Whoops?
My staff Christmas party was last night. Do not ask me why it was in March. Do not ask me why it was on a Tuesday night. Just know that it WAS.
Now, normally I am one of those smug bitches that brags about being the responsible girl at the party who never gets drunk, and takes care of everyone else while they puke everywhere and make a general ass of themselves. Congratulations to me on finally popping that cherry.
*waves* Hi, have you met me? I am that indiscreet chav from last night who laughs too loud while she's out (yes, even when she's sober), manages to consume about five times the legal limit over five hours, uses the boys legs as her personal footrest, and debates giving one of her 18 year old workmates an ~UNDISCLOSED~ sexual favour in the bathroom stall with two of her bestfriends over her iphone in drunken, grammatically embarrassing text messages. Oh, and then after the third pub manages to vomit all over her front in an act that will get her mocked at work for MONTHS.
Which is then followed up by vomitting all over the toilet floor, being given one of the boys undershirts to wear instead of her lovely, puke-covered t-shirt and jacket, and poured into a friend's car by the rest of the guys, where she procedes to take off her bra, and close her eyes in the front seat, wishing she could actually fall asleep, and forget about everything that had happened, like everyone else she knows seems to do after a particularly successful night out.
Am I that lucky? Nope. I remember every single detail about last night. And I don't even have a hangover as a souvenir.
Thank God I managed to hold off on actually sharing my thoughts with the class until it was just me and the driver left in the car. If I had started informing the (very tall, very cute) 18 year old how much I wanted to ~BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP~ him, I would never recover.
For shame. For shame.
Also, FUCK YEAH BITCHES, LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME.
Poll Ignorance Will Save You
Now, normally I am one of those smug bitches that brags about being the responsible girl at the party who never gets drunk, and takes care of everyone else while they puke everywhere and make a general ass of themselves. Congratulations to me on finally popping that cherry.
*waves* Hi, have you met me? I am that indiscreet chav from last night who laughs too loud while she's out (yes, even when she's sober), manages to consume about five times the legal limit over five hours, uses the boys legs as her personal footrest, and debates giving one of her 18 year old workmates an ~UNDISCLOSED~ sexual favour in the bathroom stall with two of her bestfriends over her iphone in drunken, grammatically embarrassing text messages. Oh, and then after the third pub manages to vomit all over her front in an act that will get her mocked at work for MONTHS.
Which is then followed up by vomitting all over the toilet floor, being given one of the boys undershirts to wear instead of her lovely, puke-covered t-shirt and jacket, and poured into a friend's car by the rest of the guys, where she procedes to take off her bra, and close her eyes in the front seat, wishing she could actually fall asleep, and forget about everything that had happened, like everyone else she knows seems to do after a particularly successful night out.
Am I that lucky? Nope. I remember every single detail about last night. And I don't even have a hangover as a souvenir.
Thank God I managed to hold off on actually sharing my thoughts with the class until it was just me and the driver left in the car. If I had started informing the (very tall, very cute) 18 year old how much I wanted to ~BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP~ him, I would never recover.
For shame. For shame.
Also, FUCK YEAH BITCHES, LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME.
Poll Ignorance Will Save You