I'm chasing stars and I know it
haven't been here in a long while and i figured its time i write something all over again - for myself. i like penning down my thoughts. what makes it even better is the ability for me to feel the same emotions all over again when i track back all the old entries that i've got written down in this space. virtual as it is, it provides solace for me precisely because of its lack of physicality.
i should have known. or rather, i knew it. things that come way too easily to me are always a flop as what i've said a few entries ago. i am back to square one. maybe at that moment that i took on that job as a writer, i still harbour some sort of hope that there are still wonderful things that come by almost effortlessly. but now, i'm sick of all the insincerity. life is not always all hearts and flowers. i guess if i want things to work out the way i envision them to be, i have to put in that extra dose of effort in order to achieve them.
kinda sense that i'm approaching my melting point. a melt-down is about to occur if i do not get my spirits up soon. sometimes its the struggle of simply not slumping into self-pity and misery, yet that is the hardest part as well. this cognitive dissonance drives me crazy at times and tonight, i sit here talking about it and facing what i've been avoiding all these time.
this blog reminds me so much of the melancholic me nearly half a decade ago. each time i confide my feelings in this space, i feel like the old me again - that dreamer, the one who felt depressed and cried oh-so-often alone over so many things that she wanted for them to happen but they never did. i have since grown stronger but there has definitely been times when that part of me creeps back and threatens to dominate. i definitely need to pick myself up and be the strong individual that i aspire to be.
well, one last note before i sign out. about all that's been occupying my mind these days, i'm keeping my fingers crossed on what's about to come and have faith that one day, it will lead me to the route that i want to take.
i should have known. or rather, i knew it. things that come way too easily to me are always a flop as what i've said a few entries ago. i am back to square one. maybe at that moment that i took on that job as a writer, i still harbour some sort of hope that there are still wonderful things that come by almost effortlessly. but now, i'm sick of all the insincerity. life is not always all hearts and flowers. i guess if i want things to work out the way i envision them to be, i have to put in that extra dose of effort in order to achieve them.
kinda sense that i'm approaching my melting point. a melt-down is about to occur if i do not get my spirits up soon. sometimes its the struggle of simply not slumping into self-pity and misery, yet that is the hardest part as well. this cognitive dissonance drives me crazy at times and tonight, i sit here talking about it and facing what i've been avoiding all these time.
this blog reminds me so much of the melancholic me nearly half a decade ago. each time i confide my feelings in this space, i feel like the old me again - that dreamer, the one who felt depressed and cried oh-so-often alone over so many things that she wanted for them to happen but they never did. i have since grown stronger but there has definitely been times when that part of me creeps back and threatens to dominate. i definitely need to pick myself up and be the strong individual that i aspire to be.
well, one last note before i sign out. about all that's been occupying my mind these days, i'm keeping my fingers crossed on what's about to come and have faith that one day, it will lead me to the route that i want to take.