Fic update: 'This Is Going To Be Fun' - Buffy/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who (7/15ish)
Title: This Is Going To Be Fun
Author: Flurblewig
Fandom: Buffyverse/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Comedy drama, with a side order of crackfic :-)
Rating: PG13
Length: This part 3,398 words
Pairing: Gen ensemble
Summary: Sam Tyler meets another time-traveller and finds out that the world is even weirder than he thought, while Rhys Williams meets Jack & The Doctor and finds out that being a Buffy fan is going to come in handy in ways he never dreamed possible...
A/N: Thanks & hugs to my wonderful betadesoto_hia873!
Previous parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6
Buffy stands up, looking determined. 'Okay, I think I need to go and pay Sunnydale's Supervillains a visit.'
'We'll go with you,' Willow says, also getting to her feet.
'I got this, trust me. I think I can handle it.'
Willow smiles. 'Oh, I know. I don't think you need help, I just want to watch you put the fear of the Slayer into those guys.' She shakes her head. 'Jonathan. I can't believe it.' She holds out her hand to Tara. 'What do you say, baby? You want to come see the show?'
Dawn jumps up before Tara can reply. 'Sounds great! Are we going now?'
'We're going,' says Buffy. 'You're sitting down and doing chemistry homework. And the dishes. Not necessarily in that order.'
Dawn pouts, and sits down again with obvious reluctance, her arms folded.
Tara smiles and squeezes her shoulder. 'Maybe I should stay and watch Dawn.'
'I don't need to be watched,' Dawn mumbles, scowling at everyone in turn. 'What am I, a TV?'
Giles takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. 'I'll stay with Dawn,' he says.
Buffy gives him a concerned look. 'Giles, are you all right?'
He nods. 'It's just--a little headache, that's all. You go, Dawn and I will be fine here.'
Rhys grabs his coat and heads for the door. At Buffy's look, he shrugs. 'I think I should be there too. In case I get, you know--' he taps his temple. 'More visions.'
Jack nods and claps him on the shoulder. 'Let's go kick some ass.' He looks expectantly at the Doctor, who's watching Giles.
'I think I'll stay here,' the Doctor says, 'and start getting some of the sordid details on our friend Ethan.'
'Not too sordid,' Buffy warns. 'Not in front of Dawn.'
That earns her another pout, and a single raised eyebrow from Giles. She waves away both. 'Okay, those who are going, let's go.'
'Hold on a second,' Rhys says. 'We need someone else.'
'We do?'
'Spike,' he says.
'Oh, come on. It's one thing Willow wanting to play studio audience, but I really don't think I need Spike's help with these guys.' She narrows her eyes. 'Unless there's something you're not telling me...?'
Rhys shakes his head. 'No. Not like that. Trust me, I've got a plan.' He grins at Jack. 'I've always wanted to say that, and be talking about more than going out to pick up a Chinese take-away after the footie.'
Jack shakes his head, but he hides a smile in his hand while he does it.
Buffy shrugs. 'Okay,' she says. 'We'll go by Spike's crypt on the way.'
***
The door opens slowly, and Rhys can see Jonathan with one hand in his pocket and his head turned away: he's obviously talking to someone behind him.
'--turn to pay. I bought the ice cream when we were down at the mall getting batteries, and--' he breaks off as he finally faces front. The wallet he'd pulled out of his jeans drops to the floor.
'Hi,' Buffy says brightly. 'Can Warren come out to play?'
Jonathan stammers something incoherent as she steps past him, followed by Willow, Tara, Rhys and Jack. Spike brings up the rear, and pushes the door shut behind him. He looks Jonathan up and down. 'What am I doing here again?' he mutters.
Jonathan flattens himself against the wall. 'What's going on? What do you want?' He looks at Jack, and Rhys, and leans forward a little. 'Who are you?'
Jack waves a hand. 'Just passing through, don't mind us.' He nods towards Buffy. 'You might want to mind her, though.'
Buffy steps in front of Jonathan and folds her arms. 'I can't believe you would do this. You, of all people. Haven't you learned better by now?'
'What-- how-- what--?'
'Don't even bother trying to play the innocent with me, mister. I know. I know everything. You, and Warren Mears and, and--the other one--with your stupid games. I mean, supervillains? How old are you?'
Jonathan's expression seems like it can't decide between shock, horror or tears. Buffy looks disgusted. 'Oh, get out of here. Go on, go. And if you want to get girls, just join a dating agency. Trust me, evil minion doesn't carry anywhere near as much weight as good sense of humour.'
Jonathan looks around like a startled rabbit for a few seconds then bolts for the door. Tara watches him go, a thoughtful expression on her face. 'He has some power, you know,' she says to Willow. 'I could feel it.' The door swings wide again in the wind, showing Jonathan's retreating form fleeing down the road. 'Maybe he just never had the right kind of encouragement.'
Willow links her arm and squeezes it. 'Is there anyone you can't see the good in?'
''Hey, half-pint,' calls a voice from downstairs. 'What's taking so long? It's been exactly 32 minutes, I hope you're not paying for that pizza.'
'Come on,' says Buffy, leading the way down the stairs. In the basement they find Warren fiddling with something that looks like the bastard offspring of a ray gun and a vacuum cleaner, while Andrew lounges on a bean bag playing some kind of shoot-em-up video game. They both look up, look back for a second, then look at each other.
'Fuck,' Warren says quietly. Then he's on his feet, and sprinting for the stairs like all the hounds of hell are on his tail. Which Rhys has to say wouldn't actually be much scarier than Buffy's face right now, after she's taken in the monitors showing Scenes from A Slayer's Life.
She splutters something that isn't quite coherent but definitely contains the words 'little bastards' and grabs for Warren. Her fingers snag his shirt but then Andrew throws himself forward with an impassioned wail, getting in the way and allowing Warren to escape. Buffy grabs Andrew and bodily throws him back onto the bean bag. 'Damn it,' she says. 'You--Thing 2--you stay put, okay?'
Andrew looks up at her with an expression that's one part defiance to three parts terror, and stays obediently put. Actually it looks more like he's simply frozen in place, but that works just as well.
Buffy takes off back up the stairs. Spike looks down at Andrew, shaking his head. 'Maggot,' he says cheerfully.
Rhys leans in. 'This is what you're here for,' he whispers.
Spike frowns at him. 'What?'
'Andrew. He's not that bad really, he... well, he has the potential to turn out all right. He just picked the wrong person to hero-worship.'
'Sucks. But what's that got to do with me?'
Rhys grins. 'You're the right person.'
'What?'
'It happens eventually, anyway, and it does him good. So I thought we could just bring it forward a bit. He might be useful.'
'What as, a toilet brush? Look, if you think I'm going to be babysitting some wet-behind-the-ears kid just because the Slayer's swallowed whatever bullshit line you came out with about visions, you've got--'
'You get together, you know. You and Buffy.'
Everything about Spike stops. He could be carved from stone. Finally, he swallows; a small movement of the throat. 'That's not possible,' he says, but all the power, and definitely all the certainty, has drained out of his voice.
'Yes, it is,' Rhys says, brushing away the sudden shiver of this could go horribly wrong that's trying to worm its way down his spine.
'How--how is it possible?'
Rhys glances at Willow and Tara, but they're engrossed with the array of gadgets on offer in the basement and don't seem to be paying any attention. 'I know,' he says. 'About what Willow did, bringing Buffy back. They don't know where she was, but I do. And I know you do, too. She told you.'
Spike also glances at Willow, and nods warily.
'She's depressed,' Rhys says. He rubs his ear, that uncomfortable feeling niggling at him again. Who is he, really, to play Joss? But once you start interfering, is it worse to stop? 'You--you help her find her way again. To feel alive again. She comes to trust you. To--' he swallows. In for a penny, in for a pound '--to love you.'
Spike stares at him, disbelief and longing at war in his eyes. Before he can respond, Buffy appears at the top of the stairs. 'I lost him,' she says, looking annoyed.
'It might not matter,' Willow says. 'We got all his toys.' She waves her hand to indicate the contents of the room, including Andrew. 'That should put a bit of a crimp in his nefarious plans.'
Buffy considers this and eventually shrugs. ' I suppose so. Okay, let's start cataloguing what we've got here. And get those cameras turned off. That's seriously creeping me out.'
Tara pulls a plug out of the wall. The Magic Box camera briefly shows Anya and Xander walk into the shot, and then the screens go dark.
Buffy looks at Andrew. 'So what are we going to do with you, huh?'
Andrew looks round at them all nervously. Spike glances at Rhys, and a sudden grin flits across his face. 'Well, let me see. I think I might have an opening for a slave.'
Buffy raises her eyebrows, but Andrew's head comes up and there's an unmistakeable shine in his eyes. Rhys looks at Jack, who shakes his head and smirks. 'If the bottom ever falls out of the haulage business, you've got a future as a matchmaker,' Jack whispers. He grins. 'Not that I'd've minded auditioning for that particular vacancy myself.'
Buffy catches that, and stares at him. Jack smiles widely, unabashed. 'Don't tell me you've never thought about it' he says. 'Strength, stamina, no need to breathe, conscious control of blood circulation...' His eyes lift heavenwards. 'It doesn't get much better than that.'
Buffy's eyes flick to Spike, who's staring at Jack. A flush creeps into her cheeks. 'Can we get back to the thwarting of evil plans part? Remember, we've still got Ethan Rayne to worry about.'
'True,' says Jack, all business again. 'We should get back, see how the Doctor's getting on.'
They bundle up the most obviously portable of the basement's treasures, and Spike hauls Andrew out by the ear. Rhys sidles up to him. 'Andrew,' he says, 'tell me where he's gone. It'll go better if you do, trust me.'
Andrew looks at him blankly. 'Warren,' Rhys says. 'You must have had a fall-back position, right? Somewhere to meet and regroup in case it all went wrong. Where is it?'
Andrew looks at him nervously. 'Why? What are you going to do to him?'
Rhys flits a look at Willow. 'Hopefully, save his life. It's better I find him than the others, trust me.'
Andrew's expression is agonised, but after a moment he visibly sags. 'Okay. But don't tell him I told you, all right? If we got separated during a-- you know, a mission, we were supposed to meet up at my place. It's on Ninth and Walnut, number 6721. You can't miss it, my mom painted all the woodwork pink. Barbie pink. Tucker said--'
'Yeah, okay, thanks.' Rhys nudges Jack. 'Uh,' he says loudly. 'We just need to pop back to the, uh, to our car and get some stuff. You lot carry on, we'll meet you back at the house.'
Buffy waves. 'Okay, whatever.'
'What are you doing?' asks Jack as they peel away. 'The Doctor might need--'
'We'll be back soon. But this isn't enough, it won't put Warren off. If he hangs around here he'll just end up trying again, and it could all still happen. We need to make sure he leaves, and stays gone.'
'And how do you propose we do that?'
'By showing him what happens if he doesn't.'
***
Once Jack demonstrates that physical resistance is futile, Warren comes quietly. They frog-march him out to the TARDIS and throw him inside. Rhys steps to the holo-projector and cues up the end of Villains.
Warren stares at them. 'Who the hell are you people? What do you want with me? You can't just go barging into people's homes and abducting them against their will, you--'
'We're from the future,' Rhys says.
Warren shuts up. He looks around him, seeming to take in the TARDIS for the first time. He whistles softly.
'You're a smart kid,' Rhys says, 'so do the smart thing and listen to me. I know what happens to you, Warren Mears, and it isn't pretty.'
Warren stares at him, eyes wide.
'It goes bad,' Rhys says. 'Very bad. You don't take over Sunnydale, you don't beat Buffy. You end up killing Katrina.'
Warren flinches, the air audibly leaving his body. 'I-- what?'
'You heard me. Katrina dies. And Buffy finds out. I don't need to tell you what that means, do I?'
Warren still looks shell-shocked. 'She kicks my ass?' he offers softly.
Rhys nods. 'And so you go after her a final time. With a gun. You shoot her, but she lives. Tara doesn't.'
'Tara...? The blonde? Willow's girlfriend?'
'Willow's girlfriend. And if you think Buffy kicks your arse, you can't imagine what Willow does.'
Warren's starting to look a little sick. Rhys doesn't feel a great deal better himself, but this has to be done.
'In fact, you don't have to imagine it. I can show you. If you don't leave Sunnydale right now, and never look back, this is how your life ends.'
He flicks the switch on the projector and all three of them watch the image of a black-haired Willow pursuing Warren through the woods. Rhys turns the sound up at the moment of the actual flaying. Willow's “bored now” echoes off the walls.
When it's over, Warren falls to his knees and vomits quietly. Rhys turns away and leans on the console, wiping a hand across his clammy forehead. Jack briefly squeezes his shoulder, then steps forward.
'Go,' he says to Warren.
Warren gets shakily to his feet and nods. He doesn't look at either of them. Jack opens the door and he stumbles out. 'Well,' Jack says, 'I think that--'
He breaks off as Buffy pushes through the door in place of Warren. 'Okay, I want to know exactly what you guys are up to. We followed you and--' she stops, her eyes tracking round the inside of the TARDIS. 'Whoa,' she breathes. 'What is this place?'
Willow appears behind her. 'Wow,' she says. 'Did you--' She breaks off, and when she speaks again her voice is very quiet. 'What's that?'
They all look at her. She's pointing at the projector, which is still running. It's moved straight on to Two To Go, and the Buffy-image's voice is very loud when it says Will's got an addictive personality, and she's just tasted blood.
They all stare at it. Willow looks at Buffy, then at Rhys and Jack. 'What is that?' she asks again. Tara puts a concerned hand on her arm, and she flinches. Spike stands in the doorway, and lights a cigarette. 'Fuckin' weird day,' he says.
Jack reaches out and shuts the projector off. It leaves the room very silent. 'It's hard to explain,' Rhys says.
Buffy's expression is unreadable. 'Try.'
Rhys looks at Jack, who shakes his head. 'I never thought I'd say these words again, but this is a new experience for me.'
Rhys takes a deep breath. 'Honestly, I'm not sure I can explain. We need the Doctor.'
Buffy folds her arms. 'Fine. Let's go and talk to him. But between you, someone is going to start giving me answers.'
***
Dawn flops on the sofa with a Coke while Giles tops up his wine. 'Ethan,' he says, then stops. 'Ethan was someone I knew when I was young and foolish. He was--is--not a good person.' He takes a sip. 'Oh, he's not actively evil, but he's extraordinarily self-centred and has a deep and abiding love of taking risks and causing trouble, so--' he breaks off and gives the Doctor a small smile. 'Let's just say I'm not surprised to hear his name quoted as a source of problems. What's he done this time? Escaped from the Initiative, I presume?'
The Doctor nods. 'Quite ingeniously, I have to say. He piggybacked a rather large flare in a temporal rift and transferred his consciousness out of his present body and into a previous version of it. Effectively, he time-travelled into his own younger self.'
Giles rubs his cheek. 'I see. Yes, that is rather impressive. Very Ethan. Where is this temporal rift? I had no idea there were such things.'
'There are now. This particular one is in Cardiff. In 2006.'
'I see. So... Ethan has travelled from the future into the past?'
'Yep. And we need to find him, because he accidentally took someone else with him. We need to get them both back, or, you know--' The Doctor waves his hands. 'The whole dire consequences thing.'
'Yes, I am familiar with the concept. What it is you need me to do?'
'The problem is, we can't find him. My instrumentation is, um, not entirely familiar with the way things work here, and it's taking too long. I was hoping that someone who knew him--knew his life--might be able to guess where he would have gone. When, I mean.'
Giles leans back in his chair. 'Ethan and I parted company a long while ago, when we were both in our early twenties. What he would consider his halcyon days, I'm simply not sure.'
The Doctor's shoulders sag a little. 'Bugger,' he says softly.
Giles takes off his glasses, reaches up and massages his temple. 'Blasted headache,' he says. 'I'm sorry, do excuse me. I think I need some aspirin.'
'Stay there, I'll get it.' The Doctor stands up. 'Dawn, do you have any aspirin?'
She nods and jumps off the sofa. 'Sure. Buffy eats Tylenol by the bucketload. I'll get some.'
She starts rummaging around in one of the kitchen drawers. The Doctor fills a glass of water and takes it back to the table. 'Sorry to be rude,' he says, 'but you look awful.'
Giles gives him a pained smile. 'No doubt the legacy of a lifetime of getting knocked unconscious. I'm sorry--about Ethan, I mean. That I can't be of more help.'
The Doctor waves a hand. 'Don't worry. We'll find him.'
'You said that someone else had been taken. Is it a friend of yours?'
'No, it's nobody we know. I think poor Sam was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.'
'Sam?'
'Sam Tyler. A policeman from Manchester. Ended up like Ethan, with his body in 2006 and his mind who knows where.' He pushes the glass of water across the table. 'Here, you should drink this, it--' He pauses. 'Giles? What is it?'
Giles lets out a shaky breath, then grits his teeth against an obvious wave of pain. His eyes screw tightly shut. The Doctor leans forward, concerned, and Giles lays a hand on his arm.
Wait,' he says. 'I... I knew a Sam Tyler. A Detective Inspector.'
'You did? '
'Yes, I...I remember we'd gone to Manchester to source some ingredients for the Eyghon ritual, and we got arrested. I got away with the others, but Ethan was taken to the cells and that's where he met Sam. We stayed with him for a while, because... because...' He stares at the Doctor, frowning. 'My God, of course. Because he'd also time-travelled from the future, and he had a power source that Ethan wanted to... to use, and ...' He shakes his head. 'How could I not have remembered this before?'
The Doctor grips his arm. 'Because it didn't happen before. This is the effect of Ethan being in the past--we're seeing the results of what he's changing, happening right now. This is fantastic.'
'Well,' says Giles, 'I'm not sure I'd exactly call it--'
His words break off. The Doctor's hand comes crashing down on the table, as the arm underneath it disappears. He looks up, at the empty seat in front of him. Giles is gone.
'Oh,' he says. 'Now that's not good.'
TBC...
Author: Flurblewig
Fandom: Buffyverse/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Comedy drama, with a side order of crackfic :-)
Rating: PG13
Length: This part 3,398 words
Pairing: Gen ensemble
Summary: Sam Tyler meets another time-traveller and finds out that the world is even weirder than he thought, while Rhys Williams meets Jack & The Doctor and finds out that being a Buffy fan is going to come in handy in ways he never dreamed possible...
A/N: Thanks & hugs to my wonderful betadesoto_hia873!
Previous parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6
Buffy stands up, looking determined. 'Okay, I think I need to go and pay Sunnydale's Supervillains a visit.'
'We'll go with you,' Willow says, also getting to her feet.
'I got this, trust me. I think I can handle it.'
Willow smiles. 'Oh, I know. I don't think you need help, I just want to watch you put the fear of the Slayer into those guys.' She shakes her head. 'Jonathan. I can't believe it.' She holds out her hand to Tara. 'What do you say, baby? You want to come see the show?'
Dawn jumps up before Tara can reply. 'Sounds great! Are we going now?'
'We're going,' says Buffy. 'You're sitting down and doing chemistry homework. And the dishes. Not necessarily in that order.'
Dawn pouts, and sits down again with obvious reluctance, her arms folded.
Tara smiles and squeezes her shoulder. 'Maybe I should stay and watch Dawn.'
'I don't need to be watched,' Dawn mumbles, scowling at everyone in turn. 'What am I, a TV?'
Giles takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. 'I'll stay with Dawn,' he says.
Buffy gives him a concerned look. 'Giles, are you all right?'
He nods. 'It's just--a little headache, that's all. You go, Dawn and I will be fine here.'
Rhys grabs his coat and heads for the door. At Buffy's look, he shrugs. 'I think I should be there too. In case I get, you know--' he taps his temple. 'More visions.'
Jack nods and claps him on the shoulder. 'Let's go kick some ass.' He looks expectantly at the Doctor, who's watching Giles.
'I think I'll stay here,' the Doctor says, 'and start getting some of the sordid details on our friend Ethan.'
'Not too sordid,' Buffy warns. 'Not in front of Dawn.'
That earns her another pout, and a single raised eyebrow from Giles. She waves away both. 'Okay, those who are going, let's go.'
'Hold on a second,' Rhys says. 'We need someone else.'
'We do?'
'Spike,' he says.
'Oh, come on. It's one thing Willow wanting to play studio audience, but I really don't think I need Spike's help with these guys.' She narrows her eyes. 'Unless there's something you're not telling me...?'
Rhys shakes his head. 'No. Not like that. Trust me, I've got a plan.' He grins at Jack. 'I've always wanted to say that, and be talking about more than going out to pick up a Chinese take-away after the footie.'
Jack shakes his head, but he hides a smile in his hand while he does it.
Buffy shrugs. 'Okay,' she says. 'We'll go by Spike's crypt on the way.'
***
The door opens slowly, and Rhys can see Jonathan with one hand in his pocket and his head turned away: he's obviously talking to someone behind him.
'--turn to pay. I bought the ice cream when we were down at the mall getting batteries, and--' he breaks off as he finally faces front. The wallet he'd pulled out of his jeans drops to the floor.
'Hi,' Buffy says brightly. 'Can Warren come out to play?'
Jonathan stammers something incoherent as she steps past him, followed by Willow, Tara, Rhys and Jack. Spike brings up the rear, and pushes the door shut behind him. He looks Jonathan up and down. 'What am I doing here again?' he mutters.
Jonathan flattens himself against the wall. 'What's going on? What do you want?' He looks at Jack, and Rhys, and leans forward a little. 'Who are you?'
Jack waves a hand. 'Just passing through, don't mind us.' He nods towards Buffy. 'You might want to mind her, though.'
Buffy steps in front of Jonathan and folds her arms. 'I can't believe you would do this. You, of all people. Haven't you learned better by now?'
'What-- how-- what--?'
'Don't even bother trying to play the innocent with me, mister. I know. I know everything. You, and Warren Mears and, and--the other one--with your stupid games. I mean, supervillains? How old are you?'
Jonathan's expression seems like it can't decide between shock, horror or tears. Buffy looks disgusted. 'Oh, get out of here. Go on, go. And if you want to get girls, just join a dating agency. Trust me, evil minion doesn't carry anywhere near as much weight as good sense of humour.'
Jonathan looks around like a startled rabbit for a few seconds then bolts for the door. Tara watches him go, a thoughtful expression on her face. 'He has some power, you know,' she says to Willow. 'I could feel it.' The door swings wide again in the wind, showing Jonathan's retreating form fleeing down the road. 'Maybe he just never had the right kind of encouragement.'
Willow links her arm and squeezes it. 'Is there anyone you can't see the good in?'
''Hey, half-pint,' calls a voice from downstairs. 'What's taking so long? It's been exactly 32 minutes, I hope you're not paying for that pizza.'
'Come on,' says Buffy, leading the way down the stairs. In the basement they find Warren fiddling with something that looks like the bastard offspring of a ray gun and a vacuum cleaner, while Andrew lounges on a bean bag playing some kind of shoot-em-up video game. They both look up, look back for a second, then look at each other.
'Fuck,' Warren says quietly. Then he's on his feet, and sprinting for the stairs like all the hounds of hell are on his tail. Which Rhys has to say wouldn't actually be much scarier than Buffy's face right now, after she's taken in the monitors showing Scenes from A Slayer's Life.
She splutters something that isn't quite coherent but definitely contains the words 'little bastards' and grabs for Warren. Her fingers snag his shirt but then Andrew throws himself forward with an impassioned wail, getting in the way and allowing Warren to escape. Buffy grabs Andrew and bodily throws him back onto the bean bag. 'Damn it,' she says. 'You--Thing 2--you stay put, okay?'
Andrew looks up at her with an expression that's one part defiance to three parts terror, and stays obediently put. Actually it looks more like he's simply frozen in place, but that works just as well.
Buffy takes off back up the stairs. Spike looks down at Andrew, shaking his head. 'Maggot,' he says cheerfully.
Rhys leans in. 'This is what you're here for,' he whispers.
Spike frowns at him. 'What?'
'Andrew. He's not that bad really, he... well, he has the potential to turn out all right. He just picked the wrong person to hero-worship.'
'Sucks. But what's that got to do with me?'
Rhys grins. 'You're the right person.'
'What?'
'It happens eventually, anyway, and it does him good. So I thought we could just bring it forward a bit. He might be useful.'
'What as, a toilet brush? Look, if you think I'm going to be babysitting some wet-behind-the-ears kid just because the Slayer's swallowed whatever bullshit line you came out with about visions, you've got--'
'You get together, you know. You and Buffy.'
Everything about Spike stops. He could be carved from stone. Finally, he swallows; a small movement of the throat. 'That's not possible,' he says, but all the power, and definitely all the certainty, has drained out of his voice.
'Yes, it is,' Rhys says, brushing away the sudden shiver of this could go horribly wrong that's trying to worm its way down his spine.
'How--how is it possible?'
Rhys glances at Willow and Tara, but they're engrossed with the array of gadgets on offer in the basement and don't seem to be paying any attention. 'I know,' he says. 'About what Willow did, bringing Buffy back. They don't know where she was, but I do. And I know you do, too. She told you.'
Spike also glances at Willow, and nods warily.
'She's depressed,' Rhys says. He rubs his ear, that uncomfortable feeling niggling at him again. Who is he, really, to play Joss? But once you start interfering, is it worse to stop? 'You--you help her find her way again. To feel alive again. She comes to trust you. To--' he swallows. In for a penny, in for a pound '--to love you.'
Spike stares at him, disbelief and longing at war in his eyes. Before he can respond, Buffy appears at the top of the stairs. 'I lost him,' she says, looking annoyed.
'It might not matter,' Willow says. 'We got all his toys.' She waves her hand to indicate the contents of the room, including Andrew. 'That should put a bit of a crimp in his nefarious plans.'
Buffy considers this and eventually shrugs. ' I suppose so. Okay, let's start cataloguing what we've got here. And get those cameras turned off. That's seriously creeping me out.'
Tara pulls a plug out of the wall. The Magic Box camera briefly shows Anya and Xander walk into the shot, and then the screens go dark.
Buffy looks at Andrew. 'So what are we going to do with you, huh?'
Andrew looks round at them all nervously. Spike glances at Rhys, and a sudden grin flits across his face. 'Well, let me see. I think I might have an opening for a slave.'
Buffy raises her eyebrows, but Andrew's head comes up and there's an unmistakeable shine in his eyes. Rhys looks at Jack, who shakes his head and smirks. 'If the bottom ever falls out of the haulage business, you've got a future as a matchmaker,' Jack whispers. He grins. 'Not that I'd've minded auditioning for that particular vacancy myself.'
Buffy catches that, and stares at him. Jack smiles widely, unabashed. 'Don't tell me you've never thought about it' he says. 'Strength, stamina, no need to breathe, conscious control of blood circulation...' His eyes lift heavenwards. 'It doesn't get much better than that.'
Buffy's eyes flick to Spike, who's staring at Jack. A flush creeps into her cheeks. 'Can we get back to the thwarting of evil plans part? Remember, we've still got Ethan Rayne to worry about.'
'True,' says Jack, all business again. 'We should get back, see how the Doctor's getting on.'
They bundle up the most obviously portable of the basement's treasures, and Spike hauls Andrew out by the ear. Rhys sidles up to him. 'Andrew,' he says, 'tell me where he's gone. It'll go better if you do, trust me.'
Andrew looks at him blankly. 'Warren,' Rhys says. 'You must have had a fall-back position, right? Somewhere to meet and regroup in case it all went wrong. Where is it?'
Andrew looks at him nervously. 'Why? What are you going to do to him?'
Rhys flits a look at Willow. 'Hopefully, save his life. It's better I find him than the others, trust me.'
Andrew's expression is agonised, but after a moment he visibly sags. 'Okay. But don't tell him I told you, all right? If we got separated during a-- you know, a mission, we were supposed to meet up at my place. It's on Ninth and Walnut, number 6721. You can't miss it, my mom painted all the woodwork pink. Barbie pink. Tucker said--'
'Yeah, okay, thanks.' Rhys nudges Jack. 'Uh,' he says loudly. 'We just need to pop back to the, uh, to our car and get some stuff. You lot carry on, we'll meet you back at the house.'
Buffy waves. 'Okay, whatever.'
'What are you doing?' asks Jack as they peel away. 'The Doctor might need--'
'We'll be back soon. But this isn't enough, it won't put Warren off. If he hangs around here he'll just end up trying again, and it could all still happen. We need to make sure he leaves, and stays gone.'
'And how do you propose we do that?'
'By showing him what happens if he doesn't.'
***
Once Jack demonstrates that physical resistance is futile, Warren comes quietly. They frog-march him out to the TARDIS and throw him inside. Rhys steps to the holo-projector and cues up the end of Villains.
Warren stares at them. 'Who the hell are you people? What do you want with me? You can't just go barging into people's homes and abducting them against their will, you--'
'We're from the future,' Rhys says.
Warren shuts up. He looks around him, seeming to take in the TARDIS for the first time. He whistles softly.
'You're a smart kid,' Rhys says, 'so do the smart thing and listen to me. I know what happens to you, Warren Mears, and it isn't pretty.'
Warren stares at him, eyes wide.
'It goes bad,' Rhys says. 'Very bad. You don't take over Sunnydale, you don't beat Buffy. You end up killing Katrina.'
Warren flinches, the air audibly leaving his body. 'I-- what?'
'You heard me. Katrina dies. And Buffy finds out. I don't need to tell you what that means, do I?'
Warren still looks shell-shocked. 'She kicks my ass?' he offers softly.
Rhys nods. 'And so you go after her a final time. With a gun. You shoot her, but she lives. Tara doesn't.'
'Tara...? The blonde? Willow's girlfriend?'
'Willow's girlfriend. And if you think Buffy kicks your arse, you can't imagine what Willow does.'
Warren's starting to look a little sick. Rhys doesn't feel a great deal better himself, but this has to be done.
'In fact, you don't have to imagine it. I can show you. If you don't leave Sunnydale right now, and never look back, this is how your life ends.'
He flicks the switch on the projector and all three of them watch the image of a black-haired Willow pursuing Warren through the woods. Rhys turns the sound up at the moment of the actual flaying. Willow's “bored now” echoes off the walls.
When it's over, Warren falls to his knees and vomits quietly. Rhys turns away and leans on the console, wiping a hand across his clammy forehead. Jack briefly squeezes his shoulder, then steps forward.
'Go,' he says to Warren.
Warren gets shakily to his feet and nods. He doesn't look at either of them. Jack opens the door and he stumbles out. 'Well,' Jack says, 'I think that--'
He breaks off as Buffy pushes through the door in place of Warren. 'Okay, I want to know exactly what you guys are up to. We followed you and--' she stops, her eyes tracking round the inside of the TARDIS. 'Whoa,' she breathes. 'What is this place?'
Willow appears behind her. 'Wow,' she says. 'Did you--' She breaks off, and when she speaks again her voice is very quiet. 'What's that?'
They all look at her. She's pointing at the projector, which is still running. It's moved straight on to Two To Go, and the Buffy-image's voice is very loud when it says Will's got an addictive personality, and she's just tasted blood.
They all stare at it. Willow looks at Buffy, then at Rhys and Jack. 'What is that?' she asks again. Tara puts a concerned hand on her arm, and she flinches. Spike stands in the doorway, and lights a cigarette. 'Fuckin' weird day,' he says.
Jack reaches out and shuts the projector off. It leaves the room very silent. 'It's hard to explain,' Rhys says.
Buffy's expression is unreadable. 'Try.'
Rhys looks at Jack, who shakes his head. 'I never thought I'd say these words again, but this is a new experience for me.'
Rhys takes a deep breath. 'Honestly, I'm not sure I can explain. We need the Doctor.'
Buffy folds her arms. 'Fine. Let's go and talk to him. But between you, someone is going to start giving me answers.'
***
Dawn flops on the sofa with a Coke while Giles tops up his wine. 'Ethan,' he says, then stops. 'Ethan was someone I knew when I was young and foolish. He was--is--not a good person.' He takes a sip. 'Oh, he's not actively evil, but he's extraordinarily self-centred and has a deep and abiding love of taking risks and causing trouble, so--' he breaks off and gives the Doctor a small smile. 'Let's just say I'm not surprised to hear his name quoted as a source of problems. What's he done this time? Escaped from the Initiative, I presume?'
The Doctor nods. 'Quite ingeniously, I have to say. He piggybacked a rather large flare in a temporal rift and transferred his consciousness out of his present body and into a previous version of it. Effectively, he time-travelled into his own younger self.'
Giles rubs his cheek. 'I see. Yes, that is rather impressive. Very Ethan. Where is this temporal rift? I had no idea there were such things.'
'There are now. This particular one is in Cardiff. In 2006.'
'I see. So... Ethan has travelled from the future into the past?'
'Yep. And we need to find him, because he accidentally took someone else with him. We need to get them both back, or, you know--' The Doctor waves his hands. 'The whole dire consequences thing.'
'Yes, I am familiar with the concept. What it is you need me to do?'
'The problem is, we can't find him. My instrumentation is, um, not entirely familiar with the way things work here, and it's taking too long. I was hoping that someone who knew him--knew his life--might be able to guess where he would have gone. When, I mean.'
Giles leans back in his chair. 'Ethan and I parted company a long while ago, when we were both in our early twenties. What he would consider his halcyon days, I'm simply not sure.'
The Doctor's shoulders sag a little. 'Bugger,' he says softly.
Giles takes off his glasses, reaches up and massages his temple. 'Blasted headache,' he says. 'I'm sorry, do excuse me. I think I need some aspirin.'
'Stay there, I'll get it.' The Doctor stands up. 'Dawn, do you have any aspirin?'
She nods and jumps off the sofa. 'Sure. Buffy eats Tylenol by the bucketload. I'll get some.'
She starts rummaging around in one of the kitchen drawers. The Doctor fills a glass of water and takes it back to the table. 'Sorry to be rude,' he says, 'but you look awful.'
Giles gives him a pained smile. 'No doubt the legacy of a lifetime of getting knocked unconscious. I'm sorry--about Ethan, I mean. That I can't be of more help.'
The Doctor waves a hand. 'Don't worry. We'll find him.'
'You said that someone else had been taken. Is it a friend of yours?'
'No, it's nobody we know. I think poor Sam was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.'
'Sam?'
'Sam Tyler. A policeman from Manchester. Ended up like Ethan, with his body in 2006 and his mind who knows where.' He pushes the glass of water across the table. 'Here, you should drink this, it--' He pauses. 'Giles? What is it?'
Giles lets out a shaky breath, then grits his teeth against an obvious wave of pain. His eyes screw tightly shut. The Doctor leans forward, concerned, and Giles lays a hand on his arm.
Wait,' he says. 'I... I knew a Sam Tyler. A Detective Inspector.'
'You did? '
'Yes, I...I remember we'd gone to Manchester to source some ingredients for the Eyghon ritual, and we got arrested. I got away with the others, but Ethan was taken to the cells and that's where he met Sam. We stayed with him for a while, because... because...' He stares at the Doctor, frowning. 'My God, of course. Because he'd also time-travelled from the future, and he had a power source that Ethan wanted to... to use, and ...' He shakes his head. 'How could I not have remembered this before?'
The Doctor grips his arm. 'Because it didn't happen before. This is the effect of Ethan being in the past--we're seeing the results of what he's changing, happening right now. This is fantastic.'
'Well,' says Giles, 'I'm not sure I'd exactly call it--'
His words break off. The Doctor's hand comes crashing down on the table, as the arm underneath it disappears. He looks up, at the empty seat in front of him. Giles is gone.
'Oh,' he says. 'Now that's not good.'
TBC...