(no subject)

[flwrchild369]

"This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 courses over the years since my first introduction to the shall we say, ethics involved with independance and embracement of your community, it's proven to be very true. I havn't felt the excitement of listening to aswell as creating music, along with reading and writting something, for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things-- for example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the love and adoration of the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact that I can't fool you, any of you, It simply isn't fair to you or to me. The worst crime I could think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time-clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, god beliave me I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have effected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when the're alone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours I've had a much better appreciation of all the people I know personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get out the fruatration to gather the empathy I have for eveybody. Theres good in all of us and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. Sad little sensative unappreciative Piesces-- I had a good marriage, and for that I'm gratefull. But since the age of seven, I've become hatefull toward all humans in general only because it sounds so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm pretty much of an erratic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore.

Peace, love, Empathy, Kurt Cobain.