(no subject)

[fluxystar]

here's the deal.
i give up. on everything and everyone.
i'm losing faith more than i ever have.
i don't have much good in my life right now.
i make stupid decisions.
i cut people out of my life that should be in it forever.
i don't even have Jesus anymore.
He's gone. i don't feel Him. i can't.
it's like i'm locked in a box and i seriously can't get out.
i want to runaway. i'm not even just saying that.
i really need to leave and get away from everyone.
maybe not everyone. there are very few exceptions.
i think i'd take my kitty with me too.

i try so fucking hard not to be selfish.
i put myself on the line for everyone.
i try not to put myself first and somehow, i crash in the end.
i fucking crash.
i am right now....
and i don't see myself getting back up anytime soon.

i know the people in my life that i can trust now.
my roommate is one of them. she is my best friend.
i love her more than she even knows and i hate seeing her hurt.
lee is another one that i can trust.
that girl is one of the best people around, and i'm glad she's become one of my best friends.
i wish kellie lived closer because she keeps me in line.
i've never met someone as sincere and passionate as her, and i wish i could be more like that.
bill boldt. i cannot say enough good things about this kid.
i love him like he is my family, and i don't know what i'm going to do when he leaves in two months.
i wish i still had the dinos in my life too.

that's all i have. no one else cares what i think.
i truly honestly feel like i have no one.
i have never felt more alone in my life.
i have never hit the ground harder.
i don't know where to turn or what to do,
but i need to get out.
if someone could give me some advice, that would be great.