God: "Less Martha, more Mary--are you willing, Tamara?"
Last month I was reading Mark Buchanan’s book, The Rest of God, and there’s a chapter on listening to God. He pointed out how often God asks questions, and I realized how true it is. Don’t take this too far-it’s not an emotional, experiential, mystical thing at ALL. Usually just thoughts that filter through my head when I’m praying, reading the Word, or just making a conscious effort to be still before God. Of course, I have to know His word in order to know if it’s really a question He’d ask, and not just in my head, but I do think He asks me questions. And I think He asks, not because He doesn’t know, but because, as Buchanan says (pp 190-191), questions pry us open and oblige us-we can ignore anything people SAY, but with a question we either answer or rupture the relationship. So I stopped and asked God, “What are you asking me?”
Christ asked blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10, “What do you want from Me?” The same question came to mind, and I answered, truthfully: “I want You to give me whatever will make me the most effective in Your service.”
And He answered, “But what if I just want You to KNOW Me?”
It stopped me cold. There’s a huge difference there. I couldn’t help but think that the ones who know Him are often the ones who know Him through pain, through having their ambitions shattered. They’re the ones who don’t “accomplish” much, but have an explosive, unknown prayer life. There the ones who impact only a handful, but impact them greatly.
I had to admit that’s not what I want. I’m shocked and heartbroken to admit that. There are times when I want to change the world more than I want to simply know Him. Granted, I want to point others to Him, but I’m afraid I sometimes focus on that desire more than I just want to live face to face with Him myself. Or, rather, I want to live face to face with Him, not simply to delight in Him because He’s worthy of it, but SO THAT I can point others to Him.
I know my ambitions are good. I know God is pleased that I ache to know Him and dramatically impact the lives of others so they know Him too. But I need a change in my focus! I so need to be less Martha and more Mary. Every time I read that parable I shudder. I don’t like it. It seems so selfish and pointless.
I want God to change me! I don’t even know what it would look like to be devoted to Him APART from service. Of course, actions are supposed to accompany our faith; I'm not saying anything against that, but there's a difference between accompanying and being the FOCUS. What I'm talking about is counting everything, even ministry, as rubbish compared to knowing Him. God is more than clear, from the Prophets where He condemns Israel for following the law but not knowing Him, to when Christ says Mary sitting at His feet is better than Martha serving Him, that He’s more interested in me knowing Him than serving Him. He wants me to be more concerned with knowing and walking with Him than with impacting anyone else. It seems selfish. Then I say, “No, it isn’t, because it’s the only way to impact anyone else,” and then I’m right back where I started!
Oh, I want to love and be enamored with HIM. To comprehend the breadth and length and height and depth of His love. To love others because I love Him. To see His glory so I’m entranced with Him, and Him alone. So I’m willing to lie on a sick bed for the rest of my life if I’m in communion with Him. So I’m just as pleased locked in a prison cell as I am teaching a roomful of girls. To stare at Him until I realize His power so much that I understand the power of prayer and am just as excited to spend energy on my knees in front of Him as running myself.
It’s-all-about-Him. ALL about HIM! He should be my focus above everything else.
“I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of KNOWING CHRIST JESUS my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him.” Philippians 3:8-9
Christ asked blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10, “What do you want from Me?” The same question came to mind, and I answered, truthfully: “I want You to give me whatever will make me the most effective in Your service.”
And He answered, “But what if I just want You to KNOW Me?”
It stopped me cold. There’s a huge difference there. I couldn’t help but think that the ones who know Him are often the ones who know Him through pain, through having their ambitions shattered. They’re the ones who don’t “accomplish” much, but have an explosive, unknown prayer life. There the ones who impact only a handful, but impact them greatly.
I had to admit that’s not what I want. I’m shocked and heartbroken to admit that. There are times when I want to change the world more than I want to simply know Him. Granted, I want to point others to Him, but I’m afraid I sometimes focus on that desire more than I just want to live face to face with Him myself. Or, rather, I want to live face to face with Him, not simply to delight in Him because He’s worthy of it, but SO THAT I can point others to Him.
I know my ambitions are good. I know God is pleased that I ache to know Him and dramatically impact the lives of others so they know Him too. But I need a change in my focus! I so need to be less Martha and more Mary. Every time I read that parable I shudder. I don’t like it. It seems so selfish and pointless.
I want God to change me! I don’t even know what it would look like to be devoted to Him APART from service. Of course, actions are supposed to accompany our faith; I'm not saying anything against that, but there's a difference between accompanying and being the FOCUS. What I'm talking about is counting everything, even ministry, as rubbish compared to knowing Him. God is more than clear, from the Prophets where He condemns Israel for following the law but not knowing Him, to when Christ says Mary sitting at His feet is better than Martha serving Him, that He’s more interested in me knowing Him than serving Him. He wants me to be more concerned with knowing and walking with Him than with impacting anyone else. It seems selfish. Then I say, “No, it isn’t, because it’s the only way to impact anyone else,” and then I’m right back where I started!
Oh, I want to love and be enamored with HIM. To comprehend the breadth and length and height and depth of His love. To love others because I love Him. To see His glory so I’m entranced with Him, and Him alone. So I’m willing to lie on a sick bed for the rest of my life if I’m in communion with Him. So I’m just as pleased locked in a prison cell as I am teaching a roomful of girls. To stare at Him until I realize His power so much that I understand the power of prayer and am just as excited to spend energy on my knees in front of Him as running myself.
It’s-all-about-Him. ALL about HIM! He should be my focus above everything else.
“I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of KNOWING CHRIST JESUS my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him.” Philippians 3:8-9