Switchblade Architecht
So for whatever reason LJ is not letting me get on, I blame my crappy internet connection out in the middle of nowhere which is where my new domicile resides. But any way, to the matter at hand, I need to write this down so I can read it later and decide if I am in fact overreacting or if I am being perfectly sane and should be a lot more hurt and upset about the situation that has currently unfolded.
First off background story: my roommate tom has this best friend ryan that is ALWAYS around. We spent a lot of time together many months ago, had this physical relationship, and that was it. Then he was a GIANT dickface to me one night, was way out of line and refused to admit it, so I cut things off. Things were waaayyy awkward between us for a couple of months, and then we were suddenly cool again.
Well, we started hanging out, just the two of us again. Nothing was happening, because I told him point blank that I didn’t want just another physical relationship, I am done with sex only situations, I want a boyfriend. And I said that in those exact terms, there was no ambiguity to anything I said. We continued to hang out and everything was cool, or so I thought.
Case in point one: we all went to the Blackhorse this last weekend and saw this kickass country band that comes there once in awhile (if you like country and reside in the Portland area, check out Concrete Cowboys, they pretty much are awesome). The usual six of us went, plus two underage guys that work with tom (don’t ask, they were cool). Ryan completely fucking ignored me the entire night. Like I did not get a hello, a nod, nothing. He also decided to stand in front of me when the entire group was talking, completely shutting me out of a conversation. It was rude, uncalled for, and completely middle schoolish. I shrugged it off as we were all drunk, and on Tuesday when we hung out, I asked him if we were only friends when he was getting something out of the deal. He responded that I was being paranoid and that is not the case.
Case in point two: his bday was this last Thursday. He was over at MY house cause him and tom always finish a bottle on his bday. So I get home from class, I swung by the liquor store, got him a fifth of Jack Daniels cause that is what he drinks and tried to give it to him when I get home. He didn’t even acknowledge that I had come home, no hello, and certainly no acknowledgement that I even got him a gift. I played it grown up style and laughed it off, then drank til I couldn’t feel feelings anymore. I was letting it go, but others that were there and witnessed the incident kept bringing it up and the madder I became. Mind you that he is treating everyone else like everything is okay in both instances.
So now my questions. Am I being childish and making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being rational and seeing that I am being completely fucking ignored and treated like shit from a supposed “friend?” Should I say something about it to him for a second time and be a nag? Or should I take the high road and treat him like he treats me, by ignoring him, being neither nice nor me, just being neutral to him being around? Completely avoiding him is not an option cause he is always around and if I take myself away from him, I take myself away from my friends and away from my home, and that is bullshit and I will not do that.
But anyway, this is long, I need to cut it short and my battery in my computer is dying. More on this all later. I am going to go and watch “Sweet Home Alabama” and remember that good guys do exist.
****EDIT**** So I wrote this on monday night, it is now wednesday. I am no longer angry, just hurt. And this whole incident has become something that has made me hate coming home. I feel uncomfortable around my friends. I feel awkward in my house. I feel like everyone is talking about me or not caring, I am not sure which is worse.
First off background story: my roommate tom has this best friend ryan that is ALWAYS around. We spent a lot of time together many months ago, had this physical relationship, and that was it. Then he was a GIANT dickface to me one night, was way out of line and refused to admit it, so I cut things off. Things were waaayyy awkward between us for a couple of months, and then we were suddenly cool again.
Well, we started hanging out, just the two of us again. Nothing was happening, because I told him point blank that I didn’t want just another physical relationship, I am done with sex only situations, I want a boyfriend. And I said that in those exact terms, there was no ambiguity to anything I said. We continued to hang out and everything was cool, or so I thought.
Case in point one: we all went to the Blackhorse this last weekend and saw this kickass country band that comes there once in awhile (if you like country and reside in the Portland area, check out Concrete Cowboys, they pretty much are awesome). The usual six of us went, plus two underage guys that work with tom (don’t ask, they were cool). Ryan completely fucking ignored me the entire night. Like I did not get a hello, a nod, nothing. He also decided to stand in front of me when the entire group was talking, completely shutting me out of a conversation. It was rude, uncalled for, and completely middle schoolish. I shrugged it off as we were all drunk, and on Tuesday when we hung out, I asked him if we were only friends when he was getting something out of the deal. He responded that I was being paranoid and that is not the case.
Case in point two: his bday was this last Thursday. He was over at MY house cause him and tom always finish a bottle on his bday. So I get home from class, I swung by the liquor store, got him a fifth of Jack Daniels cause that is what he drinks and tried to give it to him when I get home. He didn’t even acknowledge that I had come home, no hello, and certainly no acknowledgement that I even got him a gift. I played it grown up style and laughed it off, then drank til I couldn’t feel feelings anymore. I was letting it go, but others that were there and witnessed the incident kept bringing it up and the madder I became. Mind you that he is treating everyone else like everything is okay in both instances.
So now my questions. Am I being childish and making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being rational and seeing that I am being completely fucking ignored and treated like shit from a supposed “friend?” Should I say something about it to him for a second time and be a nag? Or should I take the high road and treat him like he treats me, by ignoring him, being neither nice nor me, just being neutral to him being around? Completely avoiding him is not an option cause he is always around and if I take myself away from him, I take myself away from my friends and away from my home, and that is bullshit and I will not do that.
But anyway, this is long, I need to cut it short and my battery in my computer is dying. More on this all later. I am going to go and watch “Sweet Home Alabama” and remember that good guys do exist.
****EDIT**** So I wrote this on monday night, it is now wednesday. I am no longer angry, just hurt. And this whole incident has become something that has made me hate coming home. I feel uncomfortable around my friends. I feel awkward in my house. I feel like everyone is talking about me or not caring, I am not sure which is worse.