could this get any worse?
this is for you karola
because you obviously have no idea how i feel even though youre my best friend.......it saddens me
here it is i wrote it today in a letter form to you:
This is by far the worst state i've been in. Not only because of Dan, but everything else as well. I live in fear and insecurity now and i'm not sure why. I feel rejected by everyone around me, even the closest people.
So far i've turned everywhere for help, but i didn't find my cure, for my contantly broken heart.
I have so many regrets that i cant do anything about.
I have an agoniizing feeling at the pit of my stomach, something will go terribly wrong i know, but i cant quite put my finger on it.
I want to burn my covers, get a new bed, and re-arrange my entire room, so that i wont have to think about it or about anything.
As for dan, he has NO shame, he needs to stay away from everyone and re-organize his mind and put everything in order, instead of hurting people around him, and constantly using and abusing them.
As for mdawg, i wish things would''ve turned out differently, i shouldve left him in the past, but now i fear the past will haunt me forever, and never give me the peace i need. i just think he'll never go away...
...from my heart.
And as for natalia, shes just causing herself more pain. She should really think about what shes doing. Shes asking for trouble but she wont realize it before its too late, by then shell already feel terrible and broken hearted, i should know. She wants to spend more time with him, she wants to be with him, yet she didnt realize that he doesnt have a heart and that hes incapable of having feelings for anyone right now, hes just looking for fun right now and nothing more, she should know that by now.
Sometimes it feels like natalia likes to jam a knife into my heart, and break it to tiny pieces, maybe she feels like she needs to get back at me? i dont know. but sometimes its definetly hard to call her a friend.
Sometimes id like to go back in time, to fix everything, so that id have no regrets, and so that my life could be somewhere near perfect, because maybe id get it right the second time around. so that i wouldnt have to pretend im happy, because thats how i would really feel.
And finally the whole thing with Beny is terrifying me, especially because i dont think i love him at all, and i really dont want to see him. do i have another bad feeling? yes i do.
I DONT WANT TO LEAVE AT ALL, IM TERRIFIED, BUT I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE, I WANT TO FORGET AND EARASE CERTAIN THINGS FROM MY MIND, FOREVER. IM DONE.
((i dont care about dan, i really dont. because id rather chew on glass then live in the past))
because you obviously have no idea how i feel even though youre my best friend.......it saddens me
here it is i wrote it today in a letter form to you:
This is by far the worst state i've been in. Not only because of Dan, but everything else as well. I live in fear and insecurity now and i'm not sure why. I feel rejected by everyone around me, even the closest people.
So far i've turned everywhere for help, but i didn't find my cure, for my contantly broken heart.
I have so many regrets that i cant do anything about.
I have an agoniizing feeling at the pit of my stomach, something will go terribly wrong i know, but i cant quite put my finger on it.
I want to burn my covers, get a new bed, and re-arrange my entire room, so that i wont have to think about it or about anything.
As for dan, he has NO shame, he needs to stay away from everyone and re-organize his mind and put everything in order, instead of hurting people around him, and constantly using and abusing them.
As for mdawg, i wish things would''ve turned out differently, i shouldve left him in the past, but now i fear the past will haunt me forever, and never give me the peace i need. i just think he'll never go away...
...from my heart.
And as for natalia, shes just causing herself more pain. She should really think about what shes doing. Shes asking for trouble but she wont realize it before its too late, by then shell already feel terrible and broken hearted, i should know. She wants to spend more time with him, she wants to be with him, yet she didnt realize that he doesnt have a heart and that hes incapable of having feelings for anyone right now, hes just looking for fun right now and nothing more, she should know that by now.
Sometimes it feels like natalia likes to jam a knife into my heart, and break it to tiny pieces, maybe she feels like she needs to get back at me? i dont know. but sometimes its definetly hard to call her a friend.
Sometimes id like to go back in time, to fix everything, so that id have no regrets, and so that my life could be somewhere near perfect, because maybe id get it right the second time around. so that i wouldnt have to pretend im happy, because thats how i would really feel.
And finally the whole thing with Beny is terrifying me, especially because i dont think i love him at all, and i really dont want to see him. do i have another bad feeling? yes i do.
I DONT WANT TO LEAVE AT ALL, IM TERRIFIED, BUT I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE, I WANT TO FORGET AND EARASE CERTAIN THINGS FROM MY MIND, FOREVER. IM DONE.
((i dont care about dan, i really dont. because id rather chew on glass then live in the past))