him. He’s just… helping me with something,” Kurt tells her.
“With what?” she asks, stealing his coffee and taking a little sip.
He wants to tell her, but he can’t. He knows how it would sound.
”Well. Ever since I moved past sobbing over Blaine every day, I’ve felt like a shell of a human being and the only time I actually feel alive is after I have sex.”.
Yes, that’d just go over swimmingly.
Kurt shrugs instead and shakes his head. Rachel sighs and grabs his hand, giving it a squeeze.
“Well can’t someone else help you? Maybe I could-“
“No! No no no,” Kurt says, forcing a smile on his face after he practically shouts it at her. “No, Rachel, really. It’s okay. And you’re absolutely right, Sebastian isn’t the only one who can help me. He’s just been… convenient.”
It’s true but not entirely. Yes, Sebastian has been convenient. Incredibly so. But there’s the added piece that’s missing from his statement-the amazing sex they have. If that first night hadn’t been so incredibly satisfying, he would never have contacted him for a follow up.
Kurt would never compare lovers, would never even attempt to measure Sebastian against Blaine. He had been in love with Blaine, and every time they’d had sex, it had been dripping with adoration, with whispered declarations, with the desire to be as close as possible, to feel as much as possible, to just be together. With Sebastian, it’s all about getting off. About what position to be in to bring about the most intense pleasure, about how hard he can make Sebastian come and how hard he can come himself.
It’s different, the experiences so vastly contrasting that he doesn’t even really feel as though he can put them in the same category.
With Blaine it had been making love. With Sebastian it’s…
Fucking.
He blushes as he stares down into his cup, remembering the feeling of Sebastian’s tongue pushing inside of him.
“Rebounds are all well and good, Kurt, but-“
“He’s not a rebound. We’re not dating. We’ve just hooked up a couple of times, that’s all,” he says, nodding resolutely as he makes a definitive decision. “And it’s done now. Three times is enough, no matter how good the sex is.”
Rachel rolls her eyes fondly and Kurt sighs, thinking that maybe she’s finally over judging him for having a little casual sex. She gives his hand another squeeze and passes his coffee back to him, getting up to head for the fridge only to stop halfway there and whip around.
“Three times?!”
---
That night, when Kurt goes to bed, he realizes that his second pillow, the one Sebastian had used the night before, is resting right beside his own. He snaps a picture and texts it to Sebastian with the caption Are you sure that I was the cuddler?
The response comes through almost immediately.
That’s staged and we both know it.
Kurt snorts and fires back a Yes, because I don’t have anything better to do with my time.
As long as we’re both on the same page is Sebastian’s reply.
Putting his phone on silent with a smile, Kurt climbs into bed and hugs that extra pillow to his chest.
---
Two nights later, Kurt goes to a different bar. He doesn’t want to see Sebastian, doesn’t want to be again tempted with the security of familiarity. As he had set out to do earlier in the week, Kurt is going to hook up with someone new. He’s been feeling so good for the last few days, just like he had both times before, and he wants to prolong the feeling. The last thing he wants is to slip back into numbness again, that feeling far worse than the pain of the fresh breakup.
It’s a different vibe at this club and the hour is late, meaning that more people are paired up than not. Kurt has been playing a waiting game with his confidence for the last hour or so, having a couple of drinks while he musters up the courage to go approach the ridiculously adorable guy who has been kindly brushing guys off for as long as Kurt has been watching, which he has to admit is just long enough to border on creepy.
He’s setting his empty glass down on the bar, intending to finally go make his move, when his phone vibrates in his pocket. Rachel is out with Brody and that’s the only reason why Kurt pauses to check the message, but it isn’t from her.
It’s from Sebastian.
Is there a loser convention in town or something? Tonight’s prospects are bleak. The best choice is a guy wearing puka shell necklace. Puka shell, Kurt.
There can’t be. Wouldn’t you be the keynote speaker? he replies, pocketing his phone and heading back toward the guy he’s been eyeing.
He looks even better up close, his back to Kurt as he dances by himself. Swaying his hips to the beat, his ass is divine, wrapped up so tightly in dark washed denim, Kurt has to bite back a moan at the thought of peeling them down his muscular thighs. Kurt throws back his shoulders and taps the guy on the shoulder.
“Well hello,” the guy says, giving Kurt a lengthened onceover as he turns, but all Kurt can see is the guy’s neck. Namely, the puka shell necklace fastened around it. “I’m Trevor.”
“Kurt,” he manages to say, finding himself immediately pulled into Trevor’s arms and danced against.
“You’re gorgeous,” Trevor says against the shell of Kurt’s ear. Kurt wants to fawn, wants to preen at being the only guy this Trevor has bothered to really dance with all night. He wants to return the sentiment because really, Trevor is. He has dark hair ruffled in an intentionally messy coif, his eyes are bright blue and piercing, his jaw is chiseled and his muscles feel firm and broad against Kurt’s body, but all he can do is look over his shoulder.
It can’t be a coincidence. Trevor is the hottest guy in the place and puka shell necklaces haven’t been in style since, well, the seventies. Sebastian is here, Kurt knows he is and scans the crowd while Trevor expertly moves his body against Kurt’s. There are lips on his neck, kissing softly and pulling Kurt from his search, his stomach twisted up in knots as he tries to fight against the urge. Whether that urge is to look for Sebastian or to give in to the sinful feeling of Trevor’s lips and tongue on his skin, he isn’t exactly sure.
As Trevor nips at the side of his throat, Kurt snaps himself out of it. This is exactly what he had set out to do. Here he is, receiving the attention of the guy he’d been hoping to hook up with and all he can do is look for Sebastian? What is wrong with him?
He turns his head to the side, capturing Trevor’s mouth in a hot kiss. His lips are warm and firm and a little frantic as they kiss Kurt back, hands grabbing hard onto Kurt’s hips and pulling him closer.
“I was hoping that you’d come dance with me,” Trevor says between kisses, smiling widely and a little crookedly and Kurt waits for a thrill of excitement to pass through him.
It doesn’t.
“Yeah?” Kurt asks, kissing harder, using more tongue, sucking harder at his lips, just desperate for that feeling. They aren’t even dancing anymore, just standing there making out in the middle of the dance floor, Trevor yielding control of their kiss to Kurt as he grips a fistful of that gorgeous black hair and tips back his head, using the couple inches of height he has on Trevor to his advantage. “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
“God…” Trevor trails off, pupils wide and lips swollen as he stares up at Kurt. “Yeah, yes. Definitely.”
Kurt takes his hand and leads the way through the crowd, catching a whiff of cologne that smells exactly like Sebastian’s halfway to their destination. He just grips Trevor’s hand harder and walks faster, needing it now.
As he leads the way into an open stall, Trevor is grinning and saying something, but Kurt doesn’t hear it. They pick up right where they left off on the dance floor, hands roaming, lips and tongues sliding together, little moans spilling from the both of them. There’s a difference between them, though.
Trevor’s moans are actually real.
It’s good kissing and good touching. Trevor knows what he’s doing, the perfect sucking kisses he applies to the side of Kurt’s neck are proof of that, and Kurt’s body is responding appropriately. He wants to do this with this guy, wants to touch someone new and experience something new, but his nose is clogged with that phantom scent, all sandalwood and juniper berry and frustratingly there.
“Can I blow you?” Trevor asks, biting lightly on Kurt’s bottom lip. Resolutely, Kurt nods his head because yes, his dick is hard and Trevor is gorgeous and he absolutely does want to get his dick sucked.
Kurt leans against the wall of the stall as Trevor rolls a condom on him and drops to his knees. Allowing himself just to feel, Kurt shuts his eyes and focuses on the warmth and suction surrounding his cock as Trevor bobs his head.
Someone enters the next stall over, the wall Kurt’s leaning against shaking roughly as something collides with it. A loud moan sounds through the bathroom, one that is definitely not Kurt’s or Trevor’s, but he would still recognize it any day.
“Yeah…” the same voice says and Kurt’s heart skips a beat as his eyes fly open. There’s no questioning it now. It’s him, right on the other side of the flimsy black wall.
Trevor moans around Kurt’s cock, taking him in deep and sucking hard, pulling a cry from Kurt despite himself. It’s a truly excellent blowjob, Kurt notes as he stares down at the stretch of Trevor’s lips around him. He starts to hold back a moan but then he doesn’t. He lets it go, the sound echoing off the wall before him, countered almost immediately from the next stall.
He can hear Sebastian panting, moaning, whispering words Kurt can’t quite decipher. With a forceful tug in Trevor’s hair, Kurt pulls his mouth down further on his cock, hips rocking forward slightly into the tight warmth, eyes falling shut again. He’s swallowed up in sensations-the heat of the alcohol burning a fire in his chest, Trevor’s mouth pulling him deeper and deeper into pleasure with each little lick and suck, the hard press of the wall against his back, and the sound of Sebastian’s moans filling his ears.
His orgasm sneaks up on him quickly, his balls tight and aching as Trevor urges him to fuck his mouth harder. Kurt is happy to oblige, closing his eyes to the sight of the beautiful baby blues between his legs as he comes hard, finally whimpering softly after holding his breath hard in his chest for so long.
As he’s coming down from it, he hears Sebastian shout as he comes, whispering at the close of it, and Kurt knows it’s impossible, but he swears that he hears Sebastian say his name. A beep sounds from Trevor’s pocket and he pulls out a pager.
“Shit, it’s the hospital. I have to go. Rain check?” he asks, grinning as he kisses Kurt deeply. In the background, he can hear Sebastian talking to the guy he’s with, their stall door opening and banging loudly against the wall as they exit, the vibration of the collision rattling through his back.
“Um, sure,” Kurt says, hurriedly tossing the condom in the bowl and flushing the toilet with his foot as he tucks himself back into his pants.
“Great,” Trevor says, pausing and kissing Kurt again. “You’re seriously gorgeous.”
“So are you,” Kurt says quickly, feeling more than a little stupid when Trevor laughs lightly and leaves the stall.
Legs still a little wobbly, Kurt follows closely, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sebastian, but he’s already gone. The bar is mostly empty and last call is called as he heads out the door. He wants to call Rachel to tell her what happened, how he’d hooked up with a doctor, how Sebastian had annoyingly been there even though he’d gone to great pains to find a different bar to go for the night, but he can already hear the tone of her voice. So instead, he locks it away, climbing into bed a half hour later, extra pillow snug in his arms.
---
“How was your night last night?” Rachel asks the next morning, both of them curled up on the couch with bowls of cereal while a marathon of America’s Next Top Model plays in front of them.
Kurt grunts and shrugs, shoveling another spoonful into his mouth so he doesn’t just blurt everything out. His night had been practically devoid of sleep, his body seemingly more concerned with mulling over every insignificant detail of the night than actually getting rest.
“I thought you were going out,” she prods, leaning forward to set her bowl on the coffee table.
“I did.”
“Did you have a good time?”
“It was okay,” he says simply, not taking his gaze off the screen until it goes black out of nowhere.
“Why aren’t you talking to me?” she asks, setting down the remote.
“Why should I? So you can try to make me feel guilty for not only hooking up but for who I’m doing it with some more?”
She sighs and looks so sadly at him that he gets a little angry with her for employing her disturbingly effective puppy dog eyes.
“Kurt, I didn’t mean to make you feel badly. It’s just that you’re my best friend and I’ve been so worried about you. I just didn’t want you doing something for the wrong reasons.”
“Isn’t it up to me to decide what’s good or bad for me?” he counters. She holds his gaze for a moment before nodding.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” He fixes her with a look. “I’ll try not to do it again. Now will you please tell me about your night?” She’s smiling now, warm and genuinely, so he sighs a little and sets down his bowl, turning on the couch to face her.
“It was really just okay,” he admits. “I wanted to go out and hook up with someone new and I did, it’s just…” He pauses and fiddles with the seam on the side of his pants. “There was this really good-looking guy there and I knew that I was going to approach him. And as soon as I was getting ready to, I got a text from Sebastian. Just… a text. And he mentioned how the only cute guy there was wearing a very particular kind of necklace. Well, when I got up to the guy, he was wearing the same kind of necklace Sebastian had described, which was obviously weird.”
“Very,” Rachel agrees.
“So, the guy and I danced and made out a little and then we went into the bathroom to do more,” he says, waiting for Rachel to show some sign of disapproval. Thankfully, she doesn’t. “We were just really getting started when someone came into the next stall and it was Sebastian. I could tell from the, um, noises he was making. After we were both finished, he left before I could see him, but…”
“But what?”
“As soon as I figured out that the guy I was dancing with was the guy Sebastian was texting me about, it was all I could think about. I kept trying to find him and I thought I smelled his cologne, and when I was hooking up with that guy, I wanted so badly to feel something, but I didn’t even though he was so gorgeous. All I could do was stand there and listen to Sebastian moaning.” He sighs and covers his face in his hands, scrubbing them over his still sleep-warmed skin before dropping them back to his lap. “I went to a different bar on purpose. I didn’t want to see Sebastian. I didn’t want to be tempted to hook up with him again just because he’s someone I know and I know that we have good sex. But then he was there and I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about it as soon as I knew he was.”
“Kurt,” Rachel says, scooting closer. “I think you like him.”
“No, I don’t. It’s-“
“Sebastian, yes I know. We’ve been over this. Come on, Kurt, try to keep up,” she teases, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Look, I know what I said before, but if you do like him-“
“I don’t. I honestly don’t. I mean, last year we hated each other and now we’ve just had sex a few times. But… I’ve felt so lost since Blaine and I broke up. I haven’t been myself. I haven’t even felt human. But when Sebastian and I hooked up, I felt… I don’t know, alive again. And it felt so good to feel that way. So that’s why I did it again. And again. I thought it was just sex that was making me feel that way, but kissing Trevor last night didn’t feel as good. It felt nice, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t… feel anything.”
“How do you feel when you’re with Sebastian?”
“Honestly? Mostly annoyed,” Kurt admits. “But I don’t know, there’s something kind of easy about it. The way we are with each other.”
“You like him,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I don’t,” he repeats. “But I think I could someday. It’s too soon right now. Too soon after Blaine and too soon after everything that happened last year. But someday, maybe.”
She nods and slides even closer, squinting her eyes at him a little in her very best attempt at an overly determined face.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
---
Late that afternoon, Kurt again finds himself fighting against his own willpower. He wants to stand at the window to watch, but only lets himself sit at the kitchen table. He hates waiting.
A few hours earlier, he’d texted Sebastian, asking if he wanted to come over and had received a response a few minutes later confirming. His fingers are drumming nervous, shaky rhythms onto the tabletop, his heels probably halfway to pounding holes in their admittedly vintage floors.
Honestly, he can’t remember the last time he was so nervous.
When a knock sounds on the door, he looks over at Rachel’s bed where she’s doing homework and she gives him a little smile. Emboldened, he stands and crosses the distance to the door, taking in a deep breath before sliding it open.
“And here I thought you’d be all tuckered out today from that bathroom BJ you got last night,” Sebastian says as he enters.
“You knew it was me?” Kurt asks, already thrown off his game as Sebastian crowds into his space with all of his words.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, you kind of have a distinctive voice,” Sebastian grins, dipping his head down to kiss Kurt.
“I- No, no. I don’t-“ Kurt tries, words silenced by the insistent press of Sebastian’s lips, the teasing slide of his tongue. His knees go weak embarrassingly quickly, held up instantaneously by a strong arm across his lower back. “I didn’t ask you here for that. I wanted to talk.”
“Well that sounds boring,” Sebastian sighs, releasing Kurt from his grasp. “Talk about what?” Kurt heads for the kitchen table, needing to sit down because his legs are still a little questionably steady after that kiss. Sebastian sits beside him, hands clasped tightly on the table as he looks expectantly at Kurt.
“I want us to be friends,” Kurt says.
“Friends?” Sebastian asks as if the word is somehow incredibly offensive.
“Yes, friends.”
“I have plenty of friends. I don’t need more friends,” Sebastian tells him.
“Same here,” Kurt agrees. “But for as much as you annoy me, I’m kind of actually starting to like spending time with you.”
“Even the PG parts?”
“Even the G parts,” Kurt corrects. “If we have any of those.” Sebastian laughs a little and licks his lips.
“I guess we could be friends. But only if we can be friends with benefits. Honestly, I’m loaded with schoolwork and if I can’t even get a handjob out of this, then it’s not worth my time.”
“I think we can come to an agreement on that,” Kurt nods.
“So… friends.”
“Friends,” Kurt says.
“Hm…” Sebastian hums to himself, looking a little shocked. “Well, I kind of thought that I was going to get my dick sucked, so do you think we can do that instead of braiding each other’s hair or whatever other shit you had planned?”
“Possibly,” Kurt smiles, standing and leading the way to the couch. “But TV first… friend.”
“Is it too late to change my mind?” Sebastian asks, but he’s already following and sprawling out on the opposite end of the couch from Kurt.
“Yes.”
“I was afraid of that,” he says.
Kurt smiles as he turns on the TV, surrounded by the sounds of the TV and the scratchy feel of the blanket rubbing against his arm. He smells the tea Rachel’s steeping on the stove and tastes Sebastian on his tongue. As the remote gets wrestled out of his grasp by hands larger than his own, he just sighs contentedly and droops back into the couch, finally, finally Kurt.
The End