kept my mouth shut...
i kept my mouth shut today becuz i didnt want to get myself upset. i didnt tell anybody this, but it really bothered me ALL day long. its probably why i was in a pretty bad mood. i have a usual routine when i wake up in the morning. i turn off my alarm clock, i get out of bed, i go walk down the hall to the bathroom, etc. on my way back from the bathroom walking to my room this morning...my life was different. somehow i was in a different place and i wasnt thinking. rita's room is right across the hall from my room so in order to go into mine, i see right into hers. today when i looked inside her room, i expected to see her. i thought she was sleeping. the fact of the matter is when i saw the ironing board and all of my clothes piled in there like a storage room i just lost it. it was horrible. it was like...for that ONE second i actually thought she was sleeping. that MAYBE everything could have been a dream before and im living in reality now. turns out...im living the dream that shes still here. i dont know what made me think it. it got me so upset but i didnt tell anyone. no one understands anyway. even if i told my parents they'd have a story to tell me. like they had a dream about her or sumthing. or they think her ghost is in our house. yeah...did i tell u that? my mother and sister thinks that rita gives us signs and that shes a ghost. today i was filling out this thing for guidance and it was like "any thing that i should know about that would affect ur school performance (death in family, chronic illness...blah blah)" BOY DID I RUN OUT OF SPACE FOR THAT SHIT!
me and my mother wont stop fighting. its just constant. its horrible. all she wants to talk about is college and school and im fucking sick of it. i hate senior year so far and its only the mother fucking 3rd day of school tomorrow. its so fucking stressful. i know it will get better as soon as all of my applications are in, but until then...HELL.
on a lighter note...we won our soccer game the other night. it was so much fun. EXCEPT mr fuckin curl kept on subbin me, krista, and lauren...which is fucking riduculous. we all have a lil tiff with him right now. i got a yellow card lol. for mostly screamin fuck...but i said "WUT THE FUCK IS UP WIT ALL THE PUSHIN!?" cuz i wanted the ref to call the girl who was ON MY FUCKING ASS and he took me outta the game. lol it was funny. jess n foran stayed for most of the game. wayne and his "girls" came for a while and camper arrived at a later time. it was cute for them to b watchin me...i appriciate it.
kev called today. i went over his house for like 2 hours tonight. idk wuts goin on between us, but he got me in a better mood tonight. i wasnt feelin too good but when i saw him its jus like i forgot about a lot of shit. it was kewl.
time to go.
have a GREAT night.
assholes.
me and my mother wont stop fighting. its just constant. its horrible. all she wants to talk about is college and school and im fucking sick of it. i hate senior year so far and its only the mother fucking 3rd day of school tomorrow. its so fucking stressful. i know it will get better as soon as all of my applications are in, but until then...HELL.
on a lighter note...we won our soccer game the other night. it was so much fun. EXCEPT mr fuckin curl kept on subbin me, krista, and lauren...which is fucking riduculous. we all have a lil tiff with him right now. i got a yellow card lol. for mostly screamin fuck...but i said "WUT THE FUCK IS UP WIT ALL THE PUSHIN!?" cuz i wanted the ref to call the girl who was ON MY FUCKING ASS and he took me outta the game. lol it was funny. jess n foran stayed for most of the game. wayne and his "girls" came for a while and camper arrived at a later time. it was cute for them to b watchin me...i appriciate it.
kev called today. i went over his house for like 2 hours tonight. idk wuts goin on between us, but he got me in a better mood tonight. i wasnt feelin too good but when i saw him its jus like i forgot about a lot of shit. it was kewl.
time to go.
have a GREAT night.
assholes.