Kurt/Sebastian: Transformation (R)
Title: Transformation
Pairing: Kurt/Sebastian
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1200
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Self-indulgent headcanon? Because that's pretty much what this is?
Summary: Sebastian's transformation from someone who needs no one to someone who needs Kurt.
Sebastian had been dragged into love kicking and screaming. It went against everything he’d always subscribed to, the very thought making him sick and anxious and scared in ways he hadn’t even known were possible. He hadn’t wanted to fall in love, but it had snuck up on him, knocking the breath from his lungs and shoving him over the edge of an endless cliff.
He’d never wanted anyone, never wanted that. Never wanted to need someone else in order to feel whole. He was fine on his own and had been forever. It was why he never dated, only fucked. Because while he didn’t want to need someone, he wanted someone to need him even less.
He didn’t want to be the sole reason for someone else’s happiness, knew without a doubt that he’d fail miserably at that. If he’d been forced to want something, he would have wanted someone to stand by his side, to walk through life with him. Someone who would be able to brace him when he started to fall.
And did he ever fall spectacularly.
At first, all he and Kurt had shared were barbs. That, he was good at. It was his comfort zone. Insults were easy and normal. What he hadn’t expected was the rush he got when he knew he was going to see Kurt. The hours he’d spend plotting what he was going to call Kurt next. He hadn’t even noticed when he started looking for Kurt before Blaine. When it had stopped being about that entirely.
When they reconnected in New York, he’d figured that a quick fuck would get rid of the feeling. He’d wanted and he’d desired, he’d been horny and insatiable. But this was something new, foreign, and terrifying. This wasn’t something easily handled with frantic strokes of his own hand or the insistent buzz of a vibrator. Eventually, it had happened and he’d come so hard he almost passed out face down on the bed while Kurt pounded into him with a ferocity he’d seriously underestimated in his fantasies.
After that there had been friendship and fucking, usually when they were drunk. In the beginning, they’d only done it when there was no one better to hook up with, but eventually they’d stopped trying, stopped looking, dancing only with each other and getting off in club bathrooms, the backseats of cabs, on beds and couches and against walls, dropping more than one framed picture to a heap of shattered glass and splintered wood on the floor.
Kurt was smart and funny and more than able to keep up with Sebastian. His body was built for sin, pale skin begging to be marked, long cock made to fit wherever the fuck Sebastian wanted to put it. They went at it until neither of them could go for another second, until they were panting and soaked and delirious.
Somewhere in there, tucked neatly between any two of the hundreds of orgasms they shared, Sebastian fell in love with Kurt.
He fought it for a long time, ignoring the warning signs and burying everything deep inside where it couldn’t hurt. But it did anyway. Every time Kurt was close, Sebastian longed to touch. He talked about him all the time. There wasn’t a story he told one of his coworkers that didn’t involve Kurt. He was deeply imbedded in Sebastian, latched onto his soul like a virus there was absolutely no cure for. Sebastian fought it by fucking other guys and turning a cold shoulder on Kurt, but it didn’t help. The ache in his chest worsened and he gave in. For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to be weak and god, he couldn’t imagine anything weaker than falling in love.
For months he tried to hide his feelings from Kurt. Fucking from behind didn’t help. He was always turning his head for a kiss or bending down to nuzzle behind Kurt’s right ear in the way that always made him shiver. Focusing on their friendship didn’t help either because the more time they spent together, the more chances Sebastian had to stare at Kurt’s profile and laugh at his jokes and listen when he talked about a million and a half things that Sebastian didn’t give a tiny shit about, but would have listened to Kurt ramble over for decades if it meant being close to him.
And then one day, when they were jogging together in Central Park on a perfectly normal and calm Saturday afternoon, Sebastian had stopped and screamed it at Kurt. Right next to the Alice in Wonderland statue, Sebastian had confessed everything and had then sprinted from the scene of the emotional crime, running so fast his thighs ached within seconds. Kurt had caught him, though, quickly with a hand to the elbow, yanking him still before kissing him dizzy right there in the middle of the path. Sebastian’s legs had threatened to fail him and Kurt had held him up without any evident effort, not allowing him to fall.
Sebastian hadn’t needed a boyfriend. He didn’t need to know that he had something to do on Friday nights or a date to every wedding he was invited to. Didn’t need obligations or guilt trips or any of the other heaps and mounds of bullshit his friends in relationships had. What he needed was Kurt.
Kurt, who understood that making a dinner reservation for two was as terrifying to Sebastian as the thought of proposing marriage and that putting two extra slices of bread in the toaster in the morning meant as much as an I love you. Kurt who knew that a certain look on Sebastian’s face meant that he wanted to be left alone, but also how being alone to Sebastian always, always meant just sitting quietly with Kurt while they caught up with all of the backed up episodes of god knows what on their DVR. Kurt, who didn’t want a fairytale romance because he’d already had that and it hadn’t exactly ended with a happily ever after and thank god for that because Sebastian did grand romantic gestures just as well as he did feelings. Kurt, who knew exactly who Sebastian was and loved him anyway, who walked beside Sebastian and challenged him every step of the way. Kurt, who kissed him softly when fucking him roughly and who would hold him so tightly that his bones would ache with the force of it in the most delicious way. Kurt, who waited to say those three little words second because he knew better than to rush Sebastian to that particular finish line. Kurt, who knew that once they'd said them, that Sebastian needed to hear them all the time, a constant reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere, that he wasn't going to have his heart broken. That now that Kurt owned half of his heart, that he was tending to it and keeping it safe.
Kurt, who never felt like a boyfriend because he was always more than that.
Sebastian had never needed anyone until he met Kurt and then, he still didn't need anything because he had everything.
Pairing: Kurt/Sebastian
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1200
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Self-indulgent headcanon? Because that's pretty much what this is?
Summary: Sebastian's transformation from someone who needs no one to someone who needs Kurt.
Sebastian had been dragged into love kicking and screaming. It went against everything he’d always subscribed to, the very thought making him sick and anxious and scared in ways he hadn’t even known were possible. He hadn’t wanted to fall in love, but it had snuck up on him, knocking the breath from his lungs and shoving him over the edge of an endless cliff.
He’d never wanted anyone, never wanted that. Never wanted to need someone else in order to feel whole. He was fine on his own and had been forever. It was why he never dated, only fucked. Because while he didn’t want to need someone, he wanted someone to need him even less.
He didn’t want to be the sole reason for someone else’s happiness, knew without a doubt that he’d fail miserably at that. If he’d been forced to want something, he would have wanted someone to stand by his side, to walk through life with him. Someone who would be able to brace him when he started to fall.
And did he ever fall spectacularly.
At first, all he and Kurt had shared were barbs. That, he was good at. It was his comfort zone. Insults were easy and normal. What he hadn’t expected was the rush he got when he knew he was going to see Kurt. The hours he’d spend plotting what he was going to call Kurt next. He hadn’t even noticed when he started looking for Kurt before Blaine. When it had stopped being about that entirely.
When they reconnected in New York, he’d figured that a quick fuck would get rid of the feeling. He’d wanted and he’d desired, he’d been horny and insatiable. But this was something new, foreign, and terrifying. This wasn’t something easily handled with frantic strokes of his own hand or the insistent buzz of a vibrator. Eventually, it had happened and he’d come so hard he almost passed out face down on the bed while Kurt pounded into him with a ferocity he’d seriously underestimated in his fantasies.
After that there had been friendship and fucking, usually when they were drunk. In the beginning, they’d only done it when there was no one better to hook up with, but eventually they’d stopped trying, stopped looking, dancing only with each other and getting off in club bathrooms, the backseats of cabs, on beds and couches and against walls, dropping more than one framed picture to a heap of shattered glass and splintered wood on the floor.
Kurt was smart and funny and more than able to keep up with Sebastian. His body was built for sin, pale skin begging to be marked, long cock made to fit wherever the fuck Sebastian wanted to put it. They went at it until neither of them could go for another second, until they were panting and soaked and delirious.
Somewhere in there, tucked neatly between any two of the hundreds of orgasms they shared, Sebastian fell in love with Kurt.
He fought it for a long time, ignoring the warning signs and burying everything deep inside where it couldn’t hurt. But it did anyway. Every time Kurt was close, Sebastian longed to touch. He talked about him all the time. There wasn’t a story he told one of his coworkers that didn’t involve Kurt. He was deeply imbedded in Sebastian, latched onto his soul like a virus there was absolutely no cure for. Sebastian fought it by fucking other guys and turning a cold shoulder on Kurt, but it didn’t help. The ache in his chest worsened and he gave in. For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to be weak and god, he couldn’t imagine anything weaker than falling in love.
For months he tried to hide his feelings from Kurt. Fucking from behind didn’t help. He was always turning his head for a kiss or bending down to nuzzle behind Kurt’s right ear in the way that always made him shiver. Focusing on their friendship didn’t help either because the more time they spent together, the more chances Sebastian had to stare at Kurt’s profile and laugh at his jokes and listen when he talked about a million and a half things that Sebastian didn’t give a tiny shit about, but would have listened to Kurt ramble over for decades if it meant being close to him.
And then one day, when they were jogging together in Central Park on a perfectly normal and calm Saturday afternoon, Sebastian had stopped and screamed it at Kurt. Right next to the Alice in Wonderland statue, Sebastian had confessed everything and had then sprinted from the scene of the emotional crime, running so fast his thighs ached within seconds. Kurt had caught him, though, quickly with a hand to the elbow, yanking him still before kissing him dizzy right there in the middle of the path. Sebastian’s legs had threatened to fail him and Kurt had held him up without any evident effort, not allowing him to fall.
Sebastian hadn’t needed a boyfriend. He didn’t need to know that he had something to do on Friday nights or a date to every wedding he was invited to. Didn’t need obligations or guilt trips or any of the other heaps and mounds of bullshit his friends in relationships had. What he needed was Kurt.
Kurt, who understood that making a dinner reservation for two was as terrifying to Sebastian as the thought of proposing marriage and that putting two extra slices of bread in the toaster in the morning meant as much as an I love you. Kurt who knew that a certain look on Sebastian’s face meant that he wanted to be left alone, but also how being alone to Sebastian always, always meant just sitting quietly with Kurt while they caught up with all of the backed up episodes of god knows what on their DVR. Kurt, who didn’t want a fairytale romance because he’d already had that and it hadn’t exactly ended with a happily ever after and thank god for that because Sebastian did grand romantic gestures just as well as he did feelings. Kurt, who knew exactly who Sebastian was and loved him anyway, who walked beside Sebastian and challenged him every step of the way. Kurt, who kissed him softly when fucking him roughly and who would hold him so tightly that his bones would ache with the force of it in the most delicious way. Kurt, who waited to say those three little words second because he knew better than to rush Sebastian to that particular finish line. Kurt, who knew that once they'd said them, that Sebastian needed to hear them all the time, a constant reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere, that he wasn't going to have his heart broken. That now that Kurt owned half of his heart, that he was tending to it and keeping it safe.
Kurt, who never felt like a boyfriend because he was always more than that.
Sebastian had never needed anyone until he met Kurt and then, he still didn't need anything because he had everything.