Me and stress
So in relation to my masse technology issues (I just found out there is no way for me to extend the warranty on my computer at this point, it will just always cost me about $60 to get help if this line of luck keeps going. Joy.), Hannele said, "well, since you can't do anything about it, why stress out?" Good logic. Perversely, it's exactly why and when I stress out. I did this last year in Surrey too, when I couldn't go anywhere because transit was such a mess. Because there's nothing I can do, I stress. In Surrey, I was completely dependent on the buses to get everywhere important for me to be. I had no other options. It drove me completely nuts because no matter how proactive I was, how motivated, how on time, how set, it all went down the drain if I missed the transfer at the station. In this case, it doesn't matter that I'm finished the assignment, moved in, hooked up, ready to go, because nothing's in a state where I can use it and there's very little I can do about any of it myself. If there's a problem and I can solve it, I'm fine. It's when I need to depend on other people, when nothing is working and none of my solutions are working either, and I still need to accomplish things, then I stress out like this, because other people and other people's things can't be depended on.
Now, I'll give that this is not always the case. There are people that I trust to depend on always, there are people that I trust to limits, and there are situations (like OPUS transportation) where I trust strangers and/or the system. I think I stress like this when my initial trust is broken (I trusted the transit in Surrey to run on time, and then it consistently didn't. I trusted my stuff to work, and when it didn't I trusted the school's to work and trusted the tech support people to fix it, and they couldn't). And then I turn frantic.
Dad says I'm a solution person, like him. I look at a problem and find solutions, or try to. I do it directly, without any bullshit. I guess I also go a little nuts if nothing works. I don't often hit dead ends.
To try and get my mind off this, though, I went for a bike ride up the side of the experimental farm I haven't really explored yet. There's a little dirt path through a glade there, really pretty, and it smelled like humus. It did the job. And then I ate yams and listened to Vltava and my Parisian sounding music and that helped too. I've decided I'm going to think about this dead end as little as possible, because it's this mulling that really gets me riled. I need to decorate my walls, and I'm thinking about making a cinnamon flop now. And cornbread tomorrow. I'm trying to remember that it will come to me when there's something that can be done.
Now, I'll give that this is not always the case. There are people that I trust to depend on always, there are people that I trust to limits, and there are situations (like OPUS transportation) where I trust strangers and/or the system. I think I stress like this when my initial trust is broken (I trusted the transit in Surrey to run on time, and then it consistently didn't. I trusted my stuff to work, and when it didn't I trusted the school's to work and trusted the tech support people to fix it, and they couldn't). And then I turn frantic.
Dad says I'm a solution person, like him. I look at a problem and find solutions, or try to. I do it directly, without any bullshit. I guess I also go a little nuts if nothing works. I don't often hit dead ends.
To try and get my mind off this, though, I went for a bike ride up the side of the experimental farm I haven't really explored yet. There's a little dirt path through a glade there, really pretty, and it smelled like humus. It did the job. And then I ate yams and listened to Vltava and my Parisian sounding music and that helped too. I've decided I'm going to think about this dead end as little as possible, because it's this mulling that really gets me riled. I need to decorate my walls, and I'm thinking about making a cinnamon flop now. And cornbread tomorrow. I'm trying to remember that it will come to me when there's something that can be done.