a spinning evolution
Christmas and New Year 2006 were good holidays. For the first time in about 15 years, I spent them with my dad's family in Cincinnati Ohio. It was a great vacation.
Now, back to business. CJ's 360. I won't go on about it because there's no need to now, but that's what's going to be keeping me pretty busy for the next two months. So what's my LJ title about, you ask? Okay, well .
Those of you following the tragedy of my sleeping patterns know that I suffer from some form of night terrors that started with me as a kid and is quite possibly hereditary. My younger cousin had to take medication for it when was a kid, mine seemed to go away until my senior year in high school.
Back then they started as the typical nightmares, just every night. Then they advanced into this weird thing that actually happened after I woke up and kept me paralyzed. (Later diagnosed as sleep paralysis.) This still happens occasionally.
But now I'm back to the nightmare, which has now evolved into mental anguish and physical stress. In other words, I actually wake up scared. Most of the time I know I'm dreaming and it's just difficult to escape. And now...
The Dream
I'm at some sort of gathering. I'm not sure what type of gathering this is, but a lot of my family is there and there is some sort of performance being put on. Most people are sitting on little white benches, but for some reason I'm sitting on the concrete floor. I guess I tired of sitting and decide to stretch out. The second I do, my body starts spinning rapidly out of control. Everyone comes to watch me, thinking I'm part of the performance or that I'm break dancing or something and start rating me. But I'm not allowed to talk for some reason.
I can't exactly explain that. It's not like I even tried to talk and couldn't or that the people watching me told me that I couldn't talk. It was more like, the force controlling my body had agreed that I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone and I acknowledged that agreement. The spinning was painful because it felt as if my body were splitting and my head was gaining this incredible pressure.
Eventually it stopped and I just kind of walked away and the crowd was impressed. I ended up sitting next to this depressed man and his son. He kept telling me that I had a good talent and that I should use it and said that his son would never be able to do anything like me because he was sick. And that, in fact, they were off to take him to some sort of nursing home right then because the boy couldn't survive in the normal world. It made me sad and I think I forced myself to change the dream.
New setting, same type of consciousness...except this time I see my cousin's friend Sean. We're alone and he seems pretty upset. He mentions something about missing some Christian event because he was practicing Buddhism. And he explained that he had to do it 51 times a year but each time fell on some Christian event. He kept calling the coincidence the Devil's Plan. I didn't feel comfortable with him going on about it so I sort of left. And as I was walking away he started calling out to me this name. I can't remember it, it was sort of like Mendoz or something like that. And it was familiar, so I stopped and asked him what it was. He reminded me that it was some man that had killed his pregnant girlfriend and there were a lot of witnesses but he still ended up getting away with it because he was going to the Olympics or something. I don't know why, but from the second I saw Sean I had been scared and it just got worse. So I left him and he started yelling, "Why couldn't anyone just say they saw him do it? We all saw him do it! He's guilty! He's guilty!"
So I ended up running into my cousin who's laying in a bed in the middle of the street in some semi-abandoned neighborhood. I climb into with her and we just start people watching. And for some reason we can hear the people's thoughts. We do that for awhile and I start noticing that the people either have pretty depressing thoughts, or pretty evil or malicious ones.
I get uneasy about them again and this tragic looking boy steps in front of the bed. (I'm actually super paranoid typing this entry right now.) Anyway, he stands in front of the bed with his back facing us. We hear him thinking about how he needs to improve himself. He wants a better body, wants to be more attractive, more entertaining, etc. And something happens to his head, like those scary movie moments where the ghosts blur or advance in jerky movements. Something like that. But my cousin points it out to me. Right then he turns into a little creature and climbs onto a telephone pole that happened to be next to him. He starts climbing it slowly in a circular motion and as he does he begins to evolve, turning first into some purplish creature, then into a baby human, young boy and a fully grown adult. By the time he reaches the top he's turned into a blue creature that looks just like a human, only blue. But then he starts spinning out of control the way I did and explodes into a cloud of blood.
I get terrified and suddenly I'm spinning out of control again on the bed. I try to stop myself but I can't. I hear this calm male voice in the background sort of describing every detail about me. My name, age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, GPA, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, etcetera. It was creepy. Then he said "He'll never be released," and just kept repeating that. After hearing it the first time I felt as if it were okay to talk and I asked my cousin to please try and stop me but she couldn't grasp a hold of me. Then I started floating and spinning around the telephone pole and I got freaked out because I knew that the second I got to the top of that pole I was going to explode. I knew I dreaming at this point and was trying to wake up (and this part I can't remember) but I know I had to solve some sort of riddles or puzzles quickly to be able to wake up. I must have solved one because I woke up before I reached the top. And thus ended my annoying little nightmare.
-lex
(i love you)
Now, back to business. CJ's 360. I won't go on about it because there's no need to now, but that's what's going to be keeping me pretty busy for the next two months. So what's my LJ title about, you ask? Okay, well .
Those of you following the tragedy of my sleeping patterns know that I suffer from some form of night terrors that started with me as a kid and is quite possibly hereditary. My younger cousin had to take medication for it when was a kid, mine seemed to go away until my senior year in high school.
Back then they started as the typical nightmares, just every night. Then they advanced into this weird thing that actually happened after I woke up and kept me paralyzed. (Later diagnosed as sleep paralysis.) This still happens occasionally.
But now I'm back to the nightmare, which has now evolved into mental anguish and physical stress. In other words, I actually wake up scared. Most of the time I know I'm dreaming and it's just difficult to escape. And now...
The Dream
I'm at some sort of gathering. I'm not sure what type of gathering this is, but a lot of my family is there and there is some sort of performance being put on. Most people are sitting on little white benches, but for some reason I'm sitting on the concrete floor. I guess I tired of sitting and decide to stretch out. The second I do, my body starts spinning rapidly out of control. Everyone comes to watch me, thinking I'm part of the performance or that I'm break dancing or something and start rating me. But I'm not allowed to talk for some reason.
I can't exactly explain that. It's not like I even tried to talk and couldn't or that the people watching me told me that I couldn't talk. It was more like, the force controlling my body had agreed that I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone and I acknowledged that agreement. The spinning was painful because it felt as if my body were splitting and my head was gaining this incredible pressure.
Eventually it stopped and I just kind of walked away and the crowd was impressed. I ended up sitting next to this depressed man and his son. He kept telling me that I had a good talent and that I should use it and said that his son would never be able to do anything like me because he was sick. And that, in fact, they were off to take him to some sort of nursing home right then because the boy couldn't survive in the normal world. It made me sad and I think I forced myself to change the dream.
New setting, same type of consciousness...except this time I see my cousin's friend Sean. We're alone and he seems pretty upset. He mentions something about missing some Christian event because he was practicing Buddhism. And he explained that he had to do it 51 times a year but each time fell on some Christian event. He kept calling the coincidence the Devil's Plan. I didn't feel comfortable with him going on about it so I sort of left. And as I was walking away he started calling out to me this name. I can't remember it, it was sort of like Mendoz or something like that. And it was familiar, so I stopped and asked him what it was. He reminded me that it was some man that had killed his pregnant girlfriend and there were a lot of witnesses but he still ended up getting away with it because he was going to the Olympics or something. I don't know why, but from the second I saw Sean I had been scared and it just got worse. So I left him and he started yelling, "Why couldn't anyone just say they saw him do it? We all saw him do it! He's guilty! He's guilty!"
So I ended up running into my cousin who's laying in a bed in the middle of the street in some semi-abandoned neighborhood. I climb into with her and we just start people watching. And for some reason we can hear the people's thoughts. We do that for awhile and I start noticing that the people either have pretty depressing thoughts, or pretty evil or malicious ones.
I get uneasy about them again and this tragic looking boy steps in front of the bed. (I'm actually super paranoid typing this entry right now.) Anyway, he stands in front of the bed with his back facing us. We hear him thinking about how he needs to improve himself. He wants a better body, wants to be more attractive, more entertaining, etc. And something happens to his head, like those scary movie moments where the ghosts blur or advance in jerky movements. Something like that. But my cousin points it out to me. Right then he turns into a little creature and climbs onto a telephone pole that happened to be next to him. He starts climbing it slowly in a circular motion and as he does he begins to evolve, turning first into some purplish creature, then into a baby human, young boy and a fully grown adult. By the time he reaches the top he's turned into a blue creature that looks just like a human, only blue. But then he starts spinning out of control the way I did and explodes into a cloud of blood.
I get terrified and suddenly I'm spinning out of control again on the bed. I try to stop myself but I can't. I hear this calm male voice in the background sort of describing every detail about me. My name, age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, GPA, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, etcetera. It was creepy. Then he said "He'll never be released," and just kept repeating that. After hearing it the first time I felt as if it were okay to talk and I asked my cousin to please try and stop me but she couldn't grasp a hold of me. Then I started floating and spinning around the telephone pole and I got freaked out because I knew that the second I got to the top of that pole I was going to explode. I knew I dreaming at this point and was trying to wake up (and this part I can't remember) but I know I had to solve some sort of riddles or puzzles quickly to be able to wake up. I must have solved one because I woke up before I reached the top. And thus ended my annoying little nightmare.
-lex
(i love you)