finally writing something
Well, so much for keeping up with this on a daily basis...that lasted like a week. But at least I have a good excuse, I've been dealing with a lot of shit that I can't talk about on here so I just didn't really have anything to write about. Its crazy to just read my entries from a week ago and see how things were looking up so much for me...I thought things were finally starting to get better, that the bad stuff was behind me. Then as soon as I get my hopes up everything comes crashing down. I know I've made mistakes, I've done some stupid things that I'd do anything to take back, but do I deserve this shit I have to deal with? I really don't think so, its not fair, I've suffered enough for my relatively short life. I mean, I've learned my lessons, this punishment is going too far. And I know most of you are reading this and thinking, wtf am I talking about, whats so bad in my life right now. I wish I could explain better but some things I just can't talk about. The gist of it is that I'm sick once again and some people I thought cared about me appear not to give a damn about me anymore...although I'm thinking maybe they never did. Ugh, I know so many people that do things way worse than I'd even consider doing and they get away with it over and over again. Nothing happens to them. They are healthy and happy, they don't get their heart broken. So why me? Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself again but I think I have a good reason to. I'm sick of this shit.
Ok, thats enough bitching for now. I'm actually in a better mood than it would seem. This last week has been rough. I had 4 exams, a couple that I did alright on, one that i actually feel confident about, and one that I totally blew. I'll be lucky if i even passed that one. But I think overall my performance was commendable under the circumstances, especially with 3 exams in one day. I really did work for my sociology test, i did a ton of reading for that, and this is my second stat class and i did the hw and the reading and stuff so I deserve good grades in those 2. I have to admit I really screwed up in biopsyc but I don't blame myself cause I just have had too much going on, plus I worked my ass off for the first test in that and still only got an 80 so i figured whats the point in working my ass off at the expense of my other subjects when I can't get an A anyways. Wow, I really said more than i needed on that...Anyways I'm just really glad now that my exams are over and its spring break. YAY!!! I can actually relax a little and not worry about doing a bunch of reading or studying. Plus I'm going to NY in a couple days and I'm finally gonna see Will. I just hope both of us are at least somewhat better by the time I get there. But either way we'll find a way to have some fun.
Well for now I'm at home...with the family...I've been here a lot lately...dammit its hot as hell. NC has really fucked up weather. Ok, i'm getting random now. I haven't seen Marc in awhile...that kinda sucks cause I want to see him. I also need to talk to Nate...I get the feeling that I'm being avoided and anyone who knows me understands that I hate being ignored or avoided. I can't stand the silent treatment. I need to talk to people. Ok, I've said enough for now. I'll just leave everyone with some song lyrics that have particular meaning to me right now
I've had choices since the day that I was born
There were voices that told me right from wrong
If I had listened, no I wouldn't be here today
Living and dying with the choices I've made
I guess I'm paying for the things that I have done
If I could go back, or lord knows I would
But I'm still losing this game of life I'm playing
Living and dying with the choices I've made
Ok, thats enough bitching for now. I'm actually in a better mood than it would seem. This last week has been rough. I had 4 exams, a couple that I did alright on, one that i actually feel confident about, and one that I totally blew. I'll be lucky if i even passed that one. But I think overall my performance was commendable under the circumstances, especially with 3 exams in one day. I really did work for my sociology test, i did a ton of reading for that, and this is my second stat class and i did the hw and the reading and stuff so I deserve good grades in those 2. I have to admit I really screwed up in biopsyc but I don't blame myself cause I just have had too much going on, plus I worked my ass off for the first test in that and still only got an 80 so i figured whats the point in working my ass off at the expense of my other subjects when I can't get an A anyways. Wow, I really said more than i needed on that...Anyways I'm just really glad now that my exams are over and its spring break. YAY!!! I can actually relax a little and not worry about doing a bunch of reading or studying. Plus I'm going to NY in a couple days and I'm finally gonna see Will. I just hope both of us are at least somewhat better by the time I get there. But either way we'll find a way to have some fun.
Well for now I'm at home...with the family...I've been here a lot lately...dammit its hot as hell. NC has really fucked up weather. Ok, i'm getting random now. I haven't seen Marc in awhile...that kinda sucks cause I want to see him. I also need to talk to Nate...I get the feeling that I'm being avoided and anyone who knows me understands that I hate being ignored or avoided. I can't stand the silent treatment. I need to talk to people. Ok, I've said enough for now. I'll just leave everyone with some song lyrics that have particular meaning to me right now
I've had choices since the day that I was born
There were voices that told me right from wrong
If I had listened, no I wouldn't be here today
Living and dying with the choices I've made
I guess I'm paying for the things that I have done
If I could go back, or lord knows I would
But I'm still losing this game of life I'm playing
Living and dying with the choices I've made